Chapter Sixteen
Chanel
“Oh shiiit, Xavier!” I moaned as Xavier drilled into me. My left leg was pushed up against his shoulder while my right leg was tightly locked around his hip, held securely by his chiseled arm. My arms were above my head, held by his other hand. Marsha Ambrosius’ “Your Hands” played on repeat in the background.
“Why...are...you fucking...me...like this?” I panted, unable to catch a breath. This was our second round of the night. He’d been like a madman since we’d gotten back to his place from our afternoon out. He looked down at me with such an intense and penetrating look in his eyes; I knew he was trying to convey something with his body that his mouth either wouldn’t or couldn’t say.
“Look at me!” he growled when I tried to close my eyes, the pressure in my womb and the intensity of his stare too much to take in. He hiked my leg up even higher, pushed my other leg from around his hip down to the mattress, so I was spread eagle. He raised his hips and pulled almost all the way out, pausing. I opened my eyes to see those coffee brown eyes looking right into me, into my damn soul, as he sank into me with force so strong, the entire bed shook as it slammed against the wall.
“Ahhh!” I yelled as my orgasm crested. Everything in front of me went hazy as my eyes rolled to the back of my head. My back bowed off the bed, my hips convulsing uncontrollably, but Xavier got going, pistoning in and out of me, his hardness continuing to my G-spot. And my orgasm just kept going and going, until I felt as if I was floating.
I don’t know how long it took for me to come back to myself, but when I did, Xavier was there, hovering over me, watching me. I panted, trying to regain control over my breathing.
“Who was he?” His face was so serious, so stern.
I barely remembered where the hell I was. All I could focus on was the look in his eyes and the harshness in his voice.
“Wh-what?” I asked, still breathless.
“Who the fuck was it? Who hurt you?”
The little bit of air I had in my lungs was stolen again with those questions. “What-what are you talking about?” I tried to lower my arms from above my head, feeling more vulnerable than I wanted to in this position. His hands remained locked on me, keeping mine where they were.
“What nigga put his hands on you?”
I gasped, wondering how he knew. No one knew, except Gabby. “N-no one. What are you talking about?” My voice rose and I wiggled my arms, trying to get free. His grip loosened, but he still held my arms above my head against the pillow.
“You know a hell of a lot about abuse victims. Who was it?”
I turned my head, looking out to the rest of the room, willing the tears that wanted to make an appearance not to. “No one. There was no one. I’ve just worked with a lot of women who’ve been abused,” I lied smoothly, hoping he would accept it.
“Look at me and say it again,” he ordered.
“Are you serious?” I was growing angry, a defense mechanism, I knew, but I didn’t care. I’d just came for the third time, and he was still very much throbbing inside of me, asking me about the past I wanted to forget.
“Tell me.”
“I’ve never been abused. I’ve just worked with victims.” I swallowed the lump in my throat that had formed with the lie, but I looked him right in the eye.
He was completely quiet, his eyes searching mine. I hoped he couldn’t read me as well as his eyes were telling me he could. I didn’t want to do this, not tonight. Not ever.
“Okay,” he leaned down. “Okay.” He pressed a kiss to my lips, finally releasing my arms, and wrapping his hands around my waist. The kiss turned deeper as he began stroking in and out again. I exhaled against his mouth, releasing the tension that had built up in my body, pushing the guilt of lying to the recesses of my mind. I wouldn’t think about that now.
****
“You don’t even need a damn facial. Your skin is glowing. That ‘I’m getting regular good dick glow,'” Gabby laughed.
It was Friday night after our dance class, and I’d come over for my monthly facial. She was the only one I trusted with my skin, and even though she refused to let me pay for it, I made up for it in other ways, like taking her to lunch at least once a month. While I loved spending time with my best friend whenever possible, I was a little bummed that Xavier was out of town on yet another business trip over the weekend. He’d awoken me with his head between my legs and given me another fond memory to replay while he was away. He’d only be gone until Monday evening, but three days felt like forever. I hated feeling so damn bereaved without him around, so I shoved those thoughts aside and focused on spending time with my friend.
“Whatever.” I laughed at her previous comment.
