Chapter Nineteen
Chanel
“I swear, you’re intentionally fucking this up.”
I grunted, wishing I’d never answered the phone for Gabby’s ass. “Hello to you too,” I answered.
“Yeah, whatever. Listen, what the hell are you doing?”
“Um, right now I’m relaxing in my comfortable bed, watching a little TV, and enjoying a nice after-dinner snack.”
“A.K.A. your ass is in a pair of thick-ass pajamas, re-watching Lemonade for the billionth time while eating a pint of Rocky Road.”
I frowned as I lifted the remote to hit pause on Bey’s Lemonade right in the middle of Serena’s dance in “Sorry”. I also looked at the pint of ice cream that sat on the stand next to my bed.
“Wrong. It’s Haagen Dazs’ Red Velvet ice cream,” I mumbled.
“So, when are you going to get off your ass and go call that man of yours? No, better yet, forget a phone call; show up at his place in those heels you wore to dance class last week and lacy negligee. When he opens the door, don’t say anything, just drop to your knees and give him the best head he’s ever received in his life.”
I ducked my head, smirking. “Gabby, I’m not doing that.”
“Why not? You owe that man an apology and some good head. It’s been a week since you last talked to him over some shit having to do with neither one of you.”
“Oh my God! Why does everyone keep saying that? It does have to do with me. He was still married to my mother! Do you know how many times I had to hear her sniffle and smile through watery eyes because her husband couldn’t keep it in his pants? Ugh!” I squealed, throwing myself against my tufted headboard.
Gabby was silent on the other end for a while.
“Chanel, you know I love you, but get the entire fuck outta here with that nonsense.”
That’s my Gabby. Never one to bite her tongue, even to spare hurt feelings.
“You’re upset with your father, take it out on him. You can’t get past shit from your childhood, seek a damn therapist. But none of that qualifies you avoiding the man you love.”
“Wha—?”
“Yeah, I fucking said it. The man you love. And that’s what scares you, isn’t it? You’re using your father and his mother’s affair as an excuse to protect yourself from falling even deeper for Xavier. But here’s the thing,” she paused for dramatic effect, “it’s already too late. You’ve fallen for him, and I’m pretty sure he feels the same way. So, tell Gabby what you’re really afraid of so we can sort this out.”
I hesitated, looking at the television screen and around my bedroom that’d seen better days. I hadn’t been up for cleaning much that week. I’d been avoiding Xavier’s calls up until two days ago when they stopped. Even that scared the hell out of me. Maybe he was finally giving up on me, which had been my fear all along. That was what this was all about.
“I’m scared,” I admitted, just above a whisper.
“We’ve established that. Now tell me what you’re afraid of,” Gabby retorted, sounding like a damn therapist.
Again, I hesitated, feeling embarrassed.
“What if I do fall completely for him, and he loses interest in me?” I questioned.
“Well, the first part of your question has already happened.”
I sighed, shaking my head, not wanting to confirm the truth of her statement.
“And the second part?”
“Why would he just lose interest in you, Chanel?”
Because that’s how it was with the men in my life.
“Gabby, no man has ever remained interested in me for every long. Hell, my first serious boyfriend cheated on me with my then-best friend, and they’ve been married for nearly a decade now. My next boyfriend-turned-fiancé started out being all about me, acting like my best friend, and then when he knew he had me, he became more interested in controlling me than being with me.” I bit my trembling lip. I’d been working on healing from my past relationships, especially after seeing Ethan and Lamont recently. I still hadn’t told anyone about my meeting with Ethan, not even Gabby.
“But that’s not it, right?” Gabby prodded.
“No, that’s not it. I probably would’ve gotten over those sooner, but they weren’t the first, Gab.” I paused when my voice broke. “My father. He wasn’t controlling or pretending to love me and then manipulate me, like Ethan. He acted like I wasn’t there. Like I didn’t exist.” I wiped away the tear that managed to escape. “I spent days wishing he’d come home early to make it to one of my recitals, or call my mother and tell her to have me picked up from school to spend the day with him, the same way he did Jason.”
God, I hated the way that shit still made me feel. I didn’t want to be the envious little sister who resented the relationship her brother had with their father. Nor did I want my father’s dismissal of my very existence to still have such a hold over me, but no matter how much I didn’t want that to be my reality, it was. And it’s also why I felt that a man like Xavier Grant could never want anything to do with me long-term.
I sobbed to Gabby over the phone, still trying to fight these emotions that made me feel so weak but they refused to stop.
“Well, this feels familiar,” I said in between sobs.
Gabby gave a lighthearted chuckle. “Yeah, for some reason your ass ends up crying on my damn phone.”
