Carter
That morning…
I grinned down at my finished drawing. It had taken me a while to finish it and I was beyond satisfied with the end result. Although the drawing did no justice for the actual person, I would have to go with it. With my art portfolio being pushed up to Monday, I had to hurry and finish up the pieces I wanted to put in it.
After going to the Empire State Building with Gage, I was struck with some inspiration, or at least it sparked some creative juice. For my art portfolio I needed three pictures, and thankfully I was able to sketch all three in the last few days. And I had to say they were my absolute favorites that I wanted to get back after they were graded.
One was of an up-close view that showed some of my favorite things: the New York skyline, the moon, and even a Ferris wheel. I mean, who didn’t love the fair when it came into town?
The next one kind of went with my photography. It was a sketch of a girl holding up a camera. To me it showed that there was beauty in doing something you love; for me it was drawing and taking photographs. This one took me a little while as I tried to get the hair just right and the camera.
And the final one was of Gage. I hadn’t even realized what I was doing until it was finished with it. I only drew half of his face. In a way I almost hated it because it did him no justice. At first, I wasn’t going to add it in with the other two, but to me Gage was beautiful, in a masculine way. The professor wanted a peek into our minds and wanted us to be real about what we chose. She better appreciate this one because even I didn’t know I would sketch Gage at first.
With my art sketches done, all I had to do was put them in a binder. I already got the other half done earlier before I added some finishing touches to my drawings. Now all I had to focus on was my photography portfolio, which I hoped wouldn’t take me too long, I mean, I already had quite a few photos I was going to use.
Setting aside my drawings, I looked over at the clock and sighed. It wasn’t even ten yet and I was already getting bored. I knew I could keep doing homework, but there was only so much you could do before you just want to chuck it against a wall. Getting up early never helped because by the time ten came I was bored and ready to do something, while others were just barely getting up.
I forced myself to get up and head to the living room to see if Macey was around. Lately, I hadn’t seen much of her other than when I got home from classes or in the mornings. What was great about us though is we didn’t have to always see and talk to one another. We both got that we were busy and sometimes couldn’t see each other during school hours.
Seeing a note that said Macey left to go to the gym, I glanced around. Great, now I was home alone bored. Not wanting to be here all day, I decided to get dressed and see what my brother and Ethan were doing. Better than nothing.
It didn’t take me long to get dressed. I mean, I wasn’t dressing to impress, so I didn’t bother looking my greatest; just a simple pair of jeans and a t-shirt was fine. It was not even ten minutes later, and I was leaving the apartment and heading in the direction of my brother’s dorm room. If anything, I could just hang out there for a few hours.
Not wanting to look like a weirdo, I grabbed my phone from my pocket and started scrolling through my Facebook. I always felt like people were silently judging me if I was walking alone, or if I was at a restaurant and Macey went to the bathroom, they would think I got stood up. That was why I always looked like I was on my phone because I didn’t want to be that person who sat alone. Same went for this.
There wasn’t anyone out, which didn’t surprise me. It was a Sunday after all. Most people were either home hungover, studying, doing last-minute assignments, or even still asleep.
Because it was so quiet, when I heard a giggle it made me pause. For a split second I thought I imagined it, but it happened again and louder this time. What was weird was that laugh was familiar to me. Confused, I headed in the direction the noises were coming from. You know what they say: curiosity killed the cat.
The closer I got, my stomach clenched. There was a small warning in the back of my mind telling me I should turn back and just keep walking, but like usual, I ignored it. It was almost like my body was on autopilot and I couldn’t stop myself.
I knew I should have expected the sight that greeted me. Like I already suspected it, but I didn’t fully comprehend just exactly what it was. But no, seeing the two people in front of me playing tonsil hockey made my heart shatter and fall to my feet.
It was none other than Ethan, my long-time crush, and one of my best friends, Amy; they were making out. It wasn’t gentle, either; it was full-on spit-swapping kissing. Ethan had Amy pressed against the wall of a dorm building, with his arms caging her against it. She of course was pressed firmly against his front side and had her hands all over him.
The sight of the two of them made me sick, but I could do nothing but stand here staring. It was like I was watching my worst nightmare come to life and I could do nothing to stop it. My crush and best friend were kissing…right in front of me.
