Chapter Twelve
Larissa got dressed in her hotel room in downtown Cheyenne.
She didn’t feel right sleeping in the ranch manager’s house after the way things ended with Matt, so she’d packed up after her horseback ride and driven into town.
Now, balancing a makeup mirror on a windowsill so she could add a little eye shadow away from the hideous fluorescent lights of the bathroom, she noticed her hands were jittery. No doubt about it, she was nervous walking back into Briggs family terrain today. Especially for a wedding when they would all be celebrating true love and joining two lives together forever.
Larissa was no actress. She’d never be able to put on a happy façade for this event. Yet she wouldn’t let Callie down. Matt’s sister had wanted Larissa there for moral support before her first dance as a married woman, and Larissa wouldn’t forsake her now.
She respected love and happy-ever-afters enough that she wanted to see Callie’s get off to a beautiful start.
As for seeing Matt?
She’d deal with that moment when it came. For now, she damn well needed to look her best. Lifting the small makeup mirror, she turned to see both cheeks since she couldn’t see them at the same time. There was an equal amount of blush on each cheek, right?
She snapped the compact closed and tossed a few touch-up supplies into her purse—a tiny leather satchel she’d picked up Monday when she went dress shopping with Callie. The bride had talked her into her outfit for the day, so she tried not to overthink it now.
The whole wedding party would be wearing boots, so Larissa had polished her own favorite cranberry-colored boots for the occasion. Her dress was short and summery, a lightweight cotton eyelet in pale pink. The hem was intricate and pretty. The top was off the shoulder, so she’d picked up a long leather thong necklace to wear with it. The pendant was an angel—a gift from Callie who decided she needed a guardian to watch over her.
Larissa fingered the wire angel’s wings, wishing she’d been wearing it the day before. Maybe Matt wouldn’t have walked away from her.
Dropping the necklace into place, she left her suitcase behind and locked her hotel room door. She’d return here tonight and decide what was next in the morning. Amy Henderson would be at the wedding. Larissa thought about asking the woman for her old job back until she could figure out her next move.
Until she could figure out how to survive living in the same town as Matt Briggs without being in his life.
She rolled down the windows in the car on her way to the wedding. Purposely late so she wouldn’t have to navigate a conversation with the bride’s brother, Larissa had to park far from the ranch manager’s home. If she’d stayed here last night, she would have been able to see the wedding vows from her bedroom window. As it was, she had to walk.
The wedding procession music trilled on the wind, the clear, pure strains of a harp in the meadow. Larissa hitched up her skirt and ran. She hadn’t meant to be this late. But it seemed like the whole population of southern Wyoming had shown up to see Callie Briggs get married. She must have parked half a mile away, with cars lining both sides of the dirt road.
By the time the meadow was in sight, the last bridesmaid stepped slowly down the center aisle marked by a burlap runner and outlined with pots of violets. Guests sat on row after row of hay bales covered with gingham cloth in blue and white. Attendants lined either side of the log archway, awaiting the bride as the music shifted.
Larissa held her breath, knowing the family was all thinking of Callie’s father—the man who should have been at his daughter’s side to walk the bride down the aisle. Instead, that honor went to Matt, who stood tall and impossibly handsome next to his sister. Larissa slipped onto the end of a hay bale in the back, her attention on the Briggs siblings.
Mostly on Matt.
It hurt just looking at him, knowing that it didn’t make a difference to him whether she stayed in town or not. Today would be a unique torment, seeing him and knowing they wouldn’t be together. Especially when, all around them, everyone else was celebrating a romantic forever.
Swallowing past her own hurt, Larissa tried to focus on the bride. Callie wore a slim-cut halter dress with a little flare around her legs to make for comfortable walking. But she looked elegant and glowing with happiness as she stared up at her cowboy escort in his brand new black Stetson with a full-blown tuxedo. Larissa might have felt under-dressed if she hadn’t known for certain that they both wore boots.
Besides, the bride carried a bouquet of daisies and black-eyed Susans. A couple of adorable flower girls held straw baskets of yellow buttercups and Indian paintbrush flowers in all shades. Beneath the log archway draped with some white tulle that blew in the constant breeze, the scene was magical. Just the way the bride had hoped.
The guests all came to their feet as the bride began her walk toward her groom. In the front row, Larissa could see Hattie dressed in her best jeans and a pink western shirt, her arms wrapped around her waist as if she was holding herself together while she watched her grandchildren approach.
