Chapter 10 – Back to Reality
As if some cosmic hand had pushed the advance button on the remainder of our trip, the time flew. We’d had a dinner with Melissa and Derek in which they stayed at the table with us the entire time, but I honestly couldn’t remember much of what was said or what happened. All I saw was Elaine.
We’d gone straight back to my room, barely making it through the door before clothes started flying and we were in the bed, mouths searching for every uncovered piece of skin they could find.
The last day we’d spent in Sedona, stopping along the way at roadside vendors and hiking trails that were all irritatingly well-populated. Our final night we spent in my room, ordering desserts and wine from room service, making love, and talking over the television show we weren’t watching.
“What will you do when you get back,” I asked, twisting a strand of golden hair around my finger as she lay with her cheek against my bare chest.
“Back to school,” she said, lifting up and reaching for the glass of wine on the bedside table. As she sipped, I noticed her eyes traveling up my stomach then meeting mine. It was pretty hot, and when she saw I’d busted her, she laughed. “You have great genes.”
I glanced to the chair, going for a tease. “They were actually my brother’s, but they didn’t fit him.”
She snorted a laugh, and covered her face with her hand.
“What?” I smiled.
“I was talking about your body.” Without hesitation, she reached forward and ran a finger down my stomach, tracing every line. “You’re totally ripped. How often do you work out?”
Catching her hand, I pulled it to my lips. “Couple times a week. Derek needed a spotter, and I didn’t have anything better to do.” All this touching and kissing was getting me going again. “Besides, you’re pretty toned yourself.” I’d noticed the lines on her torso.
“Pilates,” she said, reaching across me again to put her glass back on the table. With her naked, body stretched over mine, I couldn’t help running my finger down the line of her back. Her stomach bent as she set the glass down, and she rose up, pushing me back against the pillows with all her weight. It wasn’t much, but I let her win.
“That tickles,” she laughed.
“Have I mentioned I love how physical you are?”
“Funny you should say that.” In an instant she was up, pulling my arm. I followed her out of bed, wondering at the mischievous glint in her eye. “I was thinking…”
A few seconds ticked by, and I finally asked, “What?”
She took my hand, pulling me and then turning me by my arms until I was sitting in the desk chair. Her maneuvering me around completely naked had my dick as aroused as my curiosity.
“Are you going to tell me what’s going on?” I asked.
Going behind me, she held my hands together at the base of the chair. Her hair tickled my biceps as she leaned into my ear, and I felt her bare breast graze my shoulder. “Do you ever have to arrest anyone, Mr. Knight?”
A smile curled the side of my mouth. I could get into a little role-play. “I’m not a cop, Ms. Merritt. I don’t have handcuffs.”
“That’s too bad,” she said softly, reaching for something I didn’t see. I was seriously getting turned on until I felt her tying my wrists together.
“Is that my good tie?” I tried to pull away, but she’d made a solid knot. “Elaine,” I said as she circled back around, trailing her finger across my shoulder before straddling my waist, facing me.
Her breasts grazed my chest, and a mixture of arousal and irritation stirred below my waist.
“Can you get loose?” she whispered in my ear. “Or are you my captive?”
“Untie me,” I growled, but she only kissed my neck, slipping her hand down to my rigid cock.
Fuck. I was pissed at being tied, but damn if I didn’t have a major hard-on. Her lips feathered a kiss against my ear, and I jerked against the knot.
“I think you like it.” She was at my ear again, moving her hand up and down my shaft. My eyes closed as I suppressed a groan. What she was doing felt amazing, and I wanted to touch her. I wanted my fucking hands untied. Pleasure tingled through my groin as my stomach tightened.
“Fuck.” Anger mixed with lust mixed with something weirdly primal twisted inside me, and I jerked against the knot again. “When I get loose—”
“What?” She caught my chin with her free hand, holding my cheeks and forcing me to look into her eyes. It pissed me off, but she was grinning. I fucking loved it. “You’re going to fuck me?”
My chest tightened, and I snapped my face away. Desire-laced frustration was building in my torso. “I’m going to fuck you hard.”
“Mmm.” Both her hands held my face now. “You get a kiss for that.”
Leaning forward, she lightly touched her lips to mine, pulling away when I tried to kiss her back. Again, my muscles strained, and I jerked harder against the knot. Her kiss turned rough. She pushed me back, opening my mouth with hers, pushing her tongue inside. Everything in me tightened. I was about to come. I was going crazy, and all I could think about was getting my hands loose and getting them on her.