The pain I was feeling in my chest was something I had never felt before. Not even when my ex-boyfriend cheated on me. No, this was way worse. It almost felt like a betrayal. About a week ago Ethan and I went on a date, and now here he was with Amy. Yes, it wasn’t even technically a date, but it had felt like it to me. Clearly it didn’t to him.
I might have been fine seeing Ethan kissing some other random girl, but seeing him with my best friend felt like someone stabbed me in the heart and just kept going. The pain blossoming in my chest felt just like that.
My eyes stayed firm on both of their figures, as they were ignorant to my presence. I was a good few feet from them, but they never stopped once to think someone might be watching them. They were in their own bubble, oblivious to everyone else.
As I stared at them, realization seemed to hit me. Was this why Amy had been avoiding me lately? Had she been seeing Ethan behind my back then avoiding me because she felt guilty? I wasn’t sure if she was aware of my crush on Ethan, but even if she was this was low.
Feeling my throat starting to close up and my body to shake, I knew I had to get out of there. I couldn’t stay watching these two a second longer. With tears starting to burn my eyes and roll down my cheeks, I physically had to make myself turn my head and look away from them. With as much force as I could muster, I moved my legs to go back the way I came from.
As I walked away, I felt like I was leaving a part of my heart back there, that I would never be getting it back. Once I was back on the other side of the building, my legs had a mind of their own. I didn’t even try to fight it; before I knew it, I took off running. This time I was not forcing myself to run. I wanted nothing more than to get as far away from here as possible.
I ran blindly as tears rolled down my face. It was all starting to sink in, and the pain was coming in waves. I was grateful no one was around to watch as I ran across campus sobbing like a madwoman. With no idea where I was going, I just ran in the total opposite direction as Ethan and Amy. I almost felt like I couldn’t get far enough away from them.
My vision was blurry as I let my legs take me to a destination I wasn’t quite sure of yet. I wasn’t even aware that I had come to a stop in front of a familiar door until my hand hit it rapidly. My body shook, as did my hand, as I repeatedly hit the door. What if he isn’t home? my inner voice asked, but I instantly pushed it back, not wanting to even think about that. If he wasn’t home, I didn’t know what I would do.
I was in the middle of knocking again when the door flew open and my fist hit a hard chest. I blinked to clear my vision although that didn’t help me any; the tears were coming faster now.
“Carter?” Gage asked, surprise clear in his voice. The moment he spoke was like a switch flipped on my self-control. Not even thinking, I lunged into his arms and wrapped mine tightly around his body, pressing my face to his chest. My body shook as I clung to Gage like a lifeline.
I can’t believe this is happening. It just can’t.
***
Now
“Thank you, Ms. Harper, for letting me stay and eat dinner with you guys,” I said, hugging Gage’s grandma.
“You are always welcome to come over, sweetie,” Rose said, hugging me back tightly. “Take care of my boys for me,” she whispered in my ear.
“I will,” I whispered back as we pulled away from one another. Deciding to tag along with Gage and Dylan was a good decision. At first, I was scared that I was intruding on Gage’s family time, but after being around his grandma for a few minutes, that concern disappeared.
Grandma Rose was different than most grandmas; she reminded me a lot of my own. She was sarcastic and had lots of witty things to say. She cursed like Gage, and I knew that he was where he probably got it from. Being in her house, I felt like I was back at home. The house was almost like I imagined my house would be when I got older.
Being able to come here and play games while learning a little about both Gage and Dylan took my mind completely off of Ethan and Amy. What happened this morning was put in the farthest place in my mind, and I was determined not to think about it again until at least tomorrow. I wanted the rest of today to continue being nice and fun, not cloudy with the thoughts of those two.
“Come back soon, you guys,” Rose said as she pulled away from Gage, who was the last to hug her. Making our way down the front steps toward the car, I waved at her over my shoulder. Silently, I hoped that I would be seeing her again. I got in the passenger’s side, forcing Dylan to sit in the back and grumble about it.
