Chapter 16

The next day, Gwen gently shook Ellie awake. “Rise and shine, cupcake.”

Rubbing her eyes, Ellie fell out of bed, then stumbled to the armoire to grab a dress. Gwen, dressed and perfectly coiffed, watched with ill-concealed amusement. “You know, Colin did sleep outside our chamber, though he’s gone at the moment. Last night when he told me to bolt the door, he also told me he ordered ten guards to be stationed outside in the hallway with him. His bed has to be more comfortable than the stone floor.”

“Ooh!” Ellie exclaimed as she shimmied into a deep garnet gown. “Do you think he’s ready to take us home? What time is it?”

Gwen snorted. “Half past some point after the noontime meal?”

“Ha ha,” Ellie retorted. Smoothing the dress down her legs, she hurried over to the small window and looked out. “Midafternoon, Gwen. See where the sun is? It’s—”

“You know I’m never going to remember, much less listen.”

“Fair point.” Ellie hastened to grab the very modern toothbrush and toothpaste left in a discreet wooden box near the washbasin. Around a mouthful of bubbles, she asked, “Have you seen Reilly today?”

She shook her head. “But I haven’t been looking, either. I’ve been catching up with Bri. I can’t wait to show you what she showed me in the lists.”

Ellie rinsed her mouth out. “I’d rather go home.”

Gwen frowned. “And miss out on this? Ellie, there are medieval warriors training there. It’s like the medieval version of Thunder from Down Under!”

Ellie laughed and dropped her toothbrush back in place. “That was quite the hen party, if memory serves.”

Gwen wagged her eyebrows. “All those sweating, gyrating men—but this time, none of it is scripted. All abs, all the time. With swords.”

“Tempting, but I’d prefer to get back to running water and hot coffee.”

“Coffee,” Gwen moaned. “Oh, how I miss thee…But not as much as I would if we skipped the eye candy.”

Ellie giggled. “Oh, you are ridiculous. Come on. A quick stop at the lists probably won’t delay us that much.” She smoothed the full skirt of her dress one last time, patted her braid, and opened the door.

Colin’s somber face stopped her cold.

“Is everything all right?” she asked. Quickly, she added, “And good morning. I mean, afternoon.”

“Walk with me?” came the solemn reply.

Gwen scooted past them. “I’ll catch up with you later, Ellie. You know where to find me.”

She watched Gwen head down the hall, a few guards trailing after her, and turned to Colin. “Where to?”

“Are you hungry?” At her nod, he announced, “The kitchens.” He placed her hand on his arm and steered her in the opposite direction of Gwen. He gave a command in Gaelic to the guards, who immediately fell back, then followed at a distance.

The kitchen was in a building separate from the main keep. Colin had explained to her that if there was a fire, it could be better contained in a smaller building.

They walked in silence until they reached the gardens directly behind the kitchen. Lovely, well-tended rows of plants, vegetables, herbs, and flowers drank in the warmth of the summer morning. Stone benches were placed around the rows, offering places to rest or read.

Or talk.

“Colin,” Ellie began. She halted, unsure of her next words. She stopped walking and faced him. She searched his dark eyes, which were as serious as her own. “I don’t know how to even start. Thank you simply doesn’t seem adequate.”

“It’s more than enough,” he replied. His face darkened. “I got you into that situation. I sure as hell was going to get you out of it.”

She continued to search his eyes, as though the mahogany depths would reveal something. She wasn’t sure what she was even looking for, until the words tumbled out of her mouth. “Last night, when you said that seeing me at the altar almost killed you…was it because I was being forced to marry?”

His nostrils flared as he drew a sharp breath. “Partly.”

They sat on one of the benches, and he closed his eyes, but not before she saw the longing in them. Hope flared in her chest. What was the point in trying to deny it? She knew, all the way to her soul, that Colin O’Rourke was the man for her. He was the one she was supposed to be with, forever. Perhaps longer. She wanted to talk with him and laugh with him, cry with him and comfort him, love him and be with him, no matter the cost. No matter what.

