Fight scenes are usually my favorite kind of scene to shoot. They’re the chance to really let loose with your character. You get to yell and scream. It’s a total release of energy and stress. It’s like a good workout or better yet, a boxing match.

And the best part is, it’s all just pretend.

Usually.

This time feels different. I’m standing across from Jenna wondering if she’s actually going to punch me in the face. For the record, that’s not in the script.  

We’re filming a scene where Jenna’s character confronts my character about a receipt she found for a dinner he had at their first-date restaurant – The Landmark. There’s already tension between these two and this becomes the powder keg that sets it all off.

The logistics are simple. My character Bobby’s dinner receipt says two people dined, but a week before this fight he claimed that he went alone. He said it was the only place still open after his long day of work. Of course he knows that The Landmark is their spot, he says. Then Jenna’s character Grace finds out that he lied. He took a female co-worker to The Landmark. He swears he has a completely reasonable explanation, but she doesn’t give a shit.

It’s all feeling a little too familiar…

“You lied!” Jenna screams as we rehearse. “That’s a betrayal!”

“I lied because I knew you’d freak out at the truth!” I yell back. “Because you don’t trust me!”

“That’s right, Bobby. I don’t trust you because you don’t deserve my trust.”

“That’s ridiculous! Now you’re just making things up! You’re using me to make excuses for all your insecurity. Why? Because your parents got divorced? Because your ex cheated? I’m not them, Grace!”

“Don’t you dare bring my parents into this. This is about you. I see the way you look at other women. And I’ve heard rumors about what you say when I’m not around.”

“You’re going to blow up our relationship because of looks and rumors?”

“No. You are.”

“Cut!” Polly calls out.

Her voice knocks me out of the scene. Holy shit that was powerful. I can’t remember feeling that connected to a character, or that deep into the moment. Then again, I’ve never worked on something so close to my real life, with my former real life co-star. Polly’s instincts that our chemistry would transform these characters were spot on.

“Shit! We need to relight,” Polly says. “There’s a shadow on Jenna’s face. God damnit! That was going so well. Guys please do not lose this fire. Let’s take two minutes.”

“That won’t be a problem,” Jenna says, as she flips away from me. “I think I’m going to be pretty fiery anytime I think about what you said at lunch.”

“You mean the truth?” I ask.

That makes her flip back.

“I think it was pretty clear that we were over in your mind when you did what you did,” she says, fury blazing in her eyes. Then she stomps off. I see her tell the script coordinator that she needs to run lines. Which is a lie. We just ran them several times with no problems. She just wants to avoid me.

Once again, I feel like I’m living in a memory. Though this time we’re actually having the fight. Ten years ago she left before listening to my side of the story.

I head over to the beverage station, grab an ice cold water and chug it. I’d like to punch something to get all my anger out, but right now I need to play it cool. And I need the crew to hurry up.

Ten excruciating minutes pass before Polly finally calls us back.

“Alright” she says. “Let’s get to starting marks Tanner and Jenna. We’re going to run it from the top. Still feeling feisty?”

“Oh yeah,” we both say at the exact same time. I see a boom operator smirk.

Fuck.

Does everyone on this set know exactly what’s going on here?

I realize I need to tone it down. Movie sets are like sieves for gossip. Anyone from a boom operator to the actual director can leak stuff to the press, which is exactly what Angela and her PR people want. If Jenna and I are at each other’s throats now, I can’t imagine how much worse it will be if news gets out that we’re fighting about our break up during scripted fight scenes.   

“We need to tone it down,” I whisper to Jenna as we step into the scene. “People are going to start talking.”

“First, that’s your fault, not mine. You opened your mouth during our meeting with Angela. And second, people have been talking for ten years, Tanner. From the moment that TMI video hit the internet.”

And there it is: the infamous TMI video.

The fifteen seconds of video that ended the most real relationship I’ve ever had in my life.

In a freaky coincidence, it’s not all that different than the dinner receipt at the center of this fake movie fight. Jenna thinks it’s one thing and it’s something else entirely.

God, though, if I could take it back, I would. Even now, I would.

The video that ended our relationship was staged and harmless, but it did explode on the Internet. Jenna saw it before I did, which I regret. But what I regret more is that I let her go without fighting. I tried to find her, yes. I tried calling.

And then I stopped trying.

The first day we spoke on the set of this movie was the first time I heard her voice since our last phone call, the night before the video hit TMI.

That was ten years ago.

Hearing her mention that video right now makes my blood boil. She knew just when to drop it, too. Not when we’re someplace where we can have a real conversation about what went down, but when we’re surrounded by dozens of people so she could hide.

