For the first time in a long time, I’m laughing. It’s a full-on belly laugh with achy sides and shortness of breath. It’s genuine and heartfelt. It’s being done without effort or a conscious decision to make sure I look my best for a camera. I don’t care if there are Santa’s on my leggings or that Rudolph's nose lights up on my sweatshirt. I finally feel free from the restraints of Hollywood.

We’re in a lounge in New Hampshire, which is a short drive from Ramona Falls, and the ambiance alone is worth it. With the guys in Boston for hockey, it left us women all alone. Sure, we could’ve gone shopping or wrapped presents, but this is better. It’s nicer, and we can hang out.

When we first walked in, very few people recognized me. Of course, I’m trying to throw people off by my attire because what self-respecting actress would be caught dead, out in public, with an ugly Christmas sweater on? This one! But now that we’ve moved from the restaurant to the lounge, people are watching. They’re documenting my every move with their cell phones and undoubtedly blasting my actions all over social media. I’m half tempted to find them all and comment, but I won’t. Doing so gives the privacy invaders the satisfaction they crave, and honestly, I’d rather read their friends’ comments, especially those who disapprove of the post.

I think being home has brought this out of me, the ability to snort in a lounge full of people, in front of my friends and family, and not freak out. This feels good. This is how I should be all the time.

“Thanks, Mom.” I put my arm around my mother and pull her close to me, kissing her on the cheek. She stays there for a brief moment before pulling away to look at me. If I’m not mistaken, there are a few unshed tears in her eyes. These are new, not the ones left over from one of our many laughing stints.

“For what?”

“For telling me to come home. I needed this,” I tell her. She hugs me back, but it’s different. It’s like she needed me too.

“Astrid and Delaney, look at me.” My mom and I turn our heads at the sound of Mindy’s voice. Her phone is out, and she snaps the picture instantly. “I have a few others too,” she says as she sits down to show us. Mindy flips through her camera roll, showing us the images she’s taken. They’re of my mom and I hugging, looking at the camera, but my favorite is the one of us looking into each other's eyes. I can see how proud my mom is of me and I hope that she knows how much I love her.

“Can you send these to me?” I ask Mindy.

“Of course, what else would I do with them?”

I shake my head and smile softly at her. “Nothing. I know you’d never do anything to betray my trust.”

Mindy pulls me into a hug. I squeeze her tightly. It’s my way of showing her how much I appreciate her, even when I haven’t been the best of friends. Hollywood changes people. The constant rush of life is exhausting. When I arrived in Los Angeles, I submerged myself in work, reading scripts, going to auditions and social engagements, and forgetting about everyone back home. If it weren’t for my parents calling and texting constantly, I likely would’ve lost them due to my inability to see past the haze I buried myself in.

“Thank you for coming out tonight. I know it was short notice.”

“Like I would miss this.” Mindy spreads an arm out over the crowd. There’s a line of men sitting on stools with their backs facing the bar. Each one is watching my little group and trying to flirt with us. Their smoldering, borderline constipation, eye squint is on point.

“This is nothing. You should come out to LA sometime. My treat, of course. I’ll show you around. Introduce you to a few of the players. We can go to Malibu and sit on the beach. We’ll hit up a fancy nightclub and dance all night.”

“Sound amazing, but—”

“I know, the kids make it hard. We can make it a family vacation and do Disneyland or something.”

“What’s gotten into you?” she asks. “Since when are kids your thing?”

Her question gives me pause. Throughout my career, I’ve been adamant about children not being a part of life. I don’t want to be an absent mother or have my child raised by nannies. My colleagues are like that, and it’s bothered me ever since I took my first starring role.

“I don’t know,” I tell Mindy. “Maybe it’s being home and working with the students on the play?” I don’t know why I’m questioning myself. It’s not like I have the answer.

“Maybe it’s from spending some quality time with a certain single dad?” Eileen chimes in. Instantly I feel flushed and find myself bowing my head to hide.

“Aiden?” my mom asks. “You’ve been spending time with Aiden?”

“No,” I say in defense. Not that spending time with Aiden is a bad thing. “I was at the diner this morning, and he was there. I invited him to sit with me. It’s not like we’re secretly meeting up at night.”

“Why not?” Mindy asks. When I look at her, she shrugs and picks up her drink.

“Oh come on,” I say, pushing softly against her shoulder. “The last thing I need is another romance. Nope, Delaney Du Luca is single, and she’s going to stay that way for a long time.”

My mom scoffs and rolls her eyes. “Aiden would make a fine boyfriend.”

“Yeah maybe, if I didn’t live thousands of miles away and work eighteen hour days.”

“So you admit you like him?” Eileen asks, waggling her eyebrows before she starts laughing.

I throw my napkin at her. “You’re not listening to me. I don’t have time for a boyfriend.” I purposely avoid her question. I do like Aiden; I wouldn’t want to ruin his life by being mixed up in mine. It wouldn’t be fair to him or Holly.

“Oh, I think we hear you loud and clear,” Mindy says.

Shaking my head. “You ladies are incorrigible and exactly why rumors start. It was breakfast, nothing more.”

