My smile lasted until I found Kaiti sitting rigidly on my couch, a vacant look in her eyes and her phone clutched tight against her ear. She wasn’t talking, wasn’t moving, and didn’t seem to realize I was even there.

Her free hand was doing the tapping thing, but it was all wrong, like she couldn’t manage to get her fingers to work right, either missing her thumb entirely or tapping her palm.

Panic instantly set in and I rushed over to her. “Kaiti, what’s wrong?” I put one hand on her knee, squeezing.

She didn’t react.

“Baby, say something. Is Evie okay?”

I could hear a voice on the phone in her hand, presumably Evie’s. I reached for it and she let me take it, her eyes fixed on a spot on the wall.

“Evie? What the hell? Why isn’t she talking?”

“She’s okay. I just need to get there and I’ll get her straight. I’m only ten minutes out. Tell the guard to let me in or I’ll drive down the damn beach in my piece of shit car, and I’m not kidding.”

I went to the door, opened it, and called out to Joey, who was thankfully close by. “Hey, Evie is on her way in. Can you make sure they don’t give her a hard time?”

He gave me a look that said he was curious but didn’t comment. “I’ll wait for her at the gate and bring her to you.”

“Thanks, Joe.”

I locked the door and retook my spot at Kaiti’s side. Talking to Evie, I said, “Look for Joey. He’ll get you in. Now, tell me what the hell is going on.”

She hesitated. “Gavin…I don’t know if I should be the one…”

“She’s so upset she’s shaking, Evie.” I ran a hand over Kaiti’s trembling arm. “Not crying, not talking, barely breathing, but she’s shaking like a goddamn leaf. And her finger exercises…she can’t even get her hands to work to do them. Tell me what the fuck happened so I can help her.”

“You can’t help. No one can. She’s dealing with it—it’ll take her a minute to get her shit together, that’s all. You know about her anxiety, right?”

“Yes. But she’s handling it. She handles it so well I almost forget she has it, to be honest.”

Evie blew out a breath. “Well, this is different. This is the reason for her anxiety and it just blew up in her face.”

“What did? God, just tell me.” I was pleading when what I wanted to do was scream. The huge knot in my stomach told me I already knew what it was, but I was still hoping to be wrong.

Please let me be wrong.

“Go to the Savages message boards. It’s all there. I can’t tell you outright, but you’ll know soon enough.” I heard her blinker clicking. “I’m almost there.”

“Okay,” I told her even as she hung up.

Not letting go of Kaiti’s hand, I opened the web browser on her phone and navigated to the site.

I didn’t have to scroll too far to find what she was talking about.

Motherfucking son of a bitch!

My instinct had been right.

They were going to break her.

And just like I’d predicted…

It was my fucking fault.

* * *

Kaiti

I sat there wondering how I could have been so naive. How could I have gone into this thinking they wouldn’t find the video? Why had it not occurred to me that disgusting perverts watched Savages just like millions of regular people?

It had occurred to me, but I’d pushed it off as my anxiety playing tricks making me paranoid. I’d pushed it off because I wanted so badly to do this, to play Meadow, to be with Gavin. I’d ignored the feeling of dread in my stomach and this is what happened.

Stupid, stupid, stupid.

I’d been so naive to think no one would know. Somehow over the years, I’d formed this idea of what had happened to the footage, like it was buried so deep in the darkest corners of the web that only reclusive pedophiles even knew how to find it.

“Here baby, I got you some water,” Gavin said beside me, pushing a small glass of ice water into my hand.

I held it but didn’t lift it to my lips. I could feel the cold from where it rested against my leg and it made me shudder. Or maybe it had nothing to do with the glass. Maybe it was me.

I’d heard Gavin tell Evie I was shaking, and I guess I was, but it didn’t matter. Nothing did. I didn’t feel it—not really—not even the cold glass against my leg. It was all drowned out by the noise in my head.

They’re all going to watch it now, all of them. They won’t care that it’s a crime or how disgusting it is. That won’t matter. Because needing to know is more important than protecting a victim.

“Evie will be here in a minute. It’s okay if you’d rather talk to her right now, I understand. But, Kaiti,” his voice broke a little and it found its way through the noise, making my chin quiver, “I love you more than I can even say, and I want to help, when you’re ready to let me.”

I turned to look at him then, the first real movement since I’d heard the news. The tension in my shoulders caused my neck to pop and I winced but still couldn’t say anything.

Gavin didn’t care, though. He scooted closer to my side, threw an arm around me, and squeezed my body closer to his. “We’ll just sit right here and wait for Evie. When she gets here, I’ll go smooth things over with Bryce and give you two some alone time.”

