I blinked my eyes open. I was on the couch.

Avery’d put me there after I’d cried until I couldn’t.

I pushed off the pillow I hadn’t remembered tucking under my head and sat up. It was late. Avery must’ve slipped out without me seeing him.

Except his shoes were by the door.

The window to the fire escape was open. I stood, padding across the floor to the window and leaning my head out.

“You’re here.”

Avery took a drag on his cigarette before turning to me. “You’re awake. How are you.”

“Better.” I raised a brow. “What about you? You don’t usually carry those around.”

“It’s been a rough couple of days.” I crawled out to sit next to him, and he braced his arms on the railing.

“Your meeting with Redpath,” I realized. In all the chaos I’d forgotten. “What did he have to say?”

“They’ve had a recruiter looking externally for potential hires for the director role. The committee’s decided I’m not ready for the promotion. It’s over.”

He shifted, putting out the cigarette and placing it carefully next to him. There was a garbage dumpster in the alley below, but he didn’t toss it. Like he didn’t want to forget he’d smoked it.

Something pinged dully in the back of my head. News that’d come in yesterday after I’d left.

“Maybe not.” I hit ‘forward’ on the email that’d come to my personal account.

Avery lifted his phone, a question on his face as he clicked into email. Then his expression froze. “Wait. This is my program.”

“With a few enhancements. Riley said one of his guys was able to code in the changes you wanted. It might not look pretty, but it works. Which means—”

“I can show Redpath there’s an accountability trail. And if he’s true to his word, there’s no reason I can’t test it this week. Before my review. And before they decide about the director job.” His blue gaze met mine. “Charlotte. This is a game changer.”

I kicked my feet over the edge, noticing the neon orange of my toenails against the gray and brown of the alley below.

“I don’t understand why you’ve spent all your time as an assistant. You could’ve moved up by now.”

“I hate it,” I said. “The politics. The old boys’ club. It’s bullshit. I know you get along in what whole world just fine, but some days it’s all I can do not to scream.”

“So what will you do when you leave.”

“I don’t know. I feel like I don’t fit in at Alliance, but I don’t know where I will fit. Sometimes I wonder if I’ll ever fit in anywhere.”

Avery’s gaze darkened. “You know what I think? I think you’re afraid to decide what you do want. Because then you’ll have no excuse not to go for it.”

“Stop it,” I blurted. Avery stiffened next to me. “I can’t do this. You. Here. Talking like you know me. Like we’re together.”

“You don’t want me here.” The hurt in his voice only made it worse.

“I want you everywhere, Avery. When you’re with me, I’m happy. When you’re not, I wonder where you are. And that’s the problem. Because we’re playing office or house or whatever the hell you want to call it, but we’re really nothing.”

Avery reached for another cigarette. Tapped it on the railing a few times before setting it, unlit, next to the other one.

“Charlotte, you don’t wake up one day and decide not to spend your life with someone. You know the only secret to success I’ve learned? Have one thing that matters. One goal, one prize. Anyone who gets in the way is the enemy. When you start to care about people, you get distracted. More than that, you get weak. And then you end up sabotaging the very things you swore meant the most. I’ve watched it happen. Hell, I cleaned it up. Relationships are messy. Someone’s strong, someone’s weak. It’s not worth it, and it sure as hell isn’t fair.”

I considered my grandparents. “What if they don’t have to be a power struggle? What if it’s not about being equal? It’s not about each of you individually, but how you are together.

“It’s like…” I glanced at my toes. “You mix red and yellow and you get orange. More red and less yellow just makes a different shade of orange, but it doesn’t matter. It’s still beautiful. It still works.”

Avery’s blue gaze searched mine. “You really think that’s true.”

“I don’t know, but it’s better than spending your life alone, isn’t it? I mean, it gets lonely at the top. Maybe that’s what happened to Hollister. Maybe he wasn’t a selfish asshole. Maybe he just wanted someone.”

His conflicted expression broke my heart.

Movement on the sidewalk caught my attention. I shifted to get a better look at the old woman holding the hand of a small girl with red hair. The girl tugged her back, squatting by a tree to point to something at the base.

“I want to do something for her. To honor her. We were supposed to go on this New York trip, but now…”

He shifted beside me, standing and holding out a hand. “I have an idea.”