We laughed, and I wiped away the last few tears, feeling lighter. Releasing heavy emotions that’d been bottled up for so long had a way of doing that, as if a weight you didn’t even know you’d been carrying was lifted.
“I’ve never felt safe in love, you know?” I said after a while.
“Maybe Xavier is it. Maybe he can be your safe space, but you won’t know it if you keep running.”
“And if he’s not?” I retorted.
“Then you still got me.”
“You’re the best. You know that, right?”
“I know,” she giggled. “You gonna be all right?”
“Yeah,” I nodded.
“All right, later.”
I sat, wiping the few tears that continued to fall for another minute before grabbing my laptop from the other end of my bed. I quickly brought up the Edible Arrangements website to have a bouquet delivered to Gabby at work. I really couldn’t ask for a better best friend, and she deserved to know it.
After that was done, I threw out my tissues and now melted ice cream. I went back to my bedroom to retrieve my phone, wondering if I should call Xavier or just show up on his doorstep like Gabby suggested. It was a Saturday night, so there was a chance he could be out at one of his restaurants or worse, on a date of some sort. I shuddered at that thought and forced it out of my mind. If he were out with someone else, it would be my damn fault, and I’d have to deal with that, but I’d made up my mind that I was going to see him. I’d take a quick shower before changing out of my pajamas and into something enticing. Not the lingerie Gabby suggested, but something I knew would…
“Bzzzz.”
My phone vibrated from the bed, interrupting my thoughts. Crinkling my brow, I picked it up, and my heart rate increased at the name that popped up on the screen.
“Anne Marie, what is it?” I answered. It was nearly nine o’clock at night on a Saturday. I knew something had to be wrong for her to be calling me.
“H-he’s been drinking again, threatening Noah and me.” The fear in her voice was palpable.
“Is he there with you?”
“N-no, he left, but I’m scared he’ll be back.”
“Okay, pack a bag I’ll be there in fifteen minutes to take you to the shelter.”
“Okay.”
****
My heartbeat became erratic as I climbed out of my car, which I’d parked a few houses down from Anne Marie’s. I’d double checked as I drove past to make sure her husband’s car wasn’t there. I didn’t know how much time we had before he returned, or where he’d gone in the first place. At that moment, my concern was getting Anne Marie and Noah out of that house and to someplace safe. I knocked lightly on the door, looking over my shoulder when I heard a car pass. I blew out a shuddering breath when I saw it was just a neighbor pulling into their driveway.
“Chanel?” I heard someone whisper on the other end of the door.
“Anne Marie? It’s me, open the door.” I watched as she peeked through the door curtain. When she verified it was me, she unlocked and opened the door. My stomach dropped when I saw what her husband had done to her face. Her right eye was swollen shut and the entire side of her face swollen and red, the beginning of an ugly bruise forming.
“Where’s Noah?” I asked, pushing through the door.
“I-in his room,” she stuttered, barely able to get the words out on account of her swollen jaw.
“Did you pack your bags?”
She nodded.
“Okay, go get Noah. I’ll get your bags. Where are they?”
“In my bedroom. Upstairs to the right.”
I started to take a step and paused. Everything in me was telling me not to go farther inside the house. My instincts were telling me to turn and run in the opposite direction, but I couldn’t leave Anne Marie or her son like this.
I shook off my reservations and followed Anne Marie up the steps, and took a right when she went left. I heard her getting Noah up and telling him we were leaving. I opened her bedroom door and quickly spotted her bags on the bed. Just grab them and go! Everything in me was shouting for us to get out of there as soon as possible. My body began to shake so bad, it took me two tries to even grab the straps of the bag and put them over my shoulder.
But by then, it was too late.
Before I could turn around, I heard the distinct sound of a gun cocking. I froze, fearing what I’d see before I turned around.
“You’re not taking my family anywhere, bitch!” a very angry Michael growled behind me.
I close my eyes, praying this wouldn’t be my last night on earth. Slowly, I turned to see Michael holding a .22 caliber gun to my face. I looked up to meet his eyes, and that was even scarier that the gun pointed at me. He looked deranged, a man taking his last stand at trying to hold onto the little bit of power he had.
“M-Michael, I’m not trying to take your family away from you,” I stated slowly and as calmly as I possibly could.
“Michael, no!” Anne Marie shouted as she entered the bedroom door, holding a terrified Noah.
I gasped when Michael swung around and pointed the gun at Anne Marie and his son.
“You think you’re going to leave me!?”
With his attention off me, I slowly wiggled my hand into the pocket of my jeans, pulling out my cell phone.
“Michael, please! Noah!” I heard Anne Marie trying to reason with her raging husband for the safety of their child.
I dialed nine-one-one.
