Mandy
The roar of the engines has muted to a constant drone as I look around the airplane’s cabin. Sally is looking at me with a big shit-eating grin on her face as she leans forward from the other side of the aisle and lifts her glass of wine my direction. I’ve already told her that I hate her and I’m never speaking to her again, but it doesn’t stop me from lifting my glass to her in an air toast.
Malcolm squeezes my hand. “Are you all right? I had no idea you’ve never flown before.”
My shoulders move up and down. “Again, you could have asked.”
He bends down and plants a kiss on my cheek. “I just did. Are you all right?”
“Well, other than never speaking to my best friend or mother again, I think I’m all right.” I turn and look out the small window. Above the clouds the sun is still shining. As the plane heads south, the sun is moving lower toward the western horizon, casting an amazing array of red, orange, and pink hues through the sky, their shimmers reflecting off the tops of the clouds.
I never really thought about the other side of clouds—the top side. Unlike their underside, which is often gray, the tops are a marvelous mountain range composed of magnitudes of different depths, some as tall as Denali while others appear as cavernous as the Grand Canyon. As we move over them I conjure stories I can tell Jase about mountains of marshmallow fluff. That’s exactly what it looks like—fluff. “It’s like,” I say, “like nothing I ever imagined.”
The four of us are in first class, filling both sides of the aisle. And I can’t stop my glee as I settle against the soft leather seat. When Malcolm first told me what was happening, I was mad. I was upset, but once I gave in to the reality of my ‘kidnapping’—quotes are purposeful—it made everything more exciting.
When we arrived at the airport, my ticket was already on Malcolm’s phone. All it took was showing my ID, checking our bags, and walking through security. Then the next thing I knew, we were sitting at a small airport bar waiting for Sally and Brian as we sipped white wine and ate fried pickles.
You would think being married to a man in the military I would have flown, but I never did. Jackson left for basic training before we were married. Our wedding ceremony was between his training and deployment. If he’d been deployed stateside, I would have gone. That probably would have meant driving, but I would have gone. As it was, moving to my own place was the only independence I experienced. It wasn’t my own place, but ours. A small apartment, even smaller than the one I now share with Jase. Though it belonged to both of us, I was there alone while he was overseas.
At the time, I thought I was grown up with my own space. Truthfully, I had yet to be inducted into adult responsibilities.
While Jackson was protecting our country, I was working and taking classes. I missed out on the support of other army wives by not living near a base, but I didn’t want to leave my parents or his parents to live near strangers, even if they would have a better understanding of what I was going through. In hindsight, I think that was the right decision.
Jackson was home for three months between deployments. That was our most normal feel at married life. During that time, he worked for a recruiting center while awaiting his next assignment. We had hopes for stateside orders and dreams of playing house. That’s why we agreed to start a family.
And then things happened overseas. I follow the news, but I still don’t think the public is given all the information. The army asked for volunteers to go back to the zones, soldiers who knew the terrain. If they didn’t get the number of soldiers they needed via volunteers, they would have chosen them anyway. I think it was one of those requests that you really can’t refuse.
I’m not insinuating that the military is like the mafia, but...
We didn’t find out that I was pregnant until after the paperwork was signed. By then it was too late. The army didn’t assign Jackson a wife. He’d taken one on his own. We’d heard that before. His assignment was only supposed to be for twelve months. The pay was higher than he’d made before due to the increased risk. He’d been there before and had returned. We both thought it would be worth it. Once his second deployment was over, we had visions of a nest egg to live on while we both were able to work on our education. With both sets of parents close by, we knew we’d have help with our growing family.
Jackson flew home the week before my due date. According to Alec, who was also in the same unit in Iraq, Jackson did everything he could do to get home. He took every duty, begged every favor, and pulled every possible string. All I know was that he was with me when we welcomed Jason Mathew Harrison into the world. I watched the wonder in my husband’s eyes as he held his son for the very first time.
Jackson only had three months left in Iraq, and then our future would begin.
