Chapter Eight
Matt had been more than happy to comply.
He awoke shortly before dawn after repeating the quantity versus quality experiment enough times to ensure they had plenty of both. His body felt better than after a good workout, every nerve ending sated and happy. There’d been the time in the shower. Backed up against the kitchen pantry—her idea, not his, but definitely a good one. And then, his personal favorite, on the sofa in front of the fireplace after a late-night snack.
Now, shifting over in bed, he reached for her side of the mattress only to find it warm but empty.
“Rissa?” His voice was rough with sleep, but he already knew she wasn’t there.
For just a quick second, it occurred to him that this is what it would feel like when she left town again. Colder. More empty.
But he had the rest of the week to enjoy this time, damn it, and he wasn’t going to take a second for granted. Dropping his feet to the plank floor, he grabbed his jeans and slid them on. He stepped into the bathroom and found the toothbrush package he’d unearthed earlier from a supply closet kept for guests at Briggs Ranch.
He brushed his teeth and headed out into the open floor plan where a kitchen, great room, and office space coexisted. The night-light still glowed on the overhead fan above the range, but there was no sign of Larissa. On bare feet, he padded across the huge wool braided rug toward the den, a smaller room with a guest bed tucked in one corner.
He could hear her soft breathing through the half-open door. She stood with her back to him in the middle of the floor, the flickering flame of matching hurricane lamps on the mantel of another small fireplace that backed up to the one in the great room so they shared a common chimney.
Dressed in a stretchy halter top and matching yoga pants, she looked ready to dance. Her dark hair was braided in a short rope that rested against her back. He could see the muscles flex in her slim shoulders and back as she did some kind of deep knee bend, one foot kicking out to the side.
For a moment, he watched her lower herself almost to the floor, caught up in the graceful way she moved.
Right up until her soft curse. The awkward jolt of her body.
He stepped toward her. “Are you okay?”
She startled, spinning quickly to face him, her cheeks rosy in the glow of the flickering lamps.
“Matt.” She covered her heart with one hand and slumped back to sit on the floor, stretching her legs out in front of her. “I didn’t know you were there.”
“Sorry to catch you off guard.” He ambled closer at a slower pace. “I woke up alone.” The words sounded stark. Revealing. So he forced a half smile to lighten the moment. “Wanted to make sure you weren’t trying to face down any bears on your own.”
“My morning enemy is far more common, I’m afraid.” She smoothed her hands up the outside of one thigh, twisting at the waist. “My hip was giving me fits so I thought I’d try to work out the sore spots.”
Guilt hit him that he hadn’t thought about that.
“Did last night aggravate it? Hell, Rissa, I’m sorry if I—”
“No.” Shaking her head, she covered his lips with one finger. “Absolutely not. This is a recurring pain. I’ve had it for months.”
He hated the thought of her hurting. He lifted her finger from his mouth and kissed it. Kissed her palm and held it. Last night had been incredible. Touching her again—in bed or even just this way—felt better than he imagined.
“Can I help?” He wanted to run his hands all over her. Greet her properly after the way they’d made love all night long. But he wanted to make sure she was okay, first. “Should I stretch anything for you or massage? No strings attached, I swear. I’m being legit here. I’m worried.”
“I’ll be fine.” She shook her head, her braid shifting to the front of her shoulder. “It’s just good to move it around a little. I haven’t been working out enough since I got here.”
He frowned, not sure if he could trust her to be truthful on this or not. “Either that or you haven’t rested it enough.”
No matter what she said, he worried that their activity last night had aggravated the muscles and there had to be something he could do for her.
“I’m more of the mindset: move it or lose it,” she said softly. “Believe me, I’ve spoken to enough sports medicine experts to know.” She was quiet for a long moment while they sat close to one another on the floor, Larissa still gently stretching. “I didn’t mean to wake you up.”
“You didn’t.” He covered her stationary knee with one hand, wishing she wouldn’t push herself so hard. “I wake up about this time every day. Rancher hours.”
“I miss it.” She fiddled with a piece of hair that drooped loose from the braid. “Not the hours, necessarily. But the rest of ranch life. I told myself for years that I didn’t. Now I wonder if I did that just so I could be happier about the choice I made.”
