Chapter Nine
Levi
I couldn't have heard what I thought that I just did. Sophie must have said something else and the stress of getting ready for the wedding made my mind twist it around.
"What?" I asked for clarification.
"This is my mother," Sophie said. "She's why I came into town. I came to visit her."
Gloria looked back and forth between us, the smile changing from one of sheer joy at seeing me, to one of bemusement, like she thought that there was some kind of joke going on that she was missing, but that she didn't want to be left out of.
"The two of you know each other?" she asked.
Before either of us could answer, the doors to the building swung open and the wedding coordinator came in with a rush of cold air. She looked at Gloria and then my father.
"You aren't supposed to be in the same room!" she said. "You know that it's bad luck for the groom to see the bride before the ceremony."
I couldn't believe that she had said that. I didn't realize that people actually said that in real contexts.
Gloria laughed.
"It's alright. Both of us have been through this before. I don't think that we're worried about bad luck. In fact, I feel that just finding him makes me the luckiest woman in the world."
I suddenly felt as though I had somehow found myself in the middle of a greeting card-sponsored movie. All of the clichés and sappy sentiments were only confusing me more and I felt like I wasn't fully processing anything that was happening.
"I think that both of you are very lucky, and we want to share all that luck and love with your guests, who are waiting for you. So, Jeffrey, it's time for you to scoot on to the ceremony site. We'll be there in a few minutes."
My father looked at me and opened his arms to hug me. I stepped into his arms and patted him on the back.
"Good luck, Pop."
He laughed as he stepped back.
"You have to come with me," he said. "The best man has to be standing up there."
I felt like the realization snapped into my head and I nodded sharply.
"Right," I said.
We started toward the door and I glanced back at Sophie. Our eyes met, and I saw an indescribable emotion there, something that was out of my reach and yet made me feel like there was a rock burning in my belly. I turned away from her and walked out of the building with my father, leaving her standing inside with Gloria.
A few minutes later I was standing at the branch-and-flower altar that had been built in the middle of the park for the wedding and out of the corner of my eye I saw Sophie scurry down the aisle and slip into one of the chairs. She had forgone the front row that was traditionally reserved for the family and instead sat several rows back, behind a few guests so that she was only just visible between them. She was staring straight ahead, not at me, not at anything. The music that Gloria had chosen for her walk down the aisle swelled around us and the people in the chairs started to stand up. Sophie was the last person to leave her chair, standing slowly and turning toward the aisle as the other guests were.
Gloria appeared at the head of the aisle and started her way toward the altar. I turned my attention to my father, watching his eyes sparkle and his lips turn up in a joy-filled smile. I loved seeing him that way. It was true that I wasn't necessarily thrilled with the idea of him marrying Gloria. I wouldn't say that I got along with her, but she wasn't terrible. It was just that all of this had happened so incredibly quickly and my protectiveness toward my father had made it so that it was harder for me to be happy for them than I would have wanted it to be. I worried that she was only after his wealth and that she would never be the soothing for the place in his heart left by my mother that I knew that he wanted her to be.
The conversation that I had had with Sophie about him getting married flashed into my mind, suddenly carrying far more meaning. I realized now that when I told her that it wasn't my place to tell my father what was good for him or to not be happy for him, that I was just as much telling her how she should feel about her mother getting married. Of course, I had no way of knowing that I was having that influence over her, or that I was actually talking about the same situation. The idea that she was feeling hesitant about my father brought how I felt about her mother into sharper focus. I realized that I had judged her from the first moment I met her even though she had never done anything but make my father happy. There was something that I didn't trust about her, and now that I had heard what Sophie had to say about her mother, I felt almost justified in the way I felt, as though in some way I could explain away the resistance to my father's new life like I had somehow felt something was off about Gloria when Dad first introduced us.
I looked at my father again and felt another wave of guilt. He really did look happy. My eyes were pulled toward Sophie and I saw that unexplained emotion in her eyes again. They shifted to me and our stares met. Flashes from the night before burst in front of my eyes and I suddenly felt like the breath was stuck in my throat. I struggled to bring my gaze away from Sophie and back to the altar in front of me where Gloria had gotten to my father and was now facing him, her hands rested in his. I tried to focus on the words that the officiant was saying, but they seemed to be coming to me through a fog and I wasn't aware of anything until I realized that they were staring at me and I needed to hand them the ring. I tried to join the laughter that was rippling through the gathered people, but all I could manage was a smile.
