Chapter 15

AUGUST

T-MINUS 37 DAYS

As I try to focus on training the next week, I’m frustrated by my level of distraction. This isn’t like me. Ever since I was a kid, I’ve been a master of self-discipline. I set goals for myself and I achieved them. Making the bantam team. Getting drafted into the WHL. And my biggest goal—the NHL. But when I get home, I find myself wandering around my condo aimlessly.

I want to text Kendra to see what she’s doing. I want to know what’s happening with that debt they’re owed and whether they’ve been paid. She was so upset about that. I want to hear the progress they’re making on the design for the finger vibe. I want to know if Zyana is feeling better. I want to know if her mother got over her hissy fit, and if Kendra ate all the popcorn and if she’s sleeping with Buster.

But I feel like I need to pull back on that. We’re both in agreement that we don’t want a relationship. I need to focus better than this. The whole point of this long-distance flirtationship was to meet my sexual needs without getting emotionally involved, so I could focus on my current goal.

I’ve also been struggling with guilt again, dammit. I had so much fun on the weekend, and those soft, smooshy feelings I had after she told me about her mother, and about her patient who died, scare the ever-loving fuck out of me. What the hell is happening? My wife just died sixteen months ago. She was the love of my life. I’ll never love someone like that again, so I don’t know what the hell this is. And I can’t betray Ariana’s memory by getting involved with another woman.

Not only that, I’ve set my goals and I’ve been working hard on them. I can’t let a woman distract me from them, no matter how smart and funny and sexy she is. I have to be single-minded in pursuit of my goal of making the team.

I’m excited about it now. There was definitely some trepidation when I started my training program, and I have to admit I still feel doubts when I see the stamina and energy of young Jacob Flass and Ben Buckingham. But I’ve been picturing myself playing, remembering what it’s like when we get into the regular season, how busy it will be with not only games but practices and game day skates and of course the travel. I want that busyness in my life.

Kendra and I left things open about when we’d see each other again. There was a brief mention about her possibly coming to Chicago in a couple weeks, but I’m going to just cool my jets a bit. I need to keep myself busy outside of the gym and the rink. Tomorrow Rosser, Rupper, and I are going golfing in the afternoon when we’re done training. That’ll be good.

And I’ll take up Ariana’s parents on that invitation to have dinner with them. It’s always good to see Kevin. Maybe we can play a little hockey on their street.

And this week I’ll go with the guys to the Sin Bin, which seems to be turning into a regular Friday thing. Yeah.

I’ve also been thinking I should get back to working with the Special Olympics. Inspired by Kevin, I got involved coaching after Ariana and I started dating. I contributed financially, and I tried to give my time as much as I could, given my schedule. I couldn’t be a full-time coach obviously, but I’d help out sometimes. I enjoyed working there, but after Ariana died, it was another thing that fell off my radar. Obviously, it’s not hockey season, but I should get in touch with them and see if there’s anything going on that I could help with, and be ready to get back into it in the fall.

These are all good things and I manage to keep myself busy over the next couple weeks. And while Kendra and I do message each other, I keep it brief and light. But when she brings up coming to Chicago, I can’t say no. I want to fuck her so bad.

We agree she should stay at my place rather than getting a hotel; after all, I stayed with her in New York. Since she’s her own boss, she says she’ll leave Friday afternoon and be here in time for dinner.

I immediately start thinking about where to take her for dinner. There are so many great restaurants in the city, and in the summer there are some really nice patios, or…or is that too much like a couple thing? Maybe we should just order in Thai food and spend the weekend in bed. I could definitely get into that. Yeah, that’s what we should do.

Hell. I need to wash my sheets.

I do appreciate nice, clean sheets, but seriously, I shower every day, how dirty can they be? I look around my condo. Dust has accumulated on the furniture, and the shiny floor isn’t exactly spotless. After I moved, I never bothered hiring a cleaning lady like I know lots of my teammates have, figuring I had all the time in the world to clean. But dudes have a higher tolerance for filth than women, and now I’m noticing that my condo is gross. So I make sure the bed is clean, as well as all the towels, and spend some quality time with my Swiffer duster and a mop.

I also go shopping so I’ll have some food Kendra might like. She likes to eat healthy, so I buy extra Greek yogurts and some salads, although I do throw a container of Caramel Crackle ice cream into my shopping cart. I even make sure I have lots of toilet paper because I know women use a lot of that.

I pick her up at the airport Friday evening and damn, when I spot her in the concourse area pulling her little red carry-on bag, a smile breaks out on my face. I feel like a twenty-pound weight I didn’t realize I was carrying on my back slides away. She looks so good, her long hair bouncing around her shoulders as she strides confidently along, attracting looks from other men around her. She spots me and her smile beams so bright it’s dazzling.

