Chapter 20
Mary
After Brandon thoroughly fucks me against the wall, he holds me as if I’ll break. He carries me to the shower, gently scrubs and rinses the suds off my body, and washes my hair. Then he wraps me in a towel and kneels behind me on his bed, combing through the wet strands. His dresser still holds the picture of us that he says he never took down.
“You don’t have to do that. It’s a rat’s nest.”
“I want to.” His voice is low and quiet; the only reason I hear is because he’s so close.
His eyes catch mine in the mirror and his lips tip up ever so slightly, embarrassed almost. I watch as his eyes follow his fingers, concentrating on every little move. He gets transfixed on my hair, rubbing the strands between his fingertips, carefully getting the knots out. There’s something so insanely sweet about it that it makes me blush.
He’s really not that much different from before—still stubborn, protective, sexy. I knew I always loved him, but I don’t think I even understood back then what being in love meant. His dad was right to hold Brandon back from dating me.
I’d like to think that nothing would have kept us apart, that nothing would have broken us. But who knows? He would have gone off to State, and I would have stayed home. Waiting. I planned to wait for him regardless. Being the star baseball player, I’m sure he would have been one of the most wanted guys on campus. Girls would have flocked to him, taunted and teased him. There’s no way he could have resisted all that temptation back then.
And being the amazing man he is, he wouldn’t have cheated on me. He would have come home and talked to me. Told me that he wanted to take a break or see other people. And I would have let him. It would have killed me, but I wouldn’t have had a choice.
Maybe everything really does happen for a reason. Maybe we were meant to be apart—to live without each other—so that when we got back together, not one millisecond is taken for granted. Things normal couples fight about, we laugh at. We don’t want to waste a breath speaking anything other than love.
“What are you thinking?” His soft voice by my ear startles me.
I meet his eyes in the mirror affixed to the dresser. “That maybe everything happened for a reason.”
His hands still in my hair for a brief moment, and then he nods. “Maybe. All I care about is now, though. That I have you and I never want to lose you. After last night . . .”
“I know.” I echo his fear. Being shot at certainly puts things into perspective even more. “It scared me, too. Makes you realize how quickly things can change.”
He goes back to watching his hands work, and I sigh with contentment. Completely relaxed. Insanely at ease and wonderfully happy. Which makes me feel like shit since Kelsey is sitting next door recovering from a head wound. I checked on her as soon as she got back, but she was tired so I left her to sleep.
“Did you find out anything else from Kelsey?”
“Not really.” He tells me what she told him about her ex.
“Oh, my God.”
“What?”
“That was them,” I say it more to myself but, of course, he hears me.
“Who?”
“The night I couldn’t sleep. I was looking out the window, and I saw two people in the parking lot. He hit her and then drove away.”
“Why didn’t you tell me?” Shock overrides the anger . . . but his tone is sharper than normal.
“Because I didn’t see anything that would really help. Just a man and a woman, their shadows, really. It was dark.”
A frustrated look passes over his face, but he gives me a gentle nod and smile then presses a kiss to my temple and hands me my pajamas. I dress, crawl under the covers, and snuggle up to him. He wraps his arms around me.
“I’m exhausted,” he sighs.
“Yeah. Me, too.”
“Love you.”
“You, too.”
My eyes become heavy, and just as I’m drifting off I hear him mumble, “Not gonna lose you again.”
* * *
“How on Earth have you never seen Miss Congeniality?” I shriek at Kelsey.
It’s been a week since the incident, and she’s keeping me company . . . or I’m keeping her company. Either way, I’m putting my all-time favorite movie in the DVD player.
“I don’t know. Not much of a movie person, I guess.” She shrugs.
I cup my hands around my mouth and try to make my voice deep, like one of those infomercial guys. “Well, get comfortable and prepare yourself for something amazing.”
Like a child, I hop on the couch next to her and curl my legs under me. This movie makes me feel young. Fresh and carefree.
“Why do you like it so much?”
“What’s there not to love?” I realize I look like an idiot with my hand on my heart, as if I’m professing my undying love for a movie, so I move it away and grab a handful of popcorn. “Everything. The whole ugly duckling thing. How funny it is. And most important, the line about April twenty-fifth.”
She looks at me like I’m crazy, a grown-ass woman getting so excited about a movie. I shrug and point at the screen when it starts. “Just watch. You’ll love it.”
Like always, the movie pulls me in and I become absorbed. Laughing and even tearing up. Kelsey seems to be enjoying it too, if her laughter is a sign of how great this movie is. As soon as the credits roll, I give her an I told you so look.
“Okay, okay. You were right. It was good. I liked it.”
“I knew you would.”
“Why do you like the scene so much about that day in April? You were mesmerized watching it.”
