***Sneak Peek***
Silent Love Series, PART 4
Chapter One
“I love you too,” was all he said before his lips slammed hard against mine.
Gage’s arms were wrapped under my butt as he lifted me up and started carrying me down the hallway. My legs were hooked around his waist and my mouth was attacking his.
The moment we both said, “I love you,” I would have fainted if Gage hadn’t been supporting me. I never in a million years thought Gage Harper would tell me he was in love with me. Sure, me yelling it at him while we were fighting wasn’t the way I wanted to tell him, but I wouldn’t take it back now.
Gage led us toward his bedroom, and how he kept us from hitting anything I had no idea, especially since we were kissing. When we reached his room, my back hit his door before he swung it open.
My mind was fuzzy as we continued kissing. I loved the feeling of his body pressed so close to mine. Heat radiated off of his bare chest and my hands moved on their own as they ran along his muscular shoulders and back. I wanted to run my lips across his bare skin so bad.
Our kiss broke off as Gage suddenly let go of me. I bit back a yelp as I bounced back on his bed. His body immediately covered mine, pinning me down on the soft mattress. I grinned against his lips as he braced himself above me, making sure he didn’t crush me with his weight.
My legs once again wrapped themselves around his waist and my hands now moved to his chest. I could feel the hard muscle under my fingers. Gage’s own hands grabbed onto my sides as he slammed his lips back against me. He kissed me like he was starving. I kissed him back just as hard.
Feeling his firm body pressed against mine sent a tingle through me—never had someone fit so perfectly with me. It was like Gage’s body was a piece of a puzzle that fit mine.
I felt his hands move from my waist up my sides until they reached my breasts. His mouth left mine, planting kisses along the side of my neck. I panted and closed my eyes, feeling what he was doing. No one had ever kissed my neck like this before. Gage knew exactly what he was doing, that was certain.
His big hands cupped my breasts and I started to feel him grind his lower body in between my legs. The sweatpants he wore did nothing to hide his bulge. I moaned at his touch and the sound surprised me.
Only when I felt his hands move to pull my shirt up, did I realize exactly what we were doing. I knew where this was going to lead, and I wasn’t sure if I was ready for that. I loved Gage, but I wasn’t sure if I wanted to get to that level just yet.
It was my first time and I didn’t want to just give it up like it was nothing. I almost did that with my last boyfriend and I was glad I didn’t. I didn’t really love Quinton, and I stupidly thought that in order to keep him, I had to sleep with him. I did not want Gage to leave me or think of me as a prude if I didn’t sleep with him, though.
Feeling his hands grip the bottom of my shirt and start to pull up, I froze. No, I couldn’t continue. My hands were still on his chest, so I pushed at him firmly and finally found my voice.
“Gage,” I breathed out. Immediately his hands stopped and he pulled his head away from my neck.
“Are you okay?” His voice was once again husky and low. I opened my eyes to look at him and saw concern on his face. His eyes didn’t seem as bloodshot anymore, for which I was glad.
“I-I can’t do this.” I shrunk into the bed as the words came out. I felt embarrassed about making Gage stop when he was clearly enjoying himself. I’d been having a good time too.
“Hey, it is okay,” Gage said softly. He brought his hand up to softly cup my jaw.
“I’m sorry, I just…I’ve just never done this before…” I trailed off, my cheeks flaming. My eyes closed, and my hands came up to cover them in embarrassment. Gage was definitely not a virgin, and I was. I knew he had been with a lot of girls and I didn’t mind, but I was afraid I wouldn’t be as good, or that he really only wanted me for that, and the moment he got it he’d dump me. That was my biggest fear.
“Carter.” I felt the pressure of his body leave mine for a second before he grabbed my hands from my face and lowered them. “Carter, that is nothing to be embarrassed about.”
“Are you sure?” I slowly opened my eyes, peeking up at him.
“Yes. If you’d done it with someone else, I would have to find him and kill him.” I giggled at his words. His own lips spread in a smile.
“I’m sorry,” I said once again.
“Don’t be.” He leaned down once more and placed a gentle kiss to my lips. The kiss was just a peck as he pushed off the bed and stood up.