I had a soft smile on my face as we drove away. It was nice being around a family atmosphere. My parents were currently overseas seeing my aunt and uncle Neena and Liam. It would be a few weeks until I saw them again, so seeing Rose kind of helped that feeling.
“Man, I am so full.” Dylan groaned in the backseat. I grinned turning in the seat to look at him.
“Well if you hadn’t eaten three pieces of lasagna as well as three slices of pie, you would feel okay.”
“I didn’t eat that much.”
“Yeah, you did. I know because we all counted. You probably would have eaten more if Rose didn’t stop you.” It was true; Dylan had just kept eating and eating until Grandma Rose literally had to force the plate from his hands. He was like he had a never-ending stomach. Rose had apparently planned ahead of time because there was plenty for all of us to eat and even some left over after his whole eating escapade.
“I wanted that last slice of pie,” he grumbled under his breath.
“He always eats like that. Don’t worry, you get used to it,” Gage said, staring at the road.
“So is it a regular occurrence for your grandma to pry the plate from his hand?” I asked.
“Usually.”
I smiled and shook my head. For the next few minutes all of us were silent, stuck in our own thoughts. The silence of course didn’t last long.
“I want ice cream!” Dylan suddenly whined in the backseat.
“We literally just had dessert a few minutes ago,” Gage said, looking at him through the rearview mirror.
“So? Come on, there is a great ice cream parlor not too far from here.” Dylan kept saying please every five seconds, until finally Gage snapped at him.
“Fine, we will! God, you are like a five-year-old.” He muttered the last bit.
“He is, isn’t he?” I grinned over at Gage. “How is he not fat?” I asked, confused as to how he could eat so much without gaining weight. If it were me, I would instantly gain weight.
“I ask myself that all the time.”
“You know I can hear you, right? I’m not deaf.” Dylan poked his head in between the seats.
“We meant for you to hear us.” The two started bickering back and forth. Who knew being around these guys would be so entertaining.
Not even five minutes later we were pulling up to the ice cream parlor Luke and I had gone to on our first day of school. Gage barely parked before Dylan flew out of the car and headed inside.
“He really is a five-year-old, isn’t he?” I asked staring after him.
“I worry about that kid sometimes.” Gage sighed.
“You sound like you are his father.” I nudged him with my shoulder as we headed inside.
“Someone’s got to be,” was all he said before he headed for the counter. I stared after him, silently wondering who Gage really was. At times he had this bad boy, mysterious vibe about him. Other times he seemed like a guy who cared for those around him, like today.
When I first met him, he was beyond rude. He clearly didn’t care for me or anyone for that matter. But now that I had broken down a few of his walls, I could see he did care for others, like Dylan and his grandma. Although he was nicer to me, he had his moments. I almost wondered if it was a way for Gage to keep people at a distance.
Now that I thought about it, Gage was only nice to Dylan and now me. Around others he was closed off and rude. He clearly didn’t care what others thought of him, and I would be lying if I said I wasn’t jealous. I wish I wouldn’t care about what people thought of me, but it was hard. Having such a great family, people are always looking at you and expecting you to be this perfect princess. I almost wished I could be like Gage, who didn’t care and did what he wanted. I mean, he snuck us to the top of the Empire State Building. If it was anybody else I would have refused, but with him I felt like I could do anything, like I was free.
“Princess, want anything?” Gage called out to me. Realizing I was still standing in the middle of the place just staring at Gage, I ducked my head in embarrassment. Feeling a few people’s eyes on me, I scurried over to his side. Pushing aside my embarrassment for just a second, I scanned the flavors of ice cream.
Like any normal person I wanted every single flavor. Choosing my favorite ice cream was such a hard thing to do in my opinion. Not wanting to keep Gage or the lady waiting, I quickly ordered the first thing that came to mind.
“Can I get a single scoop of the rainbow sherbet?” I asked. The girl didn’t even say anything as she started getting my order. It was clear she didn’t want to be here any longer. It was only five o’clock, so the post-dinner dessert rush would probably start soon.
“Sherbet, really?” Gage asked as he paid.
“What is wrong with sherbet?” I asked, offended.
“It is not even ice cream.” The lady handed him a bowl that had two scoops of what looked like mint chocolate chip and what looked like coffee.
