CHAPTER FIVE
What was I doing? Staring dreamily into Kai’s deep, chocolate orbs and losing myself there. I squeezed my eyes shut. If I kept looking at him, I would do something stupid like kiss him.
When Trent and I first got together, I was sort of attracted to him. He was tall, lean, muscular, and he had a smile that I was told could melt panties. My panties never did melt, though. I knew he was good-looking, and everyone told me how lucky I was that he was even interested in me. So, when he asked me out, I said yes. The rest is history I guess.
But Kai? He did something to my body. Something I’d never felt with Trent in all the years we were together. It was like we were magnets, and my body was trying to close this distance between us whenever it could. I was fighting it, but sitting in his lap while he comforted me was weakening my resolve.
I didn’t understand what was happening. I didn’t know anything about him other than he wanted to help me. And God help me, but I believed him. There was this sincerity to him, this complete honesty. I could feel it whenever he spoke or looked at me.
His big, warm hand cupped my cheek, and my eyes flew open. His head was tilted to the side as he examined me. I swallowed hard, then bit down on my bottom lip to stop myself from leaning into him more.
“What are you thinking? I’ve never been good at reading women, so you’re going to have to talk to me, Mia.” His husky voice washed over me in a seductive wave making my lady bits clench.
“I’d like to kiss you, but I don’t know why.” HOLY CRAP! Why did I just say that? Oh my God, Oh my GOD! He’s going to think I’m a stage 5 clinger who’s just attached her pregnant self to him. Crap!
Before I could explain myself better, he closed the small distance between our mouths and kissed me. My panties didn’t just melt. They went up in flames.
My hands slid up from around his broad shoulders and into his hair where I grabbed fistfuls and held his head in place so he couldn’t pull back. He let out a slight moan as his fingertips sank into my jaw where he was cupping it. When his tongue slid against my bottom lip, I shuddered and opened for him.
If my legs had been circled around his waist instead of pressed together in his lap, I would have been grinding against him trying to relieve this sudden throbbing ache building inside me. I pressed my legs together tighter, desperate for some small amount of relief.
“Fuck, Pretty Girl,” he groaned against my lips without breaking contact.
I could feel him growing hard against my butt cheek, and it was like a bucket of cold water had been thrown over my head. I let go of his hair and pushed against his chest to separate our mouths.
Neither of us spoke for a few beats as we regained our breath. I searched his eyes for answers, but they were every bit as confused and aroused as my own. He ran his hands through his messy hair, smoothing it back down before resting his hands behind his neck and hanging his head. Right before I lost contact with his eyes, I saw a flicker of shame.
“Please, don’t do that,” I whispered. I was surprised I could even find my voice.
He glanced up. “Do what?”
“Blame yourself for what just happened. It wasn’t your fault. I don’t even know why I said that. I’m so messed up, Kai. I’m sorry.” I told him exactly what I was thinking. Again.
His brows furrowed. “Don’t apologise. Whatever you do, don’t apologise. It was one hundred per cent my fault. You’re vulnerable and emotional right now, and I took advantage of it. But you know the most fucked-up part,” he paused and I shook my head in response, “I’m not even sorry. I felt more in that kiss than I have in years. And I wouldn’t take it back for the world.”
I blinked, and when I opened my eyes, he was still holding me in his big, tattooed arms, waiting for me to say something. But I had nothing, nothing at all. No one had ever talked to me like that.
Taking a deep breath in a lame attempt to gain some composure, I decided that I would just keep going with the full-on honesty approach. “I’m not sorry, either. But that doesn’t mean it should have happened. Or that it should happen again. I’m in no position to be kissing men I barely know. I’m pregnant and homeless, for goodness sake. I have bigger issues than being horny to deal with right now.”
Kai raised a questioning brow. “You’re horny?”
“Of course, that’s the important part of what I just said.” Sarcasm dripped from my voice.
He smiled. “Well, kinda. I am a gentleman, you know, and it’s bad form to leave a woman needy.”
“Oh, you’re smooth. Smooth as snot,” I shot back.
A full belly laugh erupted from him. “Well, I was trying to be,” he finally said when his laughter died down. “But seriously, I know what you’re saying and I agree. I’ve got my own shit going on, too. Not that I’m pregnant or anything, but I’m messed up. As far as barely knowing me, I’d like you to know me. Well, parts of me anyway.” He bounced his brows in jest, and I punched him in the shoulder.
“Ow, who taught you to hit?” he complained as he rubbed his shoulder.
“Mostly myself but my gym teacher in high school gave me a few pointers, too.” I shrugged.
