Leticia tapped her foot, an old nervous habit she hadn’t had since her senior year finals. She’d been panicking, worried that she’d flunked her math elective and was going to have to stay an extra semester just to make that one damn class up.

She understood that it wasn’t a big deal that Sharon was five minutes late. God knew that she had plenty on her plate already. But on today of all days, Leticia did not need one more thing to stress her out. Not when she was already working herself up into a tangle.

Sharon finally ran up, or ran as much as a pregnant woman could, plopping herself down in the seat across from Leticia. “Jesus Christ, driving while pregnant is the most annoying thing ever. Remind me that if we want a second kid after this that I’m adopting, okay? I don’t care what I say, remind me how my feet swelled up and I couldn’t sleep on my stomach and how awful driving was, and that I made you promise me you’d make me adopt.”

“Okay,” Leticia said slowly. “Do you need a couple of minutes?”

“Nah, just some water.”

Leticia signaled the waiter. She was meeting Sharon at a small diner halfway between their respective offices. It meant she was taking a slightly longer lunch but, screw it. She was the head curator—she could pull some privilege every once in a while. She was the boss and she’d earned it, damn it.

After water was delivered, Sharon took a big gulp and then fixed her eyes on Leticia. Her stare said that she knew that something was up. “I’m assuming there’s a reason you took some precious time out of your workday, now that you’re all high and mighty, to talk to me. While I’m about to go on maternity leave and have to make sure everything’s set for while I’m gone, by the way.”

“I know, I know, and I’m sorry.”

“Letty, I’m not upset. If I was, I would tell you. I’m just pointing out that you know how much time this takes out of both of our days, and I know that you know, which means that I know something’s up.” Sharon leaned in, taking Leticia’s hand. “Are you okay? What’s wrong?”

Leticia shook her head. “Nothing’s wrong, I promise. I just wanted to talk through some things with you.”

“Okay.” Sharon still looked suspicious but she sat back. “And I presume you want me nice and buttered up for this, which is why you chose a diner with delicious, greasy food that I currently can’t resist.”

“You would presume correctly,” Leticia replied. She sighed. “Look, I might be acting like a complete idiot here.”

“You’re talking to the woman who got engaged after only a couple of months of dating,” Sharon pointed out. “And I was banging my doctor. I’m not exactly in a position to judge.”

“Actually, according to the ruling of the medical board…”

“Oh Lord.” Sharon rolled her eyes, but she had a fond smile on her face. “If you’d told me at the time that there would come a day when I’d be joking about that entire mess, I’d have told you to stick it where the sun didn’t shine.”

“Time softens a lot of things,” Leticia commented. Then she sighed and got down to business. “Okay. So. The guy that I slept with a month ago.”

“Which guy, you always—” Sharon paused. “Wait.”

Leticia watched as her friend sat back, folding her arms over her large stomach. “You haven’t mentioned any guys,” she said, her tone wondering. “Normally you’ve got one every weekend, but you haven’t mentioned anyone since…”

The realization dawned on Sharon’s face. Her jaw went slack and her eyes widened, shining with understanding. “Not since the guy who turned out to be your new coworker!”

Leticia nodded. “Yup.”

Sharon sat up straight. “Wait. Wait, the guy—you didn’t—you two aren’t…” She looked Leticia directly in the eye. “Letty.”

Leticia cleared her throat. “Yes. Well. Um. We try not to do anything at the museum? If that helps?”

“You’re fucking your coworker!” Sharon whispered fiercely. “Oh my God, Letty! You’re—he’s not even your coworker. Technically, you’re his boss—Jesus fucking Christ!”

“Say it a little louder, why don’t you?” Leticia hissed. “I don’t think those octogenarians in the back of the diner heard you, what with their needing hearing aids and all!”

“Sorry, sorry,” Sharon said, lowering her voice. “I cannot believe this, Leticia. You’re actually sleeping with a coworker? Do you have any idea how messy that can be?”

“It’s been working out so far and it’s been almost a month,” Leticia pointed out.

“Are you two…” Sharon waved her hand vaguely in the air. “Y’know.”