Surprised, he knew he needed to tread carefully around that. If she’d enjoyed her life in Cheyenne, it led him to wonder if she’d left because of him more than anything else. And while that idea stung more than it should have, Matt didn’t want her to think she couldn’t return home.
“I’ve had more time to think since you first told me about the pregnancy.” He needed to reassure her, not scare her off all over again. But he felt like it was important to revisit the news he’d been too stunned to process earlier in the week. “I understand why you left. That you might have worried I’d pressure you into staying here because of the baby. But now, you don’t have that worry anymore—not about the baby. Not about me.”
He’d done everything in his power to keep the ball in her court this week. No pressure.
“I know.” She nodded fast, blinking. She looked troubled, but he wasn’t quite sure why. “You’ve been great.”
Her words didn’t quite sync up with her expression and he told himself to back off. He wasn’t going to convince her to stay this time. Hell, he wasn’t even trying to do that now, was he? He’d come to terms with the hole Larissa had left in his life a long time ago.
Glancing up at the windows on the wall opposite the fireplace, he could see hints of a purple sunrise.
“Good.” He nodded, but he forced his hand off her knee even though it felt unnatural not to touch her when she was this close. “I told you last night this is your home and I meant it. I would hate to think you’d stay away because of me. Because of what we shared.”
All those years ago, he’d loved this woman. Intensely. Getting over her hadn’t been easy.
Trouble was? She hadn’t felt the same. No sense revisiting that today, especially since he wasn’t stupid enough to fall a second time.
“I’m going to audition.” Her jaw was set. Green eyes steely. “I can’t just walk away in the middle of my career without at least feeling like I gave it my all. But I might talk to Amy Henderson while I’m here. Find out how the business has been going for them and if she thinks I could still have a viable flock of my own down the road.”
Could she have given him any clearer confirmation that she wasn’t interested in something long term with him? After eight long years, she was finally thinking about coming home. But she wanted him to know that it would be on her own terms. And it would be because she missed her sheep.
After everything they’d shared the night before, the realization this morning made for a hollow feeling inside. Not that he’d let her know. He’d been serious about not wanting to be the reason she stayed away.
“That’s great.” His words sounded off even in his own ears. “But if you’re willing to take one last piece of ranching advice from a local, I wouldn’t ask the Hendersons. They haven’t been able to make a success of that place in all the years they’ve been at it.”
Her jaw dropped, her surprise illuminated by the muted violet light of dawn spreading across the sky. “How can that be? The house is a showplace. The barns are so immaculate it’s like they’re raising thoroughbreds.”
“All the improvements are funded by her family’s wealth, from what I hear. They may have upgraded the property and the home, but the size of the flock has steadily decreased. The quality of the wool has gone down.”
“Really?” Her lips pressed into a thoughtful line and despite everything he’d realized about this relationship this morning, he found himself remembering how her mouth felt against him. “Now that I think about it, I guess I didn’t venture far from Reba’s pen. Most of the others were out in the pasture for the day.”
He knew she was thinking about a life here. A life that included the things she used to love, like her animals. Working with the wool community. Maybe taking up the natural dyeing business, like her mother had. But no matter what Matt and Larissa shared the night before, she wasn’t thinking about him.
“Sun’s up,” he announced, shoving himself to his feet and holding a hand out to help her stand. “I should get back to the house before the rest of Reggie Montgomery’s family arrives today.”
“Of course.” She sprang up fast, lithe and lovely in her sleek training outfit. “I shouldn’t have kept you when I know you have things to do in the morning.” Her smile was lopsided. “Rancher hours.”
That hollow feeling hit him in the chest all over again. Was it his imagination, or was morning-after awkwardness setting in already?
“Right.” He nodded, wanting to kiss her. Needing to kiss her. “Rissa.” He took both her hands in his and held them, unwilling to give up whatever time they had left together. “Are we okay?” He lifted one hand to his lips to kiss the back of her fingers. “You’re not feeling any regrets about last night?”
“No.” Her voice was strong. Firm. “I wanted you here.” Her green eyes tracked the movement of his mouth on her knuckles.
That much was encouraging anyhow. If nothing else, they understood each other this way.