Her hand returned to the tip of my cock, and I could feel it slippery now. With my eyes closed, my were senses focused on the depth of her kiss, her hand on my dick, and the gradual loosening of that tie. Tightness burst in my stomach as my first arm slipped free.
She noticed it move, and with a shriek, she was off my lap, headed for the bed. But I caught her, pulling her back and slamming into her from behind as we fell together onto the mattress. I held her hips and fucked her hard, and somewhere in the cloud of my angry-frustrated-turned-on-as-hell brain, I heard her cries. It was sick and twisted, and damn. My brain had switched over to primal, and all I knew was her depth, her tightness and that urge to dominate driving me as I gripped her ass, hitting it harder.
“Oh, god, Patrick,” she moaned. Somehow she managed to get her knees under her, and she pushed back. We moved up with her on my lap, arching her back against my chest, deepening my penetration.
“Fuck!” I was going off deep inside her, holding her breasts as she rode me, lifting and dropping as I sat on my knees behind her.
Hot, wet, power, need, more—all the feelings twisted together as I finished. My mixture of emotions made it difficult to know where we were, if she’d made it or not. I was momentarily blinded. We fell forward again on the bed, still connected, and I held her as she finished rocking against me. I massaged her clit and kissed her shoulders, the space behind her neck, up to her ears. She continued moaning and moving against me until slowly, we came down, breathing heavily.
I was spent, rolling onto my back beside her. All the adrenaline that had been raging inside me was now satisfaction mixed with relief. “What the fuck was that about?” My voice was ragged.
Still lying on her stomach, she turned her head, sneaking a peek at me. “It seemed to be about you dominating.”
“I hope you’re on the pill.” I bent my elbows, pushing my fingers into the sides of my hair. Protection had not crossed my mind. I had only thought about one thing just then and we’d done it. She reached up and pulled my elbow nearest her down, watching my face.
“I am.” Her voice was soft, and I looked over at her.
“You probably ruined my best tie.”
“I’m sorry.”
I was calmer now, and the guilty smile on her face was bringing me around. “You’re taking a big risk tying a guy up like that. You’re lucky I don’t have any kind of PTSD.”
“I was just playing with you. Are you mad?”
Hell no, I thought. I wasn’t sure what I felt. “Where did you learn to make knots like that?”
That grin was still pulling on the corner of her mouth. “I told you, I have older brothers.”
I rose up on my elbow then, looking down at her. “If you pull a stunt like that again, I’ll wear you out. I do not like being tied up.”
Shyness gone, she laughed. “You don’t have to tell me, I was here. It was intense.”
Her finger touched my nose, running down to my lips. I kissed it and caught her waist, pulling her body to me. “Don’t do it again.”
“You liked it.”
“I’m stronger than you, and I could hurt you.”
“Sounds like we need a safe word.”
My head dropped to her shoulder, and I felt her laugh again, which made me laugh. She was wild, but in a way that surprised and amazed me. Raising my head, I caught her mouth, giving her a rough kiss. “I’ve got my eye on you.”
Her arms wrapped around my neck. “I want your eyes on me.” She kissed my lips lightly. “I want your thoughts on me. Only me. All the time.”
She had no idea. I kissed her again, and she kissed me back. Strong and good and full of feelings neither of us would say out loud yet. But we were getting there. I lowered my face to her chest and wrapped my arms around her waist. The sound of her breath swirling in and out filled my ear and holding her body next to mine, I couldn’t help but wonder, how in the hell would I let her go tomorrow? I had no fucking idea.
* * *
I’d completely forgotten to close the damn curtains when we finally fell asleep last night, and now I was regretting it as the desert sun poured in full-force. At some point, I’d woken up and she was still in my arms. I’d kissed her head and fallen asleep again with her warm body secure against mine, but this time, when I reached out, she was gone.
The shower was going, and I was about to join her when the water shut off, and I heard her moving quickly. I hated the thought of what was coming—this separation was going to hurt like hell. I wasn’t even sure how far Wilmington was from Princeton, but I was pretty confident it was more than a few hours. Still, we could figure it out. I was willing to try, anyway.