“Having sex?” Leticia asked, deadpan. “Yes, fairly regularly, sometimes with handcuffs.”

Sharon huffed. “That’s not what I’m asking.” She paused. “Wait. Is this what you set this up to talk about? You’re boning your coworker?”

“First of all, who uses the term ‘boning’ anymore?” Leticia asked. “And… yes. Okay. I’m having a bit of a crisis.”

“I should imagine so,” Sharon snorted. “If your boss finds out, you’re going to get your ass whipped and not in the fun way.”

“Hardy har har. You think I don’t know that? I looked it up, there’s no policy against coworkers dating or anything like that.”

“You’d think there would be.”

“This is an art museum, it’s not like inter-office romances are a big thing to worry about when you’ve got, say, an entire country in Europe breathing down your neck because you’re holding an exhibition starring some of their prized artwork by their prized artists.”

“Fair point.”

“So.” Leticia took a deep breath. She had to get this over with quickly or she’d never be able to get it all out.

She started by explaining the awkward meeting, and then how she and Carter had worked to be friendly. She talked about their workplace lunches. How easily they got along. She even talked about how Mrs. Bunnag was convinced that they were dating (even before they’d slept together the second time).

Then the coffee had started, and after about a week and a half of it, she’d realized that this was his way of flirting and doing something nice for her. She’d told him to ask her on a date, and he had, and they’d gone out for a dinner at a salsa dancing club and then a walk through an art festival for Jewish artists.

“Sounds like he knows you really well,” Sharon interrupted gently. Or perhaps shrewdly, going by the light in her eyes. “I mean, that sounds like the perfect night for you. Dancing, dinner, and a walk through an art festival? And one that counteracts the one event in history that makes you cry?”

“Oh, shut up, I wasn’t the only one crying in that one history class.”

“We were crying at the mustard gas images, Letty. You were crying because a statue got smashed.”

Leticia waved it off. “Anyway.”

She explained how they’d gone back to her place and had amazing sex—and how he was still sweet afterwards, not treating her like trash just because he’d discovered she liked to be called names a bit during sex.

“But he didn’t stay?” Sharon asked, confirming.

Leticia nodded. “He didn’t stay the first time, either.”

“I can understand that, though. You never stayed over the few times you went over to some other guy’s place, y’know?”

“Right, we didn’t know each other then, so it was… I mean it was disappointing but not out of the ordinary. But the second time…”

“And did he stay over any other times?”

Leticia sighed, frustrated with the situation and frustrated that she was frustrated. Sharon took her hand again and squeezed gently. “Why don’t you talk about what you two do, and I don’t mean sex, okay? The other parts.”

Leticia explained how she and Carter would get lunch together every day and he would buy her coffee in the morning—although now the two of them would go into the coffee shop together so she could chat with Hal while Carter bought their coffee. They had dinner together frequently, but not every day. Sometimes they’d get something and have it in the office while they finished going over the work for the day. One time, they’d actually ordered pizza and had it delivered to the museum, which had sent the security guards into fits of laughter.

Every spare moment, of course, they were having sex. Including in her office. And the men’s restroom after hours. Any place without a video camera, in other words, because while the idea of having sex in front of the Chinese artwork was appealing, it wasn’t worth it if a security guard caught them.

And the thing was, it was easy. She enjoyed Carter’s energy. He was relaxed and sweet and he treated her better than any other man had.

“Let me guess, that’s the problem,” Sharon said.

Her affair with Ross and subsequent refusal to admit she was head over heels in love with him aside, Sharon had always been the responsible one. She wasn’t the one who was having sex all the time. Hell, Ross had been her first one-night stand ever, if Leticia was remembering correctly. Leticia wasn’t surprised that Sharon was able to read her like an illustrated novel.

She shrugged.

Sharon pressed on. “Leticia, is this about the whole relationship thing?”

“No?” Leticia answered. “Yes? Maybe?”

Sharon sighed. “I know that you haven’t exactly had a chance to try out relationships, but do you really like this guy?”

“Of course I do,” Leticia said, only realizing after she’d said it that she’d played her hand by responding so quickly and passionately.