She couldn’t explain why; she just knew.

And just then, she knew he knew it, too.

She needed to say it, to say everything that she felt, and everything that she didn’t know she’d been holding in.

He shifted so that they were once again facing each other, and his eyes held such intensity, Ellie was momentarily overwhelmed. No one had ever looked at her like that, as though he were a starving man, and she were his favorite meal.

“Colin, I—”

“El, there’s—”

They both laughed, a little uncomfortably. Another second of awkward silence, and Colin took her hand in his.

“I’m glad you’re safe.”

“Me, too.”

His gaze bore into hers, and she opened her mouth to tell him exactly how she felt, but he placed a finger over her lips.

“Let me go first.” He hesitated, and Ellie experienced a flash of unease. She wasn’t sure she wanted him to go first.

He was going to try to let her down easy, even though they were meant to be together.

She couldn’t allow him to, not before she had a chance to tell him her heart. “I’ve been in love with you since before we met. I think we were meant to be, Colin. Soul mates—”

“No!” he shouted, his eyes widening in panic, and he jumped up. “No, Ellie, no!” He paced quickly back and forth. “She didn’t mean it!” he yelled to no one in particular. “She’s suffered a shock! She didn’t mean it!”

“I most certainly did!” she exclaimed, insulted. “I’m so tired of this, Colin! Why can’t you simply open up to me? Admit that we have something?”

He shocked her again by dropping to his knees and grasping her hands. “Please say you didn’t mean it, Eleanor. Please.”

“Why?” she half whispered, sure she didn’t want to hear the answer.

“Because love isn’t enough for us. For me. There’s so much at stake here. So much more than just us!”

Ellie frowned. “I don’t understand your fear. I know your heart, Colin, because it’s a part of mine! I accept who and what you are! Your dedication to your family is part of what makes you, well, you.”

He rejoined her on the bench, simultaneously agitated and defeated. He rested his forearms on his knees and dropped his head. Ellie noticed all that, of course. But what she focused on was his hands.

The hands that had so easily managed a multi-million-dollar company, that caught her whenever she lost her balance, that slapped his brother on the back. The hands that shook grooms’ hands on their wedding days, that sent shivers all over her body, that wielded a sword in her defense…

They shook.

A sense of dread swiftly replaced the euphoria in her veins, and she absolutely, 100 percent did not want to hear whatever he was about to say next.

But she had to, if she was ever going to be able to let Colin O’Rourke go.

“We’re not meant to be, Ellie. We never were, and we never will be.”

• • •

Colin loathed himself. Hated what he was doing, hated that she would be so hurt by it all. But he had to, to save her from a lifetime—an eternity—of pain.

Loving him was not the way any woman should spend her life. He could never put her first, never guarantee another day, never give her a family. He loved her too much to confine her to such an existence.

He loved her.

All night, as he’d sat outside her door, reliving the fear of losing her and the joy of saving her, he tried to convince himself that she would get over him and move on. He told himself that the physical pain in his chest would eventually subside.

But, even if he was destined to live with the excruciating pain in his heart for the rest of his days, he would still do what he was about to do.

Because Eleanor Carberry deserved the best, and he was not that, nor would he ever be.

He carefully blanked his expression and deliberately leveled his voice. “Of course I was relieved that you weren’t forced into some of the worst of what the Middle Ages has to offer. But the other part of this is that I was grateful I have the opportunity to bring you back and save my company.”

“Your…company?”

“The entire British office rests on me matching you based on your conditions—but also your aunt’s.”

“Oh?” Ellie asked, her voice rising. “What are her requirements?”

“He has to be a wealthy aristocrat. One who lives at least part of the year in the Isles. If I managed that, I’d get not only the retraction, but also her endorsement. If I matched you with anyone else…well, the article she showed me was worthy of court action against her, not that it would matter. The damage would be irreversible.”

“My aunt, above all else, wants to see me happy,” Ellie replied hotly. The desperation in her tone tore at his heart, but he soldiered on.