"The cold must be getting to him," the officiant said. There was another ripple of laughter and I tried to smile more. "Well, let's wrap this up and get to the party."
They finished the ceremony and soon we were walking back up the aisle, my arm holding that of the one bridesmaid from Gloria's side, my sister Lori.
"Did you see that Gloria's daughter showed up?" Lori whispered loudly as we made our way toward the wooded spot where a photographer was already snapping shots of the grinning bride and groom. "I didn't think that would ever happen."
"Huh?" I said, turning to her.
She released my arm and looked up at me questioningly.
"What's going on with you?" she asked. "You've looked totally spaced out the whole wedding."
"Nothing," I said. "I'm fine."
Twenty minutes later I was sitting in my car, my hands gripping the steering wheel so hard my knuckles ached. I hadn't seen Sophie since the ceremony and I didn't know where she had gone. I didn't want to be the one to explain to my father and Gloria that she had disappeared. I watched as the guests trailed out of the parking lot and started the drive toward the bar. I knew that I should be there waiting for them, but I needed to find Sophie first. Finally, she came out of the building walking alongside Lori. That was the last thing that I really wanted to see at that moment.
I leaned out of my window so that Sophie could see me. She stopped when she did, and Lori went ahead another couple of steps before stopping as well.
"Oh, Levi," she said. "There you are. Shouldn't you be at the bar waiting to host the reception?"
There was an edge of criticism in her voice that was utterly, predictably Lori. As soon as our father announced his engagement she had lavish plans of an elaborate, incredibly expensive wedding that I felt was more of a dry run for herself than a celebration for him. She had been horrified when Dad agreed to something more casual and we started planning a reception at the bar. Now she was in her glory, seeming to both show off to Sophie and to subtly make fun of her for being the daughter of a woman who would like such a wedding.
"I'm Sophie's ride," I said.
"Oh," Lori said, looking over to Sophie with a subtle look of confusion. "I didn't realize that the two of you knew each other."
"We met her first night in town," I said.
Sophie broke away from the place where she stopped and got into the car without saying anything, staring out through the windshield rather than looking at me.
"I guess I'll see you there," Lori said.
I waited until my sister walked away before turning to look at Sophie.
"I didn't know," I said.
"Bring me back to the hotel," she said.
"I can't do that."
"Bring me back to the hotel, Levi."
"I can't. Your mother already knows that you're here. She was obviously surprised that you made it to the wedding at all. Don't you think that she would think it was strange if you went to the ceremony, but then mysteriously disappeared before the reception?'
"I was surprised as hell to make it to her wedding," I said. "And I really have no interest in continuing with this travesty. I want to go home."
"I'm not bringing you back to the hotel," I said. "They're expecting you and you're a fucking adult. Act like one."
I started the car and roared out of the parking lot and toward the bar. We didn't speak for the rest of the drive and by the time that we got to the bar, the tension sparking inside the car almost stung my skin. We climbed out of the car and joined the stream of guests heading inside. The space was warm and filled with the dancing, sparkling light of the Christmas lights joined with candles. The smell of the food that I had chosen took over, removing any thoughts of the usual deep-fried fare that my customers preferred. We had gone only a few steps inside when I noticed my father and Gloria coming toward us, both smiling broadly.
"This place looks amazing," Dad said, glancing around. "Thank you for doing this for me."
"Of course," I said. "Do you like the tree?"
We crossed over to the tree and I felt my heart tremble slightly as we approached it and thoughts of the night before came into my mind.
"I do," he said, "but I thought that you were going to cut one down from the woods behind the house."
"I did," I said, gesturing toward the bar.
I heard Sophie let out a labored sigh as we walked toward the bar and the tiny pine sapling that I had managed to cut down and tuck in a pilsner glass on the corner. Dad laughed when he saw it and turned to pat me on the back.
"That's perfect."
"Sophie didn't think that it was quite as funny as I did," I said.
Gloria looked at Sophie and then at me again.
"That's right… how do the two of you know each other?"
Sophie and I exchanged glances and I saw a look of horror cross her eyes.
"We met the night that she came into town," I said.
Gloria's hands came up to cover her mouth as she gasped.
"That's right," she said. "We were supposed to have dinner here that night. I was going to introduce the two of you."
"Well, it looks like they managed to find each other anyway," Dad said.
"Yep," I said. "She mentioned that she was here for a few days and I offered to show her a few things."