“Don’t whatever me. You know that man has been doing wonderful things for your skin. I told your ass, regular sex was one of the best remedies for problem skin.” She pointed her fluorescent pink, acrylic-tipped nail at me. “I think I’m just going to do a few extractions, a clay mask and then a moisturizing mask. How’s that sound?”
“You’re the expert.” I trusted whatever she recommended.
She grinned. “Good, I made this new face mask I’ve wanted to try on you anyway. You skipped last month’s facial.” She frowned at me.
I grinned. I hadn’t skipped so much as I’d forgotten all about it. I’d been with Xavier for the weekend, and as cheesy as it sounded, whenever I was with him, everything else kind of fell into the background. We’d been dating for about two months by then, and except for that incident at the farmer’s market the previous weekend, everything was going smoothly.
“That look is telling me you skipped out on a facial with me to get some booty,” Gabby discerned.
I could only laugh. “Maybe.”
“Good, I’m glad you’re finally setting that thang out,” she cheered. “Lie back for me,” she told me, pulling my shoulders down, so I was now lying on the massage table she had set up in her living room. She turned the steamer on, and my entire body began to relax as the warm steam hit my face.
“I’m not setting my thang out. Just enjoying this little thing for what it is, ya know? And when it’s over, I’ll have some nice memories to look back on.”
Gabby’s hands froze from washing my face with the cleaning solution she’d been using. “Why do you always do that?”
I opened one eye. “Do what?”
I closed my eye when her hands began moving again. “You know what. Always expecting the worst. You just got started with Xavier, and you’re already talking about when it ends.” She gently rubbed off the facewash and placed the tiny goggles over my eyes to shield them from the bright light she was about to use to examine my skin up close. She shut off the light and began applying some other cream, starting from my chest and moving upward.
“I’m just preparing myself not to fall too hard.”
She sighed. “That makes no sense. Why not just let things run their course naturally?”
“Gabby, are you serious? What do you always say?”
“Chanel, I—”
“No, what is it you always say? ‘Be careful when a man sweeps you off your feet,’ because of what?” I angled my head, placing my hand behind my ear as if trying to hear her.
“Chanel—”
“Because of what?”
“Because they’re in the perfect position to drop you on your ass,” she finished.
“Exactly! But now, you’re switching up. Why?”
“Because I’ve never seen you like this before. It’s only been a few weeks but I can tell Xavier makes you happy. You smile differently now. And that sadness you usually carry behind your eyes is less pronounced.”
That shut me up. I couldn’t even form the words to deny her accusation if I wanted to. I did feel different, lighter with Xavier. And that was why I had to remind myself not to let this get too deep, because men hadn’t had a tendency to be all that reliable in my life. I didn’t bother responding to Gabby’s words. We both knew what she said was true.
“Like butter,” I stated a while later as I rubbed my cheeks. I loved the feel of my skin after one of Gabby’s facials. “What was that new mask you used?”
“Oh, this one was a clay mask I mixed with vanilla bean and blueberry extract. Does wonders for the skin.” She handed me a glass of wine as we sat on her couch.
“Is this one of the masks you’re going to sell in the spa?”
“I don’t know. I might. There are a few other ones I want to try out too. I’m going to try them on my clients this weekend.”
“Speaking of spa, have you looked at the places I showed you?”
She rolled her eyes. “Here we go.”
“You damn right, here we go.”
“No, I haven’t had a chance yet, between full-time work, part-time customers and volunteering at the women’s shelter. I just don’t have the time to look into it.”
I frowned. “Why’re you lying your ass off right now?”
“How am I lying? You know how busy I am these days.”
“Yeah, and I know that’s intentional avoidance. Look, if it’s the legal stuff, you know I got you on that. If it’s the financial stuff you need help with, I can ask my cousin Jamal. He was an accountant on his way to making partner before he branched off on his own, and he’s doing well. He offers financial planning for entrepreneurs. I think—”
“Hold up, you mean your cousin that was at the club that night? That Jamal?” Her eyes were wide, looking at me as if I’d lost my mind.
I lowered my brows, confused. “Yes, that Jamal. What’s wrong with him?”
“Uh, did you see the looks his ass was giving me at the club?”
“No, what looks?”
“All judgmental-like.”