“Yes, it is! Anything can be ice cream. It has to say ‘ice cream’ in the title.” He led me over to an empty table near the front of the store. I glanced around to see Dylan was sitting at another table flirting with some girl. So much for him hanging with us. I took a seat across from Gage and set my bowl on the table.
“Your reasoning is invalid,” I said, taking a spoonful and putting it in my mouth. “Sherbet is amazing.” Gage just stared at me like I lost my mind.
“How can you hate ice cream?” he almost yelled at me.
“I don’t hate ice cream! I just wanted sherbet today.” I pointed my spoon at him. “It is slightly healthier anyways.”
“You don’t need to be healthy,” he said taking big bite of his ice cream. “You are skinny enough.” I felt myself blush at his compliment, if you could call it that.
“What kind did you get?” I asked suddenly.
“Mint chocolate chip and coffee.” I only heard coffee and immediately grabbed my spoon. I went to take some of his only to have him move it away.
“Hey!”
“You can’t have my ice cream.” Gage shook his head at me.
“Why not?”
“Because it is mine.”
“You can have some of mine and I’ll have some of yours,” I offered.
“No.” I looked at him and a plan formed in my head. With a sly smile I leaned all the way across the small table. My plan was to distract him for a split second, so I could steal some from his bowl.
“Gage.” I tried to make my voice sound low and husky like I had heard girls do. I probably sounded like a smoker instead of sexy. My thoughts were right as Gage raised an eyebrow at me.
“What are you doing?” he asked looking at me like I was a weirdo.
“I, uh…” There went my plan. Damn, I really needed to learn how to flirt or be seductive. “Nothing.” Not wanting to look at him, I looked out the window to my left. I am just so smooth, aren’t I?
We both sat quietly for a few minutes before I noticed Gage slide his bowl toward me. When I turned to look at him, he gestured for me to take a scoop. I couldn’t stop the full-blown grin that spread across my face. I think Gage was getting a soft spot for me.
I happily stuck my spoon in his coffee-flavored ice cream and when I tasted it, I almost moaned. I hadn’t seen it when I ordered or else that was what I would have gotten.
“Okay, since I shared, pass yours along too.” He pointed his own spoon at my bowl. I didn’t even hesitate to slide it toward him. I sat there waiting to see what he thought of my choice, but his face remained expressionless.
The next little bit, we sat quietly together just enjoying our ice cream and each other’s company. I kept peeking up at Gage every so often, trying to understand the butterflies I was feeling in my stomach. Just looking at Gage made my chest ache and my pulse skyrocket. Maybe it was because he was now being sweet to me or that he let me tag along to hang out with his grandma. I didn’t know what it was, but sitting here looking at Gage, I knew I was starting to feel something toward him.
Our little moment was cut short as the front door of the parlor dinged, signaling new customers. Like everybody else, my eyes went to see who it was, only to freeze in my spot. Of course this had to happen. It was like my life was one big drama TV series. I swear someone above really hated me or something. It was just my luck that Ethan and Amy would show up here.
I couldn’t bring myself to look at them anymore. Tearing my gaze away from them, I looked down at my sherbet like it was the most fascinating thing on the planet. I prayed to the God above that neither of them would notice me and just leave. Maybe for once something could go my way.
“Carter?” Never mind. I guess that was too much to ask for. I wanted to pretend like I didn’t hear Amy, but Gage had already looked up. I almost kicked him under the table but refrained from doing so. Pushing down the hurt I felt, I looked up to see Ethan and Amy heading our way.
As they got closer, I noticed they were holding hands. My heart clenched at the sight, but I made sure my face didn’t show it. They don’t know that you know they are together. Play it off. “Oh hey, Amy.” I forced a smile at her. “And Ethan. What are you guys doing here?” I asked trying to act like I didn’t see them holding hands.
“Uh, we are just…getting some ice cream,” Amy stammered out, clearly not knowing what to say to me. The look on both of their faces showed they hadn’t planned on seeing anyone they knew.
“Are you guys…” I trailed off, gesturing between them two.
“Well,” Ethan said bringing a hand up to rub his neck, the tell sign that he was nervous. “Kind of.”
