Kellan
“I’m late,” I groan as I shove my laptop back into my shoulder bag. “Again.”
Fourth time this week. Not fourth day in a row. That should give me credit, right?
“It’s only nine thirty,” Felicity argues from the doorway where she’s waiting. “Relax. There’s plenty of time to still do….whatever it is married people do.”
Beg for their wife’s forgiveness if you’re me or Kristopher. Part of me believes at this point, Brie and Soph might be planning a coup.
I turn my desk lamp off. “The same thing you single people do, only better and more frequently.”
“Doubtful.” Felicity laughs loudly. “On both accounts.”
When I reach the door, she moves out of the way for me to lock it. “Look it up. Researches have shown those in a happy, steady relationship have better quality sex and have it more frequently in a year than those who are single.”
“Key word is happy.”
“Which we are.”
You know, when I arrive home at the same time I say I will or when I arrive home at the very least before she’s already fallen asleep. Sadly, nine thirty falls in the ‘early’ night category for me. Often meetings with contractors and financial advisors eat up most of the day leaving the late evening or night for Felicity and I to hash out details or topics we hadn’t had a chance to. And while I still don’t…like Guy, I do know she’s not just waiting around for me, simmering in her hatred for being left alone. She’s studying or touring the changing art exhibits in the city or the next one over. Occasionally meeting one of the artists. Sometimes they have dinner together at his place or see a late movie, which then puts us home around the same time. Those outings make me cringe outwardly, but I trust Brie…Stop staring at me like that. I do.
Felicity hums her opinion yet doesn’t actually argue.
As we head for the front of the building, I shake my head again. “I can’t believe we’re still here.”
“It’s really not that late, Kellan.”
“We’ve been here since seven this morning.”
She shrugs. “Well, I guess you’re lucky you married someone who is so understanding about your unstable schedule.”
“Luck had nothing to do with it,” I say with a smirk. “Hard work. Dedication. Patience or lack thereof at appropriate times is what I went through to be with Brie. The only things in my life I have ever put comparable amounts of effort into are my programs.”
“I’m glad she makes you happy.”
The genuineness in her tone turns my head.
“I mean…the hell you get at times simply for being with someone…different is defeating, yet it never seems to stop you or have you rethink your decision.”
The elevator doors ding open. “There’s nothing to rethink. She’s the most amazing thing in my life. She has been since the moment we met.”
Felicity offers me a smile at the same time we step inside. “Who knows. Maybe I’ll be saying the same thing at some point.”
She doesn’t mean with me. Relax. I told you and I will repeat myself for the sake of your sanity, this is just business. Over the last couple of months we have dabbled in the friendship department, but not enough for you to groan about. There’s hardly any time to do anything other than work.
“I have a date,” she announces with a smile.
“Tonight?”
After a brief nod, she adds, “He’s a physician. I met him on Tuesday while visiting Drew at Sinclair West for potential part time medical assistance.”
“I’ve always used St. Cecila’s for medical.”
“Having more than one option available is logical, Kellan. Everything doesn’t always work out with your first choice.”
I bat away the instinct to question if she had a double meaning to that. “So…you’re going out with a physician…”
The skeptical response causes her to snap. “Is there something wrong with that?”
I shake my head at the same time the elevator allows us to exit onto the first floor. “No. I just…I never thought a physician would be your type.”
“And I never thought an American art student would be yours.” Her comment catches a sharp look, which prompts her to finish with, “But it worked out for you. Perhaps a change of pace will work out for me.”
Unsure of what else to say, I simply nod. “Perhaps.”
It did feel a bit like she was making a stab, but then again the softness in her tone during the follow up sentence seemed to negate the harshness in the first half. Hm. It truly doesn’t matter. Felicity can date whoever she wants, whenever she wants, as long as Hannah’s Hope continues to be her first priority. Her commitment to staying late every night, even the ones I don’t, has proven it is.