I could feel the embarrassment radiating off of Sophie, but I was starting to feel amused by the situation.
"That was nice of you. I guess the two of you just naturally knew that you were brother and sister," Gloria said with a dreamy note in her eyes.
I heard a choking sound come from Sophie's direction and I turned to look at her. She had her head down and her hand over her mouth as she tried to regain her composure. My father stepped up beside her and rested a hand on her back.
"Look at her. She's so happy to have the family come together."
I couldn't see Sophie's face, but something about the sound that she had just made told me that happiness probably wasn't the emotion that she was feeling right at that moment.
Sophie
Oh, dear lord.
Did she just say brother and sister?
Of course, it had occurred to me before then that that was what was happening, but I hadn't let the actual words go through my mind until my mother had her sappy emotional moment. This was a seriously cruel fucking trick of the universe.
"And here's the third sibling in our little brood," Jeffrey said.
Lori stepped up beside me and I felt another wave of misery wash over me. She looked at me and gave a smile as warm as the snowflakes that had begun to flutter down from the sky outside.
"I'm so happy," she said. "I've always wanted a sister."
She rested a hand on my shoulder and then looked at her father.
"You should see the hors d'oeuvres," she said. "Levi actually did a really good job choosing them."
She took her father by the arm and guided him away toward the tables of food spread across one side of the room. I knew that the thought of picking food up from a table and not from a silver tray offered to her by a uniformed waiter was something that she was struggling to accept, just by the look in her eyes and the sound in her voice, but I was relieved to be out of the family cluster, at least for a moment. That relief, however, disappeared when I felt my mother's arm loop with mine and her guide me toward the large Christmas tree.
"This is so beautiful," she said with a smile, sighing as she looked at the ornaments that I had carefully arranged on the branches. "I can't believe that you're here."
"I can't, either," I said, trying to keep my eyes from traveling down to the tree skirt.
"What made you change your mind?"
The question made me turn my head toward her. I didn't know what I was supposed to say to her. I hated the bitterness that was inside me, that told me to tell her that I wasn't there for her and that it was a complete fluke that I had even ended up at the ceremony at all. A strange, somewhat unnerving fluke. At the same time, I resisted the thought that she would think I was there for her, that I had just thrown away everything that I had said to her and was now going to just pretend everything was fine.
"I'm going to get something to drink," I said and walked away.
Gloria took a step to follow me, but guests stepped up to her to offer their congratulations, stopping her from being able to come along. I was relieved at the solitude, even if I was actually surrounded by the several dozen guests that had been at the ceremony and now swarmed the reception. I had accepted a glass of champagne from the bartender, who I didn't recognize as any of those I had seen during my visits to the bar, and was making my way toward the buffet when I felt a hand clasp over my arm. I turned and saw Levi holding me, guiding me to the side toward the entrance to the area behind the bar. I resisted the pull, but he looked at me insistently and pulled me slightly harder.
"We need to talk," he said.
I knew that he was right. Even though I would rather have just pretended like there was nothing to talk about, I knew that that wasn't realistic. I pulled my arm away from his grip, but followed him. We stepped behind the bar and then through the small door that he had gone through the night before when he came back with the condom. He closed the door behind him and turned to me.
"What do you want?" I asked.
"Why are you so mad at me?" Levi asked. "I didn't do anything."
"Then why are we here?" I asked.
I was feeling sharp, unexpected tears pricking at my eyes and I tried to blink them away. He took a step toward me, reaching his hands up toward my hips. I stepped away from him and he stepped closer again.
"You look incredible," he said. "I've wanted a chance to be alone with you all afternoon."
I stepped back, shaking my head,
"You're my brother," I said.
"Your step-brother," he corrected, "and for less than two hours. I wasn't your step-brother last night."
"You might as well have been," I said.
"Why does that matter?" he asked. "How does that change anything?"
I stared at him.
"Our parents are married," I said, emphasizing the words to ensure that he didn't miss anything that I was saying. "They are married. Husband and wife. Your father and my mother are now a married couple. Legally family."
"So, they're married. What difference does that make? It's not like they're going to be having any children together."
"I don't think my mother is anywhere near as old as you would like her to be."
I let out a sigh and lowered my face to my hands, shaking my head back and forth as I tried to make sense of what was happening around me.
"I thought that you enjoyed being with me," Levi said.
He had taken another step toward me, but I didn't step away.