“What about tonight? My house will be full of out-of-towners. Can I take you out? Bring you dinner? Be with you?”
“Isn’t tonight Reggie’s bachelor party?”
“Crap.” His forehead dropped to hers, needing that connection with her. “I forgot. How about afterward? We can have a fire. I’ll scout the area for predators. Make sure you’re safe.”
That teased a genuine smile from her. “It makes me wonder how I survived without you.”
“Me too. But best not to take any more chances.” He kissed her on the cheek. And then, unable to leave it at that, he kissed her full on the lips, savoring the feel of her mouth on his. The minty taste of her.
The way she melted into him within seconds, her hands letting go of his to stroke over his shoulders.
With more than a little regret, he pulled away, his breathing harsh.
“Hold that thought.” He brushed one final kiss over her parted lips. “I’ll see you tonight.”
With her nod, he retreated to the bedroom to retrieve his boots and his clothes. By the time he was in the truck, he missed her already.
So he couldn’t begin to imagine what he was going to feel like this time next week when she was gone again.
*
Larissa turned up the music in the dining room at Briggs Ranch later that afternoon.
She and Callie had moved a few chairs and rolled up a carpet to create a makeshift dance floor shortly after lunch. Now, Larissa watched her new pupil painstakingly count out the “one-two-three” pattern of the country waltz. The same dance Matt had remembered so flawlessly from their time together eight years ago.
All day, Larissa’s mind traveled back and forth between those sweet days of falling for Matt the first time, and the powerful draw she felt for him now. Memories of their night together—sensual, fun, and happy—interplayed with memories of the awkward conversation they’d had before dawn. How could Matt distance himself from what they’d shared so quickly? He seemed completely comfortable separating passion from his deeper feelings, keeping her at arm’s length even when she’d spoken to him about returning home to Cheyenne.
Was it wrong of her to wish that he’d been more welcoming? Encouraging? Yet he’d been clear that if she returned to town, they would protect their friendship. Nothing more.
“I suck at this,” Callie announced, stopping in the middle of her spin with an imaginary partner on the dining room floor. Hands on hips, dressed in jeans and a white T-shirt that read: “I can’t keep calm. I’m the bride,” Callie speared her fingers into her short blond hair, sending curls into her eyes. “Be honest, Larissa. Should I just go back to a two-step?”
“You’re doing well for only a few days of practice.” Sure, she’d taught Matt in the course of one rainy night, but they’d danced it over and over. Together. “It would help if Reggie was with you more often so you could learn together.”
“I didn’t think about how much time we’d be spending with out-of-town guests.” She shook her head and sank into one of the dining room chairs. “We’re both so busy we’ve hardly seen each other.”
Larissa turned the volume down on her iPod and pulled it from the speaker dock, tucking it in the pocket of her hoodie. “Do you think you’ll see him tonight after the bachelor party?”
“Definitely.” Callie turned her wrist to check her watch. “I’m going to kidnap him at a predetermined hour, in fact. You should come with us to make sure I make a clean getaway.”
“You’re stealing the groom from his bachelor party?” Larissa leaned a hip on the corner of the dining table, subtly stretching the opposite leg to ease the dull burn of the muscles up one side.
“Only after he’s had plenty of time with the guys.” She grinned. “Reggie may protest to save face, but he totally wants me there.”
Larissa had only met Callie’s groom briefly to walk him through his part of the waltz, but she’d liked him right away. He was quiet and attentive, so much so that he would have been hard to get a read on if Callie hadn’t been there, teasing smiles out of him and drawing him out.
“Okay. Then why don’t you spend some time dancing under the stars tonight after you kidnap him?” Larissa suggested. “Find some quiet place and go through the steps with just the two of you. You can figure out if there are parts that are too complicated and you want to cut, or parts that you like and want to duplicate a few more times. Make the dance your own.”
“We can do that?” Callie laughed. “Right. Of course we can. It’s our wedding, isn’t it?” She reached over and slung an arm around Larissa’s shoulders. “You’re the best. Matty’s going to be glad to see you tonight when you roll into the bar with the rest of the groom-nappers.”
