When Evan woke to the morning sun, the first thing he noticed was the taste in his mouth, the faint tang of whisky mixed with the salt of another man’s sweat. The second thing he noticed was the shift of his mattress under a weight not his own.

Instinct made him flip over, his heart pounding. He saw what he’d expected: a sleeping Ben. He hadn’t forgotten falling asleep nestled against this body, so why had he felt such alarm just now?

Why wouldn’t you? He knew that no matter how thoroughly his mind had processed the memories of his last night in Belfast, his body would never forget. He’d had a similar reaction the first time Trent had jumped on his bed in the middle of the night.

As if beckoned by Evan’s thoughts—but more likely by the sound of him waking—the cat leapt up beside him with a Prrrow! before mashing her head against his chin.

He glanced at the bedside table clock to see it was nearly half past nine. “Thanks for letting us have a lie-in,” he whispered to Trent.

Beside him Ben stretched, then opened his eyes. “Well, hello there, beautiful. And Evan.”

“Happy birthday.”

“Thank you.” Ben reached out to pet the cat. “Why didn’t you change Trent’s name when you found out she was a girl?”

“Because she seemed like a Trent.”

“She is rather gender-nonconforming.” Ben stroked her throat, eliciting a baritone purr.

“Also, it seemed wrong to rename her without you.” Evan lifted Trent and placed her between them so he could roll onto his side. “Talking of names, how do you pronounce your given name? The full version of it, I mean.”

“It’s said like it’s spelled. Behnam.” He emphasized the second syllable.

Evan attempted it.

Ben shook his head. “You left out the h. Behnam,” he repeated.

Evan tried and failed again.

“Not so harsh,” Ben said, laughing. “It’s not like loch. It’s just Behnam.”

Evan tried a third time, letting the h caress his throat without getting stuck there.

“Yes!” Ben fixed his gaze on Evan’s lips. “Not only accurate, but hot as hellfire.”

Evan brought his mouth to Ben’s cheek and said it again. The word was so beautiful, it could only be whispered. “Do you like your name?”

“Sure. It’s different, but not too different.”

“Then why Anglicize the nickname?”

“Because B-E-H-N would look pretentious, like that Thom-with-an-h guy at the Greens match.” He grimaced as Trent trod upon his head to reach her usual napping spot at the top of his pillow. “Also, people would overthink it and say bean or bechin, and I’ve not got the patience for that.”

Outside, a police siren wailed. The sound was a few streets away but drawing closer. Evan turned onto his back to look at the window.

“What is it?” Ben asked.

“You don’t hear the siren?”

“Oh, that. I thought maybe you heard something unusual for Glasgow. Like sheep or silence.”

“Sheep and silence are what I grew up with—or rather, sheep and wind. In Orkney when there’s a siren, everyone stops what they’re doing. Here, no one even pauses.” Except me, apparently.

“Nah, we’re used to living in a police state.”

Evan snorted. “Believe me, we do not live in a police state. If we did, my job would be a lot easier. Then again, it wouldn’t be a job I’d want.”

“Good to know you’re a values-based spook.” Ben’s smile faded. “I have my own sneaky confession.” He stroked Trent’s back as he spoke. “Before last night, I was confused and suspicious as to why you rarely did social media. Also I wanted to know where you worked. So last week I used this GIS software called WhoWhatWhere. It takes someone’s name and number to create a map of their comings and goings.”

Evan tensed. “And you used it on me?”

“It was also for my dissertation, did I mention that? I wanted to contrast your online profile with my own.”

“So this was all open-source intelligence?”

“Of course.”

Evan let himself breathe. Ben would have discovered no information that hadn’t been willingly and strategically released into the world. “What did you find?”

“Nothing, because you turn off your phone when you leave for work.”

“It’s required. The public don’t know where our regional offices are. They don’t even know for certain we have one in Scotland.” Evan moved his head so he could see Ben around Trent’s meandering form. “Can I try your software?”

“Sure, it’s at my flat. Anyone can download the beta version, but it’s a bit buggy and uses a fuckton of RAM, so it’s not yet fit for public consumption.” Ben’s eyebrow gave a skeptical tilt. “Why do you want it? Haven’t you guys got much better surveillance?”

“We do, but I’m curious about something, and I don’t want to wait until tomorrow for the answer.”

Ben’s expression darkened. “Is this to do with yesterday’s incident?”

“No, I swear.” This was true, as far as Evan knew, but Ben’s software could tell him if it wasn’t true. If one of the BVP guys had switched on his phone’s GPS and traveled anywhere near St. Andrew’s…

Ben gasped and sat up quickly, provoking Trent to vault off the bed and run from the room. “Talking of surveillance, is your flat bugged?”

“Highly unlikely. It was swept before I moved in.”

“But you don’t have it rechecked.”

“Not every day. That’d be awful expensive.”

“So you can’t say for sure no one’s listening.” Ben’s eyes widened. “Or watching!”

“No, but the same goes for anyone. There are spy planes that can read the writing on…” He picked up the empty condom wrapper from the bedside table. “This, for instance.”

