Chapter Ten
Lydia
I have never been one to change my sleeping schedule just because it’s the weekend. My alarm goes off at the same time every morning and I start to feel myself falling asleep at the same time every night. Though I never really had a social life that threatened to shake up this routine, there were times, particularly when the sun was still barely on the horizon as I stood in my kitchen drinking coffee with an entire Saturday ahead of me, that I questioned why I clung so dearly to this one bit of my control.
That would have been this type of morning. I woke up seconds before the shrill cry of my alarm and rolled over toward my nightstand just as I did every morning, slapping my hand down on top of the clock to turn off the alarm. The need for this type of activity to turn off the annoying chime of the alarm was the primary reason that I kept the vintage clock around. It had sat on my grandmother’s vanity when I was young, and I remember looking at it every time I had visited her and wondering why she would place her clock so far away from the side of her bed. Even young eyes wouldn’t have an easy time seeing the time on the small round face if the light wasn’t bright.
When I finally asked her about it she had laughed and told me that she started putting it there a few years after she and my grandfather got married. He had always been a heavy sleeper and would often barely wake up when the alarm went off. She put the alarm clock right next to his head hoping that the sound would be loud enough to break through his stupor and get him out of bed so that he didn’t have to rush so much to get to work on time. It worked well for the first few days that she had it there, but just when my grandmother was congratulating herself for being a resourceful wife, my grandfather started only waking up enough to reach over and hit the clock so that the alarm went silent, and then would roll over and go back to sleep. Grandma had retaliated by moving the clock all the way across the room so that when it went off, he couldn’t just turn it off. He had to actually get out of bed and turn off the alarm, and by the time that he got there, he was already awake enough that he didn’t feel the need to climb back into bed. She had left it there for the rest of his career, and then even after his retirement. Even after he died, Grandma left the clock there as a reminder of him.
This morning when the alarm went off, I silenced it, but didn’t immediately climb out of bed. I experimented with how it felt to roll onto my back and stretch against the mattress. I reached my feet down toward the lower corners of the bed and my arms up toward the upper corners. The stretch felt wonderful, soothing and invigorating at the same time. I rolled my head back and forth, loosening my neck. I concentrated on each part of my body individually, stretching, tightening, and releasing the muscles from my neck down to my feet and back. It was like each section of my body was waking up, coming to life as I became more aware of it. It was an odd thought that I had been less aware of my body, the body that I lived in every moment, but now as I was lying in my bed, ignoring anything beyond it, I felt like I was learning new parts of myself, becoming more familiar with every inch of myself. Time was slipping past, but I didn’t care. I barely noticed the minutes that were disappearing, the morning that was fading away. Usually I would have been up, had my breakfast, and would be dressed and onto whatever tasks that I was going to do to fill the day, but I was still in bed, enjoying the sheer luxury of awareness.
I spent the rest of the day continuing to enjoy this new awareness, new connection to my own body by pampering myself. I went into the back of my closet and pulled out the baskets of scented body products that my mother sent me each Christmas and lined the edge of the tub with candles. I soaked in the tub, allowing the salts to soothe me and the bubbles to tease my skin. Oils softened every inch of me and the scents made the air heavy and sultry, creating a mood within me that seemed to embody the indulgence. When I finally emerged, I dressed in the softest, most comfortable clothing that I had and stretched out onto the couch to read. My mind was so focused on the completely unknown day of relaxation and luxury that when my phone rang I was surprised to notice that the sun had set outside.
“Hello?”
“Put on your makeup,” Gabriel’s voice said. “Tie your hair up. In twenty minutes, be at your front door wearing only your panties and a blindfold.”
“A blindfold?”
Gabriel didn’t answer. The phone went silent and I dropped it to the couch beside me. He had given me twenty minutes to be ready for him and I didn’t want to be late. I rushed into the bathroom and applied my makeup, adding extra to my eyes and a swipe of softening gloss on my lips. Just before I left the room, a thought came to my mind and I paused to massage another layer of lotion into my skin. I chose one of the few pairs of lace-edged panties that I had and slipped into them. My heart was pounding in my chest and my breath was shallow when I glanced at the clock and noticed that I only had a few minutes. I looked around my bedroom for anything that might be able to use as a blindfold. I was suddenly aware of the time that was ticking by and was nervous that I might upset Gabriel if I wasn’t ready for him. I had already felt the disappointment of him leaving when I didn’t follow through, and I didn’t intend on feeling that again. I had made the decision to give myself over to the compulsion that I was feeling, to the draw that kept me pulled to him with every breath. I didn’t understand him, but it seemed that that was part of the draw. I wanted to know him. I wanted to understand. I wanted to know what made him so assured of himself and of what he lived.
I finally grabbed a gauzy scarf that I had worn to a wedding the summer before and rushed out toward the front door. Pushing away the questioning that rose up into my mind, I lifted the scarf and covered my eyes, bringing the ends back around my head to knot it tightly. I had just enough time to let out a breath before I heard a knock on the door. It was slow and steady, announcing his presence rather than commanding entry. I took an unsteady step forward, reaching ahead to feel for the door. My hand flattened against it and I felt down for the deadbolt. I disengaged the lock and then turned the doorknob. As I opened the door I had the brief, startling thought that I hadn’t even asked if it was Gabriel at the door. It could have been anyone standing there, and I opened the door undressed and blindfolded, fully vulnerable.
