“What the hell do you think you’re doing?”

Nate didn’t look up from the glass in his hand. He couldn’t remember how many he’d had, obviously not enough if he could still recognize the voice of his very pissed off PR manager.

She slapped him over the back of the head and that got his attention. He looked up at her and would have laughed if he didn’t feel so god dammed fucked up. She looked like a pissed off Tinkerbell and smoke practically streamed from her ears.

“Are you going to answer me, fuckwit?”

“No, I don’t think I will,” he replied with a slur.

“I can’t believe this! I can’t believe after everything you’ve done to get your career back on track that you would throw it all away.”

He didn’t rise to the bait. His career didn’t matter to him anymore, not now that he realized he was in love with Stevie and that he would never have the chance to tell her.

Mabel climbed up onto the stool next to him and ordered a drink.

“Of all the idiotic things I have ever done, begging you to take me on as your PR manager has to be the stupidest. Why I thought you’d changed, I’ll never know.”

The bartender slid a drink in front of her and she turned to me to toast, “Here’s to you, asshole, for not only fucking up your career but mine as well.”

She shot the amber liquid like it was mother’s milk without even a grimace and then raised her glass to the bartender for a refill.

“Don’t blame me for your career tanking,” he said. “That’s all on you.”

“No asshole, it’s on you. I hitched my little red wagon to you and you derailed right before we were going to make it big. Do you realize just what you’ve thrown away? You could have been back on top. You could have been riding that glorious wave of success if only you hadn’t choked just when it mattered most.”

“You make it sound like I did something unforgivable.”

“You don’t think bailing on Stevie and the band is unforgivable?”

“Not when they find out why.”

“So tell me hotshot. Why. Why did you leave them hanging?”

He sighed and nodded to the bartender for another.

“I’m doing them a favor,” he said.

“Yeah? How do you figure that?”

“I was only dead weight for them. They don’t need me. I was the one who needed them. This just makes it easier on everyone. They get the song and the rights to it without having to drag me around like some ball and chain.”

“What in all the seven hells are you talking about?”

“I signed over the rights to the song to them. They own it free and clear.”

Her eyes rounded as she stared at him. He lifted his glass and took a long draw while she processed what he’d done.

“You’re not putting the song on your new album?”

“I’m not doing a new album,” he replied.

“What!”

“I had an epiphany,” he said, sounding all very philosophical. “I decided I didn’t want Rocksteady to get their greasy hands on any of my new songs.”

“And what bought about this great epiphany?”

He sighed. “I saw something today and it made me angry. I was so angry that I was going to go and re-sign with Rocksteady—”

“What the fucking-loving hell?”

He held up his hand to stave off being eviscerated by her small hands that had surprisingly sharp nails.

“Let me finish for fuck’s sake.” He took a breath. “I marched over to Rocksteady all ready to sign on the dotted line and then I realized that the only one I would be hurting would be myself. Signing with Rocksteady wouldn’t fix the situation I found myself in, it wouldn’t make me feel better about myself. Signing with them would be a cop out. It would be taking the easy road and I’m done with the easy road.”

Mabel let out a slow breath and then said. “Okay. So you didn’t sign with them.”

“No, I didn’t. I saw Gina standing there all smug and I just couldn’t do it. And I couldn’t give them any of my new stuff either. Why would I hand them a treasure like that when they had caused me no end of pain? They didn’t deserve it.”

“But your contractual obligations—”

“Yeah, about that. I made a phone call to a friend of mine. A lawyer friend. He looked over the original contract and he found a loophole.”

“Oh come on,” Mabel said when he paused. “Don’t leave me hanging.”

He smiled for the first time since he’d seen Stevie kissing Carson. “I don’t have to provide them with new material,” he said.

“O-kay,” she said, drawing the word out, “I don’t understand.”

“I need to give them an album, but I don’t have to give them new material. And since they gave me complete creative control, I’ve chosen to do a ‘Greatest Hits’ album. They can rerelease some of my old songs and that will satisfy the clause in the contract.”

“And the new songs, the ones you’ve been working on?”

“That’s the best bit,” he said, warming to his subject. “I went straight from dropping that bombshell on Gina to Derek and I signed with his new label. All those songs will now be on my first album that I will produce under Derek’s new label.”

She stared at him open-mouthed and he couldn’t help but feel a little smug. He’d made the right decision even when the easiest thing would have been to bow down to Rocksteady and bleed for them once again. Instead he’d stood up for himself and for the new man he was becoming and he took control of his life.

“Breathe Mabel,” he said as he sipped his drink.