“Stop the bus!” Ben’s voice pitched up. “Spy planes can see through walls?”

“Not that I know of, but technology’s always improving.”

That got him the side-eye. “You’re having me on.”

“Completely.”

Ben laughed, but then crossed his arms and glanced side to side. “What about our calls and messages? Does MI5 track those?”

“Definitely not.” Evan’s lips twitched. “That’s GCHQ’s job.”

“Och, away, you!” Ben thwacked him in the face with a pillow, then climbed atop him.

As they kissed, Evan could feel Ben’s morning stauner stiffen into something more determined. He ran his hands down over Ben’s bare waist, then cupped his arse. “Last weekend you mentioned wanting to ride me properly?”

Ben’s eyes lit up. “I did! And today’s my birthday, sort of.”

“Not ‘sort of.’” To stop himself grinning about his plans for later, Evan kissed him again. “Not to me.”

Between Evan’s tongue working miracles on his mouth and Evan’s fingers exploring inside, Ben was soon dying for him. His hands shook with need and nerves as he prepared Evan with condom and lube. It had been months since he’d done this at all—he didn’t trust the finesse of most of his Grindr partners—and years since he’d done it with someone he truly cared for.

The look in Evan’s eyes when Ben took him inside reminded him what sex could be like with a man who mattered.

“Oh…” Evan’s neck arched nearly as much as when Ben had entered him last night. “God…”

“All right?”

“Yeah, I just—again, it’s been a long time.” He lifted his head to look down at where they’d just joined, then stole a quick glance at the door again.

What was that all about? Ben wondered. Maybe it was just typical spy vigilance. But if that was the case, wouldn’t he do it all the time, not just while they were in bed?

Evan took a long, slow breath, then released a crooked smile that made Ben melt. “Glad I already came last night, or this would be over in about ten seconds.”

“That’d be a tragedy.” He slowly rolled his hips, taking Evan deeper with each spiral. Evan wrapped one hand around Ben’s waist to steady him, and ran the other hand over every inch of his chest. Soon his thumb and fingers arrived at Ben’s left nipple, taking first a teasing swipe, then circling closer until they joined in a light pinch.

Ben groaned, and Evan tweaked harder, sending bolts of pleasure in every direction and opening him up fully inside.

“Ohh…” The delirium was making his head spin, so he bent over and kissed Evan. He was about to ask his lover if he wanted to go harder, if he wanted to flip him over and pin him down, if he wanted…anything. But then he remembered that Evan seemed to like when Ben voiced his own desires.

Also, it was his birthday.

“Fuck me,” Ben said in a hoarse whisper. “Please.”

Evan smiled again, this time not crookedly at all. He seized Ben’s hips with both hands and began to thrust upward, fast and smooth.

“Yes!” Ben clutched Evan’s shoulder with one hand and his pillow with the other. Wordless noises rose from his throat as Evan’s cock glided over his prostate again and again, pumping him full of what felt like a growing ball of liquid sunlight.

Ben’s thighs tightened around Evan’s waist as he felt the first hints of orgasm appear on the horizon. He didn’t want to come soon but couldn’t bring himself to halt this glorious ride.

A sudden sharp pain made him cry out.

Evan stopped immediately. “What’s wrong? Did I go too deep?”

“No, that’s not what hurts. Let go.” He eased himself off Evan. “My thigh’s cramped up.” He lay down on his back and tried to stretch his leg. The muscle seized again. “Ow! Ow ow ow ow ow.”

Evan sat up and touched Ben’s outer thigh. “Right here?” When Ben nodded, he began to massage it gently. “Does this help?”

“Not really.” Ben covered his face. “This is so embarrassing.”

“It happens.”

Not to you, I bet, or the other footballers you’ve been with. He hissed as the pain grew fiercer. “I need to walk it off.” He got out of bed and paced in front of the curtained window, lifting his knee with each step. “Sorry about this.”

“It’s all right. We can change position if you want.”

“Okay.” The cramp eased as the blood flowed back into his leg. “I could get on my stomach and you could do me from behind. That way my legs could stay straight.”

Evan seemed to consider. “Or you could lie on your back.”

“Then I’ve still got to spread my legs, which is what’s getting old at the moment.” When Evan said nothing, Ben turned to see him thinking, his brow furrowed. “Know what I mean?”

Evan looked away. “Why don’t we take a break and come back to this later? Maybe after breakfast?”

Something wasn’t right. What had made Evan go from hot to cold in the blink of an eye?

“Listen.” Ben sat on the bed in front of him. “You asked me to tell you what I wanted. Now I’m telling you I want you to pound me like a dog, but you won’t oblige. What’s going on?”

“I just…” Evan pressed his fingertips to his eyes until red spots appeared. How to explain this without sounding a complete nutter?

Sometimes he’d had been able to push past his fears—to close his eyes and taste that tortellini, for example. Other times, like right now, his fears had pushed past him.

Evan lowered his hands. “I need to see your face. It’s not just a preference, it’s a…I need it.”

Ben’s gentle expression told Evan that this request came as no surprise. Perhaps he’d noticed other “quirks” like leaving a light on or watching the door.

