For the first few minutes of the drive, we are quiet. The only sounds are the constant hum of my car. I sense movement in my peripheral and when I sneak a peek at Landon I notice him regarding me, his index finger resting on his lip. I try to ignore the sensation below that became amplified the second he talked about what could potentially have me swearing like a sailor.
“So, why UConn?” He breaks the silence.
“What do you mean?” I’ve been asked this question a hundred times, mostly with genuine curiosity. With my grades and SAT scores, everyone has an opinion about why I chose a state school for college.
“A smart girl like you…didn’t want to go Ivy? Your father has been bragging about you for years. I know you had your pick of schools.” Bragging about me? Surely, he meant Skyler...
“I wanted to stay close to home.”
He snorts. “What about Yale?”
“UConn offered more money. I got into Yale, but they didn’t offer to pay.”
I didn’t see it, but I know he rolled his eyes. “Your parents can afford it.”
Goosebumps pop up on my skin and tears prickle in my eyes as the sense of vulnerability washes over me. I’d never told anyone the truth, never spoken the words aloud.
I clear my throat and focus my eyes on the road.
“So, there’s a story.”
“I just…I’m used to being the smartest person in the room.”
“Big fish in a small pond. I get it,” he adds.
“And if I went to a school like Yale…”
He nods in understanding. “I see. You were scared.”
“I wasn’t scared. I just…wasn’t ready for all the other big fish.”
“So…scared.”
“Do you want me to leave you on the side of the road?” I point a finger out the window towards the rows of trees we are passing as I move down the two-lane highway. He doesn’t say anything for a moment, so I continue. “I’ll go to Yale for law school, happy?”
“No,” he says immediately. “You need to go away for law school. Somewhere that requires you to move out of your parents’ guest house. You need to experience life away from Mom and Dad. Have you ever been anywhere without them?”
“I’ve been to Italy.”
“Did you stay with family?”
I feel a flare of jealousy as I think about how different Skyler’s and my experiences were when we visited the motherland. Aside from the Italian boy that broke her heart, she had the time of her life exploring the city and immersing herself in the culture by living it. I spent most of my time there in the kitchen with my aunt, watching Italian telenovelas and reading about the culture.
“I’ve been to Greece,” I add. “Without family.”
“Better. Who did you go with?”
I take a breath, knowing he’ll have something smart to say about my answer. “A youth group.”
“So, church. Damn what kind of youth group goes to Greece? I thought churches went to third world countries and built houses and taught orphaned children. Since when do they go to Mykonos or Santorini?”
“Don’t be like that. It was a team building experience before we went to high school.”
He raises an eyebrow at me. “Sure, Bambi. Look, you’re twenty-one, you can’t hide out in your parents’ guest house forever. This is the time of your life. Have you even tasted alcohol?”
I’m confused by his nickname. A baby deer? Was that a term of endearment? Or an insult? “Bambi? What does that mean?”
“Answer my question first.”
“Yes, of course I have. And I’ve even been drunk a few times.”
“Whoa there, rebel without a cause.” He puts his hands out as if he’s bracing himself.
“Shut up.” I giggle and my heart skips a beat for a second. Did I just say that to an adult? Like a real adult?
“You should see your face. As much as you probably deserve a spanking for that, I’ll let it slide because your expression is priceless. Take the next exit.” He points, like he hadn’t just talked about spanking me.
“That’s the second time you’ve said that…about spanking me.”
“Intrigued, are we?”
“No…I just. No one has ever…I’ve never been…”
“No, Preston and Viv probably never laid a hand on you or Littlest Mitchell, did they? Their perfect princesses.”
“What reason would I need to be spanked? As you’ve pointed out more than once tonight, I’m pretty well-behaved and boring.” I try my best to hide the hurt in my voice.
“You aren’t boring. I would never call you boring. Naive. Inexperienced, maybe. But not boring. When I called you Bambi, I just meant you were doe-eyed. Those beautiful eyes of yours are so large and innocent and full of wonder. It’s refreshing to meet someone who hasn’t had their humanity completely ripped from them. Who’s not jaded and angry. Someone who believes good still exists.”
