I returned to Thornfield two days later.

I did not want to go, but I had some loose ends to tie up before I could make my next move. I was not well enough to travel straight away, so I returned to my lodgings in the east wing under the provision Bertha was locked safely away in the dusty eaves of the house, and there would be no more escapes on her behalf. Still, I made sure my door was locked and the window fastened tightly.

Later, I learned one entrance to her lair had lain behind the door in Edward’s room, the same door that had drawn my attention the night I’d cared for a gravely wounded Richard Mason. The door behind the tapestry. The thought of her being so close to where Edward slept and where he and I had spent stolen moments together chilled me to the bone. How he could allow our entanglement to proceed right under the madwoman’s nose was incomprehensible.

Dr. Carter came to check on my wounds a week after my return and removed my stitches, declaring me fit to recommence my duties at the hotel. Neither one of us spoke about what had transpired as there was nothing left to say.

I avoided Edward, though I knew he was there, waiting and watching for his chance to regain my confidence. In the beginning, he took to waiting outside my room hoping to speak to me. Once he realized he would not hear my voice until I was good and ready to share it with him, he returned to his rooms, most likely to brood and drink his fill of the Irish whiskey he so loved.

All the events that had happened under Thornfield’s roof weighed heavily upon me, and a dark cloud settled within my battered heart, and nothing I did seemed to dislodge it. The entire household was under the curse of depression, the mood somber in every corner. Even the lively Alice Fairfax had her sparkle dulled.

At the end of all of it, I still had my secret, but it was nothing compared to the one Thornfield had revealed. I knew I could not fight the entire world and continue to be a soldier in a battle that couldn’t be won. I could only make my tiny little corner a better place.

Jane Doe—no, Jane Eyre—was a cold, solitary woman once more. Her life was pale and her prospects bleak. She might have financial stability, which her uncle’s fortune had provided, but it was nothing without the man of her heart to share it with. In fact, there was no longer any heart.

I’d been hurt so grievously, physically attacked not once but twice—the second almost fatal—that I couldn’t take anymore. I was exhausted from my attempts to love the stoic Edward Rochester and his dark closet of skeletons.

I was so tired I merely closed my eyes and allowed myself to drift.

Sometime in the afternoon on the ninth day, I raised my head from my pillow and asked myself, “What am I to do?”

The answer was simple, and it had been one I’d been threatening for months. Leave Thornfield at once.

Had Edward felt real affection for me all this time, or was it merely lust that had clouded his eyes and skewed his judgment?

This twisted tale, my dying heart, and this constantly shifting version of the truth—I would not accept this as the lot in my life. I would not submit.

Determined to follow my course, I ventured downstairs to the office and found Alice at her desk.

“Jane,” she said, looking me over with a frown. “Are you well?”

“Truthfully, I am not,” I replied. “I have this void of despair inside me, Alice, and I do not know what to do about it.”

“You mustn’t fret,” she said, coaxing me to sit in my usual chair.

“I need your help,” I said as I eased myself into the seat. My shoulder ached, but it was well within my means to tolerate. “Edward is not who I thought him to be.”

“What do you mean?” she asked, offering me a bottle of water. “What could I possibly help you with?”

“I’m so tired, Alice,” I said, taking the bottle and nursing it in my lap. “Tired of the lies, the twisted truths, the pain. I know it all now, and I’ve been hurt too deeply to continue. I don’t think I have it in me to forgive.”

“It’ll take time to let it all sink in,” she said soothingly. “It has been a shock to us all, not as much as you, but none of us knew who she really was.”

“I must leave,” I said, not wanting to talk about Bertha anymore or ever again. “Will you help me, Alice?”

“Must you?” she asked, tears springing in her woeful eyes.

“I must have strength,” I replied. “I must forge ahead and leave this godforsaken place.”

Her pleading continued. “He truly loves you, Jane. He has done you harm, but you have time to work it through. You said to me all you ever wanted was a name and a family. You have it here. Bessie, the staff, and I are your family, Jane. Edward would love you dearly and marry you, and you would have your name and complete happiness, I know it.”

“I’m sorry, Alice,” I said. “His betrayal runs too deep. I have suffered most of my life, and I will not entertain it anymore. I love him, I do, but sometimes, it isn’t enough.”

Alice bowed her head and swatted at her tears.

“The knife…” I went on. “The one Bertha used… It was the same as the one Blanche had. She knows about Bertha, Alice. Once I have gone, you must warn him.”

“Why leave?” she asked. “If you wish to warn him, then you still care despite what you say. Please stay, Jane.”

“I don’t know if I can care for him as I once did. That still remains to be seen. Right now, I merely pity his wretched soul. I’m a hard-hearted person, but even I’m not so cruel to leave whilst knowing a life is in mortal danger.”

“I see you have made up your mind and there is no changing it,” she muttered. “What would you have me do?”

“I intend to leave on the very first train in the morning,” I said. “I wish to be far away before he realizes I’ve gone. Will you stall for a few hours?”

She nodded, looking uneasy. “How will I know you’re okay?”

“Don’t worry about me, Alice. I have been caring for myself since I was a small child and have tolerated hardships. Don’t fret. I will be looked after.”

“Good luck, Jane,” she said, embracing me. “I hope we’ll meet again someday.”

The moor was silent as I cut across its wild terrain on my way to the village.

The morning was cold, dark, and eerie, the shadows long and the sky bleak as the sun began to rise. My bag was heavy over my uninjured arm, my shoulder aching from the uneven path I’d chosen to take.

My escape from Thornfield had been a solitary affair. No one had seen or called out to me in the garden. No one saw me climb the fence and set out across the wild landscape, and it was just as I’d wanted it to be. I’d snuck into the hotel under the cover of darkness all that time ago, and now I did the same as I left it.

As I edged closer to the village, I skirted fields and hedges until I reached the back roads that led to the station. Traversing the sleepy streets, I climbed onto the platform and cast my gaze onto the digital display. The train was arriving in ten minutes, and by the time it was powering down the line, carrying me away from this place, Thornfield would only just be stirring.

Edward would search for me, tearing apart the world to find the woman he’d lost, but it would all be in vain. He would feel forsaken, his paltry version of love rejected, and he would suffer. Or perhaps he would let me go forever.

I didn’t know what would happen, but I knew I couldn’t remain at Thornfield. The future stretched before me, blank and full of uncertainty, and as an announcement echoed throughout the station, I glanced up at the approaching train wondering where I should alight. I had property and money, so the world was at my feet, but I had no one to turn to. No one stood at my side to share in my fortune. Perhaps I should go to Georgiana, but it would be the first place Edward would look. I could not go and involve her in such madness after her world was pulled apart just as much as mine now was.

I had no destination and no welcome place to rest my head. It was a bleak existence after knowing the possibility of such passion existed.

The train came to a standstill in front of me, and the door slid open. There was nothing left to do but take the final leap, so I took it with both hands and a determined heart.

I got onto the train, and so it was done.

I left him.

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Dear reader,

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I’d like to tell you a story about a girl with no name who dreamed of freedom, only to grow into a woman ensnared by the devil.

He promised me a name.

He promised me love.

But all he gave me were secrets and blood.