Chapter 15
Mandy
“I'm glad that you're okay with that,” he said. “I mean, not that I'm glad that we're not going to be anything more. I didn't mean it like that. I just meant to say that—”
“Relax, Kain,” I said. “I know you didn't mean anything more than that. We're both on the same page here. We're both two very busy people who are under a lot of pressure right now, and neither of us can really afford for this to become something... more.”
It was weird. Saying this, deciding to do things this way, made perfect sense on paper. As I had just said, both of us were far too busy to engage in anything more than friendship. But part of me felt intensely disappointed that he hadn't pushed for something more. Perhaps, though, part of that disappointment was in myself, because I hadn't pushed for anything more.
Part of it was fear, too. My failed relationship with Connor had left me distrustful of men in general, and while I knew that it was neither logical nor reasonable to feel this way, it was a tough thing to shake.
“More wine?” asked Kain, suddenly seeming eager to change the topic.
“Sure,” I answered, and he topped up my glass, along with his own.
With that, the bottle was finished; we had been drinking faster than we had planned to. I could see that he was eyeing the bottle, and I wondered if the same thought was running through his head; more. I didn't want to get drunk but the wine certainly had loosened our tongues somewhat, and it made it a little easier to get things out, to talk about things in a frank and open manner.
Kain's eyes met mine, and immediately that same surge of attraction heated up the blood in my veins. Were we doing the right thing here? Agreeing to simply be friends, when this fierce attraction was raging in our blood?
It was a complex question, and one that had neither a simple nor an easy answer. I figured that perhaps being mere friends was the best we could do for the moment.
I noticed that Kain was drinking his wine pretty quickly, and almost felt pressured to keep up, so I took a big gulp of mine.
“Tell me something,” I said, feeling kind of emboldened by the alcohol. “Those secrets that you told me that night, about wanting to sell off a large portion of the company, and to let a whole bunch of people go. Were you seriously gonna do that stuff?”
He looked at me for a few long, drawn-out moments. “I might still do it,” he said, a strange look coming across his face.
Wow. That took me by surprise.
“Wait, what?” I stammered. “You're... you're still thinking of doing that?”
He nodded slowly, the strange look still on his face. “I might... but not for the reasons you may be thinking.”
“And what do you think I'm thinking?” I asked, still feeling kind of shocked that he was even considering doing this.
He took another long sip of his wine, finishing his glass. “My father,” he said, looking away from me as he spoke, “has put a lot of pressure on me. He always has, especially after Jimmy's death, which made me his sole heir.”
“I understand that but... selling the company? Retrenching people? That's not the right way to deal with pressure.”
“What do you know about it?!” he suddenly snapped, anger flashing across his eyes.
“Hey, hey, relax,” I said, not wanting to escalate the tension. “I'm not trying to attack you. I'm just trying to figure out why you're actually considering such extreme measures.”
The anger faded from his face, replaced by a kind of resigned sadness. “It's just that...” he began but trailed off without saying anything else. Instead, he simply shook his head, sighed, and looked away.
“I'm sorry, Kain, I didn't mean to upset you. But you know, I'm not just some outsider, and I'm not only a friend. I work for you, and I now have a vested interest in the company. If you do those things, if you sell a big portion of it off and retrench people, my career could be at stake. And the company is doing so well. Why would you even consider doing that? I'm just having a hard time understanding it.”
“There are a lot of things... a lot of things that my father is trying to pressure me into,” he said. “Not all of them involve the company. Well, they do, yeah, but they don't involve the company directly. I sometimes feel as if I just... as if I don't have control over my own life. As if I'm just a puppet dangling on strings.”
“But you're the CEO of the company,” I countered. “You're in charge; you're in control. Your father has left, and the company is yours now. I don't understand why you'd feel like that.”
“If you knew my father better, maybe you would understand. Look, he's not a bad man, he's not evil or anything, and I don't think that he even realizes how controlling he is. I think that he just has trouble seeing things from other people's perspectives. You know, like he has difficulty putting himself in other people's shoes – especially mine. He wants what's best for me, I know that, but his version of what's best for me isn't necessarily what is actually best for me.”
“And you can't tell him that?”
“You don't think I've tried? He's impossible to talk to. Once he gets an idea in his head about how something should be done, then that's the way it's gonna be done, with zero deviation from the plan. He's probably the most stubborn person I've ever met.”