The first time I saw it, I was in shock because that’s my and Brandon’s birthday. It’s not every day you hear your birthday mentioned in a movie. I know it has nothing to do with me, but it was so cool to see. I ran to Brandon’s house and forced him to sit with me and watch it. Since that point on, it was our thing, to say the lines from the movie on our birthday.
“Brandon and I have the same birthday. April twenty-fifth.”
She smiles knowingly. “That makes sense. And hey.” Her fingers swipe her cell phone screen, and she laughs. “I can’t believe I’m so out of it that I have to look at my phone to check a calendar. Guess what tomorrow is?” she sing-songs.
April twenty-fifth. “I know.” Even I can hear the skepticism in my voice.
“Why don’t you seem happy about it?”
“It’s just . . .” I chew on my thumbnail, contemplating how much I want to divulge. I really like Kelsey. We’ve grown close over the past week, but she doesn’t know details of my past. Char is also a friend, but she’s Brandon’s sister-in-law. Not that I don’t trust her, but I worry she’d tell Travis and he would tell Brandon.
Deciding I want to get this off my chest, I tell Kelsey, “I know you know I grew up with Brandon.”
She nods. “Yeah. You guys were really good friends.”
“Right. Well, I went away for a while, and we recently got back together. Again, as you know.”
“Yup.”
“It sounds so stupid saying it out loud.” My fingers twirl my hair. Stupid, nervous habit.
“Hey.” Her voice softens. “It’s okay. You can tell me.”
“I don’t think he’s going to like what I got him. And before you say he’ll love whatever it is, you have to understand that I never had much when I was growing up. So the gifts I got him were miniscule compared to the things he would get me. But he always loved them because I put a lot of thought into them.”
“Okay.” Her nose scrunches slightly, trying to figure out my angle. “That makes sense.”
“But this year, I don’t know what he wants. I haven’t seen him in so long, and it’s killing me that I had to get him something generic. When he opens it, I’m afraid to see the disappointment when he realizes how little I know him now.” I untuck my legs and set my feet flat on the floor, picking at the imaginary lint on my pants.
“What did you get him?”
A puff of air passes between my lips. “A new wallet. A movie. Some cologne and a hoodie.”
“Mary, those are all great gifts. I’m sure he’ll love them. Don’t beat yourself up. You can’t expect to know everything about him if it’s been so long. Maybe he’s feeling the same way?”
“Not likely.”
“All it’ll take is a little more time and I’m sure you’ll know everything again.”
Her words make sense. They do. But these unwanted feelings of insecurity and doubt creep up just when I think everything is almost back to normal. Right when I begin to believe I can be normal.
“I’ve already wasted enough time.”
* * *
“Delivery for Ms. Benson.”
“Yeah. That’s me.” I offer a confused smile for the deliveryman.
“Sign here, please.”
I accept the clipboard and scribble my name on the X. I just got home from my morning class, and I haven’t even figured out what I’m eating for lunch.
“We’ll be right back.”
“Okay,” I say to his back, still confused.
A trail of men begin climbing the stairs and I gasp and step back as vase after vase of pink, purple, and red sweet peas is set down on any and every available surface.
“There’s more,” they laugh. “Keep the door open.”
After several trips, I thank the men and close the door. My back sags against the cold wood while my knees buckle and I fall to my butt. Hundreds of flowers surround me, their sweet scent hugging me, reminding me what a perfect man Brandon is.
“Oh, my God,” I whisper, still processing.
This morning, Brandon woke me up slow and sweet, loving me, holding me, making promises, cursing the past, and securing the future. This day feels like a fresh start for all the right reasons.
A vase on the kitchen counter with a card sticking out draws my attention. I crawl over and pull myself up, legs still too weak to function properly. This is what he does to me. He has the ability to cause lower limb paralysis.
I suck in a deep breath and pull myself up. My fingers shake as I open the card, and his handwriting jumps out on the small cardboard square.
For all the years I missed
Happy Birthday, Mary
Love you
I hold the card against my rapidly beating heart and take a few collective breaths. That is so him—short and to the point. Guilt begins to fester, but I push it back and focus on the happiness, the elation, I feel because of this wonderful man. Yes, we missed many years. But we have a ton more to look forward to.
I need to see him. With a final look at what can only be described as a flower shop on steroids, I grab my purse and force my feet to walk to my beat-up old car. He doesn’t hold steady hours, and I don’t know if he’ll even be at the police station, but I have to try.
The excitement quickly turns to nerves when I step inside and glance at the busy building. People, in and out of uniform, bustle around me. Some on their phones, but most with a clear destination in sight. If it weren’t for the woman who apologized when she bumped into me, I’d think I was invisible.
What if he doesn’t want me here? Has he even told anyone about me? Shit. I begin to turn around to leave when his voice calls my name and makes me freeze.
