The next few days were quiet. Carter had stopped coming to the coffee shop and so Leticia felt all right going back there. She tried not to think about how the coffee didn’t taste as good as it used to, because that would be ridiculous. Why would the coffee taste better just because Carter got it for her?

Hal could just quit it with the significant looks she was shooting at Leticia, as well. She didn’t need Hal of all people judging her love life, or lack thereof.

“This isn’t one of your fanfics,” Leticia told her one morning.

“Never said it was,” Hal replied brightly, ringing up Leticia’s usual order.

Leticia looked at her suspiciously as Hal prepared her drink. “I’m not talking to you about it, either.”

“I didn’t ask you to,” Hal replied, still cheerful.

Leticia narrowed her eyes. “But you want me to.”

“Of course I’m curious,” Hal said. “You two go from him buying you coffee every morning to you not showing up, and Carter obviously confused, and then no Carter and you here by yourself again. I can’t help it if you two are the most entertaining thing about my day.”

“You need more exciting days, then,” Leticia replied, taking her coffee.

“Did you guys fight?” Hal asked, bracing her hands on the counter and leaning in. “Because I can help. I can totally be a go-between.”

“What did I just say about me not talking to you about this?” Leticia told her. Ugh, why did this stupid coffee not taste as good? It was obviously psychological. She just had to remind herself that she’d liked this coffee just fine before she met Carter, and so she could like it just as fine after Carter.

So there.

“Oh, c’mon, you know I’m the best person to go to,” Hal said. “I mean, who else knows both you and Carter and can be an unbiased assessor?”

“It’s not like we had a fight,” Leticia said, and then silently cursed herself for talking about it. She wasn’t discussing it, dammit, not with her much younger barista who was probably roping the rest of the coffee shop crew into Harry Potter fanfiction.

Besides, how could she tell Hal that Carter had a kid? Was that really her business to say?

“Well, whatever it is, I hope that you two work it out,” Hal said. “He’s a really great guy and you’re a really great girl. And he was concerned when you didn’t come to the coffee shop. I mean, I was too, but. Yeah. He was concerned. I think he cares about you a lot.”

Leticia didn’t know what to say to that. If Carter cared so much about her, surely he wouldn’t have just pulled away like he did on Friday, cutting off their relationship without a word, lying to her and hiding his kid from her?

But again, could she blame him? When having a kid was such a huge deal and she wasn’t good with them?

“I’ll keep that in mind,” she told Hal, unwilling to break the girl’s heart when she so obviously wanted them to make up.

Without Carter there to joke around with, Leticia’s days were quiet. The way that they had been before she’d met Carter, actually. She hadn’t minded the quiet before. Her work days had been busy, of course, but her work was mostly solitary except when she had meetings. She mostly dealt with things via email. It had been nice, a good juxtaposition between her work and her partying out at night. A lot of times she’d go to the club Thursday, Friday, and Saturday nights, even going out after she hung out with her friends unless they all stayed up too late. The craziness of the club had balanced out the quiet solitude of her work, and vice versa.

However, the silence and solitude that she had once found relaxing was now empty and hollow.

She hadn’t realized how much Carter had come to fill every aspect of her day. He would stop by her office to deliver a joke or to do work with her, even though he technically didn’t need to be by her side or could have shot her an email if he had a question. They got lunch together, of course, but there were all these little moments throughout the day when he would just stop by and make her laugh or drag her into a discussion or help her with an issue.

Now that camaraderie was gone. She’d been a part of a team, she realized. She’d had a genuine partner, in work and just in general, in life. And, now that she’d lost it, she realized how much she had needed it.

God, this serious relationship thing sucked.

She worked late, like always. Part of it now was because she hated the fact that she no longer had dinner with Carter to look forward to. It was like she had forgotten how to eat alone. She shot off a text to see if maybe Tom wanted a break from his artwork, or if Debbie had a lighter casefile load, but Tom had apparently turned his phone off again and Debbie was going to a movie with Melanie—which really meant she and Melanie were going to make out during the movie like teenagers and remember nothing of the plot.

Leticia didn’t even try texting Sharon or Jonas. Sharon would be having dinner with Ross and Leticia just couldn’t handle their couple-ness right now, and Jonas needed a full day’s notice if you were going to take him out somewhere since he was a little OCD about making plans.

Instead, she decided to just work a little late that night and order takeout when she got home. There was always more work to do at the museum, so at least she wasn’t hurting for things to fill her time.

