Chapter 17

She’d been back for twelve days.

Twelve days of indoor plumbing, coffee, air conditioning, and electricity. Hot showers replaced tepid baths by the fire; long skirts replaced medieval gowns; modern-day books replaced chatting around the sewing basket.

Resignation replaced hope.

Ellie tossed her book onto a side table and glanced out of the open picture window facing the bay. Boats bobbed in the water as the late afternoon sunlight glinted off the gentle waves. The church bell tolled in the distance, informing her it was close to dinnertime. A cool breeze, hinting at autumn, lifted a few strands of her hair away from her face.

She used to feel happy here, in this little house on the bay. It used to give her the courage to be the real her—the one who loved to laugh, who enjoyed all that life had to offer, albeit from a little bit of a distance. At one point, not so very long ago, she wanted to feel brave and happy.

She’d been brave…but she was definitely not happy.

Acutely miserable? Miserably heartbroken? Maybe all of it. She’d put herself on the line, laid her heart bare for Colin, but it turned out that he wasn’t ready for her bravery. He didn’t want what she offered.

The Untouchable. He had a well-earned reputation. How many other women had tried to win his heart? She should’ve known that someone as unsophisticated and introverted as she was wouldn’t be able to draw Colin into the world of love.

When Reilly and Colin had brought them back, Ellie wasted no time. She called a taxi, packed her things at Reilly’s house, and retreated to her safe place, which didn’t feel quite so safe anymore. She was only a fifteen-minute drive away, but at least Colin didn’t know where to find her. Gwen had just given her a hug and told her she would be in Ireland for another few days before heading back home.

Gwen knew she needed time alone, because Gwen got her. It was why they were, and would always be, the best of friends.

Her cell phone rang, making her jump. She fumbled for it and squinted at the caller ID.

“Hi, Winnie.”

“I was beginning to worry at your long silence, my love. But it was smart of you to go underground for a bit. The paparazzi have finally decamped from my garden. How are you? Where are you? How are things going?”

Ellie absent-mindedly dragged the charm on her necklace back and forth against the chain. “I’m well. I’m in Ireland, at your house.”

“Well, that’s wonderful! I know how you love it there. You sound distant, dear. Would you like some company?”

“No thanks,” she murmured. “I’m taking some time to process things.”

Winnie’s voice was delighted. “Then you’ve met someone you like?”

A ghost of a smile touched Ellie’s lips, and she forced some cheerfulness into her tone. “I think so. I went on a date with him and he seemed quite wonderful. I think we’re going to go out again.”

“That does sound promising. Do you need anything from home? The furor around your press conference has died down so very much that nary a camera has been seen around your flat for days. You might still want to stay in Ireland for a few more days, but the wind, as it always does, is shifting in a new direction.”

The press conference seemed a lifetime ago. A different life, with a different person. “That’s good news.”

“It is, dear, it is! I also checked on your bookshop. Things seem to be running well; that Norman is very capable. He was a good hire.”

Ellie frowned. She hadn’t thought about her bookshop once in the days since she’d returned. “Eleanor? Are you there?”

“Sorry, Winnie, I have a bad connection. Thanks for checking on the bookshop for me. I’m glad Norman is holding down the fort.”

“Go eat something, dear. You sound tired, so go to bed early tonight, too. I’ll talk with you tomorrow.”

They disconnected, and Ellie stared at the phone in her hand, nonplussed.

Why hadn’t she thought of her shop in so long?

Well, she told herself, there was that little side vacation to the Middle Ages. You know, castle life, a real-life Ren Faire, a kidnapping, and an almost-wedding…oh, and the whole broken heart thing.

Distracted seemed a bit of an understatement.

A boat’s horn blew in the distance, and with it came the sudden realization that Ellie wanted to be distracted from her bookshop more. She’d experienced more of life this summer than she had in the entirety of her adult life, and she wanted more.

A second horn blast sounded, as if agreeing with her.

If Colin O’Rourke didn’t want to be a part of that, then Ellie would accept it. But she absolutely wouldn’t let it stop her.

