Chapter 25
Brandon
I didn’t want to wait any longer to make sure Mary and the baby were all right, so we got a doctor appointment right away. I’ll just pay out of pocket; I don’t give a shit about anything other than my family.
“Mary?” The nurse calls her from the open doorway, and we walk hand in hand to the scale.
“Don’t look,” Mary whispers as she hands me her purse and toes off her shoes.
“Excuse me?”
“I don’t want you to see how much I weigh.”
I laugh. “You’re joking, right? Tell me you’re joking?”
She shakes her head and her face begins to fall.
“Unbelievable,” I mutter under my breath and turn around. Women. I don’t get the insecurity over a fucking number. It’s not enough that I tell her she’s beautiful or I love her body. Christ, just looking at her makes me hard.
My mouth has kissed, licked, and sucked every inch of her delicious body. My fingers have traced over every curve, been in every h—
“Coming?”
I jump at Mary’s voice and follow her and the nurse down the hallway . . . thankful for the first and only time in my life I’m carrying her purse to hide my hard-on. At the doctor’s office on my way to see our baby, and I’m sportin’ wood. Lovely.
After Mary answers the nurse’s questions and disrobes from the waist down, I stand next to the exam table holding her hand. “You do know I don’t give a shit about a number on a scale, right?”
“Yeah, but I—”
“No. No buts. You’re gonna be my wife in less than a week; there’s no need to hide anything from me.”
She rolls her eyes. “I’m not alone in this. Most women don’t want anyone to know how much they weigh.”
“Yeah, they don’t want a random dude they’re dating, or the chick at the gym knowing, but not their fiancé. Not the person they’re going to spend the rest of their life with. Not me.”
“Okay. Whatever.” She waves me off and I lean down to kiss the top of her head.
A knock sounds, and a moment later, an older woman with dreadlocks tied into a ponytail at her neck appears.
“Hi. I’m Dr. Williams.” She sticks her hand out, and Mary and I both take it, one at a time, introducing ourselves.
She asks Mary pretty much the same questions she’s already answered and pulls a stool up at the end of the exam table. “I’m going to perform a vaginal ultrasound today. It may be a little cold and you might feel a little bit of pressure, but it shouldn’t be painful.”
“Okay.” Mary nods and lays back on the table. She puts her feet in the stirrups and sucks in a breath when she sees the large white wand.
“It’s okay.” I lean down so only she can hear me. “You’ve had me inside you and compared to—”
“Shut up!” She laughs and hits my shoulder.
Mission accomplished. Her nerves are gone, and she’s smiling again.
The doctor smiles knowingly and lifts the drape slightly so it rests on the top of Mary’s knees. “Ready?”
Mary nods and grips my hand a little tighter when the device is placed inside her.
The small black screen suddenly has white swirls all over it, and a soft swoosh fills the room.
“There.” The doctor points at the screen. “That’s your baby.” She presses a button and the screen freezes.
“What am I looking at?” I ask. Everything looks the same. Like a really staticky TV screen.
“This little black circle. That’s your son or daughter.”
I zero in on the blob and my heart pounds. “That little thing?”
“Yes.” She chuckles. “That little thing. About the size of a kidney bean. I’d say you’re almost eight weeks.”
“Wow,” Mary whispers in awe, sitting up to get a closer look. Her eyes fill with tears and she turns her head to look at me. “That’s our baby.”
A stronger man would hold his head high. He’d clamp his jaw and squeeze his fists together. His face would be impassive. But right now, I’m not that man. I’m not strong. I’m weak, and when she holds her arms out for me, I willingly go into them . . . completely and utterly destroyed.
“Hey? Are you all right?”
Sore from the awkward position, I raise my head and wipe my eyes. The doctor is nowhere to be found and I look at Mary. “Where’d she go?”
Her fingers trace my jaw, and she smiles. “She thought we might need a minute.”
I nod and stand, trying to gain my composure again. Man, I feel like a little bitch right now. But I can’t help but think there was even a chance she was pregnant when that fucker broke into our place. When his hands were on her. Not only did he hurt her, but he could have also hurt our child. Ice runs through my veins and I shudder at the thought.
