I had been balled up on the bed for so long when I went to unfurl my limbs, I could barely feel my arms and legs. My head was empty and dizzy from crying, and I was so dehydrated, it felt like I'd been hiking across the desert with no canteen.

I shuffled to the kitchen for a glass of water. I was supposed to feel better. I'd finally let loose of something that had been festering inside of me for years, but I felt more lost than ever. I'd been sitting in my little apartment feeling heartbroken and sick and then it occurred to me that Dylan had ruined my life not once, but twice. He'd sent that picture for no reason other than to break up my relationship with Joshua.

A half bottle of wine had convinced me that after all this time I needed to confront Dylan for what he’d done. It was his turn to suffer. I'd gone through the scene and my words over and over again, but not once during those hours of mentally visualizing the scene had Dylan come back at me with something so hurtful it almost made what he'd done seem unimportant. There had been a text. The text that explained why Michelle had so quickly decided she no longer wanted Dad and me in the house. And it seemed everyone knew about it but me. I suppose I should have been thankful that at least they spared me that agony. It seemed Joshua knew too. He knew but he never said anything to me. He wouldn't.

I sipped down the water. My throat felt achy from so much crying. Just a week ago I was flitting around my apartment, whistling and thinking dreamy thoughts about Joshua. Now I felt so drained of happiness, I was sure I'd never feel it again. My life had been a roller coaster of ups and downs. The first major ride downhill was my own mom leaving. I'd always known she wasn't all that thrilled to be a mother, and I knew that my parents fought far too often. But it was hard to understand just how easily she could walk out on Dad and me. Then we'd both found a new family and things seemed wonderful. But that ended with Dylan, and it seemed my roller coaster car started taking a lot more dips than climbs. But knowing that Emily had died thinking I betrayed her by kissing Joshua, that was just too hard to absorb. And I had betrayed her. I betrayed her because along with the dark secret I kept inside, there had always been another secret. I had been in love with Joshua almost from the start. It had begun as just a teenage crush. For the longest time, I was sure I'd outgrow it and some other boy would sweep me off my feet. But it never happened. There had been other boys, but none of them were Joshua. None of them even came close. That secret I kept close to my heart, never to be revealed to anyone. I was going to take it to my grave. But all it took was too much beer and a scary incident with Gregory, an incident that surfaced all the horror of my encounters with Dylan, and I threw myself right into Joshua's arms. There was no way to stop myself. I knew his arms were the only ones that could ease my fears and my pain. He was the only person I ever trusted.

My phone buzzed, and I glanced absently at the screen. It was the bank letting me know I was overdrawn. On top of everything else, I'd lost my job. Soon I'd be standing on the sidewalk with my sofa bed.

I picked up the phone.

"Becca? Is everything all right?"

I sniffled once and then took a deep breath. I didn't want to alarm him. "Dad? I know it's late there, but I just had to call."

"Sweetheart, you sound upset. What's wrong?"

"First, I'm sorry I broke up your marriage to Michelle." My voice trembled, but I was too drained of tears to shed any more. "I know it was my fault."

He paused so long I looked at the phone to see if we were still connected.

"Rebecca, the breakup had nothing to do with you. It was the terrible tragedy. It changed Michelle. Can't blame her. We all changed. Emily's loss was just too much for all of us to deal with."

"Dad? Can I come home? I mean, home to you."

"Becca, sweetheart, of course. I can't wait for you to get here. I need so much help. Did you get the video I emailed? Of the baby goats?"

"I'll look right now. Dad, just hearing your voice is making me feel better." I walked over to my computer and wiggled the mouse. I opened the short clip of two squeaky adorable baby goats drinking from a bottle. "So, now you're also a goat farmer?"

"They help keep the weeds down in the vineyard. These two babies need a mom, so be ready to take over for me."

"They are adorable." I sighed. "If I must, then I guess I'm up to the task. Dad, I hate to sound like the biggest loser in the world, but I need a plane ticket. I sort of lost my job."

"Finally told off the old witch, huh?"

"In a big way."

"Good. She deserved it. I'll go online and get you a ticket right now."

"Thanks. Oh, and Dad—there's something I need to tell you. I'll wait until I see you in person. It's something important. I don't want to talk about it over the phone."

"Rebecca?" The concern coming through the phone was almost palpable.

"Not now, Dad. I don't have the strength to talk about it right now. I'll see you soon. Love you."

"Love you too. I'll let you know about the flight times. Bye, sweetheart."

I dropped the phone on the desk and watched the goat video a few more times for no other reason except they provided a few seconds of pure pleasure. A knock on the door made me jump.

I got up, walked to the door and looked through the peephole. It was Joshua. His face was drawn with grief. I took a deep breath and opened the door.

His pale gaze held mine as his throat moved with a deep swallow.

Before he could find his words, mine fell right from my mouth. "You lied. She did hate me. She knew about the kiss."

"No, she blamed me for that. She didn't hate you. She loved you."

I took hold of his hand and stared down at it. "You've always worked hard to protect me, Josh."

"I sure as hell failed at that. I didn't know. Why didn't you tell me? I would have helped you."

I shook my head and took hold of his hand. I couldn't talk about it anymore. I pulled him inside. He went to open his mouth again, but I pressed my fingers against his lips.

I shook my head again. "No words. Everything is in the past now. There's only one thing I need right now. These arms. The only arms I've ever needed." I led him to the bed, and we sat against the cushions. I crawled onto his lap, and he wrapped his arms around me.