Sharon, to her credit, didn’t look too smug as she smiled at her. “It seems like this guy really respects you.”

“Then why is he never available on weekends?” Leticia asked. “Why does he never spend the night? Why does he share so little about himself? I still know next to nothing about his previous relationships.”

“That sounds like something you need to ask him about,” Sharon replied.

“But what if that means he’ll…”

“He’s not going to reject you, Letty, Jesus.”

“But what if he’s with me because I’m easy?” Leticia asked. She was surprised to find that her voice sounded thick. “What if he’s sticking around because I put out all the time and I’m good at sex—and I know I am, good at that, I mean, if nothing else. And because I’m his coworker and I’m right there and it’s easy. What if that’s why? What if the moment I start trying for more, or start pushing for anything, he writes me off?”

“I think that you should give him a little trust,” Sharon replied. “Nobody is going to stick around and constantly be tested and judged. He seems to value you for who you are.”

Leticia sighed. “I’m not—we’re not dating, or anything. He’s never said anything. I don’t know why I’m even so worked up about this.”

“You two have lunch together every day, he buys you coffee every morning, you have sex regularly and only with each other, and you go out to dinner a lot, most of the time where he insists that he pays.” Sharon raised an eyebrow. “That sure sounds a hell of a lot like dating to me. I’d even go so far to say that,” She faked a gasp, “You two are in an honest-to-God relationship!”

“You don’t have to get sassy about it,” Leticia grumbled, halfheartedly swiping her napkin at Sharon.

“You gave me so much crap about Ross,” Sharon pointed out. “I think I can say that turnabout is fair play.”

Leticia braced her elbows on the table and then put her head in her hands. “I just—I haven’t done relationships, Shar. I don’t know what I’m doing. I’m not used to this. I mean, it’s not like I’m getting bored in the bedroom or anything.”

Back when she’d been in college and a bit naïve about the whole sex thing, she’d thought that she would get bored sleeping with the same person over and over again. Sharon had contested that sex was better when you were in a relationship because there was more trust there, and because you two had time to really learn what the other person liked and didn’t like, and so the sex got better as time went on, the way it couldn’t with a one-night stand where it could be hit or miss.

At the time, Leticia had thought it was rather old-fashioned and had preferred to spend her time sleeping her way around, but now she was starting to understand what Sharon meant. The sex was good, and even better the more that they did it because, now, Carter knew that spot on her neck that would get her instantly wet. He knew that telling her to “spread your legs” made her feel like she’d been hooked up to a car battery.

So no, the sex wasn’t the problem.

“It’s just that he’s so… he’s nice, Sharon. He’s really nice. And I keep waiting for the other shoe to drop.”

“Where you find out that he’s a serial killer who’s going to take your skin?”

“You’re getting a real kick out of this entire thing, aren’t you?” Leticia replied.

Sharon held up her hands. “Sorry. I just—you gotta admit this is kind of amusing. You’re Leticia. You’ve got the most sexual experience out of all of us. Combined. But you get into a relationship with a nice guy and you’re running for the hills and looking for the boogie man?”

“I know, I know, I’m an idiot. You think I don’t know that? But this is new territory for me. I don’t have any idea what I’m doing.”

Sharon shook her head. “That’s the thing, sweetheart. None of us know what we’re doing. You know me. I’d had some very serious relationships before Ross. Do you think I had any clue what I was doing when I was dating him? I was denying that I was dating him for most of it, for crying out loud. He practically had to propose to me before I’d admit to anyone that we were an official couple. Do you think Melanie’s experience with men in any way prepares her for dating Debbie? Or that Debbie has any idea what she’s doing with Melanie, who’s a darling whom we love, but is also an anal-retentive control freak who has a panic spiral every five days?

“None of us know what we’re doing here. We’re all walking in blind, in every relationship, every time. We learn what we can, sure, but none of it is guaranteed. You don’t know what life is going to throw at you. I would trust what you’re seeing, which is that this is a good guy who cares about you. He obviously pays attention to your interests going by the kind of dates you’ve had, and he must be good in bed if you’re risking awkwardness at the workplace for him. So what’s the hold up?”

