It takes me a long time to fall asleep. When I do my sleep is restless. Full of strange dreams that don’t make sense. I keep waking up to check the time. Finally, at three in the morning, I succumb to a deep slumber. Even then I dream.

I am at the casino and my sister is still alive. I’m unsurprised by the fact. She is wearing her favorite yellow dress and she is carrying Janna. There is no milk for Janna and I offer to go out and buy some. I walk towards the back entrance. I open the door and step into pitch blackness. I can hear the sound of something breathing heavily. Then I hear footsteps. Heavy. A man. His strides are slow and deliberate. I know that he is coming for me, but I am unable to run. My feet are rooted to the spot. I just stand there waiting for him to appear. He comes closer and closer …

I wake up with a start, drenched in a cold sweat.

What the hell was that dream about?

Breathing hard I turn to look at the clock. It is just after six-thirty. I untwist the blankets from my body and go to the bathroom to splash cold water on my face and change into a dry T-shirt. I don’t hear Janna yet, so I pad over to her bedroom, needing her soft, innocent presence after such a terrifying nightmare. I like to bury my nose in her hair to breathe in the candy sweet scent of her shampoo. I open the door quietly and find her wide awake and flipping through the pages of her favorite book. She is actually reading to her toys.

“Mummy, you’re awake!” she chirps happily, flashing the adorable gap in her teeth.

“Morning, sweets. I didn’t know you were up.”

“I am,” she says, nodding vigorously, but she doesn’t disentangle herself from her nest of stuffed toys and blankets. She likes to sleep with every soft toy she owns and as soon as she wakes up she always arranges them all around her.

“Why didn’t you come to my bed?” I ask.

“Because Aunty Cindy says I’m not allowed to disturb you until the long hand touches twelve and the short hand touches seven on the clock,” she explains solemnly.

I walk up to her bed and she moves some toys to make space for me. I bend down and pretend to look surprised. “My goodness! What happened to your tooth?”

“It fell out,” she says touching the gap.

“Did you check under the pillow to see if the tooth fairy left you some money?”

Instantly, she dives under all her toys, and comes out beaming triumphantly and holding up my five-pound note. “Look, Mummy.”

“Wow. What will you buy with it?”

“Is it enough for a pony?”

I raise my eyebrows. “Janna …”

“All right,” she sighs. “Is it enough for three ice creams?” She starts counting it out on her fingers. “One for you, and one for me, and one for Aunty Cindy, and one for nana, and one for gramps.”

“That’s five ice creams,” I correct. I curl two of her fingers. “That’s three and,” I pull the other two out. “And that’s five.”

“Is it enough for five ice creams?”

I nod and smile. “Yes, my darling. That is enough money for all of us. It’s very generous of you to share.”

“Can we have it for breakfast?”

“No, we don’t have ice cream for breakfast, but guess what?”

Her eyes become round. “What?”

“We’re doing something very special this afternoon.”

She sits up, tiny fingers giving a good scratch to the back of her head, her curls bobbing over her shoulders. The ends are a bit straggly and she needs a haircut, but I can’t bear to let anyone put scissors to all those sweet curls.

“I made a new friend and he wants to meet you.”

“Is your friend a pony?”

“No. It’s a man.”

“Oh, okay,” she says with a shrug.

I have to laugh. To me, Konstantin is a force of nature, an earthshattering development that has turned my life upside down. But Janna couldn’t care less. She’d exchange him for a pony any day.

I open my arms and she launches herself with the force of a small torpedo into me, nearly knocking me backwards onto the floor.

“I love you, little munchkin,” I whisper into her sweet-smelling hair. I close my eyes and take a deep breath. Whenever I say those words aloud to Janna, I say it in my heart to Octavia too. I pull back. “Now let’s get some breakfast. We’re having pancakes.”

“Yay!”

* * *

We couldn’t have chosen a more perfect day to have lunch in the park. It’s warm, the sun beats down on our shoulders when we step off of the bus. I keep Janna’s tiny, sweaty hand in mine as we walk from the bus stop, across the street, and into the park. My eyes scan the street, but I don’t see Konstantin’s Lamborghini lurking anywhere.

Maybe he’ll stand us up.

My stomach is in knots. I can’t decide whether that would be better than finding him waiting for us. I don’t know what I was thinking bringing Janna along. She’s become excited to meet my special friend. I hope I’m not making a big mistake.

I told Konstantin we’d wait for him in the center of the park near the ice cream van. Janna and I come here often so she can run herself ragged on the playground and have an ice cream before going home to crash for an hour or two.