I managed a weak nod against his neck and he sighed like any form of communication—even a simple nod—lifted the weight of the world from his shoulders.

We sat there silently for a few more minutes until a knock at the door startled us both. Gavin reluctantly stood and unlocked the door, swinging it wide and revealing Evie—who immediately pushed past him—and Joey, who only gave a quick look in my direction before turning to Gavin. “Can I do anything else to help?”

He didn’t know what was going on and didn’t ask—he only wanted to help.

Gavin shook his head, looking back at me as Evie took the seat he’d vacated. “No, I’m headed to talk to Bryce now. Kaiti won’t be shooting anything else today.”

Joey nodded and shot me a small, encouraging smile as Gavin stepped out of the trailer. Before he shut the door, Gavin turned and told me, “I’ll take care of everything, so don’t worry about work. Not today. One of you text me when it’s okay to come back. And Kaiti?”

I raised a brow, steeling myself for whatever he might say.

“I’m…” He glanced at Evie, “We’re going to get you through this. I love you and I will protect you, no matter what.”

As the door clicked shut behind him, the first tears fell…and they were far from the last.

* * *

An hour later, after a lot of talking on Evie’s part and a lot of angry tears on mine, I was mostly past the initial shock. I was still mortified beyond words and I didn’t think I could go on pretending to be Meadow, not when so many people would be watching for the wrong reasons.

But now that the cat was out of the proverbial bag, could I really expect to go back to my regular life unscathed?

I was hurt and embarrassed and angrier than I had ever been in my life.

And that was before Evie stopped, looking at me wide-eyed as she asked, “What if someone on the show outed the video? Do you think that’s possible?”

I shook my head once, then froze. Was it possible?

Shit.

Being the naive idiot I was, that hadn’t even occurred to me.

But what if she was right? What if Skylar or Michael had gone digging for dirt? They both had plenty of reason to be angry. Gavin had punched Michael out over me, and Skylar was so jealous they needed color correcting makeup to hide the green tinge to her skin.

Would they really stoop so low as to drag up something this awful and parade it around for all to see?

“I guess I do have some enemies here, don’t I?” I asked, anger seeping in.

“Yeah, but it doesn’t take an enemy to start a scandal like this. Like they say, there’s no such thing as bad press.”

I frowned, meeting her eyes. “So, you think it could have been done to intentionally draw attention to me and therefore the show?”

She shook her head. “I don’t know what I think aside from the fact that it’s a fucked-up world we live in when people are perfectly okay posting a video of a nude underage girl on the net, just because she’s all of a sudden a celebrity.”

“I’m no celebrity.”

“Regardless,” she cut me off, rolling her eyes as she paced the length of the narrow trailer, “you were victimized, recorded in a school locker room, and further violated when it was posted online. Now, these fuckers want to dredge it all up for their own entertainment and ruin all the progress you’ve made.” She slammed her fists on the table. “I want to fucking break something or someone. I want this shit to stop and for you to finally be happy. You’re so close to getting everything you ever wanted and I cannot stand to see this happening to you. Not to you.” She was crying now, angry, bitter tears that she swiped at as she continued pacing.

“What do I tell Gavin?” I asked, knowing full well it would distract her from her outburst. I had to make her stop crying because if she didn’t, I was going to completely fall apart and I couldn’t let that happen.

“I think he knows enough now that you don’t have to tell him anything if you don’t want.” She stopped pacing and sat on the edge of the table, her cheeks thankfully free of tears. “But I think giving him the whole story would go a long way toward letting him know you trust him.”

I blew out a big breath and nodded. “You’re right. I need to talk to him, tell him all of it. It’s just so…”

“It’s not easy, I know that. I was there when it all came out, remember? I know what you went through and how far you’ve come since then.” She gave me a look of encouragement. “And I know you’ll come out on top like you always have. Gavin and I will make damn sure of that.”

I took a sip of my water and thought for a second. “How do I even explain all of this to him? What do I say?”

She came over and sat beside me on the couch, turning sideways and folding one leg under her. “You tell him the truth and start wherever you feel comfortable. Maybe with the foster homes. Or start in the middle and work in both directions, it doesn’t matter as long as you talk to him.”

I reached over and pulled her into a hug, more thankful than ever that I’d had her by my side all this time. She was more than my best friend. She’d been my only family for years.

And now it was time to pour everything out to the most recent addition to my family, the one person on Earth who I loved enough to reopen these scars and bleed for.

Gavin.

* * *

Evie met Gavin at the door and gave him a quick nod and pat on the arm as she squeezed by him to leave us. I knew she wouldn’t go far; she was going to hover until she knew I was okay. It was just how our friendship worked.