“We have been seeing each other the last couple of days,” Amy put in. I didn’t believe that from the looks of them. They wouldn’t be holding hands so soon. They are dating. Dating. I couldn’t help but think, my heart slowly crumbling. If this continued, I’d have too many pieces to put back together.
They stood there staring at me waiting for my response. Amy looked kind of nervous and Ethan looked ashamed. He kind of should be; he took me out not even a week ago. The silence was starting to become deafening. All I wanted to do was yell, but instead I made myself stand up with a smile on my face.
“Congratulations!” I said with a wide grin, pulling Amy into a hug. She seemed surprised by it, but quickly recovered and hugged me back.
“Really?” she asked, pulling back.
“Of course, I am so happy for you guys!” With every word I spoke I felt myself breaking. The guy I had been in love with for years was now dating my best friend. My best friend was dating my crush. No matter how I put it, it didn’t sound any better to me. What hurt the worst though was I knew deep down was they had been seeing each other behind my back for a while. They were probably just sleeping together at first but still. That was why Amy has been avoiding me and why she has skipped out on meeting up with Macey and me. She had been busy with Ethan.
I knew I should have seen it coming. I mean, they were perfect for each other. Both were popular, and both were gorgeous. With her being a cheerleader and him one of the best players on the team, it made sense for them to get together. They made sense.
“We have been wondering when you guys would start dating,” I found myself saying even though it was a huge lie. I never wanted to think about my best friend dating Ethan.
I cleared my throat all awkwardly. Everyone could tell there was some kind of tension between the three of us.
“Does anyone else know?” I asked.
“Not yet. We were going to tell you guys tomorrow night,” Amy said.
“Well I won’t say a word until you guys say something.” I sent her a smile, but I bet it looked more like a grimace. “Macey will be extremely happy.” I sat back down in my seat, afraid my legs would give out.
Looking at Amy, I noticed how shy she was being. Normally she was really outspoken and confident, but standing in front of me she looked different than usual. I studied her and noticed how she wasn’t wearing revealing clothing or lots of makeup. In fact, she looked like the same girl we first met in high school before she got really into her looks. I also noticed the hollowness of her cheeks and the slight bags under her eyes. I had been so obsessed with myself lately that I hadn’t even noticed how Amy was doing. She looked so different than usual and it almost scared me. My hate for her dimmed slightly in that moment.
“I’ll let you get back to your ice cream. I hope you guys have a good night,” I said noticing Ethan shifting on his feet beside Amy. I bet they wanted to leave just as bad as I wanted them to. Just when I thought they would leave, Ethan had to say something.
“What are you doing here with him?” Ethan asked, nodding at Gage. I hated to say it, but I had completely forgotten he was sitting across from me. I shouldn’t have put it past Ethan to not say anything about Gage. I mean, he was the one who told me to stay away from him.
As he glared over at Gage, I couldn’t stop myself from feeling somewhat happy. Here I was hanging out with Gage, the person Ethan didn’t want me near. In a way it was like I was doing something against his wishes while he did something against mine, although he had no clue I was upset about Amy. I almost felt like a rebel. “We are on a date,” I heard Gage say as I was brought back into the conversation. As the words registered my eyes widened, and I looked over at Gage who was staring right back at Ethan.
“A date?” Ethan asked, bewildered. Next to him, Amy sent me a confused but happy look.
“Yes, a date, which you are interrupting,” Gage bit out. He clenched his jaw as he sent Ethan a hard look. I placed a hand on Gage’s arm just as Amy did the same to Ethan. We both had enough common sense to know that nothing good would come out of these two fighting. I hated to say it, but I knew Gage would win that fight.
“We are going to get going. See you tomorrow, Carter,” Amy said with a tight smile. Hand in hand with Ethan, she jerked him after her as they left the ice cream parlor. When they disappeared through the door, I let out a huge breath and sagged down in my seat. It felt like that encounter took five years off my life.
“What was that about?” Gage asked after a few minutes of silence.
“They are dating,” I said numbly.
“So who is she?”
“One of my best friends.” I stared down at the table slowly twirling my spoon in my melting sherbet.