The door opened and she paused a moment when she saw me awake. Her blonde hair was damp and had the slightest wave, and a towel was tied under her arms. God, she was so fucking gorgeous. A small smile, a swift kiss to my cheek, and she scooped up the dress she’d been wearing last night. She was back in the bathroom before I could catch her.
“I’ve got to go,” she said as she returned fully clothed. “I haven’t packed or anything.”
“Hang on.” I stepped into the bathroom to take care of both my issues. One of which, I’d much rather have taken care of with her. “Give me a second to change, and I’ll walk you back.”
My shoulders were tight, my whole body was tight as I walked back and sat on the bed, picking up my shorts. This moment had felt far away last night, and now it was playing out way too fast.
“No time!” She kissed my cheek. Her long blonde hair slipped forward into my face, but I caught her as she tried to pull away.
“Elaine. Slow down,” I said with more force. “It won’t take me two seconds to pull on my jeans and a shirt.”
“Patrick.” Her tone stopped me. “I want to say goodbye here.”
Studying her expression, I wasn’t sure how to respond. “That sounds very final.”
She exhaled and sat beside me on the bed not meeting my eyes. “I was awake most of the night thinking, and… I just can’t take another long goodbye.”
“So we won’t say it. Let’s make a plan.”
Her head shook out a no. “You’ve got your job, I’ve got my job. The school year’s just starting… We’re almost a day apart in distance. It’s only a matter of time before—”
“Before nothing. We can make it work.”
Her green eyes met mine then. “How?”
My eyebrows rose. “Do we have to know right this second?”
Taking my hand, she pulled it onto her lap. Then she ran her fingertip along the tattoo that no longer said Stacy. “These last few days have been amazing. You’re gorgeous and funny and sexy…” She took a deep breath and met my eyes then. “And I can’t do long-distance, Patrick. I just can’t. It’s too hard, and it always ends badly.”
The ache in my stomach was growing stronger. I hadn’t expected her to be like this. Not after last night. “You’re so certain.”
“Can’t we just keep what we shared these last few days as a beautiful memory? Instead of trying to hold on and ruining it all?”
I was feeling pretty ruined already. “Why are you doing this?”
“Please, Patrick,” her voice was a whisper now. “Don’t make this harder than it is.”
Fuck that. “Is this hard for you? Because you’re making it look pretty damn easy.”
She stood fast and grabbed her bag, but I was right with her, catching her arm.
“Wait.” Yes, I was pissed. I couldn’t believe she was doing this. I didn’t understand why she was doing it after all we’d shared. But I didn’t want those to be my last words. I didn’t want to have any last words, but fuck if we left it that way.
She wouldn’t look at me as I took her phone from her hand, typing in my number. It was a shot in the dark, and I was taking it. Quickly, I hit save and handed it back to her, my voice gentler.
“That’s my number. For when you change your mind. Call me, and I’ll be there.”
For a moment she only held the device. Then without a word or even a look back she turned and pushed through the door. Everything in me wanted to catch her, to hold her, to bring her back and make her say she didn’t want this, but she was gone. The room was dead quiet in her absence. The only reminder she’d been here was the fresh smell of the spa-issued shampoo she used.
Slowly, like a drop of dye in a glass of water, the pain hit my chest. It threaded its way down my shredded insides to my aching stomach, spreading out in my abdomen. I sat again briefly then I lay back on the bed, staring at the ceiling.
With five words, she’d walked out the door. She didn’t do long distance. I didn’t know what the hell to do with that. Or even what to say. And fuck all of it, I’d been down that road, holding onto a woman who had other plans. I’d be damned if I did it again.
It was just… Elaine was different from anything I’d had before. We had something worth holding onto, worth trying to keep.
But I couldn’t force her to see it. All I could do was let her go and wait. See if she realized it and called me. Dammit. Blinking, I cleared my throat, and stood, shaking it off and quickly going to the bathroom to hit the shower.
Cleaned and dressed, I roughly threw all my shit in my suitcase. Derek and I had different flights back to Princeton. His departed later than mine, so I didn’t have to see him before I left the resort. I called to let him know I was heading out, but I got voicemail.
“It’s me.” The change in my voice was apparent, defeated. “Heading out. See you back at the office.”
Back to reality.
I tried to stoke that confidence—she would come around. But how could I know that? We’d only been together a few days. Picking up my suitcase, I walked out of the room, and the dry, twisting ache of what I was leaving behind went with me.