• • •

“…glad it went well,” Colin remarked, his dark eyes focused on the screen of his laptop. He sat in a small booth at the village pub, a half-empty beer on the table next to the laptop, from which his ecstatic matchmaker and happy client’s faces were looking back at him.

“Yeah, it’s been some time since our date, but with the fires I’ve had at work, and the unexpected travel to Asia, I wasn’t even sure what time zone I was in for a while there.”

Colin resisted the urge to snort. I can relate.

“She’s just so damn smart. I liked that about her.” Reginald’s smile grew. “And she’s quite pretty, too. Those eyes—they’re the lightest shade of brown I think I’ve ever seen. They’re almost amber.”

“Honey,” Colin muttered.

“Yes! Honey. That’s what they are. She’s got a great body, and this vibe about her, as though she’s up for anything.”

“It sounds like you really liked her,” Candice remarked, her own smile tinged with relief.

Colin could well understand—after a year of butting heads, Reginald had finally had some sense knocked into him from somewhere. His countenance had been, according to Mike, slow to change, but the end result was a success. When Reg had first signed on, Colin was hesitant, but Candice assured him that she could handle him. Almost a year later, and the man was now truly interested in finding someone he could be with forever, which meant he was someone the Celtic Connections team could seriously match.

If only he was still the nasty, foul-mouthed, arrogant man-child from a year ago, Colin thought uncharitably.

“I did. We had a connection. And when we kissed, there was definitely something there. She’s got some passion in her soul, and I want to be the one to free it.”

Candice positively beamed, and Colin fought to control his rage. Over my dead body.

“Wow! You haven’t had this kind of reaction before. But let’s not get ahead of ourselves. It has been a while since you took her on the date. We usually expect a callback to happen much sooner.”

“Sorry about that,” Reg apologized. “Like I said, I had to fly to Thailand to close a deal, and it was such a last-minute thing that all I could do was e-mail. Thanks for explaining it to her, Colin.”

Colin offered a half smile and nod of acknowledgement, though he had never mentioned any e-mail to Ellie. She’d been a bit busy herself, but Reg didn’t need to know that.

“Well, Colin spoke with her this morning.” Candice looked expectantly at the screen. “What did she say?”

At one point, Ellie had said she wanted to go on another date with Reg. But that was before she confessed her love for Colin. And before he flat-out rejected her.

He would forever bear the imprint of her slap. She had branded him, all the way to his soul.

Colin unclenched his jaw and relaxed his shoulders. “She…”

Then he quickly hit the End Call button and slammed the laptop shut.

“What the hell was that?”

He whipped his head up and found his cousin—or uncle, depending on what branch of the family tree he cared to focus on—sliding into the seat opposite. Aidan signaled for a beer.

“Where’s Emma? And why are you here?”

Aidan stroked his chin, his emerald eyes bearing into Colin’s. “Emma wanted to come, and I am at her mercy. Which works out well, after I spoke with O’Malley today. I have a tale for you.”

“Great,” Colin muttered.

“There was a time, not so long ago, when I had more gold and land than I ever thought possible. Growing up, as you well know, I’d been trained to protect things. My clan and their safety, women, and children. I did that, and I did it fairly well. No one ever died on my watch, and no one suffered too greatly, either. As a lad, I never thought I’d want more. When I arrived here, speaking a dead language, not an ounce of gold to my name, you saved me. You, and James, and—” he choked a little “—O’Malley.”

“Make your long story short.”

“Impossible; I’m Irish. Stay with me, lad.” Aidan thanked the bartender for the beer and sipped appreciatively. “After all my successes, I began to realize that for all I had in modern times, I was missing something. I wanted a bit of land to call my own, enough food on the table for a full belly, and a family to share it all with. Something to fight for, something to protect and cherish. You recognized that, mate. You figured it out before I did, and you gave me a mission that was so much more than acquiring a new employee for your business.”

“You’re becoming maudlin in your old age,” Colin muttered curtly.

