We take Pacific Coast Highway south to a long, empty street that cuts through the hills. Everything is dark except for the stars and the moon.

I rest my eyes. It's late, and this day stretched on forever. Miles has my head spinning. I don't know which way is up or down. That's enough to drive me mad, but the house, my parents… it's like my sister never existed.

The car slows to a stop. We're at a red light. Miles has that same determined expression. He knows where we're going. He knows what he's doing. He knows exactly what he's getting out of this relationship.

He turns onto a steep, winding road. There's some kind of lab at the top of the hill. We stop just short of it to pull onto a large patch of dirt. It's a makeshift vista point.

Miles turns off the car. "Take a look."

We make our way to the edge of the hill. The quiet suburbs go on forever, this mass of twinkling lights. The black sky is dotted with stars I've never seen before.

"This was the closest thing we had to a make-out spot in high school," he says.

Miles lived in Irvine for a while. It’s only twenty minutes from here. Hell, UCI is barely fifteen minutes from my parents’ house.

It would make sense to go to school there. It would save me time, money, effort.

But it would hurt too.

I clear my throat. "Did you… come here a lot?"

"Yeah. But I was always alone."

My tense muscles relax. "Always?"

"Unless someone changed the definition of always so that it means sometimes."

I don't bother with a comeback. There's too much to take in. This place is beautiful, and I'm the first girl Miles has ever brought here. I try not to let it mean anything. My heart thuds against my chest.

I pull my arms over it to keep all the warmth in my body.

Miles slides his arm around my shoulders. "Cold?"

"Yeah."

"Come here." He slides into the backseat, pulling me with him.

His body is close to mine. Inches away. There's just enough light to make out the expression on his face. He looks sad. But I don't know what that means.

He's warm, and he smells good. I need that, need him comforting me.

His fingers skim my chin. He guides me into a kiss. It's soft and sweet, the kind of kiss that should mean I love you. But this one can't.

That's not possible.

I tug at his leather jacket. I need him closer. I need it to mean I love you.

When the kiss breaks, Miles stares into my eyes. "Are you okay?"

I shake my head. He shouldn't ask things like that. He shouldn't act so damn sweet.

"What is it?"

My lungs fail me. My vocal chords fail me. My mouth is sticky and confused. There's no easy way to explain this, but I want to try. "My parents… they erased my sister's existence from the house. It's not right."

"They're trying to cope."

"I know. But that doesn't make it easier."

He runs his hand through my hair. "They care about you. Let them."

I close my eyes. His touch is delicate. His voice is soft. But he's never going to love me and he's better off alone.

I pull back. "Who the hell do you think you are to tell me to let someone care about me?"

He doesn't falter. "Fair enough."

It doesn't bother him. I hate that it doesn't bother him.

His lips skim my neck. Heat surges through me. All I need to do is close my eyes and surrender to his body against mine. It doesn't matter if he'll break my heart later. It doesn't matter that my parents are erasing my sister's existence.

This moment is the only thing that matters.

I lean into his lips. He moves faster, scraping his teeth against my skin, tugging at my cardigan.

"This is all I can offer you," he says.

Every place he touches is on fire, desperate for more of him, whatever he can offer. "I know."

He pulls my sweater over my head. "You've hurt so much. I can't bring myself to add to that."

His eyes find mine. They're dead serious, and there's such a sweetness to his gaze. He does care about me, even if it's only enough not to completely discard me.

I turn away, staring at the perfect view outside. "Then stop saying things like that. If you care about me, don't act like you're going to fall in love with me."

His voice is even. "Fair enough."

"And that. Stop with that. You have all the cards in this relationship. Stop bragging about how fucking collected you are."

He runs his hands over my shoulders, pulling my bra straps down. "I'm not collected." He unclasps my bra and rubs my nipples. "It's just that all my attention is already focused somewhere else." He takes my hand and slides it over the bulge in his jeans.

My breath catches in my throat. "That's not the same thing."

He pinches my nipples, sending pangs of desire all the way to my toes. My body screams with want. It won't forgive me if I do anything besides touch him.

"I do care about you." He pulls my jeans and panties to my feet in one fell swoop. "But this is the only way I can show you."

"I know."

His fingertips skim my thighs. "Are sure you're okay with that?"

I let my eyes flutter closed. "I have to take it or leave it."

