For me, sex was both something I dreaded and something I craved. I taught myself at a young age to disconnect and fade away. After I was turned over to Rush, sex became a numbing agent. Like the drugs, I began to crave it—not the act but the escape.

However, right now I wasn’t sure if I craved the escape or the act. Yes, I wanted to forget my parents were murdered, but I also didn’t want to lie on a bed and count the minutes until it was over. For once in my life, I wanted to feel.

I want to feel him.

“Deuce,” I whisper.

“Shut up,” he growls, threading his fingers into my hair. Cupping the back of my head, he stares at me for a moment before blowing out a ragged breath. “Baby steps,” he hisses. “We’re going to take it slow, yeah?” he asks as he wraps my hair around his fists.

“Slow,” I agree, blinking as I watch him carefully.

Wetting his lips, he leans in a fraction closer. His breath comes in soft pants against my lips and anticipation coils inside my belly.

“Are you sure?” he questions, lifting his thumb to trace my lower lip. “I want you to think before you answer because when we’re done here, after you’ve come long and hard, everything you think you know about sex will be a fucking memory. I’m going to make you feel things you never even dreamt of feeling. Things you didn’t know your body was capable of. I’m going to unravel you darlin’, but you’re going to be the one in control.”

Dropping his hand, he leans down and touches his lips to mine. Neither of us move and he slowly works my lower lip between his. Teasing me, he alternates between sucking and nibbling. My lips part, begging him to give me more as a moan escapes the back of my throat. Tracing his wet tongue over my lips, I wrap my arms around his neck.

“Gave me your smile…” He mutters, pulling back. “And I thought it was the best thing I ever saw,” he adds, cupping my chin. “But that moan, that fucking moan is the best thing I ever heard,” he says before his mouth is on mine again.

This time when he kisses me he doesn’t go slowly. This time he goes in for the kill, claiming my mouth as his tongue slides over mine, tasting me…devouring me. Over and over, he slowly teases me taking turns with his tongue and teeth. Nipping at my lower lip, he entices another moan from me and I realize I’ve never been kissed like this. The other kisses he gave me weren’t as intense as this one. It’s the kind of kiss you never forget, the type you play over and over in your mind. The kind of kiss that will burn your lips long after it’s over.

Breathless, he pulls back, still peppering my mouth with kisses as he walks backward toward the bed. Taking a seat at the foot of the bed he drops his hands to my hips, kneading me with his thumbs.

“What’s it going to be, Ally?” he drawls. His raspy voice sears through me and I clench my thighs together.

Telling myself it’s impossible to get off on merely his voice, I will myself to relax and meet his gaze. His eyes are dark and full of desire making me fully aware that this won’t be an escape, this won’t be like anytime before.

This will be a lesson.

Taught to me by him.

A lesson I will never forget.

If I allow myself to trust I’ll finally learn how to feel the things people crave. I’ll know what sex is meant to be like.  If I give myself to him fully, Deuce will be the man who introduces me to my own body.

“Show me,” I plead softly.

Something feral flickers in his eyes as his hands move from my hips to the button on my jeans.

“Yellow,” he says as he pops the button open. Keeping his eyes on mine, he draws the zipper down. “When you want me to slow down, you say yellow,” he instructs.

Feeling light-headed and confused, I blink as he slips his large hand inside my jeans.

“Red, if you want me to stop,” he adds, stilling a hand over my pussy.

“What do I say when I want more?” I rasp, placing my hands on his shoulders to steady myself.

“You say whatever you like. You tell me what feels good, what you want more of and I’ll give it to you. You feel me, darlin’?”

“I feel you,” I whisper as his finger slips beneath my panties. Reaching up with his free hand, he runs his fingers down the side of my cheek.

“Swollen eyes and all you’re the prettiest girl I’ve ever seen.”

“I don’t need lines.”

“Then I reckon it’s a good thing I don’t do lines,” he says as he cups my face and drags it down to his. “I don’t know which part of this face is my favorite. If it’s your mouth or these eyes that drew me in the moment I saw you. Maybe it’s the freckles I count every chance I get.”

“You count my freckles?”

“Thirty-seven,” he says, pressing his mouth to mine. Parting my lips, he slides into my mouth as his finger strokes me at an agonizingly slow pace. Wrapping my arms around his neck, my fingers toy with the ends of his hair as I kiss him back.