Aidan shrugged. “Probably. But you know I was in a dark place. I thought I had nothing to live for, no real value in the world. I found myself again when I met Emmaline. I became the man I was supposed to be. She makes me a stronger and better MacWilliam. Without her, I’d still be just a shell. Or worse.”

Colin finished his own beer. “I’m happy for you, Aidan. I hoped she’d be the one for you when I met her. Emma’s amazing.”

“My point—”

“I thought we’d never get to it.”

“My point,” Aidan repeated, humor lurking in his eyes, “is that I lost her once. It was the hardest thing I’ve ever gone through, and I pray I never have to experience it again. But, you see, I would do it all over again. Because having her, even if only for a slice of time, is infinitely better than never having had her at all.”

Colin leaned forward. “It’s different for me, MacWilliam. So much different. I would search high and low for your and Emma’s kind of love, if it were only my happiness at stake. But it’s not. The other person in a relationship with a Protector is tied to them forever. Forever. That means she’ll never have a chance at happiness in a future life if I were to try to make her mine. And if I never try to make her mine, she’ll never know that pain. So you see…I can’t.”

Aidan regarded him thoughtfully. “If you claim your soul mate, how do you know she won’t find you in the next life? Or the one after that? Or in whatever happens once we leave this earthly plane?”

Colin sighed heavily. “It doesn’t matter.”

Aidan’s face hardened. “I understand your heartache, Colin. But it’s time to fish or cut bait. The poor lass can’t know heads or tails with you—one moment you’re kissing her, and the next, you’re pushing her into another man’s arms. Then you’re not being truthful with someone who is genuinely interested in making a life with her. It’s unfair, and it’s not right. Get your head on straight, make your decision, and stick with it.”

“You don’t understand—”

Aidan slid out from the booth, pity etched into his expression. “Oh, I do. I absolutely do.” With a tip of his head, he left.

Colin grabbed his phone and sent a text to Candice. Bad service. Second date is a go. Then he opened his laptop and booked himself the first available flight out of Dublin.

He brought his beer to his lips again, but he was left staring at the bottom of a pint glass as empty as his chest.

• • •

“You’re terribly quiet,” Reginald noted as they strolled. “Is everything to your liking?” He solicitously held an umbrella over the both of them as the rain poured down.

Ellie didn’t have the heart to tell him that her right arm was soaked from the runoff. Instead she gave him a reassuring smile. “Everything’s wonderful. I’m just feeling a bit melancholy. Probably the weather.”

“Shall we head in here for a cup of tea?”

Ellie glanced to where he pointed and nodded her assent. The little bell tinkled above their heads as they entered, and he shook the umbrella outside the door before closing it behind them.

The smells of the shop assaulted her senses, and at the sight of the complicated espresso machines behind the counter, her mind conjured up an image of Colin’s beast in his kitchen. She imagined herself curled up on his comfy couch, a book in her hand as she sipped a cup of steaming tea, the fire popping and crackling before her. Colin would be next to her on the couch, his arm across the back of it, the other holding the remote as he watched something on television, rain pouring outside the window.

“There’s a smile!” Reg boomed, shaking her from her daydream. “Tea fixes everything, even rainy-day blues.”

It was their third date, and Ellie was more convinced than ever that she could make a contented life with Reginald. He was a decent man. He tried too hard sometimes, but she thought his heart was in the right place.

She didn’t have a heart anymore, so it didn’t really matter if hers was.

Reg ordered them tea, and they sat at one of the little tables closest to the bakery display case. He chattered on about his latest financial acquisition—Ellie couldn’t comprehend exactly what he did in his career, but he seemed to love it.

“How’s the bookshop going in your absence?”

“Oh. Very well, I think. My employee, Norman, has been doing a bang-up job of it. He managed to secure a Canadian author to launch her book in our store. It’s quite exciting.”

The barista delivered their drinks, and Reg stirred his before placing his spoon on the little dish. “This isn’t working, is it?”

“What?”

