Chapter 19

SEPTEMBER 2

T-MINUS 19 DAYS

By Sunday, my leg is really feeling better. I have to be fine for training camp, for Chrissake. The idea that something so stupid could prevent me from achieving my goal makes me nuts, but I’m feeling more optimistic that this won’t be a big setback in my training.

Kendra and I are still somewhat limited in our activities, though. I can’t walk long distances, so enjoying the beautiful Labor Day weather going for a run or a long walk is out of the question. The Cubs have a weekend series we consider going to. Even though neither of us is that much into baseball, it’s a nice way to spend a summer afternoon. In the end we decide to go to the beach, where I can plant my ass in a chair on the sand and stay there. I’m not one for sitting around doing nothing, so I’m not sure how well this is going to go, but Kendra deserves to get out of my condo for a while after spending the past few days looking after me.

Not that she’s complained. She seems to be enjoying herself, cooking and happily even throwing in a couple loads of laundry. Today she goes out and gets some food for a picnic lunch and helps carry stuff down to my car, which she’s going to drive.

“This feels weird,” I mutter when we’re on our way. “I should be driving.”

“Don’t trust me with your wheels, hockey dude?”

She’s actually a pretty good driver, though she needs me to give her directions. She drops me off at Oak Street Beach, then goes to find a place to park, which is pathetic. I’m already irritable, and as I crutch across the sand with a backpack, the fucking crutches piss me off even more. I can limp along without them.

It’s busy here today, which isn’t surprising given the clear blue skies, warm sun, and holiday weekend. I find a spot, hurl my despised crutches to the sand, drop the backpack, and lower my ass to the sand with a wince. The skyscrapers of downtown Chicago rise up behind me, Lake Michigan stretching endlessly blue in front of me.

I sigh and try to tamp down my irritation. I scowl at the lake and take a few breaths.

There’s a bunch of girls in bikinis sitting near me who start giving me the eye and giggling. I ignore them, focusing elsewhere. But after a while, one of the girls approaches. She’s probably only a teenager, maybe twenty, and I keep my gaze firmly on her face as she says hi because her tiny swimsuit barely covers anything and I’m not even sure if she’s legal.

“Aren’t you Max Hall?”

“Yeah.” I have to be polite so I force another smile.

“I thought so!” She beams. “We’re all big Aces fans. I hear you’re going to be playing this year.”

“That’s the plan.”

“That’s great. The team needs you back.” She looks at my crutches. “I didn’t know you were injured.”

Fuck. “Just a strained muscle. Nothing serious.” I wave a hand.

“Oh, that’s good.”

Kendra arrives then, loaded down with the bag holding our lunch, two folding chairs, and towels. Her face is pink and a bit sweaty and she gives the girl talking to me side eye.

I rise, a little awkwardly because of my leg, hating that she had to carry all this stuff. “Hey, babe.” I take the chairs from her.

“Hi. Made it.”

The young girl’s face droops with disappointment. “Well, nice to meet you. Good luck. We’ll be cheering for you when the season starts.”

“Thanks. Appreciate it.”

Kendra meets my eyes with raised eyebrows. I shrug and set up the chairs. “They’re fans.”

“Uh-huh.” She narrows her eyes and slices a sideways glance at the girls, who are still watching us.

Hell. She looks a little jealous. This amuses me at first, but then makes my insides twist. Once again, I’m getting the feeling that Kendra is starting to care about me. I mean, she’s starting to care too much. We’ve become friends as well as lovers, and there’s no denying there’s some kind of intense sexual connection between us. I care about her, too, but all along this arrangement has been based on the fact that neither of us wants a real relationship. If she’s started to have feelings for me…shit.

Then again, I was jealous of her with Michael. I don’t know why, but I do know that it’s not because I’m in love or anything. So I guess it’s just a natural reaction when someone you’re seeing is apparently attractive to another person, and doesn’t mean anything for me or for Kendra. Yeah. That’s it.

Kendra lifts the long, loose tunic she’s wearing over her head to reveal a bikini as tiny as those other girls are wearing.

Only, I can look at her and not feel guilty. Nope. Don’t feel guilty one bit. I take my time studying her, taking in her sexy curves, remembering the last time I saw her wearing this swimsuit at Army’s house.

She pulls out a bottle of sunscreen and sprays it all over her, then looks at me. “Can you do my back?”

I take the bottle. “When we were at Army’s house you did it yourself.”

She gives me a mischievous smile over her shoulder. “Well, I guess I could, but it’s more fun if you do it. You might need to rub it in a little.”

I spray the sunscreen over her back and shoulders and then yeah, I take the opportunity to put my hands on her because, hell, she feels good. She gives a soft sigh as I slowly massage the lotion into her skin. When I finish, I rest my hands on her shoulders and lean down to kiss the side of her neck.

“Thanks. You want some?”

“Guess I should.” I grab the back of my T-shirt and yank it off over my head. I drop it to the towel. Kendra’s watching me. She gives me a slow smile, her gaze tracking up from my abs, over my chest and shoulders, then meeting my eyes. Heat burns in my chest.