“I am making your bed wet,” I commented. I was so focused on Gage that I forgot I was soaked to the bone from the rain.
“Here, let’s get you something dry.” While he turned toward his closet to find me something to wear, I gazed at his bare muscular back. I watched as the muscles rippled, making my breath hitch in my throat. This boy was so hot.
“You can wear these.” He came back to the side of the bed and held out the same pair of sweats that I borrowed a few weeks back. Grabbing those and a black t-shirt, I stood up.
“I’ll be right back.” I stood on my toes and planted a kiss on his cheek before leaving the room to get changed. Not wanting to be gone long, I quickly shed out of my wet clothes and laid them along the bathtub to dry. I used a brush on the counter to brush my hair, and I wiped my face before heading back to Gage. What makeup I had on was completely gone anyway from the rain, so it didn’t matter now.
Coming back into the room I saw Gage laying down on his bed waiting for me. Seeing him stretched out like that shirtless made my mouth water. I mentally slapped myself for stopping what we were doing earlier.
“Come here.” Gage beckoned me, patting the empty space beside him. Not needing to be told twice, I crawled into his bed and lay down, cuddling into his side. His arm came back to support my head as I snuggled against him. I placed my one hand on his chest while his went right for my hair. His warmth once again enveloped us like a cocoon.
The both of us were silent for a few minutes, our breathing the only thing heard in the room. I wanted to lay there and soak in Gage. I missed him a lot in the last three days, more than I had ever missed anyone.
“Aren’t you supposed to be in class?” Gage broke the silence by asking. His hand was softly caressing my neck, making me shiver in delight.
“I could ask you the same thing,” I countered.
“Well I am hungover, so I get an excuse.”
“You really shouldn’t drink on a Sunday night when you know you have class the next morning,” I scolded him. “But I am here because of you, so technically it is your fault I am missing my classes today.”
“My fault?” Gage looked down at me. “How is my fault?”
“Because, you big oaf, you wouldn’t answer my calls or texts.”
“I, uh, kind of turned off my phone yesterday…” Well, that explained him not answering my calls and texts.
“Carter, I am so sorry for yelling at you and saying the things I did. I was just so angry—and I guess jealous—that I couldn’t think straight,” Gage said. He gently gripped my chin and tilted my head so I was looking right at him. “I am really sorry.”
His brown eyes were now bright, and I knew he meant what he said. I’d forgiven him the moment it happened. I knew Gage was just jealous and acted out because he wasn’t sure what was happening.
“It is okay, Gage. I get why you were mad and that is why I came over. I had to tell you that I don’t love Ethan anymore. I think I stopped loving him months ago. I just didn’t know it.”
“You don’t know how good that is to hear, Princess.” Gage pulled me even closer to his side. I laughed and shook my head.
My hand moved from his chest to softly trace his abs. I felt him tense and shiver under my touch, making me smile. You do not know how long I’d waited to touch his abs and feel that hard muscle under my fingertips.
“Is this your first time touching abs, Princess?” Gage teased. Thank God he couldn’t see how red my face already was.
“Just shush!”
“I’m not complaining.” Stupid, cheeky man. My fingers kept tracing over his six-pack and I couldn’t help but be amazed. You had to be in great shape to get abs like these.
“This may be really personal, Car, but why did you not sleep with your old boyfriend?” Gage asked, sounding curious. I looked up at him in surprise. “Your dad told me about some past boyfriend that he didn’t like.”
“I…” I trailed off. Did I really want to talk to Gage about this? It was super embarrassing anyway, the fact that I was a virgin and now had to talk about my ex.
“You don’t have to tell me if you don’t want to,” he quickly added. While it was embarrassing, I didn’t want to hide anything from him. And Gage deserved to know about my ex, and he was bound to find out soon anyway.
“I met Quinton my junior year of high school. He was the ‘it’ guy in our grade with blonde hair, blue eyes, muscular, was a really good player on the soccer team, and nice to everyone he met. Basically, every girl wanted to be with him. Somehow he noticed me when there were tons of other girls prettier than I am.”
“Hey, you are beautiful,” Gage interrupted and kissed the top of my head.