The playfulness in his eyes disappeared. “I don’t want to know why you had to learn how to pack a punch, do I?”
I shook my head. “No, you probably don’t.”
Kai’s fists clenched, and his jaw went ridged. Silence filled the room, and I began to feel uncomfortable sitting in his lap like this. I went to stand up, but his hands wrapped around my waist. “I’m sorry.” He whispered.
“For what?” I asked.
“For going all intense on you there. I just, I had a younger sister once.” He had moved his hand back to his neck again and was rubbing the tense muscles there. “I’m glad someone taught you how to hit.”
I wasn’t sure what had happened to his sister since he spoke about her in past tense, but I knew he wasn’t ready to talk about it. Even though I could tell he needed to. So I let it go and changed the subject. “Umm, about this morning when you got back from your run…” I trailed off as his expression changed again, making me feel as though perhaps my choice of new subjects was not a good one.
“Yeah,” he said, “about that. Where were you going?”
I cleared my throat. “I told you last night I don’t belong here. This house, it’s so much more than anything I’ve ever known. I can’t stay here.”
His eyes narrowed on me. “Where were you going to go? Another park bench? Back to your boyfriend? Hmmm?”
“I umm, well I hadn’t thought that far into it. I just, I’m sorry, Kai. I appreciate what you’re trying to do for me. I really do. But surely there’s another way. You know I can’t afford a place of my own, and even when I do get a job, I still won’t be able to afford anything like this place.”
His shoulders finally relaxed. “I don’t expect you to get a place like this, Mia. Gabe inherited this house from his grandparents. I was thinking more like an apartment or something.”
I nodded. “An apartment sounds much better. But I don’t have that kind of money yet, so maybe a women’s shelter would be a better place to start?”
His face turned stony again. “No. I’m not trying to pull a Trent on you here, but a shelter isn’t good enough. Not when I can help you get something better, safer, more secure, and more permanent.”
I narrowed my eyes. “For someone trying not to be controlling, you suck at it.”
He scrubbed his face with his hands. “I know. I’m kinda sorry, but not really. I’m not trying to take away your freedom. I’m offering you a better alternative. For you and the baby.”
Crossing my arms, I continued to glare at him. “Don’t try using the baby card on me. A women’s shelter would be perfectly acceptable and probably better than what I’m used to anyway.”
“That doesn’t make me feel any better, Mia,” he responded in a flat tone.
I rolled my eyes. “I wasn’t trying to make you feel better. I was just letting you know it will be fine for me. I’ll be happy enough there. I’ll be safe and warm, and I’ll be able to look for a job. It’s perfect. Plus you will have me off your hands sooner rather than later.”
He pulled back as if I’d slapped him across the face. “Who said I want you off my hands? Have I given you that impression? Have I treated you like a burden? Or like you’re not worth my time?”
I was shocked that he took offense to my comment. “What? No. Why are you getting pissy about it? You offered to help me find somewhere to stay, and a women’s shelter is the perfect solution for both of us. You get to feel like the hero, and I get off the park bench.”
Kai slid his hands around my waist again, but this time, he used them to lift me up and remove me from his lap. Then he stood up and started pacing the room. Seriously, what was wrong with this guy? He was bent on helping me but only on his terms. I was beginning to get pissy with him myself.
I jumped to my feet and positioned myself right in front of him. “What’s your problem?”
His brown eyes were swirling pools filled with confusion and something I couldn’t put my finger on. “You are my problem. All I want to do is help you, and you won’t let me.”
“How am I not letting you? I stayed in this house last night because you asked me to, and I trusted that you wouldn’t hurt me. I trusted that all you wanted was to help me, but you only want to help me in a way that suits you,” I fired back.
He threw his hands in the air. “Well, sorry if I don’t think a shelter is good enough for you.”
“You don’t even know me! What does it matter to you? As long as I’m off the streets, your good deed is done,” I huffed in frustration.
Kai’s hands wrapped around both my small shoulders and held me with a firm but tender hold. “This isn’t about doing good deeds, Mia. You’re under my skin, and I won’t be able to get you out until I know you are taken care of properly. Not in some fucking shelter that’s overflowing with drug addicts and alcoholics.”
“Oh.” I tried to stay mad, I really did. But the way he laid it all out there like that made it hard. Throw in the way he was looking at me, and it was impossible. Slowly, I nodded my head in acceptance of his demand. “Okay then, we’ll do it your way.”
He released what was clearly a sigh of relief, and then his hands slipped up over my shoulder and gently rested at the sides of my neck. “Thank you.”