“There’s still a lot of good out there, Landon.”
“There’s a lot of bad too, Serena. I hope you never see it. But unfortunately, it’s a part of life.”
“You’re so cynical.”
He doesn’t respond. I pull into a neighborhood and I frown as I see the size of the homes. They’re not small, but they’re smaller than the home I knew he lived in before. “You live here?”
“I moved out when Jana filed and…” he clears his throat, “a lot of money is tied up in the proceedings. She doesn’t have a prayer at getting half, but my financial advisor thought I should have something understated, and I didn’t need much. Third on the right.” He points and I pull into the driveway and put the car in park. “Thank you for the ride, Mitchell.”
I nod and my teeth find their way onto my bottom lip as I resist the urge to say what I’ve been thinking all night. “You know, I’m beginning to think you called me on purpose. You don’t seem all that drunk.”
“When you get to be my age, you learn how to keep it together. You’re reckless in different ways. Maybe I can walk a straight line or hold a coherent conversation, but I also make dangerous decisions. Let alcohol convince me to touch things I shouldn’t. Want things I shouldn’t.”
I let out a breath slowly as I let his words sink in.
I want him to touch me.
To want me.
I find myself wondering what the inside of his home looks like. Where he sleeps, eats, showers…but I know going into his house is the equivalent of Alice stumbling down that famous rabbit hole.
Am I ready for that?
“Umm do you need help, or…anything? I mean, should I come in or?” I stop, when I see the look he’s giving me.
Something dark flashes across his features and it calls out to something inside of me. “You don’t know what you’re asking. Don’t tempt the lion, Bambi.”
“I just thought…”
“Thought what? I would touch my best friend’s virgin daughter?” The way he says it, it doesn’t sound like it’s something he couldn’t see himself doing. The thought sends goosebumps all over my skin.
“No…I—”
“Kiss her, fuck her, make her come harder than she’s ever dreamed of? You’ve never come before, have you, Bambi?” His voice is low and hoarse and I wonder if it’s the alcohol making him sound that way or something else.
His words make me squirm in my seat, but I try not to let on that I’m thoroughly embarrassed. “That’s not your business.”
“Tell me. Do you touch yourself? Rub a finger over your clit? You’ve never been penetrated so I know you won’t think that feels good, but have you discovered that button that can make you quiver with desire?”
I’m grateful for the darkness, the only lights illuminated are on my dashboard, but when I look over, his features are as clear as day.
“Are you trying to embarrass me?” I squeak. No one has ever spoken to me like that. It makes my heart race, the space between my legs pound harder, and I feel myself getting short of breath.
“No. I’m trying to empower you. Ask for what you want, Serena.”
“I— I don’t know what I want.”
“Sure, you do. Ask me, Bambi.”
“You’ll laugh at me.”
“No, I won’t.” His fingers reach up and tuck a lock of hair behind my ear. I look over at him and when my tongue darts out to wet my lips, he groans. “Fuck. You’re so beautiful. It actually hurts to look at you.”
“Why?”
“You know why, Serena. It would ruin years of friendship.”
“I wouldn’t…tell…” I choke out, as I step closer to the proverbial rabbit hole. I peek down the hole and I don’t see anything, just black.
What’s down there anyway?
Probably an orgasm! My inner Skyler perks up.
“Tell me to get out of the car, Serena,” he says. I know it’s not what he wants but I hear the implication in his hoarse voice. Here’s your out. Take it.
I don’t.
“What do you want, Serena?”
The car is silent as he prepares for my answer. Say it, Serena. Like he said, ask for what you want. “I’m twenty-one and…I’ve never been…properly kissed.”
“Everything about you is proper, Serena. Be more specific for me.”
“I’ve never made out with anyone.” My cheeks flame. Do adults say make-out?
“Is that all you want?” I don’t respond because I don’t know if I’m prepared to go further.
“I have to crawl before I walk.”
“Fair.”