She honestly hadn’t realized that she wasn’t the only one working late until there was a soft knock at her door. It was Carter—she knew that immediately. He was the only one at the museum capable of knocking ‘softly’ on anything. Mr. Horowitz tapped repeatedly and nervously, the head of security banged like zombies were on his tail, and the members of the board just barged in without knocking at all.

Leticia wondered why Carter would be working late. She felt a little bad about it, honestly. Now that she knew he had a kid, it was no wonder he always left earlier than she did and that he wasn’t free on the weekends. He must have been sacrificing a lot of time with Molly in order to spend time with Leticia, and that hurt. She didn’t want to be the reason that he wasn’t giving Molly the attention she deserved.

“Come in,” she called.

Carter opened the door and stepped in, closing it behind him. He looked a little tired, a little more worn than usual. Leticia hoped that she hadn’t inadvertently been working him too hard. She didn’t want to be that kind of boss.

“Everything okay?” She asked, genuinely concerned.

Carter sighed. “Can I sit down?”

Leticia nodded. Carter sat and stared down at his hands for a second. Leticia was wildly curious but kept quiet, trying to be patient. She half hoped that this was just something about work, but another part of her hoped that this would be about them.

“I wanted to apologize,” Carter said. “I know that I acted strange on Friday, and that was probably why you called me and found out about Molly.

“At first, I was upset that you found out about her and your first instinct was to pull away, but I honestly can’t blame you for making assumptions if I haven’t told you the full story about things.”

“I wasn’t upset about Molly,” Leticia said. She stood up and walked around the desk to perch on the edge of it, in front of Carter. She didn’t want to do this with a big desk and computer between them. “I was upset that you had kept something so huge from me. It made me feel like…you didn’t care enough about me to be honest with me. That you didn’t trust me with this big part of your life.”

“I understand, and I’m sorry,” Carter replied. “I really get that. It wasn’t that I didn’t trust you, personally, I just… Molly was three when her mom died. It was really hard for her. She showed you her sketchbook, she said?”

Leticia nodded.

“I helped her start drawing as a way to cope with what happened. I told her that she might not have words for how she felt, but she could use art to express how she felt instead, and she didn’t even have to explain her art if she didn’t want to. Just that it was important for her to get those feelings out so they didn’t build up inside of her.

“She didn’t really talk for a long time. She’s always been a quieter kid, you know, although she can get pretty bold around people that she trusts. She goes her own way. But she’s not the popular kid, she doesn’t speak up in class much. That’s always been how she is. But after Olivia passed, she got even quieter for a while. She didn’t want me to leave her side.

“About a year after Olivia died, I got the flu. I work in a children’s museum, it’s bound to happen sooner or later, right? Little walking germ factories, that’s what kids are.”

Leticia smiled a little in spite of herself. Seeing her amusement, Carter smiled back. Then he cleared his throat and kept talking.

“Anyway I get the flu, and Molly was frantic. I had my parents come over so they could take care of her and help her to keep from getting sick too, and I didn’t even think about it until she broke down.

“She thought that I was getting sick the way Olivia did. My parents came over then too, to help out, and it all reminded her so much of her mom. She was convinced that I was going to die. It took forever for her to calm down and for me to convince her that I was going to be okay.

“She’s really dealt with a lot, for her age. I mean, losing a family member is hard at any age, but I think it’s a little harder when you’re that young. You can’t articulate what happened or how you’re feeling and the world that was so safe to you for so long now seems cold, dangerous, and chaotic. All the things that your parents say to comfort you ring hollow. How could I possibly promise her anything when she’d already seen firsthand that nothing is permanent?

“In case you can’t tell, I got pretty protective of her. And when I thought I should start dating again—my first thought was about Molly.

“Maybe if I didn’t have her, I would have started dating again sooner. I love Olivia and I think a part of me always will but I got tired of mourning her. I know it isn’t what she would have wanted for me. And when you’re constantly missing someone, it just exhausts you. It keeps you in this kind of limbo. But so much of my focus was on Molly and taking care of her, and not just in a normal way, with how kids take up your life because they’re kids, but with making sure she was okay.

“And so when I met you, I thought, well, I couldn’t just start dating someone and introduce her to Molly right away. Maybe I should have told you about her, but I didn’t know how to bring it up, and I was scared to introduce anyone to Molly right away because—what if we didn’t work out? She’d lost a mom already and I didn’t want her to start to believe that everyone in her life would leave her. Because you know how hard breakups can be. If Molly grew close to someone and then they broke up with me and then that meant they ‘broke up’ with Molly as well when she didn’t do anything wrong…”

Leticia could see what he meant. That would be completely unfair to Molly, to get emotionally jerked around because of problems that weren’t her fault and had nothing to do with her. There were a dozen reasons why someone would break up with somebody else and none of them would have anything to do with Molly—but she might see it that way.