She blinked and snapped her mouth shut. After a few moments she spoke again.

“So why are you here drinking yourself stupid instead of singing your heart out on the stage with Stevie and the band?”

“She broke my heart, Mabel,” he said sadly, the earlier feelings of despair rushing back over him. “She broke my heart and I deserved it.”

Stevie expected Nate to turn up on her doorstep the next day to explain. Stevie hoped he would turn up and explain. As Stevie and the Court siblings packed up their gear, she kept listening for a knock on the door or a text on her phone. None came. Mabel had sent her a text last night telling her that she had found Nate but he wouldn’t be performing with them. She hadn’t given Stevie a reason why and hadn’t answered any of her follow-up texts or calls. Neither had Nate.

Anger didn’t begin to describe how she felt. Betrayal, fury, hurt… all these words weren’t enough, didn’t go deep enough. She felt like an idiot for trusting him again. She’d known he would let her down but her stupid hormones had gotten in the way. Lust had fogged her brain, the promise of orgasms had made her stupid. She should have listened to Darla instead of giving in to her body’s wants. Where was the smart girl that had emerged from the ashes the last time Nate had let her down? Yeah, she’d been all talk and had crumbled at the first promise of sex with the man she had lusted after for most of her life.

A knock on her bedroom door had her head turning so quickly she nearly gave herself whiplash.

“Hey,” Derek said from her doorway. “You ready to become a superstar?”

Stevie smiled, although it was the last thing she felt like doing. “As ready as I’ll ever be,” she said.

He took a step into the room and she could feel his eyes boring into her. “You’ve got this, Stevie,” he said. “This is your chance and you are going to crush it.”

She gave him a genuine smile this time, a small one. “This is it, isn’t it?” she huffed out a small laugh. “This is really happening?”

“It sure is, baby girl,” He said pulling her into a hug.

Stevie melted into the big man’s arms and felt the anger and stress of Nate melt away. She was not going to let him ruin this for her. This was the chance she missed out on five years ago when he sacrificed her for his own career. She’d crawled into a shell of self-pity to lick her wounds, but not this time. She wasn’t going to let him rob her of her dreams a second time.

Stevie pulled away from Derek and grinned, pushing aside Nate and the rubble of her broken heart. “I need to thank you,” she said, turning serious. “You were the one who gave me a chance when no one else would and without you and everything you have done for me, I wouldn’t be here right now and this tour wouldn’t be happening.”

“I just opened the door for you,” Derek said. “You were the one to walk through it. There are a hundred and one girls out there who can sing, but you have something more than just a pretty voice. You’ve got heart,” he said, tapping her chest with two big fingers. “That’s what makes the difference. That’s what makes you a star. This tour is only the beginning. Learn everything you can from Lily and don’t get wrapped up in the fame shit. It’ll screw with your head. This is your big break, but you need to keep your eyes open and go into it smart. You saw what happened to Nate, you saw the way he got all turned around when he hit the big time. Don’t let it happen to you.”

Stevie took a big breath. Hearing Nate’s name was like an arrow through the heart, but she ignored the pain so she could hear what Derek was saying. She wasn’t a kid just starting out. She had been in this business for five years now, maybe not as a touring performer, but she had been working with real musicians and stars for a long time and she had seen what fame could do to people, not just what it had done to Nate. This was a long-tail game for her. She wanted to be like the Lily Ameses of the country music world with a long, solid career. She did not want to be a one-hit-wonder and that meant she had to keep her head on straight. Jace, Vanessa and Nadine were all counting on her and she them, and as long as they all stuck together and kept each other from falling into the fame-machine, then there was no reason they couldn’t have a long and fulfilling career.

“Thanks Derek,” she said giving him another hug, “for everything.”

“It has been my pleasure,” he rumbled. “I’ve loved working with you in the studio and I’m so glad you’ve finally got this opportunity to shine on your own instead of hiding behind a byline in the credits of a song. Go out there and slay it.”

Had she been hiding? She supposed she had. Taking the job with Derek had given her the best of both worlds, or so she thought. She could sing and write songs and make money but it had been safe. It was a steady job and she had been good at it, but it wasn’t performing. Stevie had been prepared to settle for half of her dream because of what had happened with Nate. Now she had the opportunity to realize all of her dream and she’d be damned if she let Nate steal the joy of it from her.

“I’m ready,” she said, stepping back and smiling fully and genuinely for the first time that day. The excitement for what was about to happen started to bubble in her veins and pushed away the disappointment from last night. So what if Nate had lost his nerve? This wasn’t about him. This was her chance to shine and she was going to grab hold of it with both her hands and not let go until she’d had the ride of her life.