“Here’s an idea.” Ben leapt up and opened Evan’s wardrobe.

“What are you doing?”

“Don’t worry, I’m not judging your clothes—unless you want me to. I was hoping there’d be one of these.” He stepped back with a flourish, revealing the full-length mirror on the inside of the wardrobe door. Then he swept the duvet off the bed and belly-flopped upon the end of mattress. “How’s that, then?”

Evan crawled up behind Ben, whose sparkling eyes met his in the wardrobe mirror. As a bonus, the doorway was even more visible now. “Perfect.”

He put on a fresh condom while Ben waited on his stomach, toes tapping the bed in anticipation. Evan slicked himself down with one hand and used the other to massage Ben’s sore thigh.

Then he got himself into position, straddling Ben’s legs, the tip of his cock against Ben’s still-pliant hole.

“Give it to me,” Ben said. “All at once this time.”

Evan obeyed, thrusting so hard the bed’s feet groaned against the wooden floor.

“Yes!” Ben clutched the edge of the mattress. “More. Give me more.”

Evan held him down flat and did it again, provoking another howl of delight. He kept going, pulling back slowly, nearly departing Ben’s body before slamming back inside. Each time Ben cried out louder, begged harder.

Undulating his hips, Evan increased his pace, in search of a rhythm and angle he could sustain but would still drive Ben mad. Ben’s thighs pressed tight together, his cheeks squeezing Evan’s shaft.

Best of all was the sight of Ben’s face in the mirror, radiant with delight, his dark eyes lifted to meet Evan’s.

“God, you’re so hot,” Evan said.

Ben shifted his gaze to himself, then pressed his face into the mattress.

“Yes, you are. I’ll show you.” Evan wrapped his arms around him, then sat up, taking care to keep their bodies together and avoid an awkward angle. He pulled him back against his chest to sit in his lap, his own thighs flanking Ben’s. “Is this okay?”

“Mm-hmm, as long as I can see you.”

Evan rested his chin on Ben’s shoulder and splayed his hands across his chest and abdomen. “Then see this,” he whispered.

Reluctantly Ben drew his eyes to his own image in the mirror. Evan caressed him slowly, hoping his fingers and palms could express his awe as they drifted over Ben’s body, worshiping every inch.

Ben gave a timid smile, which widened as Evan began to fuck him again, rocking their bodies together slow and sweet. Then he reached up to turn Evan’s face to meet his own. They kissed, devouring each other’s soft cries.

Holding him tighter, Evan picked up the pace. Ben broke the kiss and looked in the mirror again. “Okay, you win. That does look amazing. Even the bit with me in it.”

“Told you.” He tugged Ben’s ear with his teeth. “Will you touch yourself for me? I want to watch you come.”

Ben’s smile lit up the room. “I was thinking the same thing.”

“Are you close?”

“I can be.” He planted a hand on Evan’s leg and took his cock in the other. “Just keep doing that.”

Evan lifted Ben’s hips a few inches, spread his own knees farther apart for leverage, then began to thrust upward, as fast as he could.

Ben’s fingers dug into Evan’s thigh as he stroked himself. He leaned back against Evan’s shoulder, displaying his slender, naked body in all its glory. The sight of Ben pumping his cock, the head flashing in and out of his long, tan foreskin, threatened to send Evan over the edge himself.

“Yes! You…I…” Ben’s throat seemed to close on his next words as his neck turned taut. His eyes squeezed shut and his lips curled back in a near-snarl. Then all at once he stopped, his face going slack and his eyes opening wide. “Oh…”

Their eyes met in the mirror as Ben’s hole spasmed around his cock. A moment later, his come spilled out to drench his fist. Pulling out of Evan’s embrace, Ben leaned forward to brace himself on the mattress with his other hand, his whole body jerking.

Suddenly Evan heard it all again—the crash of a door slamming open, the shouts of rage drowning out cries of ecstasy. He looked out the bedroom at his empty hallway, to remember where he was and when he was. Then he turned back to the image of Ben, to remember who he was with.

Resting on his forearms now, Ben seemed too dazed to notice Evan’s momentary lapse of reality—or his rapidly fading erection.

At least the timing of his softening was fortunate, since Ben might be too sensitive now to continue. Evan withdrew and took off the condom.

Ben revived then. “Your turn.” He sat up, reached back, and wrapped his fingers around Evan’s shaft. Then his brow furrowed as he no doubt compared what was in his hand to what had just been inside him.

“Wait.” Evan shifted on the bed so that he was fully facing the door. “Okay. Now try.”

With a languorous smile, Ben turned to face him. This time when he took hold of Evan’s cock, it jerked and stiffened in response. “There we are.” He turned his head to watch them in the mirror. “We do look good together.”

“Aye.” Evan watched too as Ben stroked him back to full hardness. He vowed never again to get lost in that dark past, not while he was in the presence of this man who deserved every last speck of his attention.

And when he finally came, Evan felt nothing but Ben’s hand, saw nothing but Ben’s face, then tasted nothing but Ben’s neck as he pulled him close and held on tight, his breath verging on sobs at the feeling of being finally, utterly known.