During my ride home, I spend the time studying a few more of the budget changes we’ve had to make. While I understand why Felicity decided to make the cuts she did, I can’t help but wonder if it was necessary. If there are other adjustments in different areas we could make.
No. They really aren’t crucial. She switched the type of bedding for the dorms and toiletry products to cheaper brands. It’s a wise decision especially with the offered price discount in bulk, but I can’t help the fear festering inside that it starts with sheets and ends with entire programs like the humanities one we have been arguing about keeping on the curriculum. She feels it’s a waste. I feel it is an important step into cultivating the next generation into giving back. To breeding kindness. To remembering that a helping hand can go a longer way than expected.
Vincent unlocks the doors and I state, “No need to walk me in. I’m fine.”
He nervously shifts. “Protocol-”
“Is outdated,” I insist, preparing for my exit. “If it makes you feel better you can watch me walk to the door like a bad blind date.”
Vincent tries to hide his urge to smile.
I hop out of the vehicle, hustle to the front door with his eyes plastered on me, and slip safely inside.
One of the maids greets me seconds before Soph rounds the corner in just a sports bra and yoga pants. The sight of her round stomach in all of its glory tugs at something unexpectedly in my gut.
No…It’s not what you’re thinking…At least, I don’t think it is. Too early for that. We’ve barely been married…
“Boycotting clothes?”
She gives me a smirk. “Could you imagine Kris’ face if I were?”
With a chuckle, I make a hand motion at her lack of attire. “And you think this would fly over well?”
Soph shrugs innocently. “It keeps me cool doing pre-natal yoga.”
Amusement jumps onto my expression. “Please tell me my brother is doing it with you.”
“He is.”
“Oh dear God, tell me I can watch.”
Soph slugs me in the shoulder. “Don’t be arsehole. He’s trying to be supportive.”
“Does he wear his bra too?”
The urge to laugh becomes harder for her to resist.
“Maybe a pair of matching shorties?”
Once a giggle successfully escapes, she shakes her head. “You’re in an awfully good mood considering you stood your wife up for family dinner again.”
My shoulders fall. “Was she livid?”
“Not as livid as I would’ve been considering this is the second time this week you missed dinner to discuss interior accommodations or what brand of cereal should be served.”
“Actually we were discussing-”
“Don’t care.” She lifts her hand to hush me. “All I’m saying is while you’re teasing your brother for attempting to amuse me by joining in on my work out at least he’s there. At least he’s around. At least I know our family means more than our company.”
Guilt washes over me and I quietly sigh, “Message received.”
Soph’s expression hardens. “Doubt it.”
Rather than continue the conversation, she gives me a condescending pat on the chest, and resumes the path she was taking when I interrupted.
Look, I remember almost losing her a few months ago. That’s not what’s happening here. Not this time. No. I am trying to include her in everything I can. To make time for her…for us. I’m not bloody Superman even if some of the younger children at MINOH believe it. Even he can’t stop saving the world to ensure he makes it home for dinner every night. So what if he’s fictional. I think you’re missing my point…
I quickly travel up to our bedroom. With a deep breath, I open the door, prepared to apologize profusely when the sight inside shuts my mouth tightly. My body leans against the doorframe while I let the guilt from before run rampant. Seeing Brie’s beautiful sleeping face on top of her laptop bangs Soph’s speech around in my brain a little harder.
Fine…Message actually received.
Quietly, I close the door, place my bag on the wall beside it, and silently approach my wife.
The soft snore seeping from her causes me to smile as does the stack of textbooks her arm is thrown over.
I remember days like this when we were first together. Back then the nights were filled with endless sex and television, resulting in early morning studies that required something a little stronger than her hot chocolate. Back then you couldn’t pry me away from being at her side no matter how boring I found the subject yet now…I couldn’t tell you one thing that was on the test.
Anguish begins to twist with shame, creating a knot so severe it tempts me to quit my biggest dream yet.
How is it I can never balance the two things that matter most to me?