“Shush, let me continue with the story. Anyway, at the time I was head over heels in love with Ethan. At first, I didn’t accept his date offer until Macey convinced me I should, and after he ‘wooed’ me for a few weeks.
“Somehow we just clicked, and before I knew it we were boyfriend and girlfriend. We ended up dating for about a year—I’d say until the middle of senior year. It was the day of his soccer championship game. We hadn’t talked for about a week and I felt like he was slipping away from me, so I thought it would be a good idea that for a present for winning the game we would sleep together. We were in love and blah, blah, blah.” Just hearing out loud why I wanted to give my virginity up to him made me want to slap myself. How stupid was I?
“Anyway, after they won the game I went to find him, only to see him making out with the school slut. Turns out he was seeing her behind my back. They were sleeping together and everything. We broke up and I never told anyone what really happened between us. According to my dad, brother, and Ethan, we just split up because we were going to different colleges.” I shrugged at the memory.
“That asshole. Why the hell would he cheat on you?” Gage sat up, dragging me up with him. Glancing at his face, I was amused to see his jaw clenched. He looked mad.
“Gage, it was a long time ago. It doesn’t even matter now.”
“Still, that is low.” His arm wrapped around my waist and basically pulled me to his lap. “But I am glad you didn’t sleep with him because you are all mine now.” I shivered at being called his. “But why didn’t you tell them the truth?” he asked.
“You’ve met them all. The moment they found out, they would go and kill the poor guy. The guy plays for the men’s national soccer league.”
“That means nothing to me.”
I slapped his chest.
“But what about you? You never told me about any girlfriend you have had. You’ve had a girlfriend, right?” I asked. I knew he had slept with tons of girls, but not once had I heard about a serious girlfriend.
“I’ve only had one girlfriend other than you.”
“Tell me about her.” I tilted my head to look at him. I gave him my puppy-dog eyes hoping it would work.
“Fine. Her name was Jessica and I met her in high school as well. She was your typical cheerleader, but she wasn’t the nicest. She wanted to ‘fix’ me and be the one to tame the bad boy. Somehow, I fell for her even though she was clearly using me for more popularity. I broke up with her after seven months because I got sick of how she bragged to everyone about how I changed because of her, and that she had me under her thumb.” He shook his head at the memory. “She was a bitch.”
“Sounds like it. I hate girls like that.”
“You weren’t a stuck up, rich, cheerleader type of girl?” Gage teased me.
“No, I was the nerd. I mean, I was outgoing, and having your brother be the golden boy of school, and given who my parents are, everyone knew who I was. I mostly stuck with my books and tried to get good grades. I’m not coordinated enough to do cheer or dance. Amy tried to get Mace and I to try out once, but I couldn’t even get the routine down.”
“That is true. You aren’t exactly graceful.” Gage chuckled.
“That is so mean!” I smacked his chest harder this time. “I am very graceful!”
“Whatever you say, sweetheart.” Hearing him call me another term of endearment, I grinned.
For the next few minutes the both of us were quiet as we lay there. I kept my gaze on my fingers that were trailing along Gage’s bare skin, while Gage played with my hair and occasionally ran his fingers over my neck. Just being here with him was better than anything else. This was worth skipping my classes and getting soaked by the rain while possibly getting sick. Gage was worth it all.
“Was your mom mad I left Thanksgiving early?” Gage suddenly asked out of the blue.
“No, she was just curious as to why you left. But no, she isn’t mad at you or your grandma. Actually, my mom wouldn’t stop talking about Rose and how she wanted to invite her over for tea, like they are one hundred years old.”
“I know my grandma would like that. With no one around anymore she gets pretty lonely, though she won’t admit that.” His fingers traced some design along the base of my neck.
This seemed like the perfect gateway to ask the burning question that had been nagging at the back of my mind for months. I just hadn’t been sure how to phrase it.
“Uh, Gage?” I asked, my voice soft.
“Hmm?”
I paused, trying to get the words right.
“What happened to your mom?” The question came out so quietly I almost thought Gage didn’t hear me. I felt him tense a little bit under me, making me instantly feel bad for asking. I knew his mom died and that it was a really sore subject for him.