No doubt, this day must be equal parts hurt and happiness for a mother missing her only son. Larissa’s mother had been gone for a decade, and not a day passed that she didn’t think about her.
Blinking fast, she shifted on her feet, wondering how Matt was doing as he lifted Callie’s short veil and kissed his sister’s cheek. Her heart ached for him—both out of empathy and because she missed him.
Yet as the bride joined hands with her groom and Matt walked alone to his seat, it occurred to Larissa that she didn’t have to miss him. Unlike the parents they’d lost, Matt was here. How many things would she say to her mother if she had the chance to see her one more time?
Only a million.
How foolish would she be to wait until she had a million things bottled up inside her and left unsaid that she wished she had told Matt? She’d driven across the country to see him again. To make peace with the past. Yet here she was, so close to her goal and still falling short.
Still making the same mistakes, weighing her words. Afraid of getting hurt.
Somehow, all that strategy had led to was getting hurt. So as she watched Callie Briggs become Mrs. Reggie Montgomery in front of all their friends and family, Larissa decided to make a change. To speak her mind and tell Matt every single thing she felt for him.
She had nothing left to lose. And just maybe, there was still a chance to capture that peace with the past, even if she never managed to secure his love.
*
Matt knew Larissa was here.
He’d seen her for just one moment, out of his peripheral vision, right before he’d walked Callie down the aisle. Glimpsing her then—right when a dark cloud of memories about his father threatened to swallow him whole—had eased that darkness. Thanks to Larissa, Matt has been able to plaster something resembling a smile on his face as he made that long walk that should have belonged to their father. Then, by the time he’d handed Callie over to Reggie, Matt’s smile had been authentic. A glad moment fitting for what should be a happy day.
Now, he needed to find Larissa. Thank her. Ask her to reconsider…everything.
Too bad he couldn’t find her anywhere in the crowd still milling around the west meadow where the vows had been spoken. The outdoor wedding reception was being held in the Briggs’s backyard. It was less than a mile from the ranch manager’s place, but for the convenience of the guests, the bride and groom offered hayride transport between the site of the wedding vows and the reception.
Maybe he’d missed her and she was already back at the main house. She wouldn’t have just shown up for the ceremony, only to leave again?
He peered toward the next hay wagon loading up guests. Normally tractors would pull the conveyances. But for ambiance and wedding photo opportunities, the ranch hands had outfitted horse teams to pull them. Bells on their bridles made soft, festive sounds while the harpist continued to play.
Matt spotted her then, stepping onto the wagon behind Amy Henderson. She hadn’t left. Relief flooded through him. He booked it over there, edging past a couple of older women oohing and aahing over photos on their smartphones.
“Larissa?” He caught her elbow—just grazing the bare skin there—before she stepped up into the vehicle. “Can I talk to you for a minute?”
He willed her to say yes. Needed to change the outcome of their last conversation.
“Yes.” Green eyes met his. She pivoted quickly.
Turning toward him.
Gratitude for that simple act fueled his hope higher. He was going to fight for her. Make it clear that he wanted to be with her more than anything.
For now, however, he stepped closer to the wagon to give her a hand down from the high step.
She looked so pretty in her delicate dress, the pale pink hem above her knees, showing off the red boots he liked. Showing off incredible legs, too.
As she stepped down, her hand squeezed his for an instant, her loose hair brushing his shoulder before she righted herself. The light vanilla scent of her skin made him want to lean closer and breathe her in, but he forced himself to let her go. To focus on the conversation they needed to have.
“We might find a quiet spot on the back deck.” He pointed toward the house where she’d spent the last week right up until the night before.
“Are you sure you have time?” She bit her lip, her green eyes darting to look beyond his shoulder. “Your sister might need you for family photos.”
“If Callie knew where I was right now, she would be the first one to tell me that you come first.” He continued toward the small patio where they’d made a fire that first night. The copper fire pit they’d used remained on the deck, the two deck chairs pulled up close beside it.
Larissa glanced over at him, one delicate eyebrow lifted. “You’ve got me curious now.”
They were out of sight of everyone back here, even though the log archway was still visible. All the guests had congregated closer to the wagons. Matt could hear the rumble of wheels vibrating the ground near them as the next cart arrived to bring the last remaining wedding attendants over to the main house.
“Even during her wedding week—with all she has going on—my sister was instrumental in making me see what an ass I’ve been.” Matt paused at the picnic table just off the deck, swiping a hand over the wood bench to clear off a few fallen twigs so Larissa could have a seat.