If he chose to keep going with the enlistment after he returned, we were guaranteed stateside. I had dreams of living in a warm state, playing house with my husband and son, and even flying home to our parents for the holidays.
That never happened.
“You’re far away again,” Malcolm says as he caresses my thigh.
“I was just thinking about flying. I always wanted to.”
“Good. I hope we can come up with a few other things you always wanted to do this weekend.”
I take a deep breath and concentrate on the handsome man beside me. “Tell me about Saturday night. Are you and Brian like superstars or heroes?”
“No. My dad served in the military...” Malcolm’s words sting my heart, yet there’s no way for him to know what I’m thinking. “...those men and women are heroes. Brian and I were overpaid kids who enjoyed getting knocked around and knocking others around on the ice.”
There’s something in his self-deprecating statement that makes Malcolm even more special than he’s ever been. I recall how the boy in Jase’s preschool was negative toward soldiers. Malcolm and I have never discussed our military, but if his opinions were different, I know it would have an influence on mine. I don’t expect us to agree on everything, but in my opinion the military isn’t political: it’s simply people working hard and risking their lives. And those people deserve our respect.
“Overpaid kids,” I finally say. “I’m surprised more people don’t sign up for that kind of gig.”
“Oh, it sounds appealing, especially to a testosterone-filled young man. But the truth is that that job can only be maintained for so long and then the body gives out.”
That makes me smile. I tilt my head to the side and give Malcolm an up-and-down scan and finally a wink. “I’m pretty sure from what I’ve seen that your body is still doing okay.”
“Okay? Gee, thanks for the compliment. It’s a real boost for my morale.”
“Better than okay,” I say, motioning toward Brian and Sally who are laughing and making out like the hormonal teenagers Malcolm was describing. “Tell me we’re not sharing a room with those two.”
“Oh no, beautiful Mandy, I plan to have you all to myself.”
He looks toward the window. “I wish we were arriving before dark. The sunsets off the Gulf Coast of Florida are some of the best in the world. I haven’t traveled far and wide, but I can personally boast that they can be spectacular. It’s as if you see the big red ball of fire hit the water. My mom used to say it sizzles. As the sky and clouds filled with reds and pinks, she’d tell us to be quiet and listen to the sizzle.”
“Us?” I ask, knowing I’m breaking my own rule.
“I have a sister and brother.” Malcolm leans closer. “Can I tell you more?”
“Are the three of you close?”
“They live in different states, but we all get together with our parents for holidays and special occasions. We talk on the phone.”
“Do they know about me?”
“Yes.”
I nod, wanting to ask more, wondering what he’s said, but at the same time, I’m afraid that if I do, it will make whatever this is too real. Instead, I change the subject. “What about tomorrow?”
“Tomorrow?”
“I mean the sunset. We could watch it tomorrow...” And then I remember. “Oh, we’ll be at the hockey game?”
He nods. “I guess that means only one thing.”
“And what would that be?”
“This will have to be our first trip to Florida. I need to bring you back so you can see a sunset.”
I don’t argue. I’m already so far beyond my plans for one night. I don’t know what to think as I settle back against the seat and enjoy the warmth of Malcolm’s hand on my thigh. As I do, I realize that part of me wants to believe there could be another time and another trip. For only a moment, I allow myself the small fantasy of expectancy.
Malcolm had said this weekend was to explore my fantasies.
You would think that my fantasies would include crazy sex or money to burn, but they don’t. To me a fantasy is a reprieve from the weight of the world and the luxury of allowing myself to want something in the future, to even go as far as to expect it. That’s something I rarely do—expect anything...or hope for more—but since this one weekend is supposed to be about my fantasies, I let myself go.
I just need to remind myself what it is.
A fantasy. Not reality.
* * *
“It’s absolutely stunning,” I say as I stand on the balcony of our room overlooking the water. Though the sun has set, the moon’s rays create a silver cast over the waves. The silver-coated darkness goes on forever, with only the lights of a few ships in the distance. “I’ve never seen the ocean before either.”