Leticia looked out the window for a moment. She knew that Sharon was right. Carter was amazing. She had never given much thought to what her dream man would look like. She hadn’t had time to think about him. But if she had, she had a feeling that she would have imagined someone completely unlike Carter. She would have imagined someone fiery, like herself, someone passionate and talkative.

Carter was sweet and gentle, and a bit reticent. But he was also good at teasing her and was fucking amazing in the sack, and he paid attention to her and treated her like someone special. So no, she wouldn’t have pictured anyone like Carter, and she would have been dead wrong because Carter was damn near perfect.

And it terrified her.

“He scares me,” she admitted. “He’s amazing. And that scares me.”

“And neither of you have brought up this relationship thing, you said?” Sharon winced and then glared down at her stomach. “Behave, you,” she said to the baby. Then she looked back at Leticia. “Maybe he’s just as scared about this as you are. Why don’t you talk to him? See what’s up? You’ll never get answers until you ask, right?”

“I suppose so.”

“And if it’s a good outcome, you can have enthusiastic monkey sex that you will tell me all about in the morning.” Sharon smiled beatifically up at their waiter, who had arrived with their food (and Sharon’s triple side order of bacon) just at that moment, which caused Leticia to turn an alarming shade of pink.

Ross really must be rubbing off on her, Leticia thought, if Sharon was unfazed by the waiter overhearing her say the phrase ‘enthusiastic monkey sex’.

“As I was saying, you’re going to tell me all about it if it’s a good outcome, and you’re going to come over right away and cry with me and eat ice cream if it’s bad.” Sharon started tucking into her meal. “I’ll make sure Ross is out of the way, if he isn’t already out on a call, and we’ll have a good old-fashioned girls’ night in, just like when we were living together.”

Leticia nodded. “All right. Thanks for helping me keep my head on straight, and all that.”

“Hey, you helped me when it looked like my boyfriend was going to get fired for sleeping with me because he had the abusive ex from hell,” Sharon pointed out. “It’s only fair. We’re friends, Leticia. It’s what we do. Now promise that you’ll keep me updated, okay?”

“Okay.” Leticia nodded. “We’re going out tonight, this time to a painting class.”

“Oh my God, a painting class. You two are totally a couple, whether you admit it or not.” Sharon made a gagging noise and Leticia snorted.

“Like you’ve got any leg to stand on. If you and Ross get any cuter, I think that Jonas is going to actually vomit at the next get-together.” Leticia made a face.

“Once upon a time, you would have been threatening that you would be the one vomiting.” Sharon shook her head in mock sadness. “Love has changed you, Letty. It really has.”

“Oh, shut up.”

“Now, c’mon.” Sharon grinned wickedly. “Tell me all about this crazy good sex you’ve apparently been having and haven’t been telling me about, you traitor.”

The rest of the lunch passed in laughter, Leticia regaling Sharon about her sexual exploits with Carter, which she was more than happy to tell someone about. She’d been keeping it quiet, which she knew was unusual for her. Perhaps that should have been a sign that this guy was different and that she should have been talking to Sharon about it sooner. Oh, well.

Afterwards, Leticia made sure that Sharon got back to her car safely and then drove back to work. She’d done her best to cram all of her work into the morning so that she could take her time with Sharon, but she still faced a daunting mountain when she got back.

“Friday, thank God,” Carter pointed out, strolling into her office almost as soon as she sat down. “Hey, could you have a word with Tom? He’s been going off-script on the tours again apparently and, I don’t mind his embellishments about certain artists’ affairs, but his language is offending a few people, apparently.”

Leticia held in a sigh. “Yeah, I’ll talk to him on Monday. I’ve got to get this paperwork finished.”

Carter looked at her for a moment, then walked over and around to stand at the back of her desk chair and put his hands on her shoulders. “Just relax,” he told her, when Leticia tensed up to start protesting.