“This. Us. I really like you, Ellie. I think you’re funny, and beautiful, and just about the smartest woman I’ve ever known. But you’re holding a part of yourself back, and I’m beginning to wonder if you’ll ever fully let me in.”

Flabbergasted, Ellie knocked her biscuit off the table. She quickly retrieved it, her mind racing to form words that would tell him otherwise.

She knew the moment he realized she couldn’t refute his words. His face fell, and a sad smile graced his mouth.

And Ellie realized that was how it would always be.

She swallowed with difficulty, then met his gaze as bravely as she could. “I’m sorry, Reginald. The truth is that I’m not holding a part of myself back; it’s more that I’ve given a piece of myself away, and I might never get it back.”

He pressed his lips together and gave a quick nod, then let out a breath. “I appreciate your honesty and your grace about it, Eleanor. But please forgive me if I leave now. I thought we had a connection…something real. I can see now it was one-sided.”

“I’m sorry,” she whispered.

He chuckled, though it was tinged with sadness and self-deprecation. “Don’t be. Lord knows I deserve it. I’ve been a cad to more women than I care to remember. In fact, this might be just desserts.”

“Don’t say that,” she implored, reaching across the table to lay her hand on his wrist. “Don’t. Whatever you did before, you’re a decent man now. I only wish I could reciprocate your feelings.”

He closed his eyes, then lifted her hand and kissed the back of it. “Whoever holds your heart is one lucky bastard.”

She smiled sadly at him, and he walked out of the tea shop.

He didn’t look back.

• • •

Ellie glanced at her ringing phone, noted the Celtic Connections number, and promptly declined the call.

She had no interest in hearing about her next potential match.

She didn’t blame Candice, her new matchmaker, for trying so hard. All Candice knew was that she and Reginald hadn’t worked out, and that Colin had “some personal matters to attend to, and would be unable to continue on as your matchmaker for the near future.”

Personal matters, Ellie scoffed inwardly. Absolutely, let’s call avoiding the woman who threw herself at you “personal matters.”

“Was that your new matchmaker? Such a shame you and Mr. Montgomery didn’t work out.” Winnie accepted a cup from Alan with a nod of thanks. “Answer her calls, Eleanor. Let the woman do her job. She wants to see you happy, just as we all do. Mr. Montgomery—”

“You can use his first name, Winnie.”

If Winnie detected the note of anger in Ellie's voice, she didn’t acknowledge it. “Of course I could, but Reginald is so forward. Mr. Montgomery is more polite, especially as I have never met the man.”

Ellie shrugged. “Our culture has evolved enough for such a thing to be acceptable, you know.”

Winnie lifted her chin. “Evolution is overrated. Alan, is evolution overrated?”

“If you say so,” he intoned.

Ellie stuck her tongue out at him, and he gave her a mischievous grin back before leaving the room. She and Alan had always been thick as thieves; growing up, Alan snuck Ellie treats on the nights she was sent to bed without dinner, and they’d shared many late-night cups of milk over the years. He was a sweet man who loved both her and Winnie like family.

Ellie had long ago accepted her aunt’s eccentric demand that Alan be a traditional butler, and how Alan played the role simply to please her.

His devotion was nothing short of admirable.

Ellie often wondered if it was devotion, or something deeper. When Winnie wasn’t looking, and Alan thought no one was looking, his face said it all. Ellie had never known what it was before, but now, having experienced it firsthand, she recognized it immediately.

Love.

“Now, as I was saying, you may have to kiss a few frogs—”

“Let’s not discuss it,” Ellie interrupted Winnie.

“Oh, no, let’s. We never discussed how badly Andrew broke your heart, and that destroyed your world for the better part of a decade.”

Ellie shook her head. “No, Winnie, he didn’t break my heart.”

“You could’ve fooled me.”

Ellie smiled a little. “I was smitten and swept off my feet,” she continued slowly. “I was in love with the idea of love, but I know now that I wasn’t in love with Andrew Beaufort.”

Winnie looked at her curiously. “And how do you know for sure?”