Even if she didn’t see it that way, it would be easy for her to believe that no woman in her life would ever stay. Leticia understood. Molly had already lost one mother. Why make her bond with and potentially lose another, and another, and however many until Carter found the right person? What if Carter never found the right person?

There were so many ways that it could mess Molly up. Leticia wasn’t sure that she wouldn’t have done something similar, if she were in Carter’s shoes.

“I’m really sorry,” she told him. “I just—I made an assumption. too. After I called you and Molly answered your phone and the way that you behaved on Friday night after I told you that you that I didn’t get on well with kids… I assumed that you were pulling away because you thought I wouldn’t want to meet her. That you’d decided that because I might not be good with kids, we were done. I was unfair to you and started pulling away too instead of talking with you about it.

“I’m not… I’ve never done a serious relationship before. As I told you. And I just—it was easier to pull away. To write you off. Instead of talking to you about it when I was…when I was really hurt.” Leticia felt a bit ashamed of herself and swallowed down the lump in her throat. “I should have known that it would be a big deal for you to introduce Molly to a female friend or girlfriend. And I know that you had to go through a lot, grieving Olivia and helping Molly through her grief. I’m so sorry. I was really selfish and thinking about myself and making it all about me. That really wasn’t fair to you.”

Leticia felt her eyes go blurry. She was just so ashamed of herself. She’d been so selfish. Sharon and the others had been right; she should have talked to him about this. Really, a lot sooner. She wasn’t stupid, she didn’t think it would have meant they were still together. Molly was still a huge factor, after all. But it would have saved both of them a lot of trouble. It was still wrong of her.

“Whoa, whoa, hey,” Carter said. He sprung up out of the chair and crossed the space between them, cupping her face in his hands. “None of that. I kept a big secret from you after we’d been dating for, what, a month? You had every right to be upset.”

“I still should have talked to you.”

“And I should have talked to you, so we’re even.”

She looked up at him, smiling in spite of herself. “You’re far too sweet, you know that?”

Carter smiled back at her. “Yeah, well, that’s why I picked a brassy girl like you. I can just sic you on people.”

Leticia gave a watery laugh. She pulled him in, hugging him, holding him close. “I’m so sorry,” she repeated. “About Olivia and all you had to go through. And for being selfish and not thinking about any of that.”

Carter hugged her back tightly. “I don’t want to hurt her,” he admitted, softly, and Leticia knew he was talking about Molly. “I feel like it would almost be worse than losing Olivia. It hurt so much to know that there was nothing I could do to save her, but at least it wasn’t because I made a mistake. If Molly ends up hurt or something, it’ll be because I fucked up. I can’t handle that.”

“You’re not going to,” Leticia said firmly. She pulled back so that she could look him in the eye. “You’re a great dad.”

“You haven’t even seen me with her, not really,” Carter pointed out.

“I don’t have to,” Leticia replied. “I’ve seen how you are at work and with Hal and with me. You’re a good person. I mean, you gave me the most thoughtful first date I’ve ever had. If you’ll do that for a woman that you’re just starting to get to know, then I know that your daughter has an amazing father. The look on your face when I brought her to you—God, I could see that she was your whole world. Don’t put yourself down.”

Carter gave a small, fond chuckle and shook his head. “How in the world do people manage to miss this side of you?” he asked wonderingly, and then he leaned in and kissed her.

It was an instinctive thing, Leticia knew. They’d been so close for a few weeks. Up until the whole thing with Molly had gone down, it would have been perfectly natural for him to kiss her fondly like this. Old habits die hard.

So she knew—she knew that she shouldn’t be responding. She should pull back, should let him make his excuses and leave. The issue of Molly, of her not wanting to deal with kids, hadn’t gone away.

But she was a weak, selfish woman, and she’d missed him. When he kissed her, she kissed back.

She opened her mouth to him, sliding her tongue across his bottom lip. Carter groaned, responding to her, his tongue sliding into her mouth possessively the way that made her shiver all over. His hands slid down to grab her thighs, wrapping her legs around him so he could grind against her.

“Yes,” she gasped into his mouth. She’d gone over two weeks without sex now, without him, and her body was shifting into overdrive. “Please.”

“Damn,” Carter said, his hands roaming all over her, squeezing like he was trying to remember the shape of her. “God, I missed this.”

