I can’t stop thinking about last night with Keegan. I wanted to give him something from me, but the only thing I could think of was to let him spank me. He had said several times he had enjoyed it with Timber. I wasn’t sure how I would feel afterward, but it was erotic. I enjoyed it as much as he did, maybe more.

We spent the rest of our evening lying in each other's arms. Lying next to him with my hands on his chest felt more intimate than I’ve ever been with another person. He’s so sweet and funny. As he told me stories of Emmalyn, I could picture him with her. Even though they weren’t always together, he had a hand in raising her. Every Sunday they would video chat no matter where he was. He said it was hard at first, watching his daughter take her first steps from a million miles away or hearing her call him daddy. He said her face would light up as soon as she would see him, and she would try to kiss the screen.

Spoiling her rotten became his goal whenever he was home on leave, but not with things, with his time. He taught her how to ride a bike, snowboard, ski, fish, and every outdoor activity in between. She sounds like she was well-loved. The only thing she missed out on was having her mother. Possibly…me.

I’m dying to meet her, but I want her to know who she is meeting without any confusion. Even if I really am Timber, I’m not sure I can ever be her or that I want to be. I don’t want to lose the person I am now.

A knock on the door has me grinning from ear to ear. I wasn’t expecting to see Keegan anymore until after Christmas.

I fling open the door ready to fly into his arms. “Paul.”

“Don’t look so disappointed,” he says, drawing me in for a hug.

“I thought it was Keegan. What are you doing here?” I say, kissing his cheek.

“I didn’t want you to be alone for Christmas.”

“But what about your parents?” I usher him in the door.

“There are so many people running around that house, they will never miss me. Cute little cottage,” he says, looking around. “This entire house would fit in your garage.” He chuckles.

“I don’t know, I kind of like the coziness of it.” I take his jacket and hang it on the coat rack.

“You look good, really good.” A crease forms at his brow.

“Then why are you scowling at me?” I laugh and lead him to the couch.

“You’re radiating happiness.”

I plop down beside him. “Was I that unhappy before?”

“You weren’t unhappy, but you weren’t like this.” He pushes my hair behind my ear. “Is it this place or Keegan?”

“I think it’s both. I feel like I belong here.”

His smile fades. “I thought you liked California.”

“I’ve never liked living in the city. This feels more natural to me.”

“And Keegan?”

“I really like him. I think I’ve even fallen for him.” I lean my head back on the couch.

“I’m glad you’ve finally opened up that big heart of yours to someone.” He leans back with me, holding my hand. “I’m sorry it’s not me.”

“I’m sorry, too.”

He inhales deeply. “Are you sure you’re not in love with the idea of maybe being found? Is that what you feel for him?”

I take a moment to think about what he’s really asking me. “No, it’s much deeper than that. I can’t deny the connection I’ve felt to him since the beginning, but I’m not convinced that I am his dead wife. The more I’m with him, the more I feel for him. I don’t share any memories with him at all, but I can’t help but feel like I belong to him. The resemblance is uncanny.”

“But you deserve a man that’s in love with you, not his dead wife.” His concern is etched on his face.

“You’re right. In the beginning that’s all I was to him, but I think that he sees me now. Shay, not Timber.”

He pats my hand. “Enough of this serious shit, let’s get out of here and go have some fun.” He hops up off the couch.

“I’d love to show you the cute little town, but we have to be careful that I’m not seen.” I follow him to the door.

“I haven’t been snowboarding since I was a kid. I saw a place a few miles back.” We put on our jackets and gloves.

“That sounds like a perfect way to spend Christmas Eve. Thank you for coming.” I stand on my tiptoes and kiss his cheek.

We are both completely exhausted by the time we make it back. “That was so much freaking fun.” I pour two glasses of wine while Paul gets the fire going. I place the wine on the coffee table and throw two of the pillows on the floor in front of the fire. I sit, and he joins me.

“I’m sorry I laughed every time you fell down,” he snickers.

“You aren’t sorry at all.” I give him an unladylike snort.

“You’re right, I’m not. It was too damn funny seeing you sprawled out in the snow.”

“I’m going to have bruises all over my body.” I point to one on my arm that’s already purple.

“It was good to see you having fun. How are the headaches?” He sips his wine.