Nate hadn’t slept. After talking to Mabel, he’d started drinking water to clear his system of the fugue inducing alcohol and when he could stand upright without feeling like he wanted to vomit, he’d begun to walk. He couldn’t remember the last time he’d walked anywhere. The only exercise he got was in a gym, but the restlessness he was feeling made him want to move and running on a treadmill wasn’t going to cut it.

He walked all night, thinking over the choices he’d made in his life. He’d been such an idiot. He had never truly believed in himself. He’d never truly believed that he and Stevie could make it - not in their career and not in their personal lives either. It’s why he had jumped at Gina’s offer. He thought it was the only one he’d ever get. He didn’t for one moment think that Stevie wouldn’t make it big, she had been born to be a star. But for him, he thought he’d only get one chance and when Gina had offered it to him, he knew that if he didn’t take it, he may never get another shot.

All the years he’d played with Stevie in Jacks & Nash, he’d felt like a fraud. Stevie was the one with the real talent and he was just an accompaniment. That’s what he had believed. He figured it was only a matter of time before she would realize how much of a hack he was and dump him for the bright lights of stardom. Only he had been the one to dump her. He’d had to do it before she did it to him. In his heart of hearts he knew it would only be a matter of time before she saw him for what he was - a big, fat phony.

If he had known that accepting Gina’s offer would make Stevie give up on her dream, would he have done any different? If he was honest with himself, really truly honest with himself, he would have to say no. He would have still taken Gina’s offer and told himself that he was only responsible for himself and his own dreams. It made him a stupid fuck and a selfish prick. Back then he’d believed that it was his only way to make something of himself. No one had ever believed in him, so when Gina offered him everything he had ever wanted on a silver platter, of course he had jumped at the chance.

Now he knew different.

That was why he hadn’t played that last gig with Stevie and the band. He probably could have done it a bit different, but he was still learning how to be a grown-up and he was going to fail at it sometimes. All he could think about last night was how he had robbed Stevie of her dream by being selfish and he was afraid that he would do it again. He didn’t want to be that person anymore. This was Stevie’s chance to reap the harvest of all the years she had sown. It wasn’t fair of him to use her to launch his comeback, not when she was just getting a taste of what was in her future. He didn’t want to taint her success with his shit. The only way he knew how to give her what she deserved was to step back and into her shadow for a change. He wanted the world for her and she wouldn’t get it if he was sharing her limelight. It was probably his first ever selfless act and he felt like shit. Shouldn’t doing something good make him feel good?

So he’d gotten drunk to nurse his bruised ego and his broken heart. Stevie didn’t need him, she deserved something better. He was a washed up mediocre rock star. He couldn’t offer her anything. Carson Giles, on the other hand, could offer her everything. If that’s what she wanted, if Carson was what she really wanted, then he wasn’t going to stand in her way. He had already taken so much away from her, he wouldn’t take that too.

When the sky had started to lighten with the dawn, Nate had known what he needed to do. He was being given a second chance. Derek had offered him a chance to make things right and he was going to start over. He was going to start right back where he had left off and that meant learning to believe in himself. He would play festivals and bars and birthday parties if he had to. He wanted this career, but he wanted the real thing, not the plastic imitation that Gina had given him. Derek was offering him that and he was going to do everything in his power to make it a reality.

He wanted to show Stevie that he wasn’t a no-talent hack. He wanted to prove to her that he could be everything she had always told him he could be. He hadn’t believed her then, but he really wanted to believe her now and he wanted to prove her right. He wasn’t being honest with himself if he didn’t admit to hoping that by some miracle he could win her back. Nate knew that if she was ever going to be able to look at him and see more than the failure he currently was, then he would have to show her just what he was capable of.

But first he needed to give her room to spread her wings and fly. She needed her time in the sun and his greatest wish for her was that the world would see just how spectacular she was. In the meantime, he would resurrect his own crumbling world and hopefully, one day, they would finally be able to meet on equal footing. They had never had that, not even all those years ago. So he had a plan, a plan to prove to Stevie that he was worthy of her. But first he needed to step back and make some changes in his own life so that when they finally did meet again, he would feel worthy of her. And they would meet again, he would make sure of it.

To be continued…

The story of Nate Nash and Stevie Jacks continues in book 2, Songbird. Keep reading for a sneak peek.

Click to buy Songbird from your favourite ebook retailer.

Want to know when the next Music & Lyrics book is available?

Sign up for the Music & Lyrics New Release Newsletter by clicking