His handsome face comes into my line of vision and I immediately feel stupid for causing the worry lines to appear on his forehead. “You okay?”
My throat catches when I begin to talk, so I clear it and try again. “Yes. Fine. I got the flowers and I . . . I just had to see you. Wanted to thank you. I know you’re probably busy . . .”
“I was on my way to a meeting, but I’m never too busy for you.” His soothing voice calms me and my confidence builds again.
“They’re beautiful. Thank you.” Conscious of the people around us, I place a gentle kiss on his cheek.
“You’re beautiful.”
A blush creeps up my neck, and I bite the inside of my cheeks to keep the dopey smile off my face. “I can’t believe you did that. There are so many!”
“I’d do it every day if it means I get to see this smile on your face. I’ve missed this smile.” His thumb traces my lips and it takes everything in me not to suck it into my mouth. “Uh-uh,” he scolds. “Not til later.”
I sigh and lean into his chest. Our arms wrap around each other, and the stubble on his chin tickles my ear. My birthday wish is to stay here like this forever in his arms, where the rest of the world doesn’t exist.
“I love you,” I murmur into his chest.
The beat of his heart speeds up and his arms hold a little tighter. “Love you, too. So damn much.”
“Hey, Parker. Interrogation’s open if you need a room,” a familiar male voice calls out.
Brandon’s lips form a smile against me and he presses them against my temple then pulls back. “Fuck off, Jay!”
I step out of his embrace and our fingers intertwine as he walks me back to my car.
“I’ll try to get done early today. You still want takeout?”
“Yeah, that sounds good. I just want it to be us.”
“You read my mind, babe.”
* * *
True to his word, he got home earlier than normal with a wide variety of Chinese takeout. I baked a cake, and much to my surprise, it actually turned out pretty damn good.
We’re sitting on the floor, and he just opened his last present, the hoodie.
“Thanks, babe. I love it.” He puts it on and leans over the table to kiss me.
All the other gifts he seemed to like as well, but the nagging feeling that I picked out all these meaningless presents eats away at me. I don’t want him to think I didn’t try, so I open my mouth. “I’m sorry I wasn’t more creative.”
He pauses and tilts his head. “What are you talking about?”
“With your gifts.”
“They’re all perfect, Mary.”
I shrug indifference because even if he didn’t like them, he’d still say the same thing.
“Hey.” He sits next to me and rubs my back. “What’s with the long face?”
“Nothing.”
“Ha! Whenever a woman says nothing, it definitely means something. Talk to me.”
A fresh start, I tell myself. No more holding back, no more insecurities. “I didn’t know what to get you. The last time I bought you a present, I knew everything about you. But this time . . .” I feel childish even saying it to him.
“Why did you pick out the presents you did?”
“What?”
“The wallet. Why’d you get me a wallet?”
“Because yours looks like it’s been through one too many rounds with a garbage disposal.”
He pulls his old beat-up black wallet out from his back pocket, and the leather slaps the table as it lands.
“You’d definitely be right. And the movie?”
“We saw an advertisement for it on TV and you said you wanted to see it.”
“What about the cologne?”
I shrug. “You were running low.”
“Hoodie?”
“You like them.”
“Exactly,” he whispers. “You know me. Always have. You saw through my bullshit. Understood when I needed to be by myself. Had my back. Knew what I was thinking. Time apart doesn’t change that connection. It’s still there. You know me.”
Deciding to get over myself and not ruin what has been an amazing day, I nudge him with my shoulder. “You’re right.”
“Damn straight, I am. Now.” He stands and extends his hands to me then pulls me to standing. “I need to give you your gift.”
“You don’t need to get me anything. You bought three hundred and twenty-five sweet peas. You got me out of the hellhole I didn’t know I was living in and gave me a place to call home again. That’s more than enough.”
He shakes his head and leads me into the hallway and down the stairs.
“Where are we going?”
“You’ll see. Or rather see in a minute.” Black surrounds me as he ties a piece of cloth around my head.
“What are you doing? I didn’t know you were into this kind of thing.”
His body is firmly behind me, and his head is next to mine, as he slowly steers me to walk outside. I don’t hesitate for a moment because he would never put me in danger.
“Never have been, but maybe we should try it sometime.”
The thought of being blindfolded while Brandon does wicked things to my body causes a chill to run through me.
“Ahh, you like that idea?”
I can do nothing but nod, and he chuckles and mutters something that sounds like fuck yeah.
Crisp air blasts my face, and a few strands of hair blow around my head.
“It really is the perfect day.” He laughs.
“Not too hot. Not too cold,” I reply and can hear the smile in my own voice.
We stop moving and without a word, he takes the blindfold off and says, “Happy Birthday, Mary.”