“Michael, please put the gun down. You’re scaring your wife and three-year-old son,” I said, more for the benefit of the nine-one-one operator than actually thinking Michael would listen to me. I desperately hoped they heard.
“Shut up, bitch!” he yelled, angling his head to look at me, but keeping the gun trained on his family. “You think you’re going to leave me after everything I’ve given you?” he shouted at Anne Marie, spittle flying from his mouth.
“M-Michael, we, uh, we…” Anne Marie was at a loss for words, paralyzed by fear.
“Michael, listen, we weren’t leaving. I was just taking Anne Marie and Noah somewhere to sleep. To let everyone calm down for the night,” I started. I held my phone against my stomach, hoping he didn’t notice it.
“You’re lying!” He turned back to me, gun and all. “You think I don’t know who the fuck you are?! I knew the day we saw you at the farmer’s market you were lying. I searched through Anne’s stuff and found this!”
He held up my business card.
“Yup! A fucking divorce lawyer. I had a buddy of mine at the police department do a little research and come to find out my fucking wife hired a divorce lawyer and had been communicating with her in the last month. You’re trying to break up my family!” He jabbed the gun at me.
My knees nearly buckled. I tried to think my way out of this. I asked for the right words to say to get the irrational man in front of me to calm down long enough for all three of us to escape. At that second, I heard a noise behind Michael and saw Anne Marie turn and run as she held Noah. Michael glanced over his shoulder, noticed what was happening, and took one last look at me before turning and chasing his wife.
“Oh, God!” I screamed when I heard the first shot. I put my phone to my ear. “Hello! Hello! Is anyone there!” My voice was foreign to me.
“Yes, ma’am. Police have been dispatched. Is he still in the room with you?” The nine-
one-one operator asked. This time, my knees did buckle as I sank to the floor, finally dropping the bags I’d been holding.
“Uh, n-no. He’s chasing them.” I knew I needed to get up. To at least lock myself in the room or make a beeline for the front door, but fear gripped every part of my body, holding me in place.
“Come here, bitch!” I heard in the background.
“Nooo!” I yelled into the phone, then covered my mouth when I heard a shot. “H-he’s going to kill them; you have to hurry up!” I yelled, finally pulling myself up off the floor. I ran to the bedroom door, looked out into the hallway, and gasped when I saw blood stains on the carpet. I trembled and jumped when I heard more gunshots from downstairs. In the distance, I heard what I thought were police sirens. Everything felt like it was happening in slow motion. I took cautious strides as I followed the trail of blood down the steps.
“AHHH!” I heard a feminine scream.
I yelped and fell on the bottom step when something whizzed by me. I looked up, realizing a bullet had just pierced the wall behind me.
“This is all your fault!” I heard Michael’s voice in the living room.
Three more shots rang out, and then everything was eerily quiet. Too quiet. I shook like a leaf but still managed to pull myself up by the banister of the stairs, ignoring the trickle of blood that ran down my arm. Cautiously, I walked into the living room; my phone had long been forgotten by now.
“Oh, God!” I screamed when I saw Anne Marie lying on the floor, blood spilling out of the gaping hole in her head, a vacant look in her opened eye. Next to her lay Michael, a self-inflicted gunshot having taken off nearly the entire bottom half of his face. I flinched, covering my mouth at the grotesque sight in front of me. Bile rose up in my mouth, but I still searched for Noah, hoping that he’d been spared.
I searched the room and saw a tiny foot sticking out from behind one of the lounge chairs. I hurried over to him.
“Noah,” I called and received no answer. Although terrified of what I might find, I stepped around the couch and fell to my knees. Noah lay there, clutching his bleeding chest, gasping for air. He looked so tiny and helpless. To know a father had done this to his child…
“It’s okay,” I tried to calm him, reaching for a blanket that lay strewn over the back of the loveseat. I used it to try to stem the flow of blood from the wound. “The police are on their way. You’re going to be okay,” I repeated over and over, unsure whether it was more for my benefit or his. I grabbed a few books that sat on the coffee table to prop up under his feet, trying to stave off the shock, using what I’d been taught in my CPR certification class a few years prior.
“They’ll be here real soon. You’re going to be okay,” I kept repeating as I pressed the blanket against this chest. When he went silent, I lowered my ear to his face to see if I could feel his breathing. When I didn’t, I pinched his nose, opened his mouth and forced air into his lungs with my mouth. I kept this up until I felt a firm hand on my shoulder.
“Ma’am, we can take it from here.”
It took me a second to realize it was the paramedics trying to get me out of the way so they could do their jobs. I felt another hand on my other arm, helping me to stand.
“She’s hit too,” I heard another male voice say.
“Adult male, deceased. Adult female, deceased.”
Everything became a blur.