“I’m good.” I shrug my shoulders and walk to the window.
“Brandon.”
The almost cardboard drape over her legs rustles. I turn to see her trying to get off the table.
“Stop.” I walk back and sit next to her as well as I can fit on the small table. “I’m good. Sorry, I kind of freaked out.” I wrap my arm around her and pull her close, her warmth calming me. “This is something I never thought would happen, and it just hit me a little hard. And thinking about what could have happened.” I stop and press my lips together. “I’m good.”
“Are you sure?”
“Yes. I’m sure.”
The doctor must have ripped off the picture because it sits next to the ultrasound machine. I lean over and grab it. “Look at that. He or she is the size of a kidney bean.”
“God, it’s crazy. We’re going to be parents.”
“We are,” I agree.
“Are you happy?”
“Yeah, babe. I’m really happy. Are you?”
“I am. It’s still a shock, but it feels right. Like it was meant to happen. And it was meant to happen now.”
She’s right. It was supposed to. We were supposed to happen. “Let’s get you dressed and go get something to eat.”
“Okay.”
I grab her clothes and set them next to her then I frame her face and kiss her lips. “Love you. And I love the little bean in there already so much. I promise you that I’m going to do everything humanly possible to be the best father in the world.”
“I know you will, Brandon. You’re going to be an awesome dad. This baby is lucky to have you . . . I’m lucky to have you.”
* * *
I lean down and bang my head on my desk a couple of times, frustrated with the information I just heard over the phone.
“You’re sure?” I ask.
“One hundred percent. I have a contact over there who’s got eyes on them.”
“All right.”
“You need anything else?”
“No. I just needed to know.”
“Let me know if you change your mind.”
I hang up and toss my cell on my desk. It’s my last day of work for a week, and I was just about to leave when he called. Now I need to decide if I want to hit Mary with this information two days before our wedding or if I want to wait.
The drive home doesn’t give me any more answers, and when I walk inside our apartment and see Mary curled up on the couch sleeping, I know what I have to do. She needs to know.
I’m hoping that with the excitement of the wedding and the doctor’s appointment earlier in the week, she can hold on to the good things. The happy and exciting things going on in her life.
As quietly as I can, I take off my shoes and set my keys on the counter. Kat rubs against my ankles, and I pick her up, scratching under her chin. She purrs for a minute then tells me she’s done by biting my hand. I laugh and set her down then change into a pair of pajama bottoms and white t-shirt.
Mary is curled on her side, blanket tucked up under her chin, hair falling all over her face. I sit down and push the brown strands away.
She stirs and opens her eyes. “Hey.”
“Hi.” I lean down and kiss her cheek. “Come to bed.”
“Did you hear anything else from Travis about Meara? Char didn’t have anything new this morning when I talked to her.”
Today has been a week since the concert, and Meara still isn’t talking about what happened. All Travis has told me is that she refuses to talk about it, and whenever Liam comes around, she freaks the fuck out.
“No. Nothing new.”
“Damn.” She shakes her head, disappointed.
Fuck, now’s a good a time as any. “Babe, I’ve gotta tell you something.”
Her eyes widen and she sits up, worry creasing her forehead. “What?”
I hold her hand, rubbing back and forth with my thumb, partly to calm her but also to ground myself because I don’t know how she’s going to react.
“I found your parents.”
The hand in mine tenses, her jaw falls open, and she finally sucks in a breath. “What?”
“I really hope you’re not upset with me, but I hired an investigator.”
“When?”
“After I found you. He’d been looking for you for years with me.” She tries to pull her hand away, but I don’t let her. “No, none of that. We’re past it. I’m just telling you. Okay?”
Her grip relaxes and she nods. “‘Kay.”
“When I was looking for you, I also had him looking for your parents on the off chance you were with them. About four years ago, he found them in Arizona. He stayed on their tail for almost a year with no indication of you at all. So, he came back here.”
“What were they doing in Arizona?” The pain in her voice is enough to be my undoing. How must that feel—to know your parents ditched you without a backward glance? I can’t even imagine.
“Same thing they were doing here.” I leave the unspoken words about the drugs alone and lower my voice. “You want me to finish?”