I nodded. I had a bit of experience with dealing with stubborn people – Connor had been a pretty stubborn guy – so I guess I had a bit of sympathy for Kain.
“I know how difficult it is dealing with stubborn people,” I said.
“You might but I doubt that you've ever experienced dealing with anyone remotely as stubborn as my father. Talking to him when he's made his mind up about something is like talking to a freakin' brick wall.”
“And you think that doing something as extreme as what you're considering would help?”
Again, a look of anger crossed his face. “Well, it would sure as hell show him that I'm in charge. That I'm not his puppet, not his damn servant. That this really is my company now, not his. That I can take charge of my own life, that I can do what I want to do!”
It seemed as if he was getting pretty riled up, and I could see that this was an issue that really upset him.
“All right,” I said, trying to keep my tone soothing. “I can see where you're coming from. But just think about the potential consequences of doing what you're thinking of doing. Is it worth it, just to defy him?”
His hands balled into fists, his knuckles tight and white. “You know what?” he growled, face still stormy with wrath. “It must just be.”
“No, Kain,” I said, adding a bit of hardness to my tone. “No. I know that this is your anger and frustration talking, and that deep inside you know that it's the wrong thing to do. You know that the consequences of doing something like that would be really be devastating, not only to the company but to the lives of many innocent people who'll find their investments ruined, and who will find themselves out of work. I know that it's probably kind of satisfying, in a way, to think about or to fantasize about doing something drastic like that in order to take control, to take your power back – but you need to realize that despite your father's meddling, you are powerful, you have power. You're the CEO of the company! Your father has handed it over to you, and it's not as if he can take it back. It's legally yours now. If he tries to push you to do things, just tell him to back off.”
He chuckled darkly. “You make it sound like that's the easiest thing in the world to do.”
“Maybe it isn't but maybe it's not as hard as you think it is.”
“Yeah, well, maybe it's actually a lot harder than you think it is.”
I shook my head. “Maybe I don't but I know for sure that what you're thinking of doing is the wrong thing to do, on a lot of levels.”
He turned and stared off into the distance, seeming to drift away for a while. “Maybe,” he eventually muttered. “Anyway, forget about it. It probably won't ever happen.”
“I hope it doesn't... and not only for your sake, Kain. Remember what I said – a lot of innocent lives could be affected in a very bad way by something like this.”
“I realize that.”
He was silent again for a long time, before eventually, he looked up at me, fixing an intense look into my eyes. “I'm not a bad person,” he said quietly, and there was almost a plea in his gaze. “I'm not. I know how it must seem... but really, I'm not a bad person.”
“I don't think you are, Kain,” I said reassuringly. “I understand that you're in a difficult position, and that you've got a ton of pressure on you.”
He nodded. “Thank you for being sympathetic. And listen, you're uh, you're not gonna tell anyone about this, are you?”
“No,” I said. “Don't worry about that.”
A thought did occur to me though, one that I wasn't too proud of but one that was nonetheless useful. Knowing these secrets about Kain did give me some leverage in terms of bargaining power. Of course, I didn't want to have to do anything like that but it was certainly useful to know that if my job was ever in jeopardy, I had some backup, of a sort.
“Thanks,” he said. “And now... can we just forget about all of this?”
I nodded. “Yeah. Let's forget all about it.”
I wasn't going to though... no, not just yet. Definitely not.
* * * * *
Two weeks later
“Can I see you in my office quickly?”
Kain sounded a little worried over the phone, and I wondered what was up with him.
“Sure, I'll be there shortly.”
I headed over to his office and knocked on the door. “Hey, it's me.”
“Come on in.”
I walked in and immediately saw that Kain was looking pretty worried and stressed.
“What's the matter?” I asked.
He shook his head, grumbling. “Ugh. I have to go meet a few people who I really don't feel like seeing.”
“Who?”
He sighed. “Marsha and Tracy Hendrikson.”
“Wait, Marsha Hendrikson of Hendrikson, Inc.?”
He nodded. “Yep. That Marsha Hendrikson.”
“I thought that Hendrikson, Inc. was a major rival of ours?”
“They are but it's more of a friendly rivalry than a hostile one. My dad has known Marsha for many years.”
“I see. But why do you have to go meet them?”
