12
Saul
If anyone had told me a month ago that I would be excited to go fishing, I would have laughed in their face. Fishing? I had tried it once or twice, more out of boredom than anything else. I would never have thought it was something I would have looked forward to doing.
But Kyler only had to suggest it once, and it seemed like a novel idea.
The truth was, I was running out of places and spots to impress Kyler with. I had assumed there was too much to see around the Mountains, and that it would take us forever to get through it all. All my secret spots we burned through in under a week. Not only had I seriously underestimated our thirst for adventure, I had made the mistake of creating plans based on my own experience of the area. I wanted to find the secret banks and hidden caves, while Kyler wanted to swim in the river and climb the lowest peak of the mountain.
When this became clear, I encouraged him to suggest places we should go or activities we could try. He went into the study and looked it up on the internet, emerging later with a list two pages long. On top of it? Fishing.
I often wondered what his life had been like before me. From what I gathered, he was a brilliant man with a curious mind, a quiet confidence and restless feet.
The other truth was the man himself. It was getting harder and harder to lie to myself about how I felt about him. I passed it off as a fondness, then a warmth, even a friendly affection. But there was no denying it anymore. I was falling in love, despite my best efforts. So when Kyler said fishing, I scrambled to make it happen because it had become impossible to say no to him.
My dad used to take me fishing sometimes as a teenager. It was the worst time for it. I sensed he was trying to get closer to me, so I rejected his every attempt to do so. Still, we went, a few times every summer, until I finally had enough and told him I would rather be out playing with my friends instead. Yet some of the practical knowledge remained, and I was extremely grateful for the chance to show off to Kyler.
We ventured out at dawn, because we were going as far downstream of the river as we could. We had toyed with the idea of making a bit of a picnic out of the trip first. I had pointed out that fishing could be a lonely, boring business, but Kyler waved my protests away. We had settled instead for a heavy breakfast.
Having never successfully fished in the region before, I was uncertain on how to proceed. All I had was a half-formed idea of taking a boat to the clearer waters downstream. Chances were we would get lucky. There was a simple skiff I had bought in Redvale when I first got here, tucked away in one of the makeshift sheds along the bank. We took it out and pushed it out into the river. The current was low, so we sat back and let the boat carry us along. We fell into the easy silence we always did.
“There’s something I never got around to asking you,” I said to Kyler after some time. He looked very fetching in his ‘fishing outfit with a twist’, as he called it. It was basically tight, fitted shorts, a t-shirt that said ONLY FISH IN THE SEA, and a vest jacket with a multitude of pockets. I wasn’t sure where the twist was, but I wasn’t about to argue his fashion sense.
“Yeah?”
“You used to work at Tall Oaks, right?”
“Yeah, for some time.”
“And you mentioned you got fired?”
“That’s the official story, yes.”
“Why? What did you do?”
He grinned.
“I was…inappropriate towards a customer.”
“In what way?” I pressed.
“Well, this guy was being weird and homophobic, so I kissed him to shut him up.” He said it like it was the most natural thing to do in that situation.
“You did what?”
“I kissed him.”
He had recently shown me how bold he could be, so I wasn’t surprised. I kind of understood it too.
“Ah, you wanted to shame him with the very thing he tried to use as a weapon against you.”
“Exactly, hubby. I’m so happy someone sees it my way.”
“It’s unfortunate, of course, that it cost you your job. I still can’t believe we live in a world where homophobia is still a thing. But I also can’t complain. Without a job you couldn’t support your father, and that brought you to me.”
“Have you had any experience with that?” he asked. “Is it more subtle in Hollywood?”
“In my experience, homophobia does not really go away. They just find smarter ways to conceal it, make it socially acceptable. Like how they stereotype the gay experience. There’s actually a number of sub-classifications of gay, based largely on inaccurate stereotypes. And that’s without factoring in token gay characters like ‘the gay best friend’ and the scarcity of roles written for gay people, roles which go instead to straight people playing gay.”
It sounded like something Rance McCormick would say, verbatim.
“But yes,” I continued. “To answer your question, homophobia is still very much alive.”
Kyler had been nodding all along. I thought I detected a flash of pride as he looked at me.
“Almost makes you want to take off and go live in seclusion,” he said grinning.
“Right. These mountains do not judge.”
I realized it was the first time we had talked explicitly about sexuality. I was suddenly curious about his journey. What had it been like for him growing up? How did he come out? Did he have to come out? I knew it wasn’t easy being an omega gay, with the constant abuse at the hands of both alphas and homophobic straight men. No one did what he had done to the guy at the country club without having gone through something similar in their past before.
I didn’t ask, though. I had no doubt I would learn more about him in time. We did have the rest of our lives together, after all. I pulled out one of the boxes instead and got busy setting up the baits and hooks.
“I need to ask you about something as well.” Kyler said suddenly.
He looked so perfect perched on that plank on the skiff. I was overcome by an inexplicable yearning to preserve him just as he was in that moment. To immortalize him in art, or at least in my mind.
But he also looked troubled.
“Is everything okay?” I asked.
“Well, yeah. Everything is fine. I just had a request to make of you.”
Anything, I wanted to say.
“Sure.”
“It has been a while since I visited my dad. I kind of promised him I would still visit him as often as I could, but I have not really got around to doing it. I don’t really know how he’s doing. I was just thinking… We already met your parents, so why not meet mine?”
I had not expected him to extend the invitation to me. I had figured he would want to go back home every once in a while, if only to see his dad, but I was taken aback when he said that. It was a big deal that he wanted me to meet his father. Kyler had not spoken that much about his father Korbin, but when he had, it had been in glowing terms. I knew how much his father meant to him. Considering his condition, I thought it was a very significant gesture from Kyler.