“I don’t know, Callie.” Larissa’s chest clenched. Would Matt be glad to see her? She wasn’t so certain anymore, even though they’d made plans to see each other tonight. She didn’t want to be a “friend with benefits” to him.
“He’ll be thrilled.” Jumping to her feet, Callie pulled Larissa up too. “Come on upstairs with me. I just remembered that Gran wanted me to bring you up to her sitting room when we were finished dancing.”
“Hattie wants to see me?”
“I think she wants to show you that weaving of your mom’s.” Callie jogged up the steps in her sock feet, passing framed photos of her amateur rodeo competitions. There were a few of Matt too, including one with him standing in front of the sign for Split Fork that must have been shortly after she’d left Cheyenne.
Her feet paused in front of the picture. He looked happy. And yet…was it her imagination, or did he not look as happy as he had when they’d been together? The Matt she knew from their days in university had been warm and lighthearted. The Matt in the photo had a definite reserve.
“Larissa?” Callie called from the second floor.
“Coming.” Brushing off the thoughts that weren’t really her business since she’d left Cheyenne and Matt, too, Larissa jogged up the rest of the steps.
Hattie and Callie’s voices came from down the hall and she followed them past two closed doors to an open one where a couple of matching brown wingbacks sat beside each other with a shared tufted footrest. A wooden tray sat on the footrest, holding a mug of steaming tea and a stack of paperbacks.
But it was the wool weaving hanging above the chairs that captured her attention and catapulted her back to the past. Her mother’s artwork—a tapestry, really—was half deep red and half wheat-colored. On each field, a huge golden wildflower opened in profile, a shock of color and delicate lines in an otherwise stark and organized background.
It wasn’t just beautiful, it was a memory as well.
“I remember this piece.” She shook her head and stepped closer to it, drawn to it as if she could touch her mother’s hand again. Smell the scent of her favorite perfume mingled with the earthier scent of the wool as she worked at the big loom in their living room. “I can’t believe I’d forgotten it.”
“Your mother was very talented,” Hattie offered, coming to stand beside Larissa. “I can think of three other friends who bought pieces from her. If you’d like to visit them sometime, I could go with you.”
“That’s so kind of you.” Larissa brushed a light touch along the bindings, remembering her mother’s sadness as she finished a piece she had enjoyed working on, as if each piece had become a part of her.
Or was it simply her sadness at leaving the loom, where she could have happily spent all her time? With the benefit of age, Larissa saw some of her mother’s choices differently. Her desperate desire for Larissa to dance had been a reflection of her own thwarted dreams. She hadn’t necessarily considered Larissa’s preference or passions.
She simply hadn’t wanted her daughter to feel the regret that she did.
“Larissa?” Callie called from the other side of the room. “I’ve got to help Mom with some favors for the rehearsal dinner tomorrow, but I can pick you up at ten to raid the bachelor party.”
Larissa nodded, only half listening to what she’d agreed to, her mind on her mother. And the worry that Larissa had built her life around putting her mother’s demons to rest.
“Would you like some tea?” Hattie pointed to the steaming pot on the wooden tray. “I have extra mugs.”
“That would be nice. Thank you.” Maybe the warmth would help ground her in the present and stop her from all this questioning of herself.
All week, she’d been wrestling with doubts about being here. About her career. About why she’d needed to set things right with Matt after all this time. She still felt that way…didn’t she?
She massaged her aching hip absently.
“It’s good of you to teach Callie how to dance.” Hattie poured two stoneware mugs full of tea from the pot and pointed out the sugar for Larissa to help herself. “You must know she told all her friends she’s learning from a Broadway star.” Hattie smiled as she lifted her mug in a silent toast. “She looks up to you.”
“I admire her too. She’s so fearless.” Larissa followed Hattie’s lead as the older woman took one of the wingbacks, prompting Larissa to take the other.
“But so are you. Lots of people dream about Broadway. Not many actually follow through.” Hattie shoved one of her long gray braids behind her shoulder, shifting in her seat so she could draw a foot up under her.
For an older woman, she remained very limber.
“I’m not fearless. It feels like all I’ve done this week is be afraid of my next move.” Clearly, Larissa wasn’t ready to leave her questions behind today. “Can I ask you something?” At the other woman’s nod, she continued. “What made you decide to try bull riding? Was it your calling? Your passion?”