“You know, come to think of it, I haven’t had one since I’ve been here.”

He opens his mouth to say something, but there is a knock on the door. I glance at the clock on the wall. It’s ten p.m. The only person it could be is Keegan. My stomach does a little dance with butterflies thinking about him being here.

I scurry off the floor and race over to the door.

“Hey, beautiful,” he says, holding mistletoe over his head.

“Hey yourself.” Wrapping my arms around his neck, I kiss him. Not just a sweet little peck. A kiss that says I missed you.

I hear a throat clearing behind me. Keegan’s brows furrow as he pulls away.

“Keegan, this is Paul. He arrived here early this morning to keep me company for Christmas.” I step to the side and Paul extends his hand. I can tell that Keegan isn’t thrilled, but he reciprocates with a handshake.

“It’s nice to meet you,” Paul says. Neither one of them seems too warm and friendly at first.

“I thought you were spending the evening with your family?” I take his jacket, hanging it up. I hold his hand as we sit on the couch and Paul sits back on the floor.

“We had dinner and opened our stockings. Emmalyn didn’t get any sleep from being out ice fishing all night with her grandfather, so she went to bed early. I thought I’d surprise you.”

“Surprise!” Paul laughs. I nudge him with my foot.

“How about you go upstairs and get a shower, so I can spend a few minutes alone time with Keegan.” I give him a stare that says it’s not an option.

“I can take a hint,” he says, getting up. He gulps down his wine before he disappears upstairs.

“What the hell is he doing here?”

“Don’t be angry. It was sweet of him to come all the way out here.”

He sees the bruise on my arm and turns it toward him. “What happened?”

“We spent the day snowboarding. Actually, Paul snowboarded. I kept falling on my ass.” I try for funny to lighten his mood.

His strokes his chin. “I don’t like it.”

I take his face in my hands. “He and I are only friends. I’m glad he’s here so you can meet and get to know him. You two are very different, but I do think you would like him. Please give him a chance, for me.” Some of the anger leaves his eyes.

“Okay. I’ll try really hard not to be jealous of the man you’ve spent the past several years with and who lives in your house and works with you.” The sarcasm spills out.

“I’m not sure I like this side of you.” I brush his hair off his forehead and plant a kiss right in the middle. I lean into his ear and whisper. “If you act like a bad boy, I may have to take you over my knee,” I tease him.

His smile finally lights up his eyes, and he bursts out laughing. “That will never happen.”

I pout my bottom lip at him. “It might be fun to try.”

“Come here.” He folds me into his arms. “I missed you today. I couldn’t wait to get over here to see you. Of course, I had other plans for the two of us.” He bites my shoulder, and I squirm.

“For that, I’m sorry, but not that Paul is here.” I giggle.

“I’ll be a good boy and play nice. Did you eat dinner?”

“Yeah, we ran through a drive-thru and scarfed down some hamburgers and a milkshake on the way back.”

“I’ll teach you to snowboard in no time.”

“I think I’ll stick to something a little more safe. How about you take me snowshoeing?”

“That’s boring in comparison, but I’d love to get you out in the woods.” His eyebrows waggle.

“I’ve never camped. You could make love to me all night in a tent.”

“You will want to wait for summer, trust me.”

“I bet you could create some heat between the two of us.” I slide my hand over his jeans and rub his crotch.

He stills my hand. “Don’t start something you can’t finish.” His eyes darken.

I glance back toward the stairs. “I guess you’re right. I can’t make him sleep out in the cold. I’ll settle for making out until he comes back.”

“That I can do.” He leans me back on the couch and kisses my lips, then my neck.

“What are you two kids doing down here?” Paul’s laughter fills the room.

“We’d be doing more if you weren’t here,” Keegan says, sitting us up.

I smack him in the chest. “Don’t be mean.” I giggle.

He responds with a fake grin at Paul. “Sorry, man.”

After their pissing contest finally ends, we all end up playing board games and laughing until Keegan needs to get back home. Paul takes the cue and disappears.

“I’ll walk you out.”

“Only to the door. I don’t want you getting cold.” He takes my hand and only lets go to pull on his coat. “He really is a nice guy,” he says, with all sincerity.

“I knew you would like him.”