The only objection I had was that if I went with him, it would mean essentially going right back into the world I had struggled to leave behind. But it felt so hollow to bring that up in the face of Kyler’s show of faith. I would have to figure out how to go about it. Selfish, rather.
“You could wear a disguise,” Kyler said. He had read my mind. “You know, like the hats and fake mustaches spies wear.”
“I don’t think I would even need those. Have you seen me? Compare this face to the one splashed in the tabloid years ago.”
“Exactly,” Kyler chipped in. “No one is looking for the Prodigal Son. There would be no reason to suspect that some random, kindly gentleman with the beard is the very same Saul McCormick who went missing all those years ago.”
He was pushing hard. I realized that he must really have wanted me to go with him.
“Of course I’ll go with you, Kyler. I would be honored to meet your old man.”
Anything for you, hubby.
“You’ll just let me know when you want to go so we can make arrangements. Now, come on, let’s catch something.”
I handed him one of the fishing rods, and together we cast them into the river. The current had slowed almost completely, so we found ourselves drifting ever so slowly on what was now a calm river. It was one of those beautiful, picturesque days when everything was perfect.
Even so, it only took a few minutes of us standing there like that to remind me how boring fishing really was. I looked over at Kyler. His eyes were also glazed over.
“You’re holding it wrong,” I announced. I placed my own rod carefully on the floor of the boat and made my way to him. I stood firmly behind him and leaned into him, my lips just brushing the back of his neck. Then, setting my feet against the gentle swaying of the boat, I placed my hands on his back and gave him a tiny little shove.
It was enough. He lost balance completely, and he was forced to flail his arms to try and regain it. The rod slipped from his fingers. For a second, it looked like his wild oscillations back and forth would bring him back under control. But they did not. He fell into the river with a giant splash and a surprised yell.
“You’re dead, Saul McCormick!” he shouted when his head bobbed up again from under the water.
“What, we’re supposed to be fishing, aren’t we?”
“How is this fishing!”
“I thought you’d have a better chance catching one in there than up here!”
“Very funny. Now come on, help me out. These shorts will take ages to dry.”
It was the oldest trick in the book. I was disappointed that he expected me to fall for that one. I did stretch out a hand, but I braced against the side of the boat. When he tugged at my hand, as I had known he would, only my upper body moved forward. My feet remained firmly planted on the floor of the boat.
“Damn it!” he cursed.
I was smiling so much my cheeks were beginning to burn. This was what Kyler had turned me into. A giddy child. The voice in my head reminded me that this was just what happiness looked like. Don’t overthink, just let go.
And then, without warning, the solid footing I had established on the boat was snatched away. Kyler had decided to go for the nuclear option. With a few strong shoves, he managed to create some momentum on the boat and get it swinging this way and that. I was not ready for it, so by the time the boat swung back for the second time, I was already falling. I splashed in next to Kyler, and I could hear his laugh even underwater.
I reached for him and pushed him down, and then we were splashing about like kids, limbs flying as we laughed happily. I felt so light and carefree I was almost embarrassed.
We somehow made it back to the bank. We were drenched from head to toe, and the majority of our equipment was ruined. No losses there. I was just glad I had not been forced to sit there waiting for some hapless fish to bite. Overall, it was one of my better fishing experiences.
I had shared another fun day with Kyler, and it did not help clear up my confused feelings about him. Or the growing sense of guilt and shame.
I was going back to L.A. because of him. All this time stuck here, obstinately refusing to listen to Dad’s threats or Mother’s pleas, and it was this kid who had managed to shake me from the tree. And yet, when I thought about going back, I was not instantly filled with dread, as I would have been before. Everything I had hated about the place stood in sharp contrast to all I had come to love about the mountains. I did not need to think too hard about which emotion came easier.
I would do it because I owed it to him. He had been a perfect husband, and he deserved it. Not out of guilt.
As soon as I got home, I called my father. I don’t know why, but I needed to get the monkey off my back. If the contract my dad had created did not exist, then I wouldn’t need to lie to Kyler anymore.
“Saul? Is everything okay?”
Ah. Maybe one day I would call my dad and he wouldn’t immediately assume there was an emergency.
“Everything is fine, Dad. Look, I need your word that you’ll lift the clause concerning the money.”
“I’m not sure I understand what you mean…”
“The clause, Dad. The one that says you’ll cut me off if I don’t get married.”
“I got that bit. I’m referring to your suggestion that I lift it. That, I don’t understand. You are married, are you not? Why would you want it lifted if you’ve already fulfilled its stipulations?”
“Maybe because it was made in bad faith to begin with.” But that was a weak argument and we both knew it.
“I would never do that and you know it. Like I told you, all we want is to see you happy. Which you seemed to be, when your mother and I came to visit? Or did that change?”
“You know what, Dad, never mind.”
“It seems to me you’re on your way to securing the money. I’m not sure why you’re worried. You and Kyler will probably conceive within the year, and we can forget this unpleasant business of clauses and contracts. I know for a fact you two will produce a lovely heir to the McCormick name.”
Hopeless. There was no swaying him. It had been stupid to expect him to rid me of a burden I had placed on myself. He was not the one who made Kyler sign a contract to prevent him from falling in love with me. That was me.
“You’re right, Dad. I’m sorry. Please say hi to Mother for me.”
The phone call was not a complete waste, though. It had given me something to look forward to, to plan for. I glanced at the calendar. By my estimation, Kyler would go into heat in about a month or so.