“And that’s even saying you’d be willing to…teach me to walk.” I look up at him as sexy as I can, but I feel like I’m failing with my glasses in the way. Yet, the growl that escapes his throat makes me believe I succeeded.
“When you look at me like that, I’m likely to give you anything you want.”
“Maybe just the kiss…for now.” I nibble on my bottom lip, and his pupils dilate as they fix on my mouth.
He leans forward across my console so that we are practically nose to nose. I fiddle with the legs of my glasses prepared to take them off when he speaks. “Leave them.”
“It’s not hard to kiss with them?”
“No. Leave it,” he demands. “One day, I’ll kiss you somewhere else and make you watch me behind those sexy glasses of yours.”
“Where?” I had a guess, but I wanted to hear him say it.
He leans back slowly and I can tell he’s studying me to see if I really don’t know, or if I’m just messing with him. “You know where.” He pauses. “If that’s something you’re interested in.” He winks.
I swallow, my body unprepared for the way his words make it feel. I feel too hot, and before I can remind myself that I’m not wearing a bra underneath my tank top, I’ve pulled my sweatshirt off. “Holy fuck, Serena, goddamn.” I look down and see my hardened nipples poking through the thin cotton.
“Oh. I…I was just hot.”
“Yes, you fucking are. Come here, Bambi.” I’m sure where here is, but before I can question it, he’s pulled me across the console into his lap. “I’m crossing all the fucking lines right now but you’re just so perfect. You’re so untouched and pure and fuck. I would ruin you, Serena.”
I gulp. “Do I want that?”
“You’re asking?” His fingers ghost over the swell of my breast, stroking the skin but not going lower. My breath hitches feeling his touch somewhere so intimate even if it’s not my nipples.
I nod. “I’m curious.”
His hands find my face and he cradles it like I’m the most precious thing. “Be careful what you ask for, Serena.”
“You’ll…touch me?” I squeak. I wonder if his touch would quiet the roar between my legs. If his kiss would lick away the tingle. I move slightly in his lap, my body moving on its own, to seek some type of relief.
He groans and I feel it hardening beneath me. “You’re killing me, Serena.”
“Sorry.” I bite my bottom lip, unsure, as he moves closer.
“My little baby deer. Don’t be nervous.” His lips find the base of my throat before floating up my neck, leaving kisses in his wake. He nibbles on my chin, his tongue darting out to lick the skin.
“Okay,” I whisper as his lips ghost over mine. He nibbles on my bottom lip, sucking the skin into his mouth before letting it go with a pop. His hand moves to grip the back of my neck and then his tongue is probing my mouth for entrance. His tongue tastes like whiskey and a hint of mint and I almost melt in his arms. Oh my God, my first real kiss. My hands find his face as we find a rhythm that has him groaning into my mouth. His tongue is wild and aggressive at times and slow and languid at others. I just follow his lead and let him control the motions. I hadn’t kissed anyone else like this, but something told me he was by far one of the best.
I never want this to end.
I feel my nipples hardening under my shirt to the point of pain and I’m suddenly anxious for his touch. I begin to rock against him, desperate for some relief when he grips my hips, halting my movements.
“Serena,” he tightens his grip as he holds me in place, “stop being a tease,” he commands.
“I’m not,” I retort.
“Maybe not on purpose, but you rubbing against my dick is not helping me stay in control.”
My heart slams against my chest at his confession. “Maybe I want you out of control.”
“Getting out of control will end with my dick fucking all three of your holes, now relax.”
I pull back from his lips which had found its way back to my neck. “All...three?” I cock my head to the side.
He raises an eyebrow and my eyes widen and my lips form an O shape. I clench without thinking. “You’re not putting anything there.”
“We’ll see.”
“Yeah, we will,” I quip.
“Don’t talk back to me, Serena.”
I frown. “You’re not in control here, Landon.”
“Oh, you think?” He grips my jaw. “The second I touch you, I mean really touch you, you’ll be begging for my dick. Everywhere.”
I let out a breath before I lean in and brush my lips over his gently. I close my eyes and lose myself in his kiss once more, as the feeling of free falling into the unknown overtakes me.