In seconds, however, I knew that it was Gabriel who had knocked on the door. The strong presence of him entered the apartment and I heard the door close and the lock click into place. My body was starting to shake, but I also felt my lips twitching slightly, trying to curve up into a smile of excitement and anticipation. Fingertips touched the spot between my collarbones just as Gabriel had touched me in the simulator and ran down the center of my chest. A feathery touch grazed across each breast, tightening my nipples, but not focusing on them. This made my breasts feel heavy, almost aching for the touch, and I arched my back toward Gabriel, trying to show him what I wanted. It didn’t seem that he had any interest in following my guidance, however, and his touch continued down the center of my torso until it reached my trembling belly.
His hand paused in the valley between my hipbones and here I felt the pressure change. Rather than just being a soft, exploratory touch, it become harder, more insistent, as Gabriel pressed his hand against my belly to push me backwards. Without being able to see the movement I was disoriented and I felt myself stumbling over my feet. For a brief moment I was afraid that I was going to fall, and then felt myself hit the wall behind me. As soon as I was flattened against the wall, Gabriel’s body came close to mine. I could feel the heat radiating off of him and the scrape of fabric on my skin. I remembered the way that his jacket looked in the wind the night before and I wondered if he was wearing it now.
The thought cut off with the feeling of Gabriel’s mouth settling onto the side of my neck. He made a trail of hard, passionate kisses down to the curve of my shoulder where I felt his mouth open and his teeth sink just slightly into my skin. It wasn’t enough to cause true pain, but it was enough of a change in sensation that it was shocking. I gasped, and he immediately covered the sound with his mouth, kissing me hard enough that for a moment it was hard to breath. The pressure released, and he kissed me more softly, sucking my bottom lip into his mouth as he grabbed onto my wrists and brought them up over my head to pin them to the wall.
“Spread your legs,” he growled against my lips.
I moved my feet apart a few inches.
“Wider.”
I parted them further, starting to feel the pull deep in my hip joints. I realized that I was resisting against his hand where he was holding my wrists and I released the tension in my arms. His strength took over and I was able to relax into the position, easing the discomfort. His other hand traced down the front of my body, his fingers curling so that his fingernails just scraped the surface of my skin. When he reached the front of my panties, he paused. I was nearly gasping in anticipation, my arousal spiraling well beyond the nervousness that I had felt. Finally, he let his hand glide down beneath the waistband of my panties and I felt his finger slip between my folds. I could tell that I was already wet. My juices had started flowing, my body preparing itself, as I started getting ready for his arrival, and now I was even more turned on. His hand moved easily and smoothly across me, first exploring through the layers of wet petals and then concentrating on my clit. His finger coaxed the tight pearl forward, drawing it out from beneath its protective hood so that he could stroke it relentlessly.
Being blindfolded made everything clearer, more intense. The presence of his body near mine felt hot and enveloping. The smell of his cologne was cool and crisp, layering over the saltiness of his skin. I could hear every breath as it filled his lungs and then streamed out around me. Even the pounding of my heart was loud in my ears and I listened to it, trying to concentrate on the rhythm to pull back on the rush of sensation that was threatening to overwhelm me. I bit down on my lip, pressing my head back against the wall. I immediately felt Gabriel’s mouth come to my ear.
“Stop,” he said. “Stop biting your lip. Don’t do that anymore. I’m the only one who will bite you.”
I felt a thrill rush through me at the command and took my teeth from lip, nodding.
“Yes,” I said.
I tightened my muscles throughout my body as the feelings that he was creating within me grew more intense and Gabriel pushed against me, flattening me harder against the wall.
“Stop,” he said again. “Stop fighting. Stop trying to control it.”
His head ducked, and I felt his teeth dig down into my breast. The shock of pain broke through the control that I had been struggling so hard to maintain and I cried out as a crushing orgasm slammed over me. I could barely catch my breath as the waves of pleasure tore through me. Gabriel continued to stroke me, and the pleasure became too much. I strained against his hand on my wrists, trying to break free so that I could grab his hand and pull it away, but I couldn’t get free. I was totally at his mercy, vulnerable to his will. Finally, he pressed down against my clit and another peak unexpectedly caught me. I felt my legs give out and I collapsed toward the floor. Gabriel caught me and swept me up over his shoulder, carrying me through my apartment toward my bedroom. He stretched me out across the bed and I felt his presence disappear. I was worried that he had just left, but a few seconds later I heard the sound of water running in the bathroom attached to my bedroom.
Gabriel returned to the side of the bed and I felt a warm washcloth touch my inner thighs. He bathed me carefully, then reached up and untied the scarf from behind my head. My eyes fluttered open and I found myself staring at him, taking in the strength and beauty of his face. His touch in the simulator had been incredible, but now that I was looking into his eyes, seeing him in total, inescapable reality, it was intoxicating. I reached up for him, wanting more, wanting to grab onto him now that I was able to move my hands. He took hold of my hands and pushed them away from him, easing them back to my sides.
“Tomorrow,” he said.
He leaned down and kissed me once more before walking out of my bedroom and leaving the apartment.