CHAPTER TWENTY-ONE
Cat
I PICKED ANNIE up from the sitter and brought her home, gave her dinner and a bath, tucked her into bed, trying to act like nothing was wrong. Like I didn’t have an empty hole in the centre of my chest where Smoke had ripped out my heart and flung it onto the floor, grinding it into nothing under his heel.
I didn’t know how I was going to manage without him in my life. He’d been my friend for so long that I couldn’t imagine him not being there. And the past couple of weeks, when he’d been more than just a friend... God, thinking about them only made the loss more painful.
I loved him, but for some reason that wasn’t enough, and now he’d gone.
Once again I’d lost everything.
It hurt so much.
I knew eventually I’d pull myself up and start again, like I always did. Find my feet and get my life back together again. Figure out what I was going to do about Justin—all that shit. But right now it felt like it was all too much.
Right now all I wanted to do was cry.
I sat on the couch with a pillow in the time-honoured fashion, curling around my pain. And then I saw the ring box sitting on the coffee table, and that sank the knife even deeper into what remained of my heart.
It was all I had left of him, that ring. He’d taken everything else.
I reached for the box, opened it and looked down at the little cat face with its glowing green eyes. It was perfect. So perfect.
A tear slid down my nose, splashing on top of the silver band, making the eyes sparkle.
Had my taking it off pushed him over the edge? Was that why he’d walked away? Perhaps if I’d left it on, everything would have been different and I wouldn’t be sitting here, sobbing on my couch with my heart in pieces.
The sound of the front door’s handle turning came suddenly from out in the hallway and my whole body went cold. No one but me had a key, and unless Justin had somehow managed to—
The living room door slammed open, bouncing on its hinges. Smoke stood in the doorway.
And I found there must be something left of my heart after all, because it was racing and throbbing and hurting. And my body wasn’t cold any more, but burning hot.
Smoke’s dark gaze found mine, and the look on his face was searing in its intensity.
I opened my mouth to say something, though I had no idea what.
I never got the chance. Because Smoke strode over to where I sat and before I even understood what he intended to do he swept me up into his arms, and his mouth was coming down on mine.
It was a hungry, desperate, demanding kiss. It was hot and it was raw, and when I tried to pull away, he gripped me hard, holding me still. Kissing me and kissing me and kissing me, as if he was afraid to stop.
All I could do was let him devour me, with my hands pinned to the hard wall of his chest, feeling the frantic beating of his heart against my palms matching my own.
It felt like forever before he finally lifted his head, staring down at me with those familiar dark eyes. Full of heat. Full of desire.
‘I was such a fucking coward, Cat,’ he said hoarsely. ‘I should never have walked out on you. I’m sorry. I’m sorry for hurting you. I’m sorry for not listening to you. I’m sorry for turning my back on you.’
He lifted his hands, cupping my face, his thumbs stroking lightly along the side of my jaw, making me shiver. Making me tremble.
‘But most of all I’m sorry for being such a little bitch and not telling you how I feel.’
I couldn’t speak. My throat was too tight—every part of my body was too tight. I didn’t want to move in case this was a dream and he’d vanish, leaving me being held by nothing but empty air.
‘I thought I was protecting you,’ he went on, his voice dark and ragged. ‘But I wasn’t, kitten. The only person I was protecting was myself. Keep put me straight about a few things and that was one of them.’
‘Why?’ I finally managed to ask shakily. ‘What did you need to protect yourself from?’
‘What do you think?’
He looked down at me as if I was the only thing worth looking at in the entire universe.
‘I was protecting myself from you.’
I stared at him in shock. ‘Me?’
‘There’s no one on this entire planet who has more power to hurt me than you do. You could fucking destroy me with a snap of your fingers.’
His thumbs moved over my skin, a gentle back-and-forth movement, raising goosebumps everywhere.
‘I’ve loved you for so long. So fucking long. And then Justin made me lose it, and... Well, I guess I was looking for an excuse to run the hell away. I’m not worthy of you, kitten. You’re the most perfect woman I’ve ever met and I’m just a violent biker with a temper and a really shitty past.’
I swallowed, trying to get past the lump in my throat. ‘So why did you come back?’
‘Because you were always there for me. Because you never let me down. You had my back, Cat. You always had my back. And I thought that if you’d stuck around for twenty-three years, it must be because I wasn’t such a lost cause after all.’
That beautiful mouth turned up into one of his rare, heart-stopping smiles.
‘Plus, Keep said he was going to kick my ass if I didn’t come straight back here and make it right with you.’
I took a shaking breath. ‘Wait... You said you love me.’
‘I did. I do. And no, before you say it, it’s not because you want to hear the words. It’s because that’s what I feel every time I look at you.’ His smile deepened. ‘Turns out love does mean something after all.’
It was only then that I had the courage to lift my hands from his chest and touch his face, run my fingers over the rough stubble along his jaw, check that he was real and this wasn’t a dream.
‘You know you don’t have to deserve me, don’t you? You only need to keep doing what you’ve always been doing. Being my friend.’
Something in his eyes flared hot. ‘Oh, kitten. I’m sorry, but I don’t want to be your friend any more.’
‘Then don’t be,’ I murmured and slid my arms around his neck. ‘Be my husband instead.’
Much, much later, as we lay naked on the floor of the living room together, our skin streaked with sweat and our bodies sated, Smoke opened the ring box and took out the ring. Then he held my hand in his and looked into my eyes.
When he slipped the ring onto my finger, he didn’t ask me to marry him. Instead, he asked, ‘Will you love me, Cat?’
I didn’t need to answer. He knew what I was going to say. But I answered him all the same.
‘Always, Dane. With all my heart.’