Chapter 18
Kate thought she’d feel different. That she’d wake and . . . well, she didn’t know what, but something.
Much to her chagrin, as her lashes fluttered open the next day, everything looked the same. The room she’d occupied her entire life in London had retained its lavender hues. The mattress was still a tad on the soft side. And the morning sun yet again blazed unpleasantly on her tired eyes.
The only reminder her evening had ended differently than any other was the dull ache between her legs . . . and the smile etched on her face. She wanted nothing more than to roll over and bask in the reason her life should suddenly be so different.
But a shrill voice broke into her recollections. “My Lady, the day is moving on without you. And your father requests your presence.”
The duke never requested anything. Her maid, Laurie, tried to sweeten the truth but Kate recognized the instructions for what they were . . . a demand.
The worst of it, good news wasn’t her father’s forte. Kate doubted today would be different.
“Stop dawdling, Lady Katherine. You don’t want to keep your father waiting.” Laurie remained all too cheery for the morning—and the circumstances.
“I most certainly do want to keep him waiting, perhaps forever,” Kate mumbled as she vacated the bed. Laurie had been her maid for years; unceasing in her prattling until she was obeyed. Probably why her father continued to employ the woman.
Laurie’s quick efficiency, as she helped Kate dress, left no room for thoughts of Jackson . . . or the loss of her virginity. Even the most intense and spectacular night of her life lacked the power to change the course of her future.
Before long—to Kate’s dread—she was presentable in a hunter green day dress and on the way to meet her father. As she approached the door to his office, she wished for a promise of love from Jackson to cling to. Only there hadn’t been any declarations, though there had been plenty of kisses and caresses.
Kate stopped in her tracks, a mere foot from the room. Did she love Jackson? She’d given the man her innocence—and possibly ruined her future in the process—but did her yearning imply love?
There was no disputing she cared more deeply for him than Blackthorn. But love?
Did she want to love Jackson?
For some women, a night spent in the arms of a man not her intended meant the end of her betrothal to another. Not for me. She might be wild and wanton for giving her body to one man while contemplating marriage to another, but in her defense, only one of the men had asked for her hand. Jackson had remained silent after the deed.
A heaviness sat on her shoulders. Would she ever escape the weight of her duty?
Moreover, did she desire to? What could her demanding father possibly do if she grasped what she craved with both hands? Even if he disowned her, she possessed options. Besides the ring, her aunt had left Kate money upon her death. Funds Kate could access at her maturity. But could she live with disappointing her father, especially after fighting for his approval for so long?
With no answer jumping out at her, Kate raised her hand and knocked.
The solid door couldn’t contain the deep booming, “Enter.” Not even inanimate objects disobeyed her father.
Hoping none of last night’s transgressions sat upon her face, Kate opened the door and stepped inside, flinching at the thud of the door closing behind her.
Sitting behind his desk, his gaze steady on her, the Duke of Cosgrove appeared as imposing as ever. His hair might be graying at the temples and a wrinkle or two had developed on his face through the years, but he remained a striking man.
“Good morning, Father.” She spoke through the tightness in her throat. A touch of fear shivered over her when he continued to silently survey her. It felt as if every stroke of Jackson’s hand and every kiss was branded on her skin, clear as water to her father’s scrutiny.
“You were abed late,” he said, more a question than a comment.
“I had a late evening with Valarie.” Not an absolute lie.
“Was Blackthorn there?”
Kate wasn’t fooled by the seemingly innocent question. Her father’s silence, when she and Blackthorn delayed their engagement announcement, actually spoke volumes. He saw it as defiance. And probably feared either she or Blackthorn would cry off.
Something he’d never allow. Not when she had a duke in her grasp.
Maddened by the entire situation, Kate did something unlike her . . . spoke her thoughts to her father. “What if I don’t marry Blackthorn?”
Steely eyes focused on her; nonetheless she wouldn’t regret her outburst. Jackson questioned the meaning of the gnarled tree, but she didn’t fear it. If it was responsible for bringing him into her world, so be it. Even if he wasn’t her future, their association gave her needed courage to finally take hold of what she wanted from life.
Speaking honestly with her father was where she needed to start.
“Are you insinuating you don’t wish to marry Blackthorn? Is a duke not lofty enough?” he probed.