I frowned. I hadn’t noticed that, but admittedly I hadn’t been paying much attention, trying to both ignore and sneak glances at Xavier that night.
“No, I didn’t notice that. Are you sure?”
“Hell yeah, I’m sure. His ass was sizing me up and had decided I wasn’t good enough to be in his space. I’m not going to his ass for help.”
I shook my head. “Gabby, I think you’re making a big deal out of nothing. But,” I held up my hand to halt her interruption. “There are other financial advisors out there who can help you, if that’s what’s keeping you from taking the jump.”
She had the damn audacity to mean-mug me. “If I need help with anything
,
I’ll let you know. But don’t ask that snooty-ass, uppity-ass, looking-down-his-nose-on-me-ass cousin of yours nothing.”
I laughed. “I don’t think Mal is that bad, but I’ll leave it alone for now.”
“Yeah well, Mal can mind his damn business,” she tutted and took another sip of her wine.
I wondered what had gotten her so hot under the collar at Jamal. From what I saw that night and what I heard now, they’d barely had an exchange of words past basic introductions.
“All right, let me ask you something else then.” I decided to change the subject to something that had been on my mind. “You ever want to speak to someone from your past? Ask them why they did something, for closure?”
She frowned, her forehead wrinkling as she contemplated. “Shit, Chanel, the only people I’d want to do that with are dead.”
I sighed regretfully. Her parents. Of course, that’d be who she’d want closure with.
“I’m sorry—” I started, but she held her hand up.
“Don’t be. Why’re you asking?”
I gave a one-shoulder shrug before taking another sip of wine. Ethan. That was why. Ever since that letter I got at my office two weeks ago, then that incident with Anne Marie at the farmer’s market, and Xavier asking me who’d hurt me, I’ve been tempted to respond to Ethan. It’d been years since I’d seen him. I never thought I’d want to see him again. But maybe I did. Maybe I wanted closure.
“Anyway, closure is a myth,” Gabby continued, as if reading my thoughts. “All that ‘I want closure’ shit is just nonsense to keep people reeled into the bullshit. Move on and let go, that’s the real closure.”
She had a point, but still, the tone of that letter wasn’t the Ethan I knew five years ago. Maybe he really had changed, or maybe he was bullshitting me yet again. Trying to find some way to manipulate my emotions. I didn’t know, but I wanted some answers for myself.
“Yeah, I was just thinking about something a client of mine said earlier this week,” I lied. “She wanted closure with a cheating ex. No big deal. Let’s start the movie and where’s the popcorn?”
“Popcorn and more wine coming up.” Gabby sprang up from the couch, heading toward the kitchen while I scrolled through the On Demand shows. As I got settled onto the couch my phone buzzed.
Wishing you were here with me.
A flutter moved through my belly, and I grinned. Xavier.
I was just thinking the same thing.
What’re you doing?
About to have my second glass of wine and eat popcorn as Gabby and I watch the last part of the New Edition movie.
You were supposed to wait for me to watch it.
I smiled again.
I know, but Gabby reeeaallly wanted to watch it tonight, and I haven’t spent much time with her in the last few weeks. I couldn’t say no.
Someone must be taking up a lot of your time, huh?
Someone is.
Lucky guy.
Who said it was a guy?
I did. Don’t front cause you with your li’l friend. You know that ass be thinking about me even when I’m not around.
I couldn’t help the laugh that spilled out of my mouth. It was true, and we both knew it.
Whatever. I gotta go.
A’ight. I’ll pick you up Monday when I get in from the airport.
X, you’ll be tired. I can see you Tuesday for dinner.
Nah, I don’t want to wait that long. Monday.
I rolled my eyes. His ass could be as stubborn as he claimed I was.
Fine. Why don’t you come to my place and spend the night then? It’d be less tiring than driving all the way across town again to get back to your place. I’ll have dinner ready.
You’re offering to cook for me??
Hell no! I’ll pick up dinner. We could get whatever cuisine your little heart desires.
Lol! I should’ve known
Damn right he should’ve. I hated cooking.
A’ight. See you Monday.
I grinned as I told him goodbye. I felt giddy as I anticipated Monday night. Ugh, what the hell was happening to me?