“I wanna swing!” Janna screeches, tugging hard on my arm with the full weight of her compact body. She likes to pick her own clothes and her favorite is to wear clashing colors, but I strongly suggested she choose a matching outfit today—her favorite frilly skirt and sky blue t-shirt.

I’ve dressed a little better than I usually would for an afternoon at the park too. I’m wearing a pair of skinny jeans and a silky blue tank top that makes my eyes pop. I made a real effort with my hair too, sweeping the bulk of my hair back into a fashionably messy ponytail.

I spot Konstantin before he sees us. He is sitting on a bench watching the kids on the playground. He looks relaxed in an olive-green shirt, open at the collar, and faded blue jeans. I feel a warm thrill to find him waiting here for me. Early is good. It means he is as eager as I am.

He turns as we approach, but doesn’t stand, just watches me with those smoking eyes. All the heat from the night before comes flooding back and all those aching, needy places inside me start throbbing for him. Thank God I have Janna to focus on now.

“Janna, this is my friend, Konstantin,” I say, letting go of her hand.

“Hello, Janna,” he says, smiling gently.

“Hi,” she says. Before Konstantin can respond again, she scurries up into his lap, moving so quickly, I can’t catch hold of her shoulder to keep her from climbing up there.

“Janna!” I whisper, horrified. She has never done that to a stranger before.

She completely ignores me and he leans back to give her room to get comfortable, but doesn’t seem to mind having her in his lap. She stares up at him openly, grinning hard and showing off her missing tooth. That kid can—and does—get away with just about anything after flashing a smile like that.

She lifts her chin and smooths her hair back. “If you want you can be my daddy.”

I redden to the roots of my hair. To Konstantin’s credit, he doesn’t flinch, doesn’t lose the serene smile he’s giving Janna, who’s staring up at him like he’s the most beautiful thing she’s ever seen. I know how she feels.

“Oh,” I mumble, trying for a smile, but failing miserably, “I’m sorry. All her friends at playschool have daddies and she wants one too.” I want to snatch her off his lap before she says something else equally embarrassing, but the little madam has snuggled happily into his chest. It’s strange to see her doing that because she’s never so forward with complete strangers. Overall, she’s a happy, friendly kid, but she always keeps her distance when she first meets someone. I guess I have never introduced her to a man friend before so I never knew how she would react.

“It’s fine,” he says, his eyes flicking up to my face. His mouth curves into a carefree grin that makes me want to lick his mouth. Before I move on to licking other things. My scalp prickles as my blush moves past my hairline.

“I like your hair,” Janna says, peering up at Konstantin, who has to tuck his chin in drastically in order to look down at her.

“What do you like about it?” he asks. There’s a sweetness to his voice that I haven’t heard before. It’s usually rigidly held, cautious, mostly devoid of emotion, and accentless, which is why it was so surprising to hear him speak another language to the waiter last night. The mysteriousness that surrounds him seems to indicate that he has no past at all, as though he simply appeared out of thin air exactly as I see him now.

“It’s yellow,” she says. “Like the prince in my story. If you marry my mummy, she’ll be a princess.”

“Janna. Stop being so rude.”

She turns towards me. “I’m not being rude, Mummy.” She turns away from me and looks at Konstantin. “Am I being rude?”

He shakes his head quickly. “No.”

She turns back to me. “See.”

“It’s rude to ask people personal questions,” I say sternly, and with my eyes widened and staring at her. She knows what that means. Wait till I get you home!

She decides to ignore me. “Do you live in a castle?”

Konstantin glances up at me, his lips pursed to hold back a smile, “No,” he says to her.

“Oh,” she says, disappointed.

“Do you want a hotdog, Janna?” I say loudly. “You can play on the swings after you eat. And have an ice cream. Would you like that?”

Nodding, she detaches herself from Konstantin and hops back onto the ground. He rises from the bench, shifting the dynamic. I look up at him and his eyes are hotter than I’ve ever seen them. It is just that easy for him to turn on the electricity. I feel that zapping energy running up my arms, my legs, down my spine. I pointedly glance away from him, take Janna by the hand, and lead her towards the hotdog vendor while Konstantin follows closely behind.

We order hotdogs and bottled water, all Konstantin’s treat, then find a shady spot beneath a tree to lay down the blanket I brought and eat our lunch. We’ve wandered away from the noise on the playground, though that keeps attracting the better part of Janna’s attention. With the cool breeze and chilled water to drink, it’s actually quite comfortable in the shade.