My thumb gently begins to stroke her cheek. She sweetly hums at my touch and the pain pumps its way through my veins. In a kind voice, I attempt to wake her, “Love…”
Brie hums again and leans her face against my hand.
“Love…”
She repeats the action once more.
Abandoning the idea to disturb her just so she can deliver the ass chewing I more than deserve, I decide to simply transfer her to our bed in hopes she’ll sleep more comfortably.
I lean down to replace my touch with a kiss, preparing to pick her up afterward, when she unexpectedly pops her head up and begins to recite, “Westburg! Fayeweather! Charlesvan!”
Really bloody creepy…
She shakes her head in an attempt to become more alert.
When her bleary eyes settle on me, I state, “You’re pronouncing the last one wrong. It’s Charlesven.”
Brie instantly offers me a sweet smile. However, the relief of having me home quickly dissipates. “That would’ve been helpful while I was studying three hours ago.”
My body leans against the edge of the desk. “My apologies, Love. Work-”
“I know,” she cuts me off and returns her attention to the open book I didn’t see in her lap.
Cautiously, I ask, “On the scale of one to banishing me to sleep on the couch for the remainder of the week, how upset are you?”
The corner of her lip cocks upward and she pins me with a sarcastic look. “All the bedrooms in this place and you really wanna pretend you’re going to sleep on a couch?”
I chuckle. “I never said I would.”
Brie rolls her eyes.
“Now if we were at our home that might be a more realistic scenario.”
Her voice drops with sorrow. “Are we ever going to have our own home?”
“Of course,” I quickly promise. “Hannah’s Hope just needs her footing first. It’s hard enough overseeing its around the clock building schedule. It would be impossible for me to watch our home be built in addition to that. Once the buildings are finished and we can focus more on furnishing, you and I can discuss where we want to settle.”
She tries to smile yet it fails.
Silence steadily passes for a few moments before I ask, “What are you working on?”
“Guy is giving me a pre-test tomorrow, so I’ve been studying for that. And then we’re making masterpiece cookies at MINOH and I’ve been searching for some classic paintings to show them as inspiration.”
My eyebrows lower in confusion. “Masterpiece cookies? Aren’t all cookies you can eat, masterpieces by definition?”
Her smile finally returns and the ache in my chest attempts to subside. “Masterpiece cookies is the name of the art project we’re doing. Basically, you give them a roll of cookie dough, have them arrange it in a block so it’ll cover the entire pan, and then once it cools down you use frosting, sprinkles, chocolate chips or whatever else you have to create a work of art on it.”
“Tell me you at least get to eat it at some point.”
She lightly giggles and kicks me with her foot.
“What! That just seems like an awful lot of work if it isn’t going to end with eating.” We exchange a laugh and I offer, “Why don’t I grab us some coffee and I’ll help you finish studying?”
An excitement floods her expression. “Really? You’re not too tired from work?” She lets the thrill fade away before it’s even had the chance to settle. “You’ve had a long day, Kellan. It’s fine. Guy and I studied this morning. Soph helped me study a bit earlier this afternoon. I can do the final stretch alone. You probably need some rest. Early morning at the office tomorrow?”
Her concern with my well-being despite the disappointment I’ve caused intensifies the shame I’m already feeling. “First off, Love, I’m never too tired for you,” I reassure and place a brief kiss on her lips. “Second, an early morning can be pushed back to a late one.”
The smile that appears is bright.
“Besides I’ve got an oral assistance plan that I’m quite certain will help you remember the territories of Doctenn…”
The moment I wiggle my eyebrows, a groan mixed with a laugh fills the room. She gives me a playful push against my leg. “Go. And bring back pastries too.”
Backing away from her desk, I playfully scold, “Say please…”
She sticks her tongue out at me and my heart threatens to burst the same way it always does when she’s joyful.
I don’t care if I have to start to abandon sleep to be in her life. It’ll be done. Whatever it takes to keep us from living parallel lives that are bound by marriage as opposed to one life we share and make flourish together, I will do. You both have my word.