“She does. And she also knows that you fall into the once-bitten, twice-shy category. She wants you to have the best life possible.”

“That would be with the person I love, Colin. I love you!”

“Your life with me would be miserable,” he stated coldly. “You wouldn’t come before anything—my company, my Protector duties…nothing. I won’t give you a family, or the white picket fence every woman wants.”

She stood up, her face thunderous. “Don’t you dare think that you know what goes on in my head, Colin.”

Yes, Ellie, get angry. Anger is good. It’s better than heartbreak.

He held up both hands. “Just stating the facts as I’ve seen them, over years of matchmaking. I’ve been trying hard to get you to trust me, so that when I sprung Reg on you, with his wealth and title, you wouldn’t freak out and ruin the entire deal. Apparently, I missed the mark, and you got the wrong idea. I thought I was clear back in Boston.”

She folded her arms and her eyes narrowed. “You coward.”

An icy vise gripped him at her words.

“You’re lying. You’re afraid of this connection we have. For some reason, you are terrified. I know I’m not imagining this. I’m certain I’m not, no matter how hard you try to deny it. Why won’t you give us a try?”

He kept his face neutral, though the fact that she saw right through him was unnerving. He had to sever their ties; if he didn’t, she’d be stuck with him forever.

She deserved so much more than what he could offer.

“No.”

“Give me a reason why!” At his silence, she finally exploded, “You are the most stubborn ass I’ve ever known! You’re giving up the chance for love? For happiness?”

He didn’t know how to respond, as all his insecurities went round and round his head, clouding his senses.

She will grow to resent you. Her love will turn to hate. She will be alone, forever, the smile gone from her face. For all eternity, she will be unhappy because of you.

Every cell in his body screamed at him to take her in his arms, beg her forgiveness for his lies, and make her his forever. He wanted, more than his next breath, to build a life with her, have children with her, grow old with her.

He was not that selfish.

Her eyes narrowed to slits. “Colin O’Rourke, when you finally man up and admit that we have something real, I hope you’re not too late. I’m not going to wait around forever.”

He shrugged. “It’s the truth. You could never make me happy, Eleanor.”

For a moment, she looked stunned. Then, when she caught her breath, she drew her hand back and slapped him, hard.

He welcomed the pain.

• • •

Ellie was shaking with anger, sadness, and a myriad of other emotions she’d rather never feel again.

“Please take me home, Reilly.”

Proud of herself for getting the words out calmly, and without the panic that threatened to overtake her, Ellie kept her voice even, her request simple.

Reilly finished drying his arms with a piece of linen, then tossed it into the dirty linen pile in the corner of the kitchen, which was empty of clansmen. Claire had convinced her friends to join her in the kitchens for a snack, and they’d walked in on Reilly doing the same.

He glanced over. “Is that amenable to you, Gwendolyn?”

“I’ve yet to say my goodbyes,” she mused, “but I think Ellie’s right. It’s time to go.”

“All right. Say your goodbyes tonight, and we’ll leave. Have you seen James?”

“Last I knew, he and Colin took a ride to the coast,” Claire said around a mouthful of bread.

At the mention of his name, Ellie glared at nothing in particular. If so, I hope he fell off the horse and split his head open on a rock.

“Let’s hope he returns tonight. We’re stuck here until he gets back. We leave together.”

Okay, maybe not split his head open. Maybe broke a limb instead.

“This prophecy protection business is brutal on your personal life,” Gwen noted. She suddenly froze, a hunk of buttered bread hovering in mid-air. “Wait a second.”

Ellie silently groaned. Gwen’s wait a seconds always meant her mind had started spinning—and once it started, there wasn’t an off switch.

Gwen pointed to Claire. “You!”

“Me?”

“Yes! How many times has Reilly saved you?”

Claire pulled a face. “More times than I care to admit, surely.”

Gwen spun back to Reilly, who was looking anywhere but her. “Why do you always protect Claire? Why not Rian? Or Aidan? Or their other brother—”

“Austin,” Claire supplied.