Janna wolfs down her hotdog, smearing ketchup all over her face. I wipe it off with a wet wipe while Konstantin looks on, his head tilted to one side as if the domesticity of the scene intrigues and surprises him.

Konstantin eats quickly as well, not saying a word unless it’s in response to one of Janna’s direct questions. She clearly likes him a great deal. The detached chilliness of his expression has melted away a little. His eyes are animated and engaged instead of just alternating between wary and hot. Janna’s a good influence on him and vice versa. Maybe this wasn’t such a bad idea after all.

Eating seems to relax us. It worked the same way last night. Janna lays back on the blanket to count the leaves on the maze of thick branches above our heads, extending a chubby index finger to mark each one.

The shade, the gentle breeze, the sound of Janna’s murmured counting—it’s perfect. Not to mention the musky scent of Konstantin on the breeze that floats down to me. We’re extremely close to one another. If I leaned a few inches to the left, I’d be resting on his shoulder.

Janna’s counting is slowing down. Yawning, she lowers her arm but keeps up the tally, valiantly fighting a battle she slowly loses each day around this time, her little body eventually succumbing to the drag of sleep.

Konstantin’s fingers run slowly up my arm from my elbow to just below my shoulder.

Shivering, I swallow back a moan before turning to meet his eyes. The expression in them takes my breath away.

“She’s a sweet kid,” he whispers.

My heart’s thundering in my chest as the blood rushes up to my head.

“You’re good with her.” It’s a struggle to keep my voice from wavering. I feel sixteen around him, which both thrills and annoys me. I’m twenty-three, playing mother and holding down a full-time job, not some silly, love-struck kid. And yet, to feel this way again …

“She’s good with me, you mean,” he teases, with a gentle laugh.

“Do you have brothers and sisters?”

“I had siblings.” He doesn’t elaborate. Had? I look into his eyes and already the shutters are back down. That makes three things I know about him now. Except I don’t actually know what type of business he’s in. I also don’t know how many siblings he had and how he lost them.

Of course, I also have absolutely no idea how old he is. His detached, mysterious demeanor makes him seem years older than I am, decades even, but that’s not possible. His finely formed features are blemish and wrinkle free. He can’t be more than a few years older than me. I’d be surprised to learn he’s much more than thirty.

I watch him closely for a moment, but he’s looking past me at Janna, his eyes unreadable. When he looks at me again, his eyes have morphed once more. They’ve become hotter. The air is suddenly much too heavy to breathe. I’m sweaty all over.

He touches my arm again, his fingers lingering on the soft skin on the inside of my wrist. An invitation. I lean closer, then shake my head.

“Not with Janna here …”

“She’s sleeping,” he whispers, his voice hoarse.

In the brief second it takes to confirm that Janna is indeed snoozing on the blanket next to me, Konstantin has scooted closer. His face is only inches away from mine. Those shapely lips come together and a burst of his hot breath ignites my skin. I can’t resist him.

I move the inch and press my mouth to his, pushing my tongue past his lips, wanting to taste him, to get at that heat that animates his amazing eyes. Primitive need rushes up from between my legs. We’re in the middle of a public park surrounded by children, but I can’t stop. I don’t fight him when he pulls me roughly over to him. I straddle his legs. I can feel how much he wants me. I move my crotch over that thick hardness between us, moaning as he ravages my mouth with his.

I pull away from him, breathless.

“I have to get to work,” I gasp.

He grabs my hips and grinds me on his cock, drawing a moan from me.

“When can I see you again?” he asks.

I can’t look away from his eyes. In the shade, they look almost black.

“Whenever you want,” I say hoarsely.

“Tonight?”

“Yes,” I whisper, still rocking in his lap as he guides my hips. I want to mess up his hair by running my hands through it. I want to kiss him until our mouths bleed. I want to tear his clothes off and climb onto his lap and ride him until we come in a frenzy of pleasure and agony.

“I’ll wait for you outside the casino. What time do you finish?” He kisses me again, but not deeply, just enough to get my hips going again. I swear, if I didn’t have Janna here, I’d find a secluded spot, slip out of my wet panties, and ride him for real.

“My shift ends at eleven,” I say.

He leans into my neck, kissing a trail up to my ear. “I’m going to fuck you until you scream. Tell me you want that.”

I answer him in a breathless whisper. “God, yes.”

He laughs into my neck, a low triumphant sound. “And so you shall be.”