She relaxed as best she could, letting Carter start massaging her. She really didn’t have time for this—she’d already wasted, enough time today with Sharon even though that was important life stuff, and she had to get this all done before their date that evening—but she couldn’t resist. Not when Carter was digging his thumbs expertly right into her sore muscles and slowly working all of the knots out of her body.

Leticia let her head fall forward and groaned in relaxed pleasure. “Where the hell did you get so good at this?”

“My—someone I knew taught me.”

There it was, one of those little pauses. There weren’t too many of them, but there were enough to make Leticia suspicious. It wasn’t that she thought that Carter was a criminal or a cheater or anything. She just knew that there were things in his life, specifically in his past, that he wasn’t yet comfortable telling her about. That made her nervous. What if he thought that she wasn’t worthy of hearing those things? What if he didn’t trust her enough?

She did her best to breathe and stay calm. This would never resolve itself until she just talked to him, like a normal adult. She could do that. She was a normal adult. Most of the time.

“I hope that helps,” Carter said. He gave her a soft, quick kiss on the side of her neck and then stepped back.

“I feel like the bones in my body have turned to jelly,” Leticia admitted. “And hey, I might ask you for one every day. Because I am greedy.”

Carter laughed. “Finish up your paperwork. We have reservations.”

“So bossy. I thought I was the one in charge around here.”

“We all like to give you that delusion,” Carter replied, because he might be private but he was also a cheeky asshole who liked to tease her and knew that she liked the teasing, dammit, because she was a weak, weak woman. “I’ll leave you alone to work now. See you in a few hours?”

“You bet.”

So this was the routine that they’d fallen into, Leticia realized. It was a routine… They had one of those. They would work and Carter would come in and distract her for a short bit to keep them from going crazy, and they’d have lunch together, and then Friday they went out somewhere that Carter picked out for them and it was always awesome…

Oh my God, she thought. Sharon was right. We’ve totally become a couple when I wasn’t looking.

Shit.

She tried not to have a panic attack all through the rest of the work day, and all through their way to dinner, and all through dinner itself. Sharon was the one who had panic attacks, she reminded herself. She, Leticia, was the cool one who was never fazed by anything.

“So—I’m sorry, I don’t mean to pry or insult you or anything. But I just don’t understand how you managed to avoid having a serious relationship all these years.”

Carter was speaking, Leticia realized. She had completely lost track of the conversation.

“I wasn’t really into relationships in high school,” she admitted. “Or a while after that. I thought that it would be boring.”

She was pretty sure that this topic coming up while she was so nervous about the whole relationships thing was a sign that the universe hated her.

“I just find that funny, because I always wanted to be with someone.” Carter gave a self-deprecating shrug. “I always had a girlfriend. I think it was a bit of a problem, actually. I couldn’t be single.”

“You managed to be single pretty well until you met me,” Leticia pointed out.

“Yes, well…” Carter cleared his throat. “That’s because I was—”

He took a deep breath, as though steeling himself. “I was in mourning.”

“Mourning?” Leticia was pretty sure that both of Carter’s parents were still alive, the way he talked about them in the present tense and all.

Carter swallowed and nodded. “My wife. Olivia. I was—I was married.”

Leticia felt as though she couldn’t breathe. She remembered how scared she’d been during Sharon’s accident—helpless to do anything, stuck on the phone as her friend lost consciousness, not knowing if Sharon was okay or the extent of the damage as she frantically called 9-1-1. She couldn’t even begin to image what that must be like with someone you’d chosen to spend the rest of your life with. She couldn’t imagine what it felt like when the person was actually gone.

“I’m so sorry,” she blurted out genuinely, knowing the words were inadequate. She reached out and took Carter’s hand. He squeezed hers gently, gratefully.

“It’s okay. I mean, it’s not okay, of course, but there’s no reason for you to be sorry. If that makes any sense. We met in college, in one of my classes. She was the brightest person in the room. I’d broken up with my latest high school girlfriend when we went off to different colleges and I had promised myself that, this time, it would be different. This time I was at college. I’d stay single for a while, learn about myself, really explore who I was and all of that.”

Carter gave a small, self-deprecating laugh. “Look how well that turned out. I fell in love with her freshman year and we dated all through college.”