He sighed; a long, slow resigned sigh that spoke of a deep, burrowing worry that he just couldn't shake. “Because my dad doesn't know anything about personal boundaries,” he muttered. “Because he won't be content until he controls every aspect of my life.”
This sounded interesting. Worrying but interesting.
“What um, what exactly do you mean?”
He grimaced. “My dad... he's been pushing me to go the 'family man' route for quite a long time now. A really long time, actually. But since I took over the company, he's become more and more insistent about it.”
“And by 'go the family man route' you mean... get married?” I asked.
“Exactly,” he muttered.
A strange flush of heat rippled across my skin. I felt a rip of something unpleasant churn in my belly. Was it jealousy? Insecurity? Anger?
“But... don't you have to be in a relationship with someone first?” I asked. “Before you, you know, get married.”
He chuckled, and there was no humor at all in his laughter. “Yes, you do. A relationship with someone you love, right? With someone who you love so much that you never want to be apart, with someone who you absolutely know that you want to spend the rest of your life with.”
“Exactly. So, how does your dad think you're going to get married if you're not even in a relationship with anyone right now?”
“He sees things very differently from you and I, Mandy.”
“How so? I mean, what we've just said is pretty much how everyone in this country views marriage, right? I mean, surely nobody could imagine it being anything else?”
He shook his head. “For my dad, it's about public image – my public image specifically. And do my feelings come into this little equation of his? My lifelong happiness? Hell, the happiness of the person I'm supposed to marry? What do you think, Mandy? Do you think those things matter to my dad?”
I waited for a few moments before answering. “I uh... I'm not sure, I guess.”
He smiled a sardonic smile. “None of it matters to him. All that counts is public perception of this company. That's it, that's really all that matters to him.”
“So, what you're trying to say is... that...”
“That I'm going to meet Tracy and Marsha Hendrikson right now because my father wants me to marry Tracy.”
Wow.
“Did I just hear you right? Did you just say that your father is... like... forcing you into an arranged marriage?”
“Not quite but almost.”
“And... this girl, Tracy, do you—”
My heart had started to hammer violently in my chest, thumping with heavy pumps inside my ribcage, and my whole body was flushed with an intense heat. It felt almost like a surge of panic. I couldn't even finish the question.
“Do I love her? Do I care about her? Do I even like her at all?” he asked, completing the question for me.
“I, uh, I... yes, that's what I was trying to say.”
“No, no, and no. Those are the answers to your questions.”
I felt a small measure of relief at this but the unpleasant feeling was still raging inside me. “And have you told your father how you feel?” I asked.
“As if that would do any good,” he muttered.
“Well, have you?”
He looked up at me with a wounded expression on his face. “Yes! Of course, I have. Give me some credit, all right? I've told him plenty of times that I don't want to get married – and that I especially don't want to get married to her.”
“And what does he have to say about this?”
Kain shrugged sadly. “He just tells me to 'think of the company's image' and 'plan for the future' and 'be a man and make the kind of sacrifices I need to make' to get this company to the top. And he thinks that eventually our companies will be able to merge, so with me married to Tracy, the heir to Hendrikson, Inc., a union between her and I would be ideal for that.”
I nodded. “I see. Well, I think you should keep on working on him, you know, just keep reminding him that you're in charge now, and that on top of that you're in charge of your own life. He is your father, and he wants the best for you. Surely, he'll eventually see that forcing you into a marriage with someone you don't actually want to be with is really not the best for your long-term future, right?”
Kain shook his head. “That's what you would think, yeah. But when I say he's the most stubborn person I've ever met... it's no exaggeration. If you or, hell, anyone else on this planet got to know him as well as I know him, you'd likely come to the same conclusion.”
An idea had started to form in my mind, and the more I thought about it, the more I figured I needed to do it. “So, you're going now to meet with the girl you're gonna marry, huh?”
“Her and her mother, who has just as much of an interest in getting her to marry me as my dad does.”
“I think I can help you,” I said.
I wondered if I really could – it almost sounded as if everything had already been decided. Still, with these feelings I felt for Kain – these feelings that I could no longer deny, these feelings that seemed to be growing stronger and stronger each day – I knew that I at least had to try. I had to do that much.
“You... think you can... help me with this?” he asked, very surprised.
“I think I can,” I replied with as much confidence as I could.
“How?”
I breathed in deeply before replying. “Let me come to this meeting with you now.”