Ellie swallowed hard. “Because I’ve experienced real love, and it’s a lot more painful than anything Andrew could’ve ever done to me.”

Her aunt’s eyes filled with compassion. “Oh, Eleanor. Can it be saved?”

Ellie dashed a tear away. “I don’t think so.” She drew a shuddering breath in an attempt to bring her emotions under control. The now-familiar ache in her chest resurfaced. “I gave it everything I had.”

“Are you certain?”

Ellie gave Winnie a watery smile. “I told him I loved him…and he told me I could never make him happy.”

Winnie’s sharp intake of breath reinforced Ellie’s certainty.

Ellie forced a bright smile. “It’s for the best. I deserve someone who loves me back.”

“Bravo,” Winnie exclaimed with a clap. “Heartbreak is never easy. And it’ll hurt for a good, long while. But let Candice try her hand at easing the pain. If for nothing else, the dates will be a necessary distraction. And Mr. O’Rourke needs to know that you won’t wait around forever.”

“Who said it was Colin?”

Winnie rolled her eyes. “Eleanor. I might be old, but I’m not dead. Anyone with a modicum of sense can see that you two have a connection. I knew he was the one for you the first time I met him.”

“At the press conference?”

“Oh, heavens no, dear. Before that, he came here to discuss my article. He sat right in that chair you’re sitting in, and claimed I was blackmailing him! His determination was quite refreshing.”

Ellie clenched her jaw, and she asked the question, even though she knew the answer. “Were you blackmailing him?”

Winnie looked affronted. “Of course not! I merely put forth a set of my own requirements, in order to write an article that put his business in a better light.” At Ellie’s motion to explain, she added, “Requirements for your special someone.”

“Such as…?” Ellie encouraged her. Though she didn’t doubt Colin’s words, she needed to hear them directly from her aunt.

“The details remain a bit unclear—”

“She demanded that you experience true love that would sweep a girl off her feet and never put her down. She also expected a title, and threatened that if the man ultimately moved you away, she would ensure his business failed.” Alan, who had appeared silently, finished refilling the teapot, then tapped his head with a finger. “Steel trap.”

“Wow,” Ellie breathed, both at Alan’s memory and her aunt’s deviousness. She swung her gaze to her aunt, who had the grace to look abashed.

“Before you judge my motives, think on this, Eleanor Rose. You know that I have more money than I know what to do with, and that I could fly you back here whenever you wanted. Where you live is not as important to me as to your happiness. But—and listen closely, love, for it’s a big but—if a man were to come in and sweep you off your feet, and make you fall in love with him so spectacularly that you wouldn’t be able to tell which side is up, that man needs to prove that he is worthy of your love. You would need to know that you would be his heart, just as he would be yours. If there’s one thing I know, it’s stubborn men,” Winnie informed her. “Colin O’Rourke ranks in the top three most stubborn men I’ve ever met. If your love is worth less than his company, then he’s not worthy of you.”

Ellie closed her eyes, pain lancing through her. “Oh, Winnie. There’s so much more to it than that.”

“He’ll come to his senses soon enough, Eleanor, mark my words.”

If he was just a businessman, you’d be right, she thought miserably. But he has obligations that are bigger than me. Bigger than us.

She and Colin were over; in fact, they had never truly begun. Of course she knew now that he had feelings for her—she imagined a man didn’t kiss the way he did her unless there was something more powerful than a mere liking to drive it. But when he’d told her she couldn’t make him happy, he was completely serious.

His career was important to him. She saw it in the way he worked, the way he interacted with his clients. His personal life was dedicated to protecting generations of O’Rourkes before and after him.

Ellie would never ask him to always put her first. She wanted to be an important part of his life, but to be his everything, as her aunt had all but demanded, was unrealistic.

Ellie didn’t check her tears as they fell. Of course Colin didn’t know any of this. Her aunt, in her very misguided way, had sealed Ellie’s fate before it even had a chance.

“Oh, Eleanor, he’ll come around. Just give him time.”

Time. The one thing that would forever keep them apart. She nearly choked on the irony.