“That sounds so sweet,” Leticia said. “What did she do? What was she like?”

“She was kind of like you, not afraid to speak her mind,” Carter admitted. “She was an architecture student, so we had some overlapping classes and were both part of the art department, in different capacities.

“Liv—that’s what I called her—she brought out the best in me. And when… well, it was a blood disease. I won’t go into details, but in runs in both sides of her family. When it’s just one side, it’s fairly dormant or manageable or something like that, I don’t quite remember. But when you’ve got both sides… Something about the genes... But she had it from both sides and it—we had some time, but it was scary how rapidly her body just… shut down.”

Carter shook himself a little. “I’m sorry. I haven’t really talked to anyone about it. My friends all know, of course. And my parents. But it’s different. When you talk to someone who knows versus someone who doesn’t. When they know, you feel kind of—redundant, I suppose, is the word. But you don’t know about any of it, and you didn’t know her, and that’s kind of… Freeing, I guess, to talk to you about it.”

“I hope that I can be supportive,” Leticia replied. She felt like an idiot. What was she supposed to say? What was she supposed to do? She had no idea.

“It just feels good to tell you about it,” Carter admitted. “I wasn’t sure how to bring it up, but the longer that went on the worse I felt about it. It’s going to affect our relationship, after all.”

Ah, so they were in a relationship, Leticia wanted to say, but she kept it to herself. She didn’t think that right at that moment was a good time to bring up their relationship status.

“I have to be honest, I’m not sure what to say or do here,” Leticia told him. “But I want to support you. I’ve never experienced anything like that. I can’t even imagine... But I want to be respectful of what you went through, so if there’s anything in particular you need me to do, you just let me know.”

“Just keep doing what you’re doing,” Carter said, smiling at her. “You’ve been really great so far. And I’m sorry that I’ve been tight-lipped about this. It’s hard, you know? To let someone else in afterwards. How do you even begin to explain? I mean, half the time people think that you’re supposed to be sad all the time, and in a way, you are, but in a way, you’re also not.”

“I suppose that makes sense,” Leticia replied. “I know this isn’t the same thing but my grandmother died my second year of college. That was the first time that Sharon met my extended family, actually, she was really awesome and flew down with me to go to the funeral. I just—you know how family can be awesome but also overwhelming? Sharon helped with the overwhelming part.

“But when I got back to school, everyone who knew what had happened acted as though I was supposed to be crying all the time. Nobody who’d actually lost a grandparent thought that. But the people who hadn’t lost a grandparent did. They didn’t understand how I could be smiling and okay all the time. And there were times when I really wasn’t okay, but I didn’t let everyone see it. It was private.”

“Exactly.” Carter nodded. “Right. It’s a different sort of grief, just like every kind of grief is different. But you don’t want to just talk about the grief. You want to find a way to be normal again. The problem is…normal used to include them. It used to include Olivia, for me. Finding that new normal is important. And after a while, that new normal started to include the idea of dating again, since I do want that person in my life.”

“I’m…” Leticia paused, then laughed. “I sound like I’m accepting an award or something. I’m honored that you chose me to be that person, at least for now.”

Carter smiled at her. “You are definitely that person right now.”

Leticia could feel herself blushing and quickly looked down at her plate.

“So what do your parents do?” Carter asked. He gave her a watery smile and Leticia understood that he wanted her to change the subject. She squeezed his hand once and then let go, settling back into her chair. If he needed them to change the subject, that was fine by her.

“My mom’s a teacher,” she explained, “And my dad’s a sewage guy. Mom’s job pays crap but you actually get good benefits when you work for a sewage plant. It’s physical labor and not everyone wants to do it and the union’s still strong, so, Dad was able to take care of us. We didn’t live in the best areas but we were able to go to college, something our relatives kept telling my parents they weren’t sure we could pull off.”

“That’s really great,” Carter said. Leticia gave him a mental point for not making a joke about her dad’s profession. If she had to hear one more off-color joke about it from someone, she was not going to be responsible for her actions.

“What about your parents?” She asked. “I know you said that your mom had time to volunteer at the local art museum.”