"I did," I said.
I couldn't deny it.
"You liked touching me."
His voice had lowered slightly and taken another step closer. I drew in a breath, telling myself not to concentrate on the silkiness of his tone or the heat of his body.
"I did," I said, feeling helpless not to respond as my mind filled with memories of my hands on his body, feeling his muscles rippling beneath my palms and his shaft wrapped in my fingers.
"You liked me touching you."
He closed the space between us completely and rested his hands on my hips. I drew in a shuddering breath, but didn't take even a step away from him.
"I did," I whispered.
Levi's face nuzzled against mine, encouraging me to look up at him. I finally lifted my face and he brushed the tip of my nose with his. I could feel the warmth of his lips so close to mine, his breath touching my face. I tried to resist him, to tell myself that this was wrong, but I couldn't. His mouth touched mine and I melted into the kiss, my mouth opening to accept his tongue and let the taste of him dissolve away everything else. The sound of the door clicking closed made me tear my mouth away from him, gasping as I turned to look at the door. It was closed, the room still empty except for us. I looked around frantically.
"Oh, god. Who saw us?"
"It's fine," Levi reassured me. "I doubt anyone came in. I probably didn't close the door all the way when we came in and the bartender closed it the rest of the way."
He reached for me again, but the veil had been lifted and I shook my head, stepping back from him.
"We should go back out there," I said. "They're going to be looking for us."
"You go ahead," Levi said. "I'll be out in a minute."
I walked across the room and through the door without taking a moment of hesitation. I couldn't risk the temptation. I slipped out from behind the bar and melded in with the rest of the group again. I filled a plate with the food and wandered through the bar, hoping that I would be able to simply duck out and disappear back to the hotel. Before I was able to, however, Jeffrey and my mother showed up in front of me again.
"There you are!" Gloria exclaimed, her eyes almost glazed as though she was going back to her usual habit of pretending nothing had happened, pretending that there was no tension between us. "You just disappeared."
"I was hungry," I said, lifting my plate slightly to indicate the food that I was holding.
"I thought that you said you were going to get a drink," she said.
I thought about the glass of champagne that I had taken and that was no longer in my hand. I wondered what happened to it, where it could have gone. I thought to the room behind the bar and could only guess that Levi had slipped it out of my hand when he was kissing me.
"I already drank it," I said as quickly as I could.
"Dad, I have something for you."
I looked over my shoulder and saw Levi stepping up to us carrying a bottle of whiskey. He held it out to Jeffrey.
"Thank you, son," Jeffrey said. "My favorite."
Gloria looked at the bottle and then smiled at Levi and me.
"Maybe we can all share it this week."
"Share it?" I asked.
Gloria looked at Jeffrey and they exchanged a smile.
"We were hoping that we could all celebrate being a family by having the two of you, and Lori, of course, come to the house for a couple of days."
"What about your honeymoon?" I asked, possibly sounding a bit hastier than I needed to.
"We decided not to go on a big trip until after the new year. After all, it's the holidays, and that's a time for family," Jeffrey said.
"I really have to get back home," I said.
"You said that you had taken a few days off," Gloria said. "Surely you can spare some time to get to know your new stepfather and stepsiblings."
I already knew one of my stepsiblings extremely well, and that was precisely why being in the same home with all of them for any length of time didn't seem appealing, much less days on end. The truth was that I had requested the rest of the year off of work, opting to use the accumulated vacation time that I had. It wasn't with the intention of spending it with my mother. There were a few things that I wanted to take care of and I knew that the visit with my mother was going to be stressful, so taking as much time off as possible would give me the convenience of dealing with the aftermath for as long as I needed. Now I had that time off, and was struggling to come up with an excuse to not use it on spending the holidays with the only family I had that wouldn't leave me looking like a horrible person.
"I think that that sounds like a fantastic idea," Levi said. "I can have Ellis take the reins for the bar for few days and we can all stay at the house. We can decorate for Christmas and introduce Gloria and Sophie here to some of our family holiday traditions."
Jeffrey was grinning so widely that I would have hated myself if I had broken that moment of happiness for him, especially on his wedding day. I withheld the sigh that I wanted to let out and gave a tense grin.
"Alright," I said. "I'll pack my things and come over in the morning."
"Why wait until morning?" Levi asked. "Come over tonight and get settled in."
"That sounds perfect," Gloria said.
I gave a single nod.
"Perfect."