My mouth pauses against his as he slides his hand out of my jeans and threads his fingers through the belt loops. Pulling back, he starts to slide the denim down my legs.

“Shoes off,” he commands.

Obeying, I kick my flats off and watch him tentatively lift one leg onto his lap. Steadying myself, he frees one leg and then the other.

“Turn around,” he says next.

Obedience used to be a way of life for me, something I did to survive. Now, driven by my own curiosity and without fear, I yield to Deuce’s every command. I suppose that’s what happens when you trust someone—when sex is consensual and not a chore.

Growling, he places his palms on my ass cheeks and jerks me closer to him as he spreads his legs.

“This fucking ass,” he grinds out, pushing the cheeky panties to the side to squeeze a handful. “Makes me hard just thinking about it,” he trails off, hooking his fingers in the waistband of my panties.

“When I dropped the toothpaste in the bathroom, you remember that?”

“Mmhmm,” I murmur as he peels my underwear off.

“I just wanted that ass perched high in front of me,” he admits. “Now turn around, darlin’, so I can see that pussy of yours.”

Kicking my underwear off, I take a deep breath and do as I’m told. Leaning back on his elbows, his gaze sweeps over me. When his eyes finally land between my legs, he licks his lips like a starved animal.

I wait for him to say something or to touch me but he just stares lazily at me. This makes me realize he has a ridiculous amount of control.

“Now what?” I ask as I nervously pull my sleeves over my hands.

“Lose the shirt, babe,” he replies, reaching between his legs. I watch in fascination as he presses the heel of his palm to the bulge in his pants. The need to touch him pulses inside of me, desperate to feel his thick cock grow against my palm, knowing it’s all for me.

“Shirt,” he reminds me.

Biting back the urge to grab him, I pull my shirt over my head and drop it to the floor. Remembering the scar across my stomach, I instantly cover it with my hands.

“No,” he says, leaning forward. “You remember the words I said?”

“Yes,” I whisper.

“What does red mean?”

“Stop.”

“Don’t forget those words,” he warns as he laces his fingers with mine. “They are your safe words,” he pauses as he stares at me. “You’re safe with me, Ally. You’re always safe with me,” he says with conviction.

Though I trust him completely, anxiety starts to claw at my insides as he gently guides my hand away from my scar. My head shouts for me to say red but my body is in control now and it wants everything Deuce is offering.

He guides our joined hands between my legs and he traces both our fingers over my pussy.

“Feel that?” he asks as he moves his fingers and wraps his hand around my wrist. Suddenly he’s the one moving my hand, dragging my fingers up and down. I arch against my hand as he makes my fingers spread my lips. Pressing the pads of my fingertips against my clit he continues to dictate the motion of my fingers so I’m circling the bundle of nerves.

“God, yes,” I whisper as I massage myself.

Creating the rhythm, setting the pace, Deuce maneuvers my fingers and before I even realize it he pushes two of them deep inside my pussy.

“That’s it girl, touch yourself. Fuck that pussy nice and slow,” he hisses, letting go of my wrist. Expecting to stop the minute he lets go of me, I surprise myself and spread my legs wider. Pressing my thumb to my clit, I glide my fingers in and out of my wetness.

“Goddamn,” he mutters as he leans back on his elbows again and watches.

I start to come apart. My fingers pump to a ferocious pace, chasing the unknown and I cry out as I grind against my hand.

It feels so fucking good—like every nerve in my body is pulsing.

Alive.

I feel alive.

“Oh my God,” I cry as I fall over the edge.

“Beautiful,” he says. “Fucking beautiful.”

His hand closes over my wrist again and he drags my fingers out of me as he wraps his other arm around my waist and pulls me back to stand between his legs. Feeling as if my legs might give out, I pant heavily as I watch him lift my fingers to his mouth. Through my hooded gaze, I watch him take my fingers into his mouth and suck them until he consumes every last drop. When he’s through, he releases my fingers with a pop and stands up.

“The bra,” he says, jutting his chin to my breasts. “On the floor.”

My hands tremble as I reach behind me to unclasp my bra. Drawing the straps down my arms, I let it slip out of my fingers and join the rest of my clothes. Sucking in a breath, Deuce stares at me with a hungry gleam in his eyes and I feel myself become wet all over again.