“I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have asked that. Forget I said anything,” I said quickly. I kept my gaze down so I wouldn’t have to look at him.
“No, Car, it is okay. You do deserve to know more about my family. I’ve just…I’ve just never talked about it with someone before.”
“Gage, I am here to listen, but I respect if you don’t want to tell me just yet. It is really okay.” I moved so I was sitting up and looking down at him. His eyes were staring at something straight ahead, so I reached down and touched his cheek gently. “Gage, it is okay.” He just nodded. I took that as my cue that he didn’t want to talk about it just yet.
I moved back down onto my side and curled myself back into Gage’s warm side. My fingers once again found his chest; it was like they couldn’t get enough of him. I of course didn’t mind feeling the hard muscle under my fingers, and he didn’t seem to mind either.
“Her name was Jocelyn,” Gage said quietly. I was so shocked that he actually answered that I didn’t dare move a muscle. “I was fourteen when she passed away from a drug overdose.” My eyes widened at that.
“I knew she was addicted to drugs, but there was nothing I could do. I tried to get her clean, but I was young so I couldn’t do much. The person has to want to be clean in order to do it, and she didn’t want to be.” His voice was low and quiet. If I hadn’t been right next to him, I wouldn’t have heard him.
“She used to be a good mom. When I was little she used to bake cookies all the time, pick me up from school, and take me to get ice cream. She was happy. That all stopped when I was nine.
“You see, I don’t know my dad. He was always gone when I was little, and when he would come home it was only for a day or so. My mom always said he had to go away on business trips, and that was why he wasn’t around much. It wasn’t until after my ninth birthday that I noticed a change in my mom. I found her crying a lot and when I asked what was wrong, she would tell me everything was okay.
“I stopped seeing my dad after that. He never came home, never called, nothing. When Christmas came, I thought he would at least send presents like he usually did, but he didn’t. It took me a while to realize he wasn’t coming back. I don’t even remember what he looks like now, and I am glad.
“It was a few months after he stopped coming around that my mom changed. She was always late picking me up from school, she lost a ton of weight, and forgot a lot of things.
“As time went on I had to become independent. I had to get myself up for school, make my own lunches, get on a bus that would bring me home. It got so bad that after I turned ten, I was stealing food to eat because my mom was forgetting to buy it.
“Once I was old enough to know what drugs were and what the white stuff near my mom’s bed was, I learned that my mom was a drug addict. I know my father is the one who caused her to succumb to it because she was fine before he left her.
“Anyway, when I was fourteen I came home from school and found her on the couch, cocaine in front of her. She wasn’t breathing. I called 911, and the next thing I knew they were pronouncing her dead from an overdose and I was shipped off to my grandmother’s.”
Gage’s voice was thick with emotion and it killed me to hear it. I hated seeing him in pain, and his mother’s death was clearly still very painful to talk or even think about. I couldn’t imagine finding my own mother dead on the couch at fourteen. That had to be terrifying.
“Oh, Gage,” I whispered.
“What was I supposed to do? Maybe if I tried harder she would be here.” I sat up to look at him. His brown eyes were glassy but no tears fell.
I found myself swinging my leg over Gage and straddling his upper body. He wasn’t even looking at me. I grabbed his cheeks and dipped my head down lower to his.
“Gage.” My blue eyes met his brown ones when he finally looked right at me. “You better not be blaming yourself for that.”
“Carter—”
“Gage, don’t even think about it. You were young and you didn’t know. You did what you could. It was your mother’s decision to do that, you hear me?” I stared right at him.
“I am not going to tell you to never think about your mother or what happened. What happened is what made you who you are, and I love who you are. But you do not need to blame yourself for what she did. You are not going to sit here with me and have this guilt over something that you had no control over.”
“So instead you are going to take a deep breath, push it all into a box in the corner of your mind, and slowly let yourself get over this guilt you have. You are not going to get over it overnight, but one day you are going to say to yourself that it was not your fault your mother passed away.”