“I know your sister is strong-willed, Matt, but she must know there’s no sense browbeating you into smoothing things over—”
“No.” He cut her off, regretting that he’d given her the wrong impression. “Sorry. That wasn’t the case at all. Callie just gave me a new perspective.” Matt dropped down to the bench beside her, searching for the right words. “I’ve been so focused on wondering what’s in your heart this week that I lost sight of my role in sharing what’s in mine.”
A bird flew low past them, landing on an old tree swing nearby. Gray and unremarkable, the bird launched into full-throated song.
“I should have spoken to you more about moving back to Cheyenne before I sprang it on you that way.” Larissa dropped her head, her eyes on her boot as she toed a dandelion in the grass. “It didn’t occur to me that I was leaving you out of a decision for which I very much valued your input.”
Matt still wasn’t sure if she valued his input as a rancher or as the man in her life. But he was done quizzing her about her intentions. He was putting himself on the line. For her.
Larissa deserved that much.
He steeled himself, knowing she might be shooting him down in a few more minutes. But for now, he slid his hands under hers. Folded his fingers around her palms and held them tight.
“You did nothing wrong.” He stared in her eyes while the wind tossed strands of her hair onto her cheek. “I was pushing for more without giving anything in return, Rissa, and that’s not how I ever want things to be between us.”
He let go of one of her hands, to smooth the strands of hair from her cheek. Tuck them securely behind one ear.
“I don’t understand.” She shook her head slowly, her lips pursed in confusion.
If only he could kiss away that confusion. Smooth over the mistakes he’d made as easily as he caught up those stray strands of hair.
“I love you,” he said simply. “I thought I loved you eight years ago, but I was so damn hurt and stubborn that now I know it wasn’t the deep, abiding love that we would have needed to make a future anyhow.” He’d thought about it long and hard before falling asleep last night, hating the idea that he’d let go of her without a fight.
Larissa’s eyes went wide. “You love me?”
“More than I can say,” he answered honestly. “In fact, I’m so abysmal at saying it that I nearly lost you—maybe I have already lost you—because I couldn’t see beyond how much it hurt to have you leave.” He closed his eyes, not much liking the way that sounded. “I’ve had loving, happy relationships around me my whole life, but I haven’t learned very well how to model that kind of love.”
A tear slipped down Larissa’s cheek. One fat, glistening ball of sadness that broke his heart.
“If it was up to me—” he reached to swipe away the tear, hating that he’d hurt her “—I’d never let you go. I don’t want to lose you.”
She closed her eyes and more tears slid free. A whole waterfall down both cheeks. He only saw them for an instant before she tipped her forehead to his chest, collapsing against him. For a heart-wrenching moment, he thought he’d lost her for good.
She was crying because it was too late and all was lost. His gut sank to his toes even though his arms went around her automatically. Because she was Larissa, and he’d always offer her his heart and whatever comfort he could.
But then she lifted her face so he could see it, and she threw her arms around his neck. Climbed onto his lap.
“I love you, Matt Briggs.” She covered his face in kisses. “I wanted to be the first one to say it. I knew when I watched you walk Callie down the aisle that it was stupid for me to hold back how much I care about you when tomorrow isn’t promised and I’d have my whole life to regret it.”
His heart slugged like a gong beat, deep and slow, while his brain tried to catch up to her words. She was in his arms though, and that was a good thing. The physical contact helped reassure him while he tried to follow what she was saying. He took his hat off and set it on the table beside them.
“But you left last night. I came here to talk to you and the house was empty.” He’d hardly slept afterward.
“I know.” She edged back, but kept her hands twined around his neck, anchoring herself to him. “I couldn’t sleep here after that talk we had. My heart hurt too much, and I was convinced you didn’t care one way or another if I stayed or left.” She sniffled and wiped away another tear. “I have a hotel room in town, but I had to come to the wedding.”
“I’m going to owe my sister for the rest of my life.” He understood that much. Callie had seen what Matt and Larissa hadn’t—one another’s feelings.
“Me too.” Larissa nodded solemnly, her eyes a brighter shade of green because of the tears. “When I thought about how much Hattie was hurting today—missing your dad—and how much you miss your father too…” she closed her eyes briefly, as if gathering her thoughts. “I just know how much that hurts—to miss someone you love. And I couldn’t bear to miss you, too. Not when there was a chance the only thing keeping us apart was pride or stubbornness or just being too clueless to know a good thing when we had it.”