“Hi, beautiful girl.” I take her suitcase and bend my head for a kiss.

“Mmm. I like that greeting.”

I take her hand and start leading her to where I parked my vehicle. “I’ll give you a better greeting later.”

She laughs softly and her small hand squeezes mine. “Yay.”

Okay, that’s got my motor running already. It doesn’t take much.

“Caramel Crackle!” She stares all big-eyed at the ice cream I’ve just produced. “How did you know that’s my fave?”

“Lucky guess. You were eating it one night when we Skyped. And I know you like caramel anything.”

“Yay!” She reaches for the container and one of the spoons I’ve brought into the bedroom. “Thank you!”

Yeah, we spend most of Friday evening in bed. Other than when a good song comes on over my Bluetooth speaker that’s playing music.

“Oh, my God I love this song!” She shoves the covers down and scrambles to her feet. Wearing one of my T-shirts, she bounces on the bed a couple times then jumps down to the floor, dancing around to “Love Shack.” Her shoulders are shimmying, her arms swinging. I remember watching her dance at the wedding that night I met her, how I couldn’t take my eyes off her.

“Come on!” She grabs my hand and pulls me up. I’m naked, which I don’t usually have a problem with, but dancing naked…uh…my junk bouncing around probably isn’t a good look.

I scoop up my shorts and yank them on, then take Kendra’s hands and spin her into my arms, then out.

“Hey!” She laughs breathlessly. “That was good!” Her head is tossing to the beat, her hair flying, smile beaming. I can’t help but laugh as I move to the music and she dances in a circle around me, bumping me with her hip.

“Bang, bang!” she sings. I can’t help but join in and we’re both nearly shouting, “Bang, bang!” The music pauses for a beat, and then she resumes her sexy shimmy.

Christ, she’s fun. I rub at a weird little ache in my chest before I grab her and jump her sexy bones again. “Speaking of banging…”

Our weekend in bed is going great until late Saturday morning. We’ve just finished an epic sixty-nine and are half dozing again when my phone buzzes. It’s the sound for the security desk of my building.

I rub my eyes, frowning, trying to make sense of this. Someone’s here?

“Whassat?” Kendra mumbles, rolling over in bed.

“My phone. It’s the doorman. Christ.” I stumble across the room to where my phone’s plugged in on my dresser. I swipe to answer the call. “Yeah.”

“Mr. Hall, it’s Jason at the front desk.”

I grunt.

“You have visitors. Your parents. Okay to send them up?”

My jaw nearly smacks the floor. He did not just say that. “My parents?”

“Yes.”

My other hand goes to the back of my head. I turn and look at the naked woman in my bed who just expertly sucked me off while I licked her to a quivering orgasm. “Yeah. Send them up.” I pause. “Thanks.”

I drop my phone.

Kendra sits bolt upright in bed. “Your parents are here?”

“Yep. Fuck me.” I close my eyes and tip my head back. “I had no idea they were coming.”

“Um…they live pretty far away to be just in the neighborhood.”

“Oh, yeah.” I rub my face. “Well. This is awkward.”

“I’ll get dressed.” She throws back the covers and jumps out of bed. I pause mid freak-out to admire her smooth curves. And to swallow a sigh of disappointment because I had plans to try out more kinky positions and sex toys.

I grab a pair of athletic shorts and step into them, then pull a T-shirt over my head while Kendra frantically rummages through her small suitcase. “Underwear,” she mutters. “Where the fuck are my panties? I did pack them, didn’t I?” She tosses some shit on the floor, then holds up a white lace scrap. “There we go.”

I adjust my disappointed dick in my shorts and head out of the bedroom.

I have no idea what I’m going to tell my parents. I guess it’ll be whatever words come out of my mouth.

They arrive just as I get to the door and pull it open. “Well, this is a surprise,” I greet them, smiling.

“I know!” Mom steps in and grabs me in a hug. “Surprise!”

Dad rolls his eyes as we hug, too. “Sorry, son. Your mom was afraid you’d try to talk us out of coming.”

I lift an eyebrow as I close the door. “Why would I do that?”

“Because you know I hate flying,” Mom says. “And this big city makes me nervous. There are a lot of murders here, you know.”

I nod. “I guess there are, compared to Lethbridge.”

“There were two last year in Lethbridge.” Mom moves into the condo. “I knew you’d tell us we didn’t have to come see you, and you’d tell us we don’t need to worry about you, but…”

I shake my head because she’s totally right.