“My daddy was a hard man. And he was a bull rider.” Hattie’s blue gaze went to the window and she seemed to stare off into a distant past. “I wanted to be just like him.”
“So he wanted you to follow in his footsteps?”
“No.” Hattie shook her head. “Oh, not at all. He was furious with me when he caught me on one of the older bulls to get a feel for riding. But when he saw I was going to sneak and do it anyway, he taught me everything he knew and I got better.”
“Looking back now, do you think you did it for his approval?” Larissa wondered because she grappled so hard with her own complicated reasons for choosing to dance over a life in Cheyenne.
The life she could have had with Matt.
She could have been standing by his side in the photo of the Split Fork Ranch. Maybe, by that time, they would have had a baby with them. If she’d stayed there, perhaps they would have tried to have another child after she lost the first one, a tender way to heal a loss and start a family. Her life would have been so different… Would she have had regrets or settled into a joy like Callie was anticipating?
“The girls in town all liked to say I was only doing it to get attention.” Hattie’s smile was wry, but it turned sad for a moment. “But if you listen to too much of what other people say, you don’t have the ears to hear your own heart. I think I wanted to ride bulls because I am small on the outside but on the inside—” she thumped her narrow chest with a closed fist “—I have the heart of a lion. Bull riding let me show that to the world.”
Larissa smiled, charmed by her fierceness. “I think your lion heart is still visible, Hattie, even when you aren’t on a bull. But I understand what you mean.” She sipped her tea for a moment before asking the question she really needed to have answered. She took a deep breath. “How did you know when you were done?”
Through the open door of the sitting room, Larissa could hear Callie singing a country love song over the hum of a hair dryer. Outside, a sea of dark brown cattle moved toward the barns for the night, the sky behind them shifting to marigold.
“I got on a bull one day and the adrenaline rush wasn’t the same. I found more thrills in the arms of my new beau, Cliff Briggs.” Hattie toyed with a loose thread on the arm of a wingback, lost in her own thoughts for a moment.
Was she thinking of her husband, who’d passed away even before Larissa met Matt? Or was Hattie’s mind on the son she’d lost just last year? Larissa reached to gently squeeze the older woman’s arm.
“It’s kind of you to answer my questions. I hope I haven’t raised any unhappy memories.”
“Not at all.” Lifting her head, Hattie stared out the window. “All my memories of my family are good ones, and I’m grateful to have them. The people in my life have been my real passion. Not bull riding, or ranching, or anything else I did.”
The words settled around Larissa uncomfortably, making her hip ache again. Her heart too, for that matter. How badly had she screwed things up by following her mother’s dreams instead of her own? By denying herself—and Matt—the future they might have shared?
She set her cup aside. “Thank you for showing me the weaving.” Her eyes went to it as she got to her feet, her mother’s beautiful art still a powerful connection to her mom and all the dreams Laurie Martine had stirred inside her daughter. If Larissa walked away from dancing, who would she be? Would she lose that connection to her mother? “I should be going. Callie wants me to go out with her and her friends later.”
If Hattie was offended at her rush out the door, the older woman didn’t show it. Larissa hurried from the house and hopped onto the purple ATV. She needed fresh air. A moment to catch her breath before all her old decisions threatened to crumple her. Of course, telling herself not to think about old mistakes wasn’t going to make them go away. She knew that much for certain as she arrived at the ranch manager’s home where she would be spending just two more nights. The day after the wedding, Larissa would need to figure out what happened next.
She’d been so certain she needed to follow through on the Las Vegas audition, but Hattie’s words made her question that decision. What if Larissa had been putting way too much focus on her job when she needed to be figuring out her life’s passion? Or the people she wanted to be with?
Only one man’s face appeared in her mind. A man who could make her laugh, share her burdens, distract her from her worries, and make her dizzy with just a kiss. Just thinking of him made her feel breathless.
She would go to that bachelor party tonight and surprise Matt. Maybe she could convince him that they could be more than just friends with benefits. They could explore the kind of relationship they’d started eight years ago and pick up where they left off.
Hope filled her heart. She would ask him about that.
Right after she seduced him.