The hollow ache in his heart filled in all at once, like water rushing through a dam when it’s lifted, overflowing in a rush so powerful he would have wavered on his feet if he was standing.
He gathered Larissa closer, the way he wanted to every time he saw her. He kissed the top of her head, her hair silky and warm against his lips.
“I’m so glad you’re here.” He had missed her for so long, denying it for years because it had hurt the way she’d left before. “I hate that I let you go the first time.”
“We weren’t ready then,” she reminded him, her hands dipping under the lapels of his jacket to glide over the cotton dress shirt. “But we are now.”
“I’m never letting go again.” He thought it only fair to warn her. “If you decide to dance again, I’m going with you.”
He’d sell one ranch and run the other remotely. He’d think of something.
“I meant it when I said I’m staying in Cheyenne. I miss this life.” She shifted against him, her hips rolling in a way that brought his body to immediate attention. “I miss you even more.”
Slanting his mouth over hers, he kissed her deeply. Thoroughly. Until they were both breathless.
*
Dazed with happiness and more than a little desire, Larissa wished the kiss could go on forever. But she knew she needed to attend the wedding reception long enough to be there for the bridal couple’s first dance.
There would be time enough to indulge the obvious benefits of this amazing attraction after they forged through the things that needed to be said. She wouldn’t cheat herself or Matt out of the loving words they both deserved.
“Oh. My.” She breathed the words softly over his lips, still lingering in the sensual haze while songbirds chirped in the tree nearby.
Matt’s smile was all male. And very sexy.
She still couldn’t believe he loved her. The revelation glowed inside her like a blaze to keep her warm for the rest of her life. She wasn’t sure she’d stopped smiling even for the kiss.
Matt’s voice rumbled along her ear. “While I would like to think I could keep you entertained and occupied here one hundred percent of the time, I’m realistic enough to know you’re going to want something beyond hot kisses to take the place of dancing.”
“You underestimate yourself.” She could get lost in those kisses for days. “But I’ll figure out a way to build a flock. I still have some of my share of the money from my father’s sale of our ranch. He gave me a portion since I’d been an important part of the business those final years.”
Matt toyed with the fabric of her dress where the eyelet cupped her shoulder. It gave her pleasant shivers while the scent of wildflowers and green grass filled the summer breeze.
“Maybe we can find a way to merge the businesses since you’ll need good pens and pastures. We might be able to use your ideas for a new flock to revitalize Briggs Ranch. Hattie would probably benefit from having a new project. No matter her age, she has a whole lot of vitality and wisdom to offer.”
“I would invest all the funds I have,” she insisted, unwilling to compromise his family’s thriving ranch with her startup ideas.
“We’ll figure out something fair. I just wanted you to think about it before you try taking all your talent and smarts to the Hendersons.” One callused finger dipped beneath the bodice to brush the curve of her breast.
For a crazy moment, she wondered if the ranch manager’s log home was still empty. She wanted to be with him. To lie naked in his arms afterward and pledge herself to him forever.
“You can have the right of first refusal on all my talent and smarts.” She couldn’t wait to plan a future with him. To join their love of the land and ranching and see what kind of life they could build together.
“Good. I’m ready to negotiate on your body, too.” He bent to kiss her shoulder, his mouth trailing lower toward the place where he tugged her dress down.
“That’s going to be a trade agreement.” She closed her eyes and let happiness wash over her. “I give you as much as I receive.”
She could feel his smile against her skin. Straightening, he let go of her dress and held both her hands.
“I think we’re both going to be happy with that arrangement.”
“Me too, Matt.” She hated to leave the comfort of her seat on his lap. Hated to walk away from the privacy of the patio to join the wedding reception. “I promise I’m going to work hard to keep us happy together. Forever.”
“I promise I’m going to fight for you when you forget how much I love you.” He lifted her hands to his mouth, one at a time, kissing the backs of her knuckles.
Larissa melted inside at his words and his touch. She looked out across the meadow toward the pretty log archway where Callie and Reggie had spoken their vows.
“Maybe tonight, after the reception, we can go stand under Callie’s arch and make our promises all over again.”
“I’ll speak those words as many times as you want to hear them,” Matt assured her, lifting her up as he stood. Bringing her upright with him.
He settled his hat on his head. Impossibly handsome.
“In that case, you owe me a dance, cowboy.” She smoothed her hand over her rumpled skirt, her eyes on the man she loved.
He twirled her under his arm. “You’ve got a partner, lady, anytime you want one.”