“I know why those girls were all flipping their hair and fluttering their eyelashes.”

I puff up my chest and flex my shoulders. “I’m a catch.”

She laughs softly. “Yes, you are.”

I spray myself and let her do my back also, enjoying her small hands moving over me. In a naughty move, she slips her hands under the low waistband of my board shorts and squeezes my ass.

I like it.

I watch as she drops the sunscreen back into her bag and sits in her chair. Everything about her pleases me…the swell of her ass, the muscles in her thighs that flex as she sits, the way she curls her orange-tipped toes into the sand. She reclines and tilts her face up to the sun, eyes closed. The sunlight lights her hair with flames and her skin with gold. She lets out a long sigh of relaxation.

Looking at her makes me…happy.

Fuck.

I grip the armrests of the beach chair and try again to loosen my tense muscles.

I manage to pull this off for a while, diverting my attention to watching some guys play beach volleyball, which also makes me jealous. I’d love to be up there jumping and diving around in the sand.

Sitting still for so long gets to me. I struggle to stand from the low chair, which again annoys me. “Gonna walk down to the water,” I say gruffly.

“Mmm. I’ll come with.” Kendra rises gracefully and strolls along beside me.

Lots of people are in the water, swimming and splashing around, kids laughing. We walk in up to our knees, the cold water a shock to my heated skin.

“Are you okay, Max?” Kendra faces me and takes one of my hands.

“Yeah. Why?”

“You seem quiet today.” She rubs her thumb over my knuckles, gazing at me with a hint of concern in her eyes. “Is your leg bothering you?”

“Of course it’s bothering me.”

She blinks at my snappish answer.

“It feels better,” I add. “But it’s still hurting. It’s bugging the shit out of me.”

Her eyebrows pinch together. “I get that. But it’s been a few days now and it’s getting better. It’s not the end of the world.”

“It could be the end of my world. What if I’m not good enough to skate in training camp?”

She continues to regard me with shadowy eyes. “Is that all that’s important to you?”

“You know it is.”

She gives a slow nod. “Right. Yes. You told me that.”

And again, I sense I’ve somehow hurt her feelings. My chest feels hot and tight, my insides all knotted. I have to do something about this, but I’m not sure what to say or do.

Just then, I hear my name called. “Max!”

I turn and see Kevin jogging across the sand toward us, followed by Carly, Ariana’s sister. As usual Kevin’s greeting is exuberant. We hug and then do our handshake. Kevin laughs and Carly smiles.

Kendra tips her head to one side, smiling, too, clearly waiting for an introduction.

“I d-didn’t know you would be here today, Max,” Kevin says, beaming.

“What are you doing here?”

“Playing beach volleyball.”

“With his Special Olympics buddies,” Carly adds.

I meet Carly’s eyes. “Hey, Carly. Long time no see.”

“I know. Mom and Dad said you’ve been over a couple times, but I guess I missed you.”

“Yeah. How’ve you been? Still working at that big law firm?”

“Yep.” Carly’s eyes slide over to Kendra and her eyes light up with curiosity.

The air around us becomes charged.

“Oh, hey, Carly, this is Kendra. Kendra, this is Carly, Ariana’s sister. And her brother, Kevin.”

“Oh.” Kendra’s eyes widen and she extends a hand to shake Carly’s. “Nice to meet you.” She turns to Kevin. “And you, Kevin.”

Kevin shakes her hand vigorously. “Hi. Are you Max’s new girlfriend?”

“No!” That came out a lot faster and more emphatically than I intended. I see Kendra blink, her smile flickering. “We’re friends.”

Kevin nods. “Do you want to watch us play volleyball? Maybe you can play, too.”

“I wish I could.” I tell him about hurting my leg last week.

“That’s too bad.” Kevin frowns.

“But we’ll watch for sure.”

“Come on!” Kevin heads back to the group of his friends that has gathered at one of the nets.

“He’ll love this,” Carly says softly. “You know he worships you.”

I shrug. “That’s how awesome I am.”

She rolls her eyes but laughs.

“We’ll bring our things closer,” I tell her and turn to Kendra. “Okay?”

“Of course.” As Carly follows Kevin, Kendra watches them, then looks back at me. “You stay in touch with Ariana’s family?”

“Yeah. Sure.” We start trudging through the sand back to our chairs. “They’re my family, too.”

She nods.

“Kevin’s a big hockey fan. He plays floor hockey at college and for the Special Olympics. I’ve helped coach his team and worked with the Special Olympics to raise money.”

“That’s wonderful. I can see how much he loves you.”

“He’s a good kid. It might sound funny because, well, you can see he has Down syndrome, but…I’ve learned a lot from him.”

“That doesn’t sound funny at all.”

We move our chairs so we can watch Kevin’s game, and he waves excitedly at me. As we watch, we sip bottles of ice water and dig into containers of grapes and cubes of melon Kendra packed. Kendra asks me more questions about the work I’ve done with Special Olympics, and I tell her about the coaching and the big gala a couple years ago I was part of to raise money for them. When I glance at Kendra, I see her looking at me with a soft expression on her face. “What?”

She blinks. “What what?”

