I COME OUTSIDE TO FIND Beth and Sandi ogling the fathers dropping off their kids and can’t help but laugh. This is something they do on a regular basis and when I chide them about being married, Sandi says, “Just because we’re on a diet…” and, in unison, they add, “Doesn’t mean we can’t look at the menu.”
They both fall into a fit of giggles and I can’t help myself from joining in. The two of them are incorrigible. When I tell them this, Beth shrugs and Sandi winks and then asks, “Are we still on for dinner tomorrow night?”
“I have my babysitter ready to take all the girls,” Beth offers.
These women are funny and sweet and their antics have helped me take my mind off my mother and just live in the present. Being out will be good for both me and Chloe. It’s not like my mom is even home waiting; even though I insisted she be. I sigh. She only lasted a couple of weeks.
“I’m in,” I tell them.
“Yay!” Beth says while Sandi just smiles and nods. She knows I rarely go out anymore and I can tell she’s happy with my decision.
When I get home from work I turn on a movie for Chloe and head up to my room to text E. He’s kept me sane and I like to keep him up to date about what’s going on.
I’m going out with the girls tomorrow night.
As usual, he texts me back quickly which always makes me happy.
You go, girl!
HEY! That’s my line!
I’m serious, Dee. It’ll be good for you and it’s not like your mom’s waiting at home for you.
It makes me sad how true that is.
I know, how sad is that. I specifically insisted she stop drinking and be home more and look what happened.
I know, babe, but you were expecting that.
Not a question.
I know but it’s still disappointing. I guess I’m a glutton for punishment. Either that or I’m really stupid.
You are not stupid! You’re just optimistic and that’s never a bad thing. You like to see the best in people even if they’re not capable of it.
I sigh. He’s right but it also sets me up for disappointment.
Thanks, E! You always say the right things.
That’s what I’m here for. Go out, have fun, and get your mind off your mom.
I will.
Are you going to tell them you’re leaving?
E and I have texted, at length, about me leaving San Diego. I don’t want to put it off any longer. My mom’s not going to change and I really miss Beverly and Rodger.
Yeah, that’s another reason I’m doing this. I’m not looking forward to telling them but it has to be done.
Just rip off the Band-Aid quickly so you can enjoy your night. From what you’ve told me, I’m sure they’ll understand.
They will. Wish me luck.
Luck.
A man of so many words. I’ll text you after dinner?
I’ll be waiting and seriously, Dee, everything will be okay.
Thanks, babe.
: )
So far it’s been a great night. We’re at a Hacienda de Vega, a fabulous Mexican restaurant that’s been around forever. It’s nestled in an old adobe and the wood-beamed ceilings, white-washed walls and Saltillo tiles makes it feel very authentic. It’s a gorgeous night, we’re sitting on the patio surrounded by a lush garden filled with tropical flowers and I love it. Even though I don’t want to ruin the night, I have to tell them.
“I’m leaving San Diego tomorrow,” I announce quickly after taking a large sip of my Patron Cadillac margarita for “liquid courage.”
Nothing like “ripping off the Band-Aid,” as E says.
Sandi chokes on her margarita, spitting it across the table, while Beth freezes, a chip halfway to her mouth.
“W-what?!” Sandi stammers while trying to wipe off what landed on her top.
“I’m sorry I didn’t tell you guys earlier but I actually didn’t fully decide I was leaving until I got home from work today.” They don’t need to know E and I already decided I’m leaving. Or that I turned in my notice last week.
I sigh, take an even larger sip of my drink, and continue. “My mom’s never home and when she is, she’s drunk. It isn’t good for Chloe and, well, it isn’t good for me either.”
Sandi makes a “pfft” sound and although Beth has closed her mouth and put down her chip, she still hasn’t said a word. So I continue.
“Scott’s parents really miss us, and I miss them too. My friend Lysee is holding a waitressing position open at the local health food restaurant where she works that’s just down the street from my house. I really need to get away from my mom, guys. It’s really for the best.”
“What about maybe you getting an apartment here?” Beth asks after finding her voice.
Sandi shakes her head and turns her gaze from Beth to me. “I know you and I know I can’t persuade you to stay.” Then she sighs. “Once you make up your mind…” She trails off as she picks up her margarita also taking a very large sip. “I understand that, but waitressing? You don’t want to get back into design?”
The look on her face is incredulous and maybe a little disapproving, and the way she says “waitressing” is filled with way too much derision. But I’m not ready to go back into design…I don’t think I ever will be. I did that with Scott and since he’s not here…
Nope, not doing that again. That part of my life is over.
She’s passing unfair judgment and I find myself getting annoyed. “The waitressing thing is temporary,” I say in a defensive tone, not sure why I’m even justifying myself. “And Scott’s mom is going to help get Chloe into a preschool near us and will help take care of her.” I take another drink of my margarita to calm down and keep talking. “They’re really excited to have us back and I may look into being a teacher’s assistant again. But just…not now…”
“I’m going to miss you,” Sandi says with a tear in her eye.
“Me too,” chimes in Beth. “I’ve really enjoyed getting to know you.”
“Well, I’m not gone yet,” I say trying to lighten the mood and add that they should come and visit us in Hermosa Beach once we get settled. I let them know that Chloe will miss their girls and they should make a vacation out of it. They both agree and we spend the rest of the night laughing and drinking.
It makes me sad to leave but I have to…for my sanity.