“And hockey tickets,” Eileen adds.

“Because Calvin will be bored here. I wanted him to bond with the guys.”

“Sure ya did, honey.” My mom pats me on the back of my leg as I pass by her.

“Mindy’s right. Aiden needs a woman like you,” Eileen adds.

“Mom, a little help here?” I beg.

“Sorry, Delaney, I have nothing. I agree with the girls.”

I throw my hands up in the air and fall back against the sofa. “You all are just... well I don’t know what you are, but come on. The last thing Aiden wants or needs in his life is me.”

“Why would you say something like that? Has Aiden told you what he needs?” my mom deadpans.

“Look, we had breakfast, nothing more. I called him over to my table because he was by himself and I was alone. I don’t understand why everyone looks for a hidden meaning when there isn’t one. A long time ago, in a land far far away, Aiden and I were a couple… but that was back in high school. I left. He got married and had a daughter. It’s not like either of us has spent years pining away for each other.” I look at my mom, future sister-in-law and my best friend. Each of them has a smirk on their faces, which boggles my mind. I’m either incredibly dense, or they’re up to something. Shaking my head, I get up and head toward the bar, taking the first stool available. I sigh heavily and raise my finger to get the attention of the bartender.

“Sounds like a heated conversation,” the man next to me says. I close my eyes and nod.

“You have no idea. Why do people meddle or make a big deal about nothing?”

He finishes his drink and sets his tumbler down. Strangely, he never turns to look at me, and for some reason, I find this mildly refreshing. This man wants to have a conversation and not try to pick me up or flirt. “For some, it’s what they do; it’s how they survive. For others, it’s their way of caring.”

“Well, the caring is a bit overboard in my opinion.”

“What can I get you?” the bartender asks.

“Baileys please and whatever the gentleman is having.” I motion toward the man who seems to speak with reason.

“Thank you,” he says. “It’s been years since a woman has bought me a drink. Usually, it’s the man who offers.”

“I didn’t exactly offer. I suppose I should’ve asked if you wanted another.”

This time he does turn, and when we make eye contact, he smiles. Except, there’s something about him I find familiar, and it’s not an oh-I’m-so-happy-to-see-you feeling. It’s the stranger-danger-move-with-caution sense, which instantly makes me regret buying this man a drink. I take another look, wondering where it is I know him from. Certainly, not from around here and if he were friends of my parents, surely he’d go over and say something to my mother. I shake my head, trying to clear the cobwebs, to no avail. Still, something about him and the way he’s speaking has the hairs on my neck standing at attention. Oddly enough, I haven’t felt this way since I had a stalker, who is safely under observation elsewhere. The only thing I can deduce is that this man is paparazzi, making me thankful Calvin is with me… I try to smile, but it’s forced, and I feel like he can sense this. Even as I turn away, I can feel his gaze still focused on me. I was stupid to suggest Calvin go with the guys tonight, but I wanted him to have fun and not resent me for ruining his vacation.

The bartender returns with my drink, and I pull it close to me, guarding it against errant hands that may come toward me. “Can you put this on my tab?” Surprisingly, my voice remains calm, even though the fight or flight senses are starting to kick in.

“You got it,” he says.

“Well, enjoy your drink,” I say to the man next to me, still being polite despite my need to run back to the safety of my group. He holds his glass up in salute as I slide off the stool. As quickly as I can, I rush back to the sofas we’ve been using for the evening.

“You look like you’ve seen a ghost,” my mom says as I sit down with her and Eileen.

Shaking my head, I make an ill-fated attempt at grinning. “I don’t know. There’s something about that man at the bar. I get the impression I know him or at least have seen him, and our meeting wasn’t favorable.”

“Paparazzi?” Mindy asks.

“No, I don’t think so. I mean, why would they come to Ramona Falls?”

Eileen pulls her phone out and aims in his direction. “What are you doing?” I pull her hand down before he can turn around.

“What?” She shrugs. “I can run him through facial recognition on the web and see if he comes up.”

My mom gasps. Mindy claps. I roll my eyes. “You can’t do that… or can you?” Now my interests are piqued.

Eileen grins like a cheshire cat. “Definitely. When my sister brought her boyfriend home, I snapped a picture of him and loaded it to see if he showed up in places he shouldn’t.”

“That’s rather sneaky,” Mom says. “But I like it.”

“How do I not know this? You could totally revolutionize the dating game.”

Mindy laughs so loud; others turn to see what’s going on in our section. “ I can see it now, ‘Hollywood Starlet makes any potential suitor vying for her attention post personal photos before agreeing to a date.’”

I toss the throw pillow in her direction but completely miss her. “Laugh now, but think of the heartache it would save.”

“You’re, right D. You would’ve known Trey was an epic douche,” Mindy says.

The cheerfulness I had been feeling quickly subsides until I play back the week prior. Mindy’s right. If I had known, I would’ve never dated him. I suppose we all learn from our mistakes at some point in our lives. “Well, Trey is happily doing whatever…” I trail off, knowing our break-up was for the best.