“I haven’t—” Leticia confessed, letting him suck at her neck. She thrust up against him, thrilling at the feel of him growing hard between her legs. “There hasn’t been anyone, I want you so badly—”

“Yeah, yeah, hold on.” Carter yanked her blouse open, exposing her breasts. He slid his hand in underneath her bra, lightly pinching her nipple. “I’ll give you what you need, baby, promise.”

“I’ll be good,” Leticia promised, already slipping back into old habits with him, ready to beg, wanting to hear him talk to her. “Please, Carter, talk to me, please—”

He kissed her again, deep and filthy, and she moaned into his mouth, rutting shamelessly against him and making his hips jerk erratically as she strained against the confines of his jeans.

“Look at you, being naughty,” he whispered into her mouth. He let Leticia unbutton his shirt and tug it off of him so she could run her hands over his body. She’d missed this, missed feeling his muscles jumping underneath her touch and the tone of his skin and the way his muscles were hard and had no give when she squeezed them.

She had the sudden and swift image of them maybe doing a little student/teacher roleplay in the office and she let out a little gasp, clutching at Carter harder. God, he’d be so good at that.

“How do you want this?” Carter asked. He wouldn’t stop touching her, his hands coming up underneath her skirt to tease along her stomach and thighs, refusing to get to where she needed him most. “Do you want me to bend you over? Or just like this?”

Leticia could easily picture Carter flipping her around, his hand sliding down to work her clit while he slid into her from behind. But she didn’t want him to pull away. She was terrified that if he did, he’d remember all the reasons why this wasn’t a good idea and he’d put a halt to it.

“Just like this,” she told him. She kissed along the line of his shoulder, re-memorizing the taste of him on her tongue, the feel of him underneath her lips.

“Be a good girl, then,” he said, “And touch yourself for me.”

Leticia whined, but Carter took a hold of her legs and spread them wide. “Go on, show me how you do it,” he told her.

He helped her shove some papers to the side—they were making a mess, but that was something for Tomorrow Leticia to deal with, not Now Leticia—so that she could lie back, avoiding the computer as he shoved her skirt up and pulled her underwear down. She loved it like this, her clothes still half on, Carter hurriedly undoing his pants, the dim lighting of the office. It sent a thrill through her, made her feel sexy, breaking the rules like this just a little.

She slid her hand down between her legs and began to touch herself. She teased herself a little, avoiding her clit, stroking her fingers through her folds instead and teasing a single finger in and out of herself. She was putting on a bit of a show for Carter, she knew, but it was so worth it for the way he was watching her, chest slowly flushing with arousal, his eyes dark and entranced.

Leticia bit her lip and laid back fully on the desk so that she could free her other hand up to work her breast through the lace of her thin bra, then trail her hand up and down her stomach and throat, alternating where she was touching but keeping it light and teasing.

“Look at you,” Carter growled. He began slowly stroking himself, his gaze devouring her. “You’re so gorgeous like this. I don’t know whether to taste you or fuck you. I want to do everything to you at once.”

Leticia squirmed a little, starting to touch her clit properly and sliding a finger inside of herself, getting herself ready for him. “I think about this all the time,” she admitted. “I want—I want you to touch me, every way, all the time, I want to know what you want to do to me…”

“I don’t think there’s anything I don’t want to do to you,” Carter admitted. He strode closer and put his hands on her thighs, watching her as she slid a second finger into herself. “God, yes, keep working yourself like that. Being such a good girl for me, getting yourself all wet for me. Does it make you wet, when I talk to you like this?”

She nodded, a moan fighting its way out of her throat. “Yes.”

“You want to hear about all I want to do to you?” Carter kissed along her stomach, right at the line of her skirt. “I want to put you over my knee and spank you until you’re begging me to let you come. I want to tie you down and tease you until you don’t even know your own name. I want to take you into the shower and kiss you like we’re in the rain. I want to go so slowly that we’re both dying for it.”

Leticia rubbed her thumb mercilessly against her clit, whimpering. She wanted him inside of her so badly, she wanted all of the things he was telling her, and more.

Carter took her by the wrist and gently moved her hand away, moving to the side so that he had a good angle to slide his fingers inside of her. They were bigger, thicker than her own, and she keened. God, she’d missed this. Her own fingers were never enough to fill her.

“I’d fuck you underneath a hell of a lot of artwork if I didn’t think we’d get in huge trouble,” he admitted. He moved inside of her slowly, still teasing, his thumb only occasionally passing over her clit. Leticia clawed at him, moaning. That would be so hot, even if it could never happen because they’d get in so much trouble.

“C’mon,” she begged. “It’s been so long, fuck, Carter, please, I’ve missed you, please—”

“Fuck,” Carter swore, bending over and kissing her. “I’ve got you, promise, I’ve got you, hold on.”