“Oh, they’re both dentists.” Carter grimaced. “The most boring job in the world, if you’d asked me while I was growing up. That was how they met, actually, at some convention or something. Mom had her own practice but, after she got pregnant with me, she opted to be a stay-at-home mom and she started doing volunteer work while I was at school. She was one of those people that had always wanted kids, you know?”

“I’ve never understood that,” Leticia admitted. “I mean, kids are fine, but I’ve never felt especially connected to them. And I kind of have this fear of being pregnant. My mom had a really difficult pregnancy, both with me and with my twin brothers, and I’ve got the same body shape as she does. I fear that I’ll have the same issues, y’know?”

“What about adoption?” Carter suggested.

“I’ve thought about it, but I think I just don’t want kids in general. I never know how to act around them.” Leticia made a face. “I’m sorry, it’s not that I don’t like kids. People tend to take that as an attack on all children and it’s not, I’m just—most people seem to know instinctively what to do with babies and children and I just, I just don’t. I don’t know.”

“That’s all right,” Carter replied, but Leticia thought she heard an odd note in his voice. “It doesn’t come to everyone naturally.”

“Right.” Leticia wanted desperately to change the subject. Talking about kids was far too serious a subject for how early they were in their relationship. Since, apparently, they were in a relationship. “You mentioned that you met Olivia in college. Where did you go?”

After that, the topics got back onto safer ground. They swapped college stories and discussed art, although they had an unspoken agreement not to talk about work specifically while they were out for dinner. Work was for their lunches or at the museum.

Leticia thought that the night went well for the most part, but something about Carter seemed off to her. She couldn’t quite put her finger on it. Everything had been going fine and she couldn’t think of anything she’d said that would make him feel hurt or offended.

Was it talking about his dead wife, Olivia? Had that made him realize that Leticia couldn’t measure up to her? Or had she reacted inappropriately in some way? She didn’t think that she had, but, what did she know?

She knew for certain that something was wrong when they reached the end of the night. Normally this was the part when Carter would start to turn on the sex appeal. Around dessert, he’d do something—let her see him looking her over, or give her a stare that spoke volumes of intimacy, and she would respond with something blatantly sexual. Afterwards, they’d head back to her place.

One time, they actually hadn’t waited to get back to her place and had sex in the car. Leticia shivered at the memory.

But Carter seemed oddly…closed off. She’d noticed that Carter was generally reserved.. For how sweet he was, he wasn’t one to really volunteer a ton of information. She still didn’t know a whole lot about his friends, for instance, even though they’d been the people he’d been out with when they’d first met.

This wasn’t his usual reserved behavior, however. It was like she could see the “Closed for Business” sign hanging around his neck.

She tried anyway, once the bill was paid and they were getting up to go. Carter helped her into her coat and they started to make their way out of the restaurant. Everything seemed to be how it normally was, at least on the surface.

“Would you like to come back to my place tonight?” Leticia asked. She felt more tentative than usual but tried to be her usual coy, flirty self.

“I can’t,” Carter told her. “I have to get back. Early night and all that.”

Leticia actually didn’t know what ‘all that’ meant because he never told her. And while Carter never stayed the night, he hadn’t had to turn in quite this early before. Sharon had suggested at some point during their lunch that his not staying the night could have nothing to do with her—he could have bad insomnia, for instance—but this definitely felt like she was being placed at arm’s length.

“Okay then,” she said, trying not to let her disappointment show in her face or her voice. She didn’t want Carter feeling sorry for her.

She wanted to write it off as just sex, but that wasn’t it. Sometimes people just didn’t want to have sex, that was true, even men. But this—this didn’t feel like that. It felt like she’d messed up at some point and she couldn’t figure out why and so she couldn’t fix it.

The drive back to her apartment was silent. Leticia didn’t know what to say to make things less uncomfortable. She didn’t even know if things were as uncomfortable as she was imagining them to be. Carter seemed lost in his own thoughts.

The only time that things got a little back to normal was the moment when he dropped her off. “Have a good weekend,” he told her, pulling her in for a quick kiss. “I’ll see you Monday.”