Dad parks their suitcase in the foyer and follows her.

“This place looks more lived in than the last time we were here.” Mom surveys the condo, taking in the glasses Kendra and I left on the coffee table, the blanket that’s crumpled on the floor and…Kendra’s flip-flops. I see Mom go still and her head tilt. Just as she turns to me, her mouth open, Kendra appears.

“Hi.” She flashes a smile that amazingly comes across as sweet and natural. She’s wearing the pretty sundress she had on the morning after the wedding when she brought me coffee and breakfast in her hotel room even though I passed out on her.

“Hi.” Mom greets her with big eyes.

“Let me introduce you.” I move over beside Kendra. “Kendra, these are my parents, Mike and Barb Hall. Mom and Dad, this is Kendra Armstrong.”

Mom is clearly surprised speechless, which is unlike her, but Dad extends a hand to shake Kendra’s and says, “Nice to meet you, Kendra.”

“You, too.” Kendra politely turns to Mom. “Nice to meet you, Mrs. Hall.”

Mom blinks but smiles. “Likewise.” Her wide eyes swivel over to me. “I’m sorry, Max. I never thought…”

“It’s okay.” I smile. “It’s good to see you.”

Dense silence fills the space. “Anyone else want coffee?” Kendra says. “I could use a cup.”

“Love some,” Dad says gruffly. “No fancy cappuccino crap, though.”

Kendra laughs as she moves into the kitchen. “I hear you. Black is the way coffee was made to be drunk.”

Dad nods approvingly. “That’s what I always say.”

“How about you, Mrs. Hall?” Kendra calls from the other side of the island. “Max has a Keurig so if you like a fancy coffee drink, we can make those, too.”

“I know he has a Keurig,” Mom says. “We bought it for him.”

Kendra’s smile tightens fractionally and she pauses as she pulls open the drawer where I keep the pods. The air in the room goes even heavier, and my gaze darts back and forth between Kendra and Mom. “Oh. I’m sorry.” Kendra sets her fingertips on her mouth. “I wasn’t trying to take over….”

Mom shakes her head. “No. I’m sorry.” She closes her eyes briefly. “I’m just surprised by this.”

Kendra nods, still with that slightly strained smile in place as she brews a cup of coffee.

“That’s what you get when you arrive unannounced,” Dad says.

Mom sighs. “I know. I’m sorry. We should have called.”

“I said it’s okay, Mom.” I walk over to help Kendra, pulling out milk from the fridge for my coffee.

Kendra hands Dad a mug. “Mrs. Hall, would you rather make your own?”

“Oh, heavens. Call me Barb. And just regular coffee is fine for me, as long as you have some milk and sugar.”

“Never got her to drink it black,” Dad says, taking a sip. “Such a shame.”

Mom laughs and the tension eases a little.

We make small talk about my parents’ flight and the weather and my training program as we sit on stools at the island, drinking coffee.

“Kendra, what do you do for a living?” Mom asks.

Kendra’s just putting her cup to her lips and her gaze slides over to meet mine. Her eyebrows lift.

“She makes sex toys,” I answer for her. No point in trying to hide it.

Mom coughs and sets down her mug. Dad grins.

“Sex toys?” Mom asks.

“Yeah. For women.”

“Making the world a better place one orgasm at a time,” Kendra says with a cheeky smile.

Dad’s grin broadens.

“Oh, my.” Mom blinks.

“Kendra’s background is in psychology,” I add. “She was working as a therapist until she changed careers and went into business with her friend.”

“That’s true.” Kendra nods. I love how she’s just matter-of-fact about it…not embarrassed or ashamed. She loves what she does and she’s proud of it, and I feel a weird sense of pride, too. “I was always interested in human sexuality and the fact that many women don’t get as much pleasure from sex as men do.” She relates a similar story to what she told me that day in her hotel room. “My friend Jodie and I knew from talking to our friends that lots of women are frustrated by this, and we decided we could do something about it.”

“And her business is doing great,” I add.

Kendra flashes a warm smile my way.

“Well, that’s…interesting.” Mom gulps her coffee.

I can tell Dad’s dying to laugh. “What’s the name of your company, Kendra?”

“Femme Products.”

Dad nods. “So where can, uh, people buy your products?”

I scrunch my face up. “Dad.”

“What?” He gives me an innocent look. “Just curious.”

Now Mom laughs. “Honey, are you worried about my pleasure?”

“Jesus Christ.” I cover my eyes. “We are not having this conversation.”

Smiling, Kendra lists a bunch of online stores, including a Canadian one.

