I collapse on her back, totally depleted of energy after my orgasm. My legs are weak; they’re barely holding me up. Pulling out of her, I realize I forgot to use a condom. Fuck. I never go without one.

“Ray,” I say, expelling a large sigh, keeping my head down. “Are you on birth control?”

“Yeah,” she answers. My teeth clench and my eyes shut for a moment. I’m relieved, we won’t have to worry about any little Noah’s running around, but at the same time I’m annoyed. It’s confirmation she’s been fucking other guys at school and this angers me. I don’t want to think about anyone else’s dick inside of her, but mine. I can’t really judge her for it. I haven’t exactly been celibate for the past four years. When we first broke up, I avoided all women. It took me about six months of misery before I drunkenly fucked someone else. Once I broke the seal so to speak, it was easier from that point on. But nothing has ever come close to what it’s like with Ray and me. And the misery, never went away, sex or no sex - until now. I feel peaceful for the first time since.

“I always use condoms, Ray. You don’t need to worry about anything. I get tested before every fight too,” I reassure her.

“I’m safe too,” she answers, not revealing any of the details I want to know. I have questions I need answers to, but have no right to ask.

How many others have there been?

How long did it take after we broke up before she fucked someone else?

When’s the last time someone else made you come?

Did you miss me as much as I missed you?

Will you ever be able to forgive me?

I’m sensible enough to know I’ll never get the answers to any of these questions. I also know I don’t deserve them. I created this situation when I chose my career over her. I’m not going to complain about it now.

“I need to get out of here,” she says, and I step back away from her. She reaches down to pull her pants up. I didn’t even take the time to undress her before I fucked her. I’m an asshole, but in my defense, I’ve never wanted anyone so badly.

Tugging up my shorts and boxers, I nervously run a hand over my hair. “Ray.” I pause, trying to organize my thoughts into words.

“Please don’t say you’re sorry,” she interrupts me. Narrowing her eyes, she continues, “if you do I swear to god, I’ll kick you straight in the balls.”

“I definitely wasn’t going to say that. I was thinking something more along the lines of when can we do this again?” I smile sheepishly.

“I’m not opposed to repeating this,” she says with a shrug as if it makes no difference if we do or not.

What the fuck? Isn’t she as affected by what happened as I am? “I’m not going to pressure you. If you’re not interested, just be honest.”

“No. I want to,” she answers quickly, making me feel better. She cares more than she’s letting on. She can play her little games if she wants, but I know the truth. We’re still fucking phenomenal together. All the time apart has done nothing to lessen our chemistry.

 

* * *

 

If anyone was watching me today, they’d think I’d never stepped foot on a construction site before. I’m a fucking mess. A comedy of errors and it’s all because of Reagan Collins. I can’t get her out of my head. She’s even more beautiful now than I ever imagined she’d be. She always had a hot body, but now it’s her womanly curves that are keeping my mind occupied. Images of her bent over in front of me are making my head spin.

“Noah,” my boss Dave calls my name from across the room. We’re hanging sheetrock today on a large addition we’ve been working on for the past couple of weeks. I finish fastening the final screw before I make my way over to where he stands with his hands on his hips.

“Are you okay?” he asks, his brown eyes studying my face.

“Yeah, why?”

“You don’t seem like yourself today. You seem off - unfocused.”

“Is it that obvious?” I ask, shaking my head. “Reagan’s back.”

His eyebrows raise. “How’s that going?”

“It’s going better than I imagined,” I reply. I normally wouldn’t talk to someone else about Reagan, but Dave’s always been like a father to me - more than my own dad ever was.

“There’s nothing like a woman to make a man lose their focus.”

I nod my head. I’m aware of the dangers of Ray distracting me. It’s years later and the story’s still the same.

“There’s also nothing like the love of a good woman to make you focus even more. The right woman can make you want to be a better man and strive for more.” He pats me on the back. “Life doesn’t hand us a chance for a do over very often. Maybe you better take advantage of this one.”