I thought I was over it, but I’m not.

Because I wasn’t the only one who could have tried. She could have tried to reach out to me too. Instead she was so ready to believe that I would have messed us up, so ready to believe that she meant nothing to me. She let me give her up without a fight. It pisses me off to realize that she still can’t admit that she gave up too.

She needs to hear it. I’m more than ready to tell her.

“Action!” Polly calls.

Shit. I missed my chance to respond. Suddenly we’re delivering our lines in rapid fire, but I’m not focused on a single thing other than what Jenna said. It’s like my mouth is performing, as my character, but my body and mind are fixated on Jenna. I cannot wait to say my piece once we get through this take. Luckily we fly through the lines.

“Nice guys!” Polly calls out. “You’re really killing it today. In fact, I’d like to try something that isn’t on the page. Would you be willing to add a little physicality to the scene?”

“Like one of us maybe hits the other one?” Jenna asks, her eyes sparking.

I see the same boom operator smirk again. If he isn’t careful I’m going to knock him out, if Jenna doesn’t knock me out first, that is.

“Ha! I was thinking more some light shoving, but let’s see what we come up with. Bill, can I have you step in for a second so we can light for additional movement? Two more minutes, guys. Then we’ll try this. Maybe you could run the lines with some ideas about spacing and movement while you wait.”

Jenna steps out of frame, and I follow.

“I don’t want to rehearse shoving you,” Jenna says. “I want to save it aalll for the scene.”

I pull her into a corner and bring her body close to mine. I want to make sure no one eavesdrops on our conversation, but Jenna is startled.

“What are you doing??” she says, pulling away.  

“I could have explained that video,” I say.

“You should have tried to explain a long time ago,” she fires back.

“You shouldn’t have run away so that I could.”

The look on Jenna’s face is pure rage. It’s like she just watched the video all over again. She looks me dead in the eyes. “I didn’t run away. I moved on.”

She’s angrier than I’ve ever seen her in my life. She might be angrier than I’ve ever seen anyone. For a moment I am legitimately afraid she’s going to do something truly vicious.

Instead she turns and walks away again, this time toward the make-up station.

“Touch-up please!” she calls out to the team. She’s strong and steely, nothing like the timid girl I remember.

Suddenly a strange feeling comes over me. When I look at Jenna I realize that I can’t hate her. In fact, it’s the total opposite.

I still want her.

I need to take a walk around the lot to cool down and get some distance, but Polly’s crew is quick. We’re back on our markers before I’ve even had a chance to figure out what the hell is going on inside my head, inside my body.

Focus and get through it, Tanner.

That’s my mantra. This scene is five minutes long, max. I need to push through my lines. I need to remember that I’m not Tanner; I’m Bobby. And Jenna isn’t Jenna; she’s Grace. This is all pretend. This is all fake. My feelings are just because I’m really into character.

We start in on the scene. Jenna is still giving it 110%, and now she’s adding a push here and a shove there. It all feels incredibly real.

I quickly realize that I’m going to need a new mantra.

You’re acting, Tanner. Focus on the acting.

I try to shut down my mind and let the dialogue flow. It’s memorized. I’ve got this.

“Now you’re just making things up!” I say. “You’re using me to make excuses for all your insecurity. Why? Because your parents got divorced? Because your ex cheated? I’m not them!”

“Don’t you dare bring my parents into this,” Jenna hisses. “This is about you. I see the way you look at other women. And I’ve heard rumors about what you say when I’m not around.”

This time I step toward her and grab her arm after she finishes that line. My grip is tight. It startles Jenna. She pulls back quickly.

“You’re going to blow up our relationship because of looks and rumors?” I say. I’ve said it with anger every time before, but on this take I soften my voice. I’m not asking sarcastically. I’m asking honestly.

And I’m not asking for Bobby. I’m asking for myself.

“No. You are,” Jenna spits back, with feeling that’s all too real.

It’s painful for me to hear, but I can tell that it’s equally painful for her to say.

I reach my arm back out and pull her toward me, this time softly. Then I bring her in even closer until our lips are touching and I kiss her deeply. This kiss is not like the one we had during the first scene we shot together. There’s more aggression and intensity this time. My body reacts instantly. I know for a fact that if we were alone in a room right now, all our clothes would be on the floor in five seconds.

There’s silence on the set when I finally release Jenna. I’m too disoriented to see at first. My head is in a fog.

Then I hear a low clap.

“Incredible kiss, you two!” Polly calls out. “But, you guys know that’s not in the script, right?”