Chapter Twenty
Austen
I just got home from work, my unused gym bag over my shoulder, when someone knocked on my door.
Ryker wouldn’t just stop by unannounced. It wasn’t his style. It could be Maddie or Jenn, but they would probably give me a heads-up. If I were lucky, it would be a Girl Scout able to make me feel even worse for skipping the gym.
I checked through the peephole because, after all, this was New York City. Lots of weirdos around. I hadn’t seen any in my building, but you didn’t have to be a genius to sneak inside.
It was Nathan.
I wasn’t sure how he knew where I lived, but it didn’t surprise me that he figured it out. A phone call would have been appreciated, though. I opened the door and came face-to-face with him. “Don’t show up on my doorstep ever again. If you wanna talk, call me.” I came across as a little rude, but I didn’t appreciate the breach of privacy.
Nathan immediately wore a guilty look. “Sorry. My friend Sam lives on your floor. I left his apartment when I saw you walk by…so I thought I would stop by and say hi. I guess you didn’t see me. You looked like you were on a mission to get home.”
Guilt washed over me after the snappy way I just told him off. “Oh…sorry.”
“It’s okay. You’re right, I probably should have called.”
Now that we were face-to-face on my doorstep, I didn’t know what to do. I could invite him inside, but that seemed too intimate for our situation.
Nathan didn’t wait around for an invite. “You wanna catch the game at Hubble? It’s just down the block.”
It was a sports bar near my place. I’d been there a few times.
“We can split a basket of garlic fries.” He waggled his eyebrows. “And the first round is on me.”
Fries and beer were something I couldn’t turn down. Nathan moved his hands in his pockets, looking handsome with his broad shoulders and pretty eyes. He didn’t pressure me, but he easily swayed me with his looks. “Yeah, sure.”
“Cool. You wanna go now?”
I was still in my work clothes because I hadn’t had the chance to change. “Just let me change, and we’ll go.” I left the door open and walked into my apartment, silently inviting him inside.
Nathan walked in and shut the door behind him, taking a look around my living room. He eyed the picture frames on the table, a few of me and the girls along with some college friends.
“You want anything while you wait?”
“No.” He sat on the couch and pulled out his phone. “I know you’re quick. I remember.”
I let the comment on our former relationship slide. “Be right back.”
***
After watching the game together for twenty minutes, the usual awkwardness evaporated. We fell back into the way we used to be, making jokes about the plays and the coaches. We split a basket of fries and had more beers than we should.
“Ten bucks says he makes it,” Nathan said.
“There’s only five seconds left on the clock.”
“LeBron can do anything.”
We watched the last five seconds of the game, and to my surprise, LeBron made the three-pointer while being blocked by three guys. “Damn…”
“You can keep your ten bucks. Buy me another beer instead.”
I was on my third beer, and we hadn’t even been sitting there for two hours. “I didn’t go to the gym—again. And now I’ve eaten a whole basket of fries and three beers. I’m out of control.”
“No, you aren’t. You only live once. Eat and be happy.” He clinked his beer against mine.
I smiled then took a drink. “I can drink to that.”
Nathan told me about his day at work and a new billboard he was working on. I told him about my new marketing strategy and the artwork that went with it. Talking about our jobs almost seemed like a conflict of interest, but we did it anyway.
When we closed out our tab, Nathan threw his card down.
I tossed my card next to his. “We split it.”
Nathan didn’t argue with me, probably knowing I wouldn’t let it slide. If I let him pay for it, it would seem like a date. And I didn’t want this to be a date. I wasn’t sure what we were doing, but we were doing it anyway.
Nathan turned on his stool and looked at me, his arm resting against the counter. “I’m doing the Manhattan marathon in a few weeks.”
“You are? Good for you.” It was the full twenty-six miles, a feat I could never accomplish.
“I usually jog in the morning. You wanna go for a run with me around Central Park on Saturday?”
“How far of a run are we talking?” I could do a mile, but that was about it.
He shrugged. “Maybe six.”
“Yikes. That’s not a jog.”
He smiled. “You can do it. I know you can.”
“No, I know I can do it.” I held my finger. “I just don’t want to.”
He chuckled. “We can get breakfast afterward. It’ll be fun.”
He still made me feel butterflies after all this time. I wanted to agree to whatever he said even though he’d done something terrible to me. I immediately forgave him when I shouldn’t because I would always feel the same way about him. I would always remember the first time I looked at him. Even in that moment, I knew Nathan would be a special part of my life. “Okay…you talked me into it.”
“Great.” He leaned toward me and eyed my lips, just the way he used to right before he kissed me.
My heart immediately pounded with adrenaline, knowing what was going to happen next if I didn’t stop it. I needed to hop out of that chair and put space between us. If I didn’t, our mouths would touch, and I would be lost all over again.
But I didn’t move.
Because I wanted him to kiss me.
When I didn’t pull away, he pressed his mouth against mine, his lips soft and warm. His kiss was innately different than Ryker’s but familiar. I felt the heat in my stomach just the way I used to. Whenever Nathan touched me, my body came to life. My breathing picked up, and I felt my body respond to him in ways it shouldn’t.
But then I thought about Ryker.
His kiss was nothing like this. It was searing hot and powerful. It not only made me weak in the knees, but it made me feel safe. He wasn’t just my lover, but my best friend. I was confused about my feelings for the two men, but in that moment, it became clear. I never thought about Nathan when I was with Ryker. But I always thought about Ryker when I was with Nathan.
After the kiss lasted too long, I pulled away. “I’m sorry…”
He sighed like he knew what was coming. “I should have been more patient. You just look so beautiful, and we were having a great time—”
“Ryker and I were just fooling around.”
He watched me closely.
“He was never my boyfriend. He was just a friends-with-benefits type of relationship. But the more time we’ve spent together, the more I think it’s something more than that. And kissing you makes me feel like I’m doing something wrong, like I’m betraying him.”
His eyes fell in disappointment.
“I think I want to be with him…” I was so confused when I spoke to Madeline the other day. Ryker said he was still in love with Rae and he didn’t want to be in a relationship. But maybe his feelings had changed the way mine had. I still had feelings for Nathan, but maybe those emotions would go away in time. “He still has feelings for his ex. I still have feelings for you. But…I’m gonna see if he wants to be something more.”
Nathan sighed quietly, not bothering to hide his feelings about it. “I understand, Austen. I had my chance with you, and I blew it. I have no right to be mad or disappointed. He seems like a good guy.”
“He is.”
He finished the rest of his beer and set it down with a loud clank. “If you talk to him and he doesn’t feel the same way, would you be willing to give me a real chance?”
That was a loaded question. “I…I don’t know. Honestly, I don’t know how I feel about you, Nathan. I wish I could just forget about you and not give a damn. I hate the fact that I feel this way about you. It’s not fair.”
Despite my insult, he didn’t react. He continued to watch me with an unreadable expression on his face. Looking just as handsome as always, he stared at me. Then he rose out of his chair. “Let me know what he says…” He walked past me and left the bar.
I stayed in my chair and eyed my beer, feeling the dread well up inside of my stomach. The second I kissed Nathan, I thought about Ryker. My feelings for him had been deep below the surface for a while, I could tell. But now that I had to actually talk to him, I was nervous. What if I put my heart on the line, and he didn’t feel the same way?