I'd dreaded the day as much as I'd looked forward to it. I was desperate to see my dad and the vineyard. But I was in total despair about leaving Joshua behind. He was gripping the wheel extra tight, and there was the tiniest flicker of movement in his cheek. It was that little muscle that twitched whenever he was upset.

I had spent the last few days at his house, even lending a hand to help him paint the kitchen. It had been a blissful few days. In between, I'd worked up the courage to talk to Michelle. It was the hardest thing I'd ever done. But Joshua had convinced me that if Michelle knew, she might keep better track of Dylan. Hopefully she'd keep him going to the doctor he'd started seeing. Michelle had been cold at first, but as I told her the terrible secret, she crumbled into tears and we held each other for a long time.

But there was still one person I needed to say good-bye to. "Hey, do you mind turning off here? I just need to make a quick stop before we hit the freeway."

Joshua looked confused at first, but it didn't take him long to figure out where we were headed.

Clusters of flowers dotted the verdant green hills of the cemetery as we drove inside. The towering stone mortuary looked down at us through stained glass windows as Joshua's car rolled past at the ten mile speed limit. A funeral must have been about to start because the shallow marble steps in front of the mortuary were covered in slow moving people wearing dark clothes and even darker sunglasses.

I hadn't been to the cemetery since the Christmas after the accident. Then, when Michelle, Dad and I drove through, the hills were a little less green from the winter frost and the rows of graves were decorated with poinsettias and evergreen wreaths. Some people had even decorated tiny trees to place on their loved one's gravesite. Michelle had brought white roses and she'd lamented not having thought to bring a tree. But she didn't know. Cemetery visits were still new to her back then.

Joshua knew exactly which tree lined road to turn down. The green bench that sat adjacent to Emily's grave had a row of sparrows sitting across it twittering a song for the sleeping guests.

I looked over at Joshua. His mouth was pulled into a grim line, and it seemed he was hardly taking any breaths.

"Have you been here lately?" I asked.

He shook his head and pulled the car over. He was still gripping the steering wheel hard, almost as if he was reliving those awful moments when his car had spun out of control.

"I did so many things wrong that day," he said quietly.

"If only there was a way to pluck certain days right up and out of your life, like pulling weeds out of the flower garden," I said. "Pick them and toss them away so that they never happened. Then they couldn't ruin the rest of the garden." I leaned back and stared out at the rows of headstones. Two elderly women were having a glass of wine on a grave across the way. Two sisters, possibly, having a toast with a departed loved one.

I reached over and touched Joshua's arm. It startled him out of his thoughts.

"You don't have to come out, Joshua. I just need to have a few words with her." He didn't answer, so I climbed out of the car. I walked carefully between the stones to Emily's. There were a few pink roses sitting in the vase in front of it. Michelle had, no doubt, left them there.

It was always surreal seeing her name etched in the stone and the dates below, that seemed all wrong. I fingered the letters of her name. "Hey, Em, I'm leaving town, and I just wanted to say thank you for being my sister. Thank you for helping me dye my hair weird colors, even when it left your fingers blue. Thank you for teaching me how to put on makeup and how to make scrambled eggs. Thanks for not getting mad when I wore your favorite jeans and ripped them on Peggy's sprinkler. I know you wanted to yell at me but you didn't. You were the prettiest, smartest most wonderful sister a girl could have, and I'll never forget you."

I stared down at the pink roses. The petals were fluttering in the breeze. I watched until the loosest one broke free and jumped and rolled across the grass, before settling on the neighboring headstone of Mildred Hamptom, who had lived to the ripe old age of ninety, a proper age for dying.

I looked back at the wilting flowers because it was hard to look at Emily's name. It always made the whole thing too damn real.

"Emily, the kiss was just a split second decision. I was upset, and, as always, Joshua was there to keep me safe. He was standing there, looking every bit the trusted friend I knew him to be, so I kissed him." I rubbed my nose with the back of my hand. "Not that I didn't have a major crush on him. Because I did. Can you blame me? But I never, ever would have done anything to come between you. Because as much as I loved Joshua, I would have died of a broken heart before doing anything to hurt you. I'm sorry about the kiss." I heard Joshua’s steps behind me. "Bye, Em."

I pushed to my feet and walked past Joshua and got in the car. He stood over her headstone for a long time. He discretely wiped his eyes. I could see his mouth move, but it was hard to know what he said.

He turned and walked back to the car with his long hair, black jeans and pale blue eyes. The accident had left him crushed with guilt and heartbreak, and it had stolen any chance of him fulfilling his dream as a bass guitarist in a band.

But to me, Joshua was always going to be a mega rock star.