I felt like such a teenager! What the hell was wrong with me? I was in my thirties, and I’d already had sex with him. Why was I freaking out? I wanted him. I hoped I’d made that clear. But that crazy imp in my mind just wouldn’t let go.

I stepped into his hot tub. The evening was cool and crisp, and steam rose from the water. The warm water bubbled around my foot, and then my leg, and then the rest of my body as I sank into the warmth, and I let go of my inhibitions.

Well, tried to, anyway.

Part of me was still mousy Ruby Lee. The girl who intentionally flew under the radar to avoid situations like…well, like the one I was in now.

“Ahh,” Ryan said as he sank into the water beside me.

We were naked, our arms and sides touching. He felt so good against me. So…right.

How could this be happening?

Looking up at the night sky—not nearly as clear as it had been in Jamaica—I breathed in.

The darkness soothed me, and I realized what had caused my discomfort. The harsh lighting in his kitchen. I’d been in the kitchen with my father when he’d first tried…

I shook my head to clear it. Now was not the time to go there. But at least I knew why I’d been uncomfortable.

I timidly moved my hand onto his thigh. It was soft and smooth in the warm water. And it felt good. So good beneath my fingers.

He didn’t reach to touch me, and after a few minutes it became clear that I’d be setting the pace tonight. As freaked out as I’d been, I’d probably freaked him out just as much.

I smoothed my hand up and down his thigh, enjoying the feel of his slick skin.

And then, I went all in.

As I smoothed my hand from his knee upward, I grabbed hold of his cock.

He groaned.

And his hardness grew thicker in my hand.

I did this to him.

I did this to Ryan Steel.

I still couldn’t quite wrap my mind around that truth.

Slowly, with the warm water a gentle lubricant, I pumped him with my fist.

He lay back, closing his eyes. “Good, baby.”

My nipples tightened up as my breasts bobbed on the surface of the water.

I was turning him on.

And that was turning me on.

I threw out all my inhibitions and let them float upward on the rising steam. I let go of his cock and climbed atop him, positioning my pussy entrance right at the large head.

“Baby…”

“Shh,” I said and slid down upon his erection.

It was tight. So tight, but I felt only the stretching and no pain this time.

“God,” he gritted out, as I seated him to the hilt within me.

So full, so very full.

“Show me,” I said. “Show me what to do.”

He cupped my cheeks and stared into my eyes—his own dark as night. “Do what feels good, baby.”

An urge swept through me. To pull myself off him and then plunge back down.

So I did that, and my clit rubbed against his rough pubic hair.

And skyrockets erupted.

So quickly. How could I be climaxing so quickly?

“Yeah, baby,” he said. “Let it go. Let it feel good.”

“This is impossible.” My nerves skittered, my body shuddered as the orgasm whirled through me.

He pulled me up off him and thrust me back down, groaning. I soared with the steam rising from the hot water.

Again, he pulled me up and then down.

“Ah!” he ground out.

This time he held me down, and I felt him pulsing within me. His orgasm. Nearly as quick as my own.

Wow.

I brought my head down onto his shoulder, breathing in his salty, masculine scent.

“That was amazing,” he whispered into my ear.

I couldn’t respond. I was still recovering.

How had I climaxed so quickly?

He simply held me, didn’t try to move me, let me stay sunken against him, breathing rapidly. He rubbed my back, whispered soothing words to me.

“Breathe, baby. Relax. It’s okay…”

When my breathing finally steadied, I moved backward and looked into his dark eyes.

“You’re amazing,” he said.

“I can’t believe that just happened. It was so quick.”

“For me too,” he said.

“Is that…normal?”

He laughed.

“Hey, don’t laugh at me.”

“It’s not at you. But yes, it’s perfectly normal…when two people want each other the way we do.”

Embarrassment swept through me, but I couldn’t deny the truth of his words.

“I just never thought I could want a man like I want you,” I said, thankful for the darkness that covered what I was sure was a crimson blush in my cheeks.

“Believe it or not, I never thought I could want a woman the way I want you.”

“You? After all your women? After your relationship with Anna? You’ve never wanted anyone the way you want me?”

He cupped my cheeks. “Look at me, baby. Look into my eyes. See the truth in there.”

His eyes were dark, dark and beautiful, as they always were. But truth did shine within them. A truth I’d never seen before.

I looked for truth all the time as a cop. I knew when I saw truth in someone’s eyes…and when I saw lies.

But this was a truth I’d never seen. A truth of emotion, a truth of…

No.

Not ready to go there.

I touched his cheek, rubbed my fingers against his stubble.

“Can you see it?” he asked. “Can you see the truth in my eyes?”

“Yes,” I said, and then I swallowed all my apprehension. “What do you see in mine?”

He smiled. “I see a lot of things that you’re probably not ready to face yet, and that’s okay. We have all the time in the world.”

And it hit me like a wheelbarrow full of river rock.

Love.

That’s what he was seeing.

That’s what I wasn’t ready to face.

I was in love with Ryan Steel.

I, who had no idea what love even was…so how could I know?

But I did.

---

“See you later,” I said to my father, who was sitting at the kitchen table with a cup of coffee. I’d left him a plate of dinner that was currently heating in the microwave.

“Where are you off to?” The harsh fluorescent lighting in the kitchen illuminated his features—was he angry, or simply mistrustful?—in an eerie way.