Malcolm shakes his head. “I wish I could tell you that this is it.”
I look out over the darkness and take it all in: the swoosh of gentle waves, a warm breeze, and the scent of salt filling my senses. “What do you mean?”
“This is a bay, Tampa Bay, off the Gulf of Mexico. We would need to travel to the other side of the state for an ocean.”
I reach for his hand. “No more traveling. I want to stay here. Whatever that is, it’s big and it’s saltwater. I can pretend.”
“You’re absolutely stunning.” He tucks a rogue strand of my hair behind my ear. “I hope you know that.”
I look down. The dress I’m wearing is the blue sundress from our first date, the beginning of my one night. I was so glad to see it packed with my other things that I almost cried. I can hardly believe that it’s mid-October and I’m standing outside in a sundress in warm air. “I-I don’t...”
Malcolm wraps his arms around my waist and pulls me close. Our hips unite as my breasts smash against his chest. I have to crane my neck upward to see him—not that I can truly see him in the darkness, but I see his features: his brow, his cheeks, his nose, and his lips...
“Thank you, Mandy, for allowing me to kidnap you. I know we aren’t talking about too much personal information, but you now know about my history with the Lightning. I’ve avoided these kinds of things—these ceremonies and accolades—since I retired. I probably would have avoided this one also if it weren’t for Sally suggesting you come along too.
“I gave it some thought and hoped that if I took you away—brought you here—you’d let me do what you won’t allow me to do at home.”
I lean back to see his eyes. “And what exactly do you mean?”
Malcolm’s chuckle eases my wayward thoughts. “Spoil you. That’s what I mean.”
“You do. You have. You don’t need to. This is all so new.”
His chin settles over the top of my head, tucking me against his broad chest. I nestle my cheek against his shirt and wrap my arms around his waist. The swish of the waves in the distance, the steady beat of his heart, and the scent of his cologne dominate my senses.
“You’re such a mystery.” His words rumble through me. “You’re the strongest, most determined woman I’ve ever met, and at the same time, I’m awestruck by your innocence.”
“Hey...”
“No, beautiful, that’s not a bad thing. I meant it as a compliment.” He turns to the sound of the surf from the bay. “I wanted to take you away this weekend to spoil you with a fancy hotel, expensive dining, massages, a limo ride to the game, the exclusive Lightning executive suite... I wanted to show you how special you are to me, and yet, an airplane ride and a beach, and you’re happy.”
“I am,” I say. “I don’t need all that other stuff.”
“God, you’re so much more than I ever knew I wanted.”
My heart tugs. I can’t make Malcolm promises because I am more. I’m not a single woman who can be whisked away. I’m more than me. I’m Jase too. “Malcolm, can we live in the moment?”
He reaches for my hand and leads me back into the hotel room. “Yes...in case you didn’t notice, we have our very own Jacuzzi spa in the bathroom. I say we start living there, and then the moment can come out here to the king-sized bed...the one where you won’t get up and leave me at daybreak. And if you want, we can take the moment to the balcony or the beach...”
I giggle. “Let’s keep those moments in here for now. And no, I won’t be leaving at daybreak. If I recall, I’m being held captive until Sunday night.”
“That’s right. The entire weekend where you’re all mine.”
“With a limited phone plan.”
Malcolm’s smile is inviting as he tugs my hand. “Come this way...we have moments to live.”
My breasts vibrate with laughter as he pulls me through the bathroom door, my bare feet sliding on the shiny tile. The tub is huge. “I’d say I’ve never been in a tub that big before, but you’re getting a big head with all these firsts.”
Malcolm’s eyes widen. “It’s not my head that’s growing at this moment. Well...” His laugh resonates through the bathroom as he adjusts the water in the spa to warm. When he turns back to me, his blue eyes are darkened with desire. Reaching for the straps of my dress, his finger teases my skin. “Maybe this time we can save the dress?”
“What about my panties?”
“No, beautiful. They’re goners.”