He closed the door behind her, his eyes never leaving mine as he took visual stock of the situation. I was better now. I’d washed away the mascara streaks, pulled my hair up under one of his hats, and swapped out my water for a bottle of his favorite ice-cold lager, something he only drank on the beach because he said liquor had too much burn for the warm sun and salty air. The beach required beer—that was his motto, and I wasn’t about to argue.

Especially when it was the only alcohol to be found.

When he flipped the latch to lock the door, something softened in his gaze and he offered me a small smile. “I told Bryce you were sick—too sick to be around other people. They had enough takes of your scenes anyway, so it’s not a big deal. Sky, Michael, Jenna, and I had one scene together without you, so we got that one in the books and then Bryce wrapped for the day, bitching the whole time but not brave enough to come verify your condition himself.” He scrubbed a hand over his wind-blown hair. “Bottom line, I took care of it. Now I want to take care of you.” The corners of his eyes crinkled as he smiled at me with that same adoring expression that—on any other day—would have made me melt into a puddle at his feet.

Today, it made me want to cry. But I wasn’t doing that again. I couldn’t. I fucking refused.

I’d get through my speech, dry-eyed and defiant to the expected reaction. I wasn’t going to let it beat me, not again.

I cleared my throat and patted the seat next to me at the table. “Let’s do this before I can’t.”

He didn’t say anything. He simply nodded and took one of my hands in his.

I mirrored his position, sitting sideways on my seat with one leg tucked under me.

“You saw the message boards.” Not a question, I knew he had, but he nodded anyway, giving my hand a squeeze. “Did you see the video?”

“No.” His face contorted in anger but there was something else in his expression that I couldn’t quite pinpoint. “I would never hurt you like that—violate you like those fucking gossip mongers have.”

I nodded, relieved. “Thank you,” I muttered, moving on before I let my emotions sidetrack me. “I was in foster care for a long time, going through several group homes and more temporary foster situations than I care to count. I was a ward of the state—they had control of my life and I was stuck with whatever they decided was best for me. I guess I should at least be thankful that they kept me in the same county so I could stay close to Evie, who was my only real friend. I met her when I was in my first foster home. Fifth grade. She was in my homeroom that year and we just clicked—instantly inseparable. Most of the time we were in the same school even when I switched homes, and the town only had one high school, so we were guaranteed to be together for that. Having her got me through some really dark times.”

He squeezed my fingers again but didn’t speak.

“At the end of eleventh grade, there was a huge scandal at school. Cops were called in and one of the teachers was escorted out in handcuffs. There was so much commotion that they dismissed school early and kept it closed for the following two days. There was a lot of speculation—drugs, student-teacher relations, embezzling school funds, you name it. But no one knew what really happened until that summer when the story finally came out and all hell broke loose in the community.”

I took a long pull on my beer and offered it to Gavin, who took a few swallows before handing it back so I could continue to pick at the label. “I was on the soccer team that year—my foster parents at the time required me to play a sport, probably so I would be out of the house more—and I was fairly good. So good that I pissed off the queen bee, Christy Webster. She retaliated by teasing me relentlessly about being a flat-chested foster brat.” I looked down at my full chest and shrugged. “I was a late bloomer. Anyway, the new field house had just been finished and we were the first ones to use it since it wasn’t intended for regular PE classes.” My skin got clammy and my palms began to sweat as I found myself back there, the smell of fresh paint seared into my brain, almost enough to sting my nose. I could see the shining floors and the polished benches in the locker room. “One afternoon after practice, I lingered in the showers to avoid dealing with Christy and her posse of mindless followers.”

I finished off the beer and Gavin shot out of his chair to get me another. I hurried along, rushing to say as much as I could while his eyes weren’t on me. “When I was alone, I stood in one of the full-length mirrors and looked at myself, really looked and wondered if I’d ever be as beautiful as Christy, have a body like that and that kind of confidence. I ran my hands over my sporty figure and turned to the side and back. I pressed my breasts together trying for cleavage, checked out my butt, stupid stuff most girls do in the mirror, I guess. Mostly, I was trying to see something beautiful or worthy and failing. I left that day feeling even more lost and dejected than I already had.”

Gavin popped the top on my beer and resumed his spot beside me, gripping my hand and pulling it onto his thigh where he held it tightly. He knew what was coming. He’d read the story, even if he hadn’t seen it for himself.

“The coach had a camera set up in the new locker room and was sharing the videos online. I was in a lot of them but I couldn’t be seen very well since my locker was in the back corner and mostly hidden from view.”

“But the mirror wasn’t hidden, was it?” he asked quietly, already knowing the answer.