“Your best friend is dating your crush,” he stated, but his tone changed when he said the word “crush.”
“How did you know he was my crush?” I asked, my head snapping up.
“Carter, you are the easiest person to read. When they walked in your face looked like someone kicked a puppy.” I sighed, knowing he was probably right.
“It is stupid I know. How can I like Ethan? He is my brother’s best friend, and he grew up with me. Now on top of that he is dating Amy.” I groaned. I had no clue why I was just spilling this to Gage all of a sudden. “I just want to get over him, now more than ever. Or at least get him back in a way for dating my best friend,” I muttered.
I did want to get him back in a way. He probably had no clue about my feelings, but he should have at least asked me if it was okay. I knew he didn’t need my permission to date someone, but it would have been nice for a little heads up. I wouldn’t be so blindsided or hurt right now. Or Amy should have told me. I knew for a fact that Amy had some kind of idea that I liked Ethan. Like what Gage said: I was easy to read. You would think she would have picked up on it when Ethan was around or when we would talk about guys at sleepovers. Sure, I made sure not say his name directly, but I hinted at it multiple times.
“You want to get him back?” Gage asked, suddenly snapping me out of my thoughts.
“Kind of. I mean, not in a bad or vengeful type of way. But yeah.”
“Date me.” I looked at him like he had grown three heads. Date him? What?
“Huh?” I asked, confused and caught off guard.
“Date me. Ethan doesn’t like me. Did you see his face when I said we were on a date? He clearly doesn’t want you near me, so it would be a perfect way to get back at him,” Gage said, shrugging.
The idea sunk into my head and I realized that I was thinking about doing the same thing not even a month ago. I had planned on using someone to make Ethan jealous but decided against it because I didn’t want to use someone like that. As much as the idea appealed to me, I couldn’t do that to Gage. I would not use him to get back at Ethan; that just wasn’t me.
“No, I can’t do that.” I shook my head.
“Why not?” he asked like it wasn’t that big of a deal.
“‘Cause I don’t want to use you. And what would we even do? Fake date and try to be around Ethan? That won’t work.” A very small part of me didn’t want to just fake date Gage. If I was going to date him, I wanted it to be real. “Also, when did you care about me to want to fake date me?”
“The best way to get over that ass to is to forget about him. Being with me will help with that, and just my presence annoys the shit out of him. It is a win-win.”
I sat back thinking of Gage’s offer.
Could I really fake date Gage just to get back at Ethan? That was way out of my comfort zone, to the point where I wasn’t sure if I could even do that. Just a few minutes ago I was telling myself I was starting to get feelings for him. What if we fake dated and my feelings grew so much I did fall for Gage. What then? It was not like he would like me back. I would just get shot down. Or maybe he could have feelings for me too.
There were so many what-ifs that my mind was spinning. If I was going to do that, there was no better person than Gage, because we both knew Ethan hated his guts for some unknown reason. Gage liked to goad him on anyways, so it would get under his skin even faster. But in many ways, I did want to get over Ethan. I didn’t want to sit alone pining after a guy who would never think about me the same way. Maybe being with Gage I could lose some of my feelings for Ethan and try to move on.
I did have a great time when I was around Gage. He did make me feel alive, and I had to admit, in just the last few weeks, he had made me think about him more than I had about Ethan. Ethan’s face wasn’t appearing in my dreams or my mind every five seconds. When I was around Gage, I felt like a totally different person, someone who did things I normally didn’t do. I was more confident and sarcastic around him. Hell, I even snuck to the top of the Empire State Building with him when we could have been arrested, but I didn’t even care in that moment or I certainly didn’t now. If it wasn’t for him, I would have stayed home all day crying about Ethan and Amy. I wouldn’t be sitting here right now having had a great day.
The longer I thought about it, the more I liked the idea. It was growing on me, or better yet, Gage was growing on me. I felt him staring at me waiting for my answer. Maybe, just maybe something good could come out of this whole thing. Gnawing on my bottom lip, I thought about my answer one last time. If I said yes, I couldn’t back out, but if I said no the deal might not come up again. Finally, I came to a decision. I just hoped I wouldn’t regret it.
“Okay, let’s do it.”