“Now once you have pushed those thoughts away, you are going to kiss me and we are going to lie around together for the rest of the day not thinking about it. Okay?” My eyes burned into his. I hoped he understood that I was here for him.
“God, I love you.” His head came up and his lips met mine, just as I asked.
***
The rest of the afternoon Gage and I camped out in his room. We switched from making out to talking. We stayed off serious topics and stayed with the lighter ones. I didn’t like the look in Gage’s eye when he talked about his mother, so I vowed to myself I would try everything to keep that look out of his eyes, for the rest of my life if I could.
The day passed away pretty quickly, and soon it was after three. We hadn’t really moved much, but I didn’t mind at all. I loved lying next to Gage and being wrapped in his arms. It just felt right.
We didn’t make it past making out and a few touches here and there. I wasn’t ready for that part just yet, and Gage was sweet enough to respect that. He didn’t want to push me into something I wasn’t ready for yet. It just made me love him even more. I could see us sleeping together, but I wanted that to be perfect, instead of right after a screaming match.
“Babe, you stay here I’ll be back,” Gage said, bringing me out of my thoughts. He untangled himself from me and stood up. My eyes raked over his form as he moved around the bed, toward the door.
“Where are you going?” I asked, sitting up.
“I am going to make you something and bring it to you in bed. So stay there.” He even put his hand out, like I was a dog he was commanding to stay.
“Okay, okay.” I put my hands up and leaned back against his headboard. “Just don’t be gone too long.” Gage sent me a wink before he left the room. I smiled after him feeling my love grow even more. I was more than happy I decided to ditch the rest of my classes to come find Gage and to stay with him the rest of the day. We needed this.
I sighed happily as I sunk into his bed, waiting for him to come back with his surprise. I lay there for a good ten minutes, glancing at the door every so often, waiting for Gage to burst through. After another five minutes, with no sign of him, I got worried. What was taking him so long?
A few minutes later I couldn’t take it anymore. I swung my legs off the bed and left the room to find him. Coming down the hallway, I heard noises and padded softly toward the kitchen. I came to a stop at the end of the hallway upon seeing Gage.
He stood near the counter messing with a smoothie blender. From here I could see his face was scrunched up adorably as he tried to figure out how to work the thing. I had a nice view of him from where I stood—him and his damn sweats.
“How does this damn thing work?” Gage muttered angrily. I couldn’t help but grin. Although I didn’t want to ruin his whole surprise, it looked like he needed some help.
“Do you need some help?” I asked, walking toward him.
“I thought I told you to stay in bed?” Gage turned to look at me.
“Sorry, I was wondering what was taking you so long. But by all means continue. I am liking the view.” I grinned at him cheekily.
“Since you ruined my whole surprise you aren’t getting any of this.” He gestured to his body.
“We will see about that.” I smirked at him as I rounded the kitchen counter. “So, you are trying to make a smoothie?”
“Yeah,” he huffed. “But the damn thing won’t work.”
“Well, first you should have it plugged in.” I grabbed the plug and waved it around. Shaking my head, I plugged the blender in. “And you need liquid. So, milk or water, depending on what you are making, and ice or ice cream.” I glanced around and noticed he had a mix of things: chocolate syrup, bananas, strawberries, and Oreos.
“What kind do you want to make?” I asked.
“I’m not sure. What do you want to make?” Seeing as he wasn’t going to make the decision, I grabbed the Oreos, chocolate syrup, and milk. Because we didn’t have any ice cream, we used ice instead.
“First, you add the liquid then the ingredients,” I instructed, handing him the milk before the rest of the stuff. I leaned my hip against the counter as I watched him. When the milkshake started to blend, I watched Gage smile. We kept adding more ice to make it thicker before it was finally done. I smiled, watching Gage focus on putting the milkshake into cups for us.
“Bon appétit.” He even did a small bow as he handed me a cup. We clinked our glasses and took a sip. The look on Gage’s face let me know he was surprised at how good it tasted.
“Man, I can cook.” Gage grinned. I shook my head at him before leaving the kitchen and heading for the couch.
“You are so weird.”
“But you love me.” He sat down beside me and nudged my shoulder, grinning wolfishly at me.
“Sadly.” I grinned back.