“No. The camera was right there, just to the side of it in one of the unassigned lockers. He set it in the perfect spot, I’ll give him that. Most of us girls were shy and changed quickly, keeping covered as much as possible, so he didn’t get a lot more than a few clicks here and there on the videos at first. But because my video showed me fully nude, examining my fifteen-year-old body, it was a huge favorite among his followers.” I felt bile rising in my throat and chased it back with a gulp of dark, hoppy lager. “The whole thing came out because of my video. It got so many hits, it was insane. And even more insane was that the reason the guy got caught was that my jersey was thrown over the bench behind me and someone recognized the school name.”

“Did he go to jail?”

I nodded, huffing sarcastically. “Oh yeah, eighteen months in county jail. The rest was suspended. I’m not even sure he has to register as a sex offender.” I crumpled the label I’d peeled off the longneck and tossed it on the table. “A lot of parents sued, outraged that it happened and that he got what amounted to a slap on the wrist. Not that anyone was outraged on my behalf. That would require someone to care and no one cared about me, not even the foster parents who were basically paid to. Not that I expected the state to sue their own school system on my behalf. I just wanted someone out there defending me, fighting for me, acknowledging that I’d been violated and fighting for justice in my name.”

“You deserved to have that, Kaiti. You deserved better.”

“And now here I am, reliving it all over again because someone out there connected my name with that disgusting video. Just when I was finally okay again.”

Something darkened in his eyes, his anger flaring. “I can’t take it away—goddamn, I wish I could—but I can help you through it if you let me. You’re so much stronger than anyone else I’ve ever known. This won’t break you. It didn’t back then and it won’t now.

I opened my mouth to respond and stopped.

Stopped dead as a memory flashed through my mind.

A memory of Gavin saying that exact same thing to me weeks before.

Oh my God.

He’d already known.

Because drunk Kaiti had spilled it all to him that first night.

All of it.

This job won’t break you, Kaiti. You’re too fearless for that. If what happened back then didn’t break you, nothing will.

I’d told him the entire story while I was too drunk to stop myself, and he’d never said a word, never let on that he knew.

But why?

Evie’s voice was suddenly in my mind, and it felt like a punch to the gut.

“What if someone on the show outed the video? Do you think that’s possible?”

“Like they say, there’s no such thing as bad press.”

That strange look on his face when he’d walked in, was that guilt?

I shook my head, trying to dislodge the thought from my brain but it was too late for that. It was there and it was eating away at me like acid, spreading through my veins until I thought I might scream.

“You knew,” I whispered, my eyes falling closed because I couldn’t look at him.

“What?” He sounded confused but the waver in his voice betrayed him.

“That first night, when I got so drunk I blacked everything out and woke up with you in my bed. I told you about the video, didn’t I?” My voice was getting shriller by the minute as I bit back tears of anger and betrayal. “You asked me why I was so afraid of auditioning and I told you the truth. I told you what happened to me, how freaked out I was about being on camera because of it. And you pretended all this time that you didn’t know. Never said a fucking word. Never admitted to the woman you supposedly loved that you knew everything.”

“Kaiti…I can explain.” He tried to hold on as I wrenched my hand from his grip.

“Does anyone else know—or should I say did they know before today? Did Bryce know?”

The look on his face was all I needed to confirm it. Bryce knew something, maybe everything.

“I’m not sure how much he found...” His expression was pained.

I narrowed my gaze on him, my tone deadly. “Found?”

He put his hands up. “It sounds worse than it is, I promise. Bryce hired this investigator—”

“And you knew about it?”

His face went white and he nodded. “I was hoping they wouldn’t find anything, but if they did find something, I was going to make sure they buried it. I was waiting until I knew for sure before I said anything to you.”

“You fucking knew there was something to find!” I shouted, tears stinging my eyes. “You knew! And you didn’t tell me you knew. You didn’t warn me about Bryce. Why’d he even bother with the investigator? He had you to pump for information!” I stood so abruptly the chair toppled over with a loud crash. Gavin shot to his feet beside me, trying to stop me.

I skirted past him and grabbed my phone from the couch, not slowing down.

“Kaiti, wait. I didn’t tell him anything. Please let me explain.”

“Like I told you that first day, tell Bryce to fuck off and you can feel free to join him. I’m done. With this job, with these people,” I paused and looked at him with narrowed eyes that I refused to believe were filling with tears. “And I’m done with you.”

I slammed the door behind me and sent a quick text to Evie, telling her to meet me at her car. Gavin had driven us to work that morning, so I needed her to get me out of there before I totally broke down.

I needed to get the hell away from Gavin-fucking-Lane.