“Right. Austin! Why not any of the other three MacWilliam offspring?” Gwen demanded. Her face turned speculative. “I’ll tell you why. Claire’s the link. Either she’s a time traveler, or she’ll bear the next generation of them!”

Claire opened her mouth, then paused. “Huh. I always thought it would be my children, but…maybe it’s me!”

“It’s not you,” Reilly said sternly, breaking his staring contest with Gwen.

“I’d like the chance to try it out,” Claire retorted. “Perhaps I can come with you!”

“No.”

“No?” Claire retorted with a laugh. “Once you’re gone, I can do whatever I want to—and avoiding a marriage is exactly what I want to do!”

“You have scores of men interested in you, lass. Pick one and be done with it already.”

“I don’t want them,” Claire replied defiantly. “I want someone who loves me for me, not for what my father can do for his reputation!”

Ellie slammed her hands down on the table, and everyone looked at her in shock.

She hadn’t felt this angry in a long time.

She hadn’t felt much of anything in a long time. After she had slapped Colin, she stumbled back to her chamber, barely keeping it together. She spent the last few hours kicking herself for making the same mistake of falling for the wrong guy.

Again.

Colin had been so cold, so final, and though she wanted to believe it was an act…she didn’t know. You could never make me happy.

If that was the way he wanted to play it, then she didn’t need him. She didn’t need him to fulfill her life, and she certainly didn’t need him to get her home. She’d given it her best shot. She laid her heart open for him, and he walked all over it before throwing it at her.

But she’d be damned if another overbearing, well-intentioned man tried to ruin the hopes and dreams of a young woman.

“Reilly, if the girl wants to try her hand at time traveling, you aren’t going to be able to stop her unless she’s with you twenty-four hours a day, seven days a week. And even then, you have to sleep sometime. So don’t you dare tell her what she can and can’t do.” She spun to Claire. “And you. It’s true that sometimes you don’t get what you want in life. But sitting around complaining about it won’t change a damn thing. You need to go out and get what you can, take a chance, and be willing to fall flat on your face. Otherwise, what’s the point in all this?”

Claire nodded emphatically. “Absolutely! It’s suspected that the time traveling skips a generation, but who really knows? As my brothers have been in loads of scrapes without anyone coming to their rescue, and I obviously haven’t had that same luxury afforded to me—” she shot a dark look in Reilly’s direction “—all signs point toward my having some sort of ability.”

“Do not make me find your sire,” Reilly growled.

Claire rolled her eyes. “What do you think he’ll do? Lock me in a tower?”

“And what would force me to do such a thing?” Nioclas greeted them, striding into the kitchen.

“We heard your voices from outside, and thought we ought to see what the trouble was,” Bri explained, settling down at the bench by the prep table in the middle of the kitchen. “It seems we were just in time to hear the good stuff.”

“Can you travel through time, Mama?”

Bri laughed. “Well, yes. I did once, but it was to protect my unborn baby, though I didn’t know it was at the time. I have no desire to do so again, though. I’m quite happy here.”

Claire pressed, “But you can?”

Brianagh’s frown deepened, but it was Reilly who answered. “She is not a trained Protector, therefore, if she were to try without the aid of one of is, it could go very badly.”

“I would like to try.”

“Nay,” came the immediate response from her father.

Bri, however, looked thoughtful. “I suppose you could be one of the Protectors, Claire. But that would mean you give up everything. Your entire life as you know it.”

“I have no wish to marry. None,” Claire repeated.

“She’s not a Protector,” Reilly growled. “I would know of it, Bri. Take me at my word.”

Bri looked troubled. “I do, Ry. Claire, don’t do anything without one of these men by your side. There are things you must understand and think about before you jump through any time portals. If, of course, you can time travel on your own, which we don’t know.”

“What did I miss?” Colin asked, strolling in next to James.

Everyone began talking at once, and Ellie dropped her head into her arms. She couldn’t wait for the quiet of her flat again.