“Just meeting a friend for a milkshake. I’ll be home before dark.”

I’d had dinner alone. My father was rarely home for dinner, and I had learned to fend for myself while living with my mother. She had worked three jobs to keep us afloat, and I’d been doing my own cooking since I was eight years old. Real cooking, because the processed meals were more expensive than buying actual meat and vegetables. I’d been shopping and cooking for what seemed like most of my life.

Since I was only fifteen, it had been most of my life.

I walked toward the door, but his footsteps followed and he overtook me. He stood against the door. “You’re not going anywhere tonight.”

I’d only lived with my father for a couple of months. So far, he’d given me an allowance. More money than I’d ever seen. He’d been good to me. He’d helped me get acclimated to my new home, the community, and had helped me make friends in the neighborhood. I was planning to meet one of those friends tonight for a shake.

“Dad.” The word fell from my lips in slow motion. It still didn’t feel right. The man was still a virtual stranger to me. But he’d been trying. At least up until now. “Dana’s expecting me. I won’t be late.” I reached for the doorknob.

“Not tonight, Ruby.” He brushed my hand from the knob.

I looked up at him. His eyes were so dark, almost black. He was a handsome man, olive complexion and dark hair, but something sinister lurked in his gaze tonight.

Something I hadn’t seen before.

Maybe I hadn’t been looking.

A knife of fear lanced into me.

I was in danger.

I turned to run back into the kitchen and toward the back door, but he grabbed me by the arm and yanked me against his chest. Hard.

“What do you want?” I asked breathlessly. “Why can’t I go meet Dana?”

“Because I need you here tonight.”

My heart thumped wildly. “Okay. What do you need?”

He yanked me over to the couch in the living room. “Take off your clothes.”

I jolted backward. “What?”

“You heard me. Take off your clothes. You’re beautiful. Let me see that body of yours.”

I crossed my arms over my chest. “No. I won’t.”

I scrambled away, but he caught me again and then dragged me into his bedroom. I wrenched away, but he grabbed me and turned me around to face him.

“Come here. Show Daddy how much you love him.” His grasp was firm. “Now take off those clothes.”

“I won’t!”

“Don’t make this harder than it has to be.”

“Are you crazy? I’m your daughter!”

“Makes no difference. Let me see that body.”

I gathered every ounce of strength and ran toward the door, but again he caught me.

“You asked for it now.” He punched me in the cheek, and a dull thud echoed in the room.

For a second, nothing happened, and then the pain hit. I cried out.

“Scream. Go ahead and scream. It’s better that way,” he said, an evil gleam in his eye.

I made a deal with myself at that moment. I would not scream again, no matter what he did to me.

“You’re a slut, just like your slut mother. She wasn’t good for anything but a fuck. A one-nighter that went wrong, and now I’m saddled with you.”

My heart thrummed wildly and ice filled my veins as fear overtook me. “You don’t have to be. I’ll leave. I’ll never bother you again.” And I meant those words, for now I knew who and what my father truly was.

“Not yet. Not until I see what you have to offer. You’re a pretty thing, with your mother’s fair skin. My dark hair. And you don’t mind showing off that tight little body in those belly tops and tight jeans you wear. What do you expect?”

“I don’t expect my own father to rape me!”

He grabbed me and tossed me onto the bed. “Well, little daughter, rarely in this life do we get what we expect.”

He fell down on me, and something hard nudged my belly.

God. Him. His penis. He was hard for me.

Acid bubbled in my stomach and meandered up my throat. I turned my head and retched, but nothing came up.

He punched me again.

“You throw up, and I’ll make this worse.”

As if in answer, I heaved again and vomited onto his bed.

“Bitch!” He punched me again and then shook me. Then he ripped my shirt off me. “Pretty nice tits,” he said, eyeing me.

I closed my eyes. Maybe I could escape into my mind. Think of something else.

But instead, without looking, I raised both my legs and pushed outward, kicking.

He flew across the room.

I opened my eyes in time to see him land with an oof.

I got up and ran for the door, but again he caught me, turning me.

Scrunching my eyes shut again, I kneed him between his legs, hoping I had the strength I needed to incapacitate him.

“Auugh!” This time he yelled and crumpled to the floor. “Bitch. You fucking little slut!”

Thank God my purse was where I’d left it in the living room. I grabbed it and headed out the door in my bra and jeans, my own vomit coating one side of my body.

I ran as hard as I could with no idea where I was going.

Only that I was never going back to my father, no matter what I had to do.

---

I woke up, perspiration sliding over me.

Next to me, Ryan slept soundly.

My breathing was rapid, couldn’t get enough air.

I was hyperventilating. It had happened before, though not for quite a while.

Why now? Why tonight?

I rubbed my shivering arms, trying desperately to calm my body and my mind.

Ryan stirred and opened his eyes. “Ruby? Is everything okay?”

No, everything was not okay, but I couldn’t saddle him with this. He’d go hightailing it away from me if I told him I’d just had a nightmare of my father attempting to rape me.

“Fine,” I said quickly.

“You’re not fine.” He leaned over to his nightstand and turned on his lamp. “You’re shivering. What’s going on?”

I opened my mouth to say “I’m fine,” but the words never made it to my lips.

Instead, I burst into tears.