“What about you?” I ask breathlessly.

“Don’t you worry about me, darlin’, this is all about you tonight.”

“But I want to feel you. I want to touch you,” I argue, reaching for the hem of his shirt.

He shakes his head but then he lifts his arms over his head and lets me remove his shirt. My eyes wander over him, taking in all the ink that travels down his neck, decorating his chest and filling his arms. Tracing the intricate piece on his chest, I open my mouth to ask what it is, but he steals the words from my mouth as he bends his head and kisses me. It's slow, exploratory…it’s fucking heaven, that’s what it is.

A safe haven I never expected to find.

Lost in the sensation, I’m suddenly lifted into his arms. I wrap my legs around his waist and tear my mouth from his as I stare into his amber eyes. I see that fire he’s always talking about and it burns for me.

Dropping me onto the mattress, Deuce unbuckles his belt, then his jeans, stripping them away until he’s standing before me completely naked. His arms flex as he reaches for his cock, giving it a few hard strokes.

“Let me do that,” I beg.

“No,” he growls. Fisting his cock with one hand, he swipes his fingers over his engorged head. Glistening with his pre-come he pulls his hand back and kneels on the bed.

“Spread your legs,” he demands. “Nice and wide.”

Licking my lips, I plant my feet on the mattress, bend my knees and spread myself as wide as I can.

“Wider,” he demands. “Until the inside of your thighs ache.”

Pushing myself to the limit, I widen my stance. My legs cramp but I ignore it as he pushes himself between my legs. He places both palms against my inner thighs, caressing his come into my skin as he dips his head and blows against my swollen pussy. I’m pretty sure my eyes roll behind my head and my hips buck against his breath.

“What’re you doing to me?” I whisper.

“Healing you,” he replies, positioning himself between my legs.

As true as that might be, I’m also sure he’s ruining me for any other man.

Without even fucking me, he’s made me a prisoner to his touch. Holding me captive with his hands and mouth, Deuce is introducing me to a prison I never want to escape.

He wraps his massive arms around my knees and presses his mouth to the inside of my right thigh. Anticipation builds in my belly as he spreads kisses up and down my thighs, and just when I think he’s going to put his mouth on the place I crave him most, he pushes himself up and releases my legs.

“No, don’t stop,” I groan.

“Not gonna fuck you, sweetheart,” he drawls as he kneels between my legs. “Not tonight,” he clarifies. “We’ll get there,” he states, splaying his hands over my tits.

“But I thought—”

“Shh.”

Spreading his fingers wide over my tits, he gently cups them, running his thumbs over my nipples until they transform into a sharp point. Fully erect, he pinches them between his fingers and I yelp.

“Say the word,” he says.

“More,” I demand, watching as he twists both nipples and pulls them. I bite the inside of my cheek as the pain rushes through me and my hips rise off the bed.

“Again,” I grind out.

Tugging and twisting with one hand, he drops his head to my other breast, drawing my nipple into his mouth. Sucking it and flicking his tongue over the point he drives me to the brink. Fighting between pleasure and pain, I moan in ecstasy. Needing more, I reach between my legs and palm myself. My hand instantly becomes soaked as I dig the heel of my palm against my clit while his teeth graze my nipple.

I once thought the most exhilarating thing to do would be jumping out of a plane. I figured there wasn’t a greater adrenaline rush than flying weightlessly through the air with nothing but the wind to guide you back to level ground. However, as Deuce shoves my hand away and crawls down my body, I question anything in this world can make me feel as much as I do the second his tongue touches me.

Maybe it’s because I’m highly sensitive or maybe it’s because I’ve never been fully in touch with my body, but in this single night, I’ve felt more emotions and more sensations than I have felt in all my life.

His tongue flicks over my clit as his fingers crook inside of me and I feel my mind, body and soul plunge. As free as I imagined skydiving would feel so does allowing my body to blissfully succumb to a pleasure I’ve never truly known.

My toes curl and my fingers claw the sheets as I languidly fall back onto the bed.

“You feel me,” he breathes.

I do.

I feel him everywhere.

I feel him in the blood that’s rushing through my veins.

I feel him occupying the thoughts inside my head.

I feel him in my heart with every pounding beat.

I feel Deuce.

I feel him.

And feeling never felt so good.