That, at least, was normal—telling her to have a good weekend and saying he’d see her on Monday. Even the quick kiss was normal. Leticia clung to it and prayed that it meant she hadn’t messed things up too badly, whatever it was.

“Yeah, you have a good weekend, too,” she told him.

The moment he pulled away, she called Sharon.

“And!?” Sharon demanded.

Leticia told her what had happened. “And I don’t know how I messed up!” She finished. “Clearly I said something wrong. Was I disrespectful about his wife? Did talking about her make him realize that he wasn’t ready to move on from her? Did he realize we were moving too fast for him? Did he—”

“Breathe, Letty, before you pass out,” Sharon replied. “Just breathe with me for a moment, okay? Nothing is going to get better if you panic.”

“I’m supposed to be the one helping you through panic attacks,” Leticia mourned, collapsing onto her couch. “I’m the calm, fun one. When did things switch?”

“When you decided to try something that’s scary for you,” Sharon replied. “It’s okay to be nervous about all of this. You know that.”

“Knowing it intellectually and experiencing it are two very different things,” Leticia pointed out.

“All right, fair. But remember, this is going to be okay, all right? Whatever it is, it’ll turn out okay. I mean, I turned out pretty okay, didn’t I?”

Leticia laughed despite herself. “Fair point.”

“Excellent.” She could sense Sharon’s smile through the phone. “Now, did you talk with him about this? Did you ask him if you’d done anything wrong?”

“No.” Leticia groaned. “I’m a coward, Sharon, when are you going to realize this?”

“You are not a coward. You’re just not used to this. This was my forte, remember? I was the one who did all those long relationships. You were so good at one-night stands. Remember when I slept with Ross and flipped out? This is just the reverse.”

“I suppose.”

“Now, listen to your wise relationship guru,” Sharon continued. “You need to talk to him about this. Even if it turns out to just be a little thing. Or maybe it’s something that you misunderstood, you know, maybe you were projecting onto him. We do that sometimes when we’re scared about something. We think that the other person is judging us or something like that when they’re not, it’s just us judging ourselves. Be gentle on yourself, okay? And talk to him.”

“What do I even say?” Leticia asked.

“You say that you hope this isn’t weird, but you were getting an odd vibe from him last night after you talked about his wife. You want to be sure that you didn’t say or do anything to make him uncomfortable. If he says it’s nothing like that, or that you didn’t do anything, then tell him that if there’s anything about this relationship that he feels needs to change—like if he needs to take a step back or something—you’re okay with that.”

Leticia nodded, trying to remember all of that. “You make it all seem so logical and simple.”

“It is when you’re the one on the outside. Just breathe and remember that whatever this is, you can fix it through calm communication, okay sweetheart?”

“Okay.” Leticia sighed. “I think he’s becoming really important to me, Shar. That kind of scares me. No, it really freaks me out!!”

“It always scares us,” Sharon replied. “It scares me when I make new friends, actually. Do you remember when I was panicking because I had realized that Debbie was a part of our usual schedule senior year? She’d get lunch with us every day and stuff?”

Leticia smiled. “Yeah, and I asked you what the problem was, and you said that you were scared about how much you cared about her.”

“Exactly. Her friendship was starting to really mean something to me, and that scared me because friends can hurt you just as much as lovers do. People just tend to forget that, I think. So this is something that we’re all experiencing, hon. It’s scary because you care, but it’s the only way we can do it.”

“Careful there. That almost sounded profound.”

“I do have my moments.” Sharon sighed fondly. “Now go to sleep. Get some rest. Watch a movie or eat some ice cream if that’ll help you to relax. Then tomorrow morning you can call him and ask what was up, okay?”

“Okay.” Leticia sighed. “Okay, I will. I’ll do that.”

“Great. I love you.”

“Love you, too.”

She hung up but stayed flopped on the couch for a moment.

Right. Get some rest and call Carter in the morning. Try not to freak out about anything in the meantime. Communicate clearly and calmly. It probably wasn’t as big of a deal as she was making it seem, so—just stay calm. Don’t freak out.

Easier said than done.