He sped up, finally touching her clit properly, until she was gasping and clutching at him, white-hot pleasure blinding her inside and out. “Inside me, inside me, please, please, please,” she begged. “I need it, I need you so badly.”

Carter slid his fingers out of her and bent down to grab his pants, digging out his wallet and pulling out a condom. Leticia arched her eyebrows up and he coughed, flushing pink. “I just got into a habit of carrying them around, since we would…you know.”

She thought it was adorable how he could go from talking dirty at her to blushing and stammering over a condom. And, it was true—they had gotten into a habit of quickies in the office. This was far from their first time doing it in the museum.

Leticia propped herself up and watched him. She tried to smirk, but she feared that it came off more as a fond smile.

She held out her hand as he approached, taking his hand and pulling him to her so that he could bend over her, between her spread legs. He positioned himself carefully.

“Let me know if I’m hurting you,” he warned her, as if she wasn’t already wound up after two weeks of nothing and having both her fingers and his fingers inside of her already.

“I didn’t become made of glass in the last couple weeks,” she huffed.

“Yes, but you also haven’t had sex in the last couple weeks.” Carter kissed her quickly on the lips. “I want to be careful.”

“Get inside me,” she begged. “Please. I’m okay, I promise.”

Carter pushed her hair back out of her face and kissed her deeply. She moaned into his mouth and wound her arms around him as he finally, finally slid inside of her.

She’d missed this, fuck, she’d missed this so much. She missed him kissing her, and moving inside of her, and teasing her and talking to her.

Leticia wrapped her legs around him so that he could brace himself on the desk—thank God for sturdy ancient desks—and fuck into her deep and fast, the way that she liked it. She arched up to meet his thrusts, shifting one leg and hooking it over his shoulder, giving him more room so that he could bottom out inside of her.

“Yes!” She cried out. It was a good thing that nobody was around. The security guards focused on patrolling the art galleries, and rarely came up to the private offices. After all, what thief would want to go into the office? All the expensive art was in the galleries.

She kept babbling, crying out as Carter drove into her again and again, grunting and gasping her name. Everything was sharpened, heightened by the abstinence beforehand. She loved him like this, she loved him inside of her and touching her and driving her crazy and having this control over her. She wanted him like this all the time, she’d missed this, and missed him…

A part of her was lucid enough to worry about the things she was confessing. She was writhing in pleasure, lost, unsure of what she was just thinking in her head and what she was saying out loud. There were things that she probably shouldn’t be admitting, given that they weren’t together anymore but she couldn’t—it was all too much and she couldn’t—

She came, crying out, clutching at Carter and letting herself—just as an indulgence—scream his name.

Carter buried his face into her hair and groaned out her name as he came, which made her feel a bit better. If they were being sentimental saps when they had no right to be, at least they were doing it together.

They lay there for a moment, breathing quietly together. Leticia had missed this, too. She had loved just lying with Carter afterwards, coasting on the pleasure, easing their way down, joined together.

Panic hit her straight in the chest, curling up like a freezing-cold bundle in her sternum. She couldn’t do this. She couldn’t be that attached to someone who didn’t want her, someone she couldn’t be with because of her hang-up about children. She couldn’t be a good mother to Molly, not to any child. And she couldn’t possibly insist on staying with Carter when they both knew she couldn’t give him what he and Molly needed.

She quickly turned her head to bury her face into the crook of Carter’s neck. Just breathe, she thought to herself. Just breathe.

After a few moments Carter drew back and they grimaced down at the mess they had made, laughing at one another.

“God help the next person who has this office,” Leticia said.

“We can never tell them,” Carter said, sounding horrified.

They cleaned up and got dressed. A bit of awkwardness set in, as Leticia had feared it would.

“Have a good weekend then?” Carter said, as if it was a suggestion.

Leticia nodded. She’d forgotten that it was Friday. “Yeah, you too. Have fun with Molly.”

It felt so weird to say, to mention Molly as if she’d known about her the entire time, as if this was normal.

They finished dressing and then hovered there, awkwardly. Leticia wondered if this was always how it would be between them now, if they’d be dancing around one another, more uncomfortable than when they’d first started working together after that one-night stand.

Carter strode forward after a moment and put his hands on her hips, kissing her gently. Leticia tried not to think about how it felt like goodbye—and not just a ‘see you later’ goodbye. A more permanent goodbye.

Leticia let him go. How could she do anything else? She didn’t even know what else to do. What to say. How to act.

She waited until she knew he’d have gotten into his car and driven away.

Then she went out and danced until she could see the dawn.