Miles runs his hand over my calf, the inside of my knee, my thigh. "You can leave it."

"I'd believe you if you weren't about to fuck me."

He grabs my knees and arranges me so I'm on top of him. "I can stop. I'd rather not, but I can."

"Don't. I want you to show me how you care about me." I squeeze my eyelids together.

If this really is all Miles can offer, then it has to be enough. I need him to show me how he cares, even if it's with his cock inside me.

He rubs my shoulders, bringing my body onto his. The backseat is too small for two tall people. One of my legs is squeezed between his knee and the seat. The other is skimming the floor.

Miles is three inches from me. He brushes a hair behind my ear. His fingers slide over the curve of my chin. It's soft and sweet, like he loves me.

"You okay?" he asks.

"Show me."

He presses his palm flat against my back. "Look at me."

I pry my eyes open. He's staring at me, staring through me. It's like he can see inside me, see how close I am to crumbling.

"You don't look okay." His voice is just as soft and sweet as his touch.

"Don't pretend it matters to you."

"It does." He wraps his arms around me and holds me close. "You look like you're about to cry."

I press myself up, so we're eye to eye. "Show me, whatever that means, or drive me home."

He holds my gaze. It feels like forever passes, but it can't be more than a minute. Then, his eyes flutter closed, and his lips find mine.

It's the same kiss as before. One that would mean I love you in a normal relationship. His hands slide to my ass, his touch soft and delicate.

We're inches apart. His cock is just under my sex.

He takes my hips and guides me onto him. It's slow and gentle, and then he's all the way inside me.

I plant my hands on his shoulders and bring my body closer. We're face to face. Staring into each other's eyes. He keeps his grip on my hips, guiding my movements to drive his cock deeper inside me.

He stares at me like he loves me.

I close my eyes and press my lips into his. Soft. Sweet. Perfect. Or, it would be, if this whole situation weren't so hopelessly fucked.

He holds me close, shifting into me with a steady rhythm. His lips stay on mine. His tongue explores my mouth. It's gentle and delicate, like he wants more of me.

I kiss him back. I swirl my tongue around his. I rub my body against his. The pleasure builds in that same soft, slow way, until it's too much to take.

Miles breaks the kiss. He stares into my eyes, runs his hand through my hair. His pupils dilate. His fingers dig into my skin.

"Meg…" It's a soft groan, but it's filled with desire.

He keeps things slow. My sex clenches. More. More. More. It feels like it's going on forever, like it's never going to stop.

I press my lips into his, kissing him harder. But, still, he stays slow. He rocks into me. He holds me close.

The pressure inside me builds. More. More. More. It's so much. It's too much. An orgasm wells up in me. I moan into his mouth. More. I still need more. I kiss him harder, hold him closer.

Pleasure rocks through me, all the way to my fingers and toes. But I'm greedy, and I still want more.

I dig my hands into his hair. I squeeze my thighs against his. I rock my hips to meet him.

Miles groans into my mouth. His fingers dig into my skin. He thrusts ever so slightly harder. Pleasure wells up in me again. It's faster this time, more intense.

He breaks the kiss. Stares into my eyes. Nervous energy passes through me. He's inside me. I'm about to come. But the way he's staring at me… I've got no clue what it means.

I stare back. I dig my nails into his shoulders.

Pleasure floods my body. I can't fight it anymore. I cry out as an orgasm spills through me, mixing up all the feelings inside me, so I'm half in ecstasy, half in hell.

He holds me tightly, thrusting into me with that same perfect rhythm. I hold his gaze, groaning as another orgasm builds.

He moans, still holding me tightly, still thrusting into me. A shudder runs through his body. Almost. His teeth sink into his lip.

Still, he moves with that same rhythm, slow and steady. He shakes, harder, harder.

His eyes stay glued to mine. I watch his face contorting. His breath gets heavier. His groans get lower, louder. He squeezes my hips. There. His eyes roll back as he comes.

He rocks into me one last time, and he fills me.

It sends me over the edge again. For a few moments, everything else fades away. I only feel the pleasure coursing through my fingers and toes. I only feel good.

My resolve fades. I collapse my body onto his, trying hard to hold onto everything that feels good.

Miles relaxes into the seat. He squeezes me tighter, holds my body against his.

His heart is pounding against his chest, against my chest. His breath is in my hair. This means something, I'm sure of it. But I've got no clue what that something is.