He wouldn’t make the situation easy for her. Kate swallowed her misgivings. “There is nothing wrong with Blackthorn. He is a good, honorable man. But his title doesn’t impress me. I don’t need to marry a duke, Father.”
He remained too calm for Kate’s comfort. She’d prefer an outburst. Anything to give her a glimpse into his thoughts. “I’m starting to think you don’t know what you need. Where is this coming from? Has some silly friend of yours been filling your head with nonsense?”
“I’m more than capable of having my own thoughts.”
“So it would seem. I’m just curious as to what changed from when Blackthorn asked for your hand.”
Dare she tell him the complete truth? Reveal her increasing feelings for Jackson?
She opened her mouth to confess when her father queried bluntly, “Does this have anything to do with Jackson Cooper?”
Her heart dropped to her toes, freezing at her father’s cold tone. “I’m not blind, Katherine. Not yet, anyhow. I’ve seen the looks you’ve exchanged. I only hoped you’d have more sense to avoid a man such as him.”
Her head snapped up. “And what kind of man is he?”
“Practically a commoner,” Father spat.
“His sire is a viscount.”
“A purchased title.”
“With his devotion to the crown and to England. Scarcely a minor price to pay.”
“So, this does concern Mr. Cooper,” her father injected.
Kate thought on the possibility. Was her newfound confidence because of Jackson? If not for stumbling upon him that first night, would she have quietly married Blackthorn? She’d prefer to think she’d have come to her senses on her own.
Fairytale or not, the magical tree had done her a great kindness; given her the nudge she needed to finally wake up. Doubtful she’d spend her life in wedded bliss with Jackson, not after his silence regarding the prior evening.
She was no longer the person she’d been when she’d walked into the Mosley’s ballroom.
“This is about me.” She took a step closer. “I was amenable to marriage with Blackthorn, Father. But I would be doing it for you, not for me.”
“Tell me, is Blackthorn aware of this tidbit? Because the last I heard, you were only postponing your betrothal, not ending it. Does he know you plan to toss him over for a commoner?”
Suddenly Kate spied what was hidden behind Father’s composed veneer. He wasn’t calmly listening to her opinion, finally hearing her, but amusing himself. He had no intention of allowing her to walk away from Blackthorn and run into the arms of a man he believed beneath her.
“Think of the scandal.” Her father now applied pressure. “I won’t have you tarnishing the Cosgrove name. Your sisters managed to see to their duty, didn’t they? Why are you incapable of doing the same?” His voice never rose in pitch but each word blared inside Kate’s head.
Dratted tree and whatever magic it contains.
She’d been so close to gaining her father’s approval. Instead, he glared at her in disdain from across his desk. At this point, even if she married Blackthorn, she’d most likely destroyed any possibility of winning Father’s respect.
“Are you forcing me to wed Blackthorn?” she croaked out.
“Do I need to?”
She wasn’t ready to cave yet. “Very possibly.”
He fell silent once again as she pleaded, “I don’t love him, Father.”
A cold laugh greeted her declaration. “Love has nothing to do with it. I didn’t love your mother when we married and I’m sorry to say, I don’t love her now. We exist together. She lives her life and I go about with mine.”
The prospect left Kate cold and empty. Her father’s revelation wasn’t something she didn’t already know. Her parents were seldom in the same residence at the same time. They fulfilled important social obligations but outside of that, nothing existed in their marriage.
Father seemed bent on pushing her. “Let me ask you this, do you love Cooper?”
Even if she knew the answer, she wouldn’t reveal it to him. Not with such cold calculation glaring at her. “I don’t know.”
“Then why should it matter if you don’t love Blackthorn?”
“Because I don’t wish to marry him,” she shouted.
He stood and Kate feared she’d stepped beyond his tolerance. His steady voice deepened. “I’ve asked little of you. I’ve seen to all your needs. Gowns and other frivolous nonsense. This is what I request of you in return. A marriage worthy of your station.”
“If I don’t submit?”
At her daring question, a flash of something Kate swore almost looked like esteem moved through her father’s gray eyes. “Let’s hope it doesn’t come to that.” He reclaimed his seat. “You may leave.”
She gaped at his dark head as he bent to review the papers on his desk. She’d been dismissed . . . and without an answer. Which was essentially his answer.
If she didn’t comply, she’d be nothing to him.