“Well, what did you plan to do while you’re here in Chicago, Mom and Dad?” I ask with a hint of desperation. “Shopping?”

“How about a baseball game?” Dad asks. “And I want to see this gym you’re working out at.”

Of course he wants to see a baseball game. “I take weekends off, but I think they’re open. We could swing by there. And yeah, we can see if there’s a game this weekend if you want.”

Kendra has fallen quiet as she sips her coffee, though she still has a smile fixed in place. Then she rises and moves to the dishwasher to set her cup in it. “Excuse me,” she says, and disappears into the bedroom.

I follow her first with my eyes, then I look back at Mom and Dad. “I’ll be right back.”

I shut the bedroom door behind me, my eyes popping wide to see Kendra packing. “What are you doing?”

She turns and bites her lip. “I think I should go.”

“No.”

Her head tips to one side. “Your parents are here. You’ll want to spend time with them.”

I suck in a breath. This is true, but I don’t want her to leave. “Well, sure, but no reason we both can’t.”

“Sure, there’s a reason. The reason is, it’s weird.”

“I guess it kind of is.”

“Also, your mom doesn’t like me.”

“She doesn’t even know you. Come on. We’ll go to a baseball game, eat a hot dog and some popcorn…how bad can it be?”

“I don’t really like baseball.”

“Neither do I.”

“Really?”

I chuckle. “Really. I like my sports fast and mean.”

“Oh, right. Golf.”

I can’t help the big grin that pulls at my mouth. “Don’t go. I’m sorry this happened. I planned for us to spend the weekend in bed, but…we can do that next time.”

I watch her face as she thinks about this…almost reading her thoughts, or maybe I’m projecting and those are my thoughts…because we don’t know when we’ll see each other again, and I don’t want my parents getting the wrong idea, and yet…I don’t want her to go.

“Okay,” she finally says. “But maybe I should go stay at a hotel tonight.”

Ugh. I hadn’t gotten that far in my thinking. “I think they already know we’re sleeping together. I’m a big boy. I’ve been away from home since I was sixteen. They can deal with it.”

She nods slowly. “All right.”

“I’m gonna go check game schedules and tickets.”

“I’ll be right out.”

I leave her there and head back to the kitchen.

I meet my parents’ eyes, first Dad, then Mom. “Kendra’s staying here for the weekend,” I tell them. “She’s from New York, actually. So she’s going to come to the baseball game with us.”

“Of course,” Mom says. “Max…she’s lovely.”

“Yeah. She is.” I give Mom a hard look. “So be nice to her.”

Mom scrunches her face up. I know she’s embarrassed about hurting Kendra’s feelings. “Of course.”

“I’ll go check the Cubs schedule and see if they’re here this weekend.”

In the den, which is sort of my office, I pull my chair up to my computer. This is where I pay bills, surf the net, and look at social media, though I’ve been kind of out of it for a while now. As I click my mouse to search for Cubs tickets, my gaze is caught by the framed pictures of Ariana on the bookshelf above the desk. Some are just her, some are the two of us together…one of them our wedding picture.

My hand goes still and I pause.

She was so pretty…blonde and blue-eyed. I always thought she had a beautiful smile but now I look at her and it seems…solemn. Which is weirdly fitting, even though that picture was taken when she was completely healthy. Sometimes it’s still hard to believe she’s gone. But it doesn’t hurt like it used to. I guess everyone was right when they told me time would heal. But no matter how much time passes, I’ll never forget her and I’ll never stop loving her.

I refocus on the Cubs website. They’re playing the Cardinals at three o’clock. Perfect.

Back in the kitchen, Kendra’s already there, sitting with Mom and Dad again. She’s changed into a pair of shorts and T-shirt.

“Got tickets for the game,” I announce. “We need to get going, though.”

By the end of the afternoon, I think my dad’s in love with Kendra. She sits next to him and asks him a million questions about baseball, which he’s thrilled to answer. He loves baseball. She drinks beer and eats a hot dog and makes him laugh when she says to me, “Too bad hockey players don’t wear tight pants like that.”

She even gets my mom softened up, because when Kendra’s nose and cheeks start to look pink, Mom insists Dad go buy her a hat in one of the shops. He comes back with a Cubs cap that she pulls on to shade her face.

“You’re getting freckles.” I touch her nose.

“Shit!”

Dad grins.

“You have such beautiful fair skin,” Mom says. “You need to protect it.”

“I did put sunscreen on,” Kendra says. “I guess it’s worn off.”

“What kind do you use?”

They enter into a discussion of sunscreen brands that segues somehow into the best kind of mascara, and Dad and I just shake our heads.