“Yes.”
“When I found you, I had him look for them again; I wanted to cover all my bases. This time he found them in Mexico. They’re alive and apparently well. It looks like they got out of the drug game and have become panhandlers.”
“Oh.” She leans back on the couch and sets her hand on her stomach.
I don’t think it’s intentional, but the way she absently rubs small circles shows me just how wonderful of a mother she’s going to be. Already protecting the baby. Loving him or her unconditionally.
Several minutes go by, and she continues to stare into space.
I clear my throat. “Mary?”
Her head snaps to me. “Are you sure you’re not hungry? I can make you something to eat.” She stands and walks to the refrigerator. “You want a sandwich? Leftover lasagna?”
When I walk behind her and touch her shoulder, she tenses.
“If none of those options sound good, I can make something else. I just went to the st—”
I wrap both of my arms around her from behind. “Babe, stop.”
She pats my arm and tries to push away. “I’m fine.”
My mouth is right next to her ear, so I barely have to speak. “Mary.”
Her body relaxes into mine. “I’m fine. Honestly, I don’t really even think about them anymore. And right now, I don’t want to. I’m pregnant, and I am going to be marrying the man of my dreams in a couple of days. Nothing else matters.”
Now I feel like an ass because maybe I shouldn’t have told her right now. Maybe I should have waited. “I could have waited to tell you. I’m sorry.”
“No.” She turns in my arms. “Don’t be. I’m glad you told me, but they’re not worth worrying about. The only thing I learned from them is now not to treat your kid. I will never let my children feel unloved or like they don’t matter.”
“I know you won’t.”
She takes a deep breath and kisses my cheek. Her eyes are confident, assuring me she really is okay. We’re okay. Nothing and nobody will change that, ever. Because I finally have everything I ever wanted. Mary didn’t make it easy to find her, but loving her? It’s as easy as breathing.
* * *
Mary
Breathe.
I stand on the inside of the sliding glass door, my fingers twirling the small diamond studs in my ears. The earrings Brandon got me for my eighteenth birthday. The same ones I forgot in the hospital that night. I had to take them off for the tests they ran and left without them. Elizabeth brought them to me with a note from Brandon that said simply,
Something Old
He continues to amaze at every turn. Surprises me with the kinds of things that blow me away. Instead of buying me a new, larger pair of diamonds, he gives me the ones that mean something to me.
On the other side of the glass is my future. Brandon. I’m supposed to walk out these doors and down the steps. But I can’t make my feet move.
It’s not a big wedding. Not fancy. Only family and a few close friends are here. All of them his except for Betty. She was able to get a flight in last night. Otherwise, it’s all his family and his friends. Well, I consider Char and Kelsey my friends, but it’s through him that I know them so, technically, they’re his. And I’m fine with that.
I saw the backyard earlier from the bedroom window. It looks beautiful—white fabric draped over the bushes and trees, twinkling white lights, and an arch with sweet peas woven throughout.
I’m so ready. All I have to do is open this door, turn right, and walk down the stairs. I can do it.
I take a deep breath and slide the door. I pivot in my heels, hopefully the last time I ever have to wear shoes like this, and almost fall on my face. Not because I trip but because Steve is waiting for me at the bottom. And he’s standing, leaning on a cane.
I look up and find Brandon watching me, a reassuring smile on his face. He gestures toward his dad, and I have to bite the inside of my cheek to keep from crying.
When I get to the last step, I lean over and hug him as carefully as I can. “What are you doing, you crazy man?” I chuckle through the tears that refuse to subside.
“Walking my daughter down the aisle.”
A cloud bursts open in the sky and a streak of sunlight shines through, perfectly symbolic of this moment—the light entering my life of darkness.
I accept his left arm and don’t even flinch at the scar on my right one anymore. We’re both a little unsteady on our feet, and slowly but surely, we make it to the end where Brandon takes me from his father and kisses me. He wraps his arms around me and buries his face in my neck.
“You’re supposed to wait to do that.”
He chuckles and pulls back then rests his forehead against mine. “I’ve waited for you my entire life, Mary.”