“Why are you…never mind.” I don’t want to know why she’s looking at me like that.

Her expression holds affection, and admiration, and…

I have to do something about this.

Kevin comes over with some of his friends after their game, all pumped about introducing me to them. We chat with them for a while before they leave. Kendra asks Kevin questions about how long he’s been playing hockey, genuinely interested, and I like how she talks to him like any other kid. He seems to like her, too, responding to her sincere interest and open smile. I catch Carly watching them as well, with a bemused expression on her face, and when her eyes meet mine, she smiles.

The crowds are thinning out as it gets later in the afternoon, and Kendra and I pack up our things, too.

“Still want to go to Millennium Park for the concerts tonight?” Kendra folds up her chair.

We talked about going to the Jazz Festival earlier. Now…I’m not so sure. “I don’t know. I’m kinda tired.”

She gives me a piercing look. “From sitting on the beach all day?”

I rub the back of my neck. “Yeah. Weird, huh?”

“Mmm.”

“How far away did you park? I can help carry stuff. My leg’s feeling a lot better.”

“It’s not that far, but you stay here. Don’t do something that might injure it more.”

I wrestle internally between taking her advice and being safe, or being a tough guy. “I’m fine,” I finally say, slinging the backpack on and grabbing my crutches. We set out across the sand.

Once back at my place we both need to shower, but Kendra lets me go first. There’ve been many times we’ve showered together, but for some reason she doesn’t suggest it and neither do I. The back of my neck is tight, making my head throb slightly, and I stand with the hot water pounding down on it for a long time. Maybe too much sun.

She’s already started dinner when I walk back out, chicken breasts poaching in a mixture of soy sauce, maple syrup, and red pepper flakes while she cubes a sweet potato.

“What are you making?”

“A salad.” She nods at her laptop open on the counter with the recipe displayed. Music is playing from it also, some chill indie playlist. I check out the recipe…shredded chicken, kale, cucumbers, apple…tossed with the mixture the chicken is cooking in and garnished with peanuts. “That sounds great.”

“And healthy.” Her smile is so pretty.

“You want to go shower? What can I do?”

“Here.” She passes the cucumber over. “Cut this in half, then slice it up thin. And you can cut up the apple, too, into, um, matchstick pieces.”

“That’s small, right?”

“Right. And when the timer goes, take the chicken out and set it to cool on a cutting board. Keep the liquid, though.”

I finish what she suggested, then check the recipe to see what else I can do. I remove the chicken, cut up the rest of the sweet potato, and add it to the saucepan to cook.

Kendra returns, her hair hanging wet around her shoulders, her face bare of makeup, now wearing a pair of leggings and a long T-shirt. She peers over my shoulder as I poke at a piece of sweet potato with a fork. “Oh, wow, you got that started.”

“I can follow a recipe.”

She bumps my hip with hers. “I know. You’re smart that way.” She grabs the bag of baby kale from the fridge and dumps it into a big bowl.

She’s so comfortable here in my kitchen now, bopping to the Jack Johnson song playing as she moves around. She catches my eye and smiles.

That smile.

I remember the night I met her, how I was captivated by that smile. Watching her dance with the other bridesmaids, enjoying how she moved to the music, her obvious love of life radiating off her.

It seems like so long ago. It was only a couple months. It feels like a lot has happened since then. I feel like a different person. Which is weird.

“Do you need a painkiller?” She pops a peanut into her mouth. “Maybe going to the beach wasn’t such a good idea if it tired you out.”

“No. I’m fine.”

“We can just stay in tonight. Maybe there’s a movie on TV we can watch. Can you shred that chicken?”

“Sure.”

“My flight leaves around two tomorrow.” Her forehead furrows and she pauses in what she’s doing. “Maybe I should stay. I hate to leave you when you’re hurt.”

It takes a moment for her words to filter through my brain. This…this is more of what’s been bugging me all day. The way she looks at me. The way she’s taken care of me.

Hot pressure swells in my chest. My heart starts thudding against my sternum. Even my face feels hot. I move my head from side to side. “Kendra…don’t.”

She squints at me, her forehead still furrowed. “Don’t what?”

“Don’t worry about me. Just…don’t…care.”

She cocks her head and gazes at me curiously. “Don’t care?”

“Yeah. Don’t care. This is…fuck.” I blow out a breath and slump on the stool I’m sitting on. “Don’t care about me, okay? This wasn’t supposed to be about that. This was supposed to be fun, a long-distance thing where we screwed around a lot and lived our own lives.”

She blinks. And swallows. “Right.”

“You keep looking at me like…” My throat tightens up. She keeps looking at me like I’m amazing and awesome and…and heroic, or something. “You keep looking at me like you care. You came here to look after me. You shouldn’t do that. You shouldn’t care.”

Her bottom lip quivers in that sign I know shows her emotions. “Max…how can I not care about you?”

I clench my jaw. “You weren’t supposed to!”

She closes her eyes briefly, one hand going to press against her stomach.

“No, Kendra,” I growl. “Please don’t tell me…”

“I do care.” She opens her eyes and they’re liquid and anguished. “I love you, Max.”