CHAPTER 8

Seth and Molly walked hand in hand through the rows of vines to the edge of the property where it overlooked the valley below. Seth led the way to a spot that would boast the most beautiful sunset views for miles, a bottle of wine and two glasses in one hand, Molly’s hand in the other. They sat and drank, speaking very little, enjoying their silent company while taking in the breathtaking scene unfolding before them.

The painted sky of golds and oranges rested on the highlighted vines and hills beyond, melting into a layer of reds and corals, while shadows danced as the sun made its slow descent. Seth pulled the sheers from his rear pocket and collected a couple fruity bunches for them to enjoy while watching the magic of God’s beautiful majesty.

Several glasses in, and many grapes later, Molly was lying in his lap and feeling the day’s intoxicating abuse with a serious bout of the giggles and case of the clumsies. Feeding each other grapes had been romantic until Molly began to miss her mark, losing her grapes as they rolled off Seth’s face, covering the ground around them.

Molly sat up to face Seth to get a better shot at her target, determined to feed him the grape instead of the ground, but she was quickly lost in his stare instead. Giggles briskly silenced when he pulled her close and kissed her. A soft, sweet kiss with intentions of more, Seth swiped her lips with his tongue, inviting her to play. Molly opened to Seth and kissed him back with a sense of boldness she hoped led Seth to her bed sooner rather than later — that wasn’t the wine talking. Molly’s hands full of grapes were resting on his shoulders when she leaned her body into his, her chest pressed against his. She was tempting him, or maybe inviting him — either way, her intentions were made clear. So clear, his hand drifted from the back of her neck until it finally rested on her ass.

A loud clicking sound grabbed the couple’s attention. A startled Molly dropped the remaining grapes she was holding and was quick to scoop them back up from Seth’s lap — and because awkward encounters were their thing, Molly’s handful was not grapes at all. Firmly holding Seth’s crotch, she gasped before pulling her hand away, only to fall face first in his lap, compliments of wine-induced coordination. It was a precarious position that looked anything but accidental, innocent, or appropriate for public display.

When the clicking from behind increased to rapid fire secession, an exaggerated sigh escaped Seth. Molly didn’t even have to look at his sour expression to know where the teeth-sucking clicking full of judgement was coming from.

Oh shit. Evelyn Shirley.

“This is a public place you know! I sense a theme here with you two!” Evelyn seethed through gritted teeth. “Do either of you own a bed? There are families here! For shame!”

“It’s not what you think. We were waiting for our wine and watching the sunset…” Seth began to explain.

“Well, the sun has set,” Evelyn rebutted, gesturing toward the darkened foothills to the west, “but you wouldn’t know that with all of this…this…indecent canoodling!”

“What are you doing out here, Evelyn?” Molly asked, full of suspicion, given just how far out in the vineyard they were from the activities. “Strange how you’re the only person we’ve seen clear out here. Gotta secret, Evil — I mean…Evelyn?”

“Well! That, young lady,” Evelyn’s cheeks puffed out and reddened, shoulders tight, and she emphasized her final words, “is none of your business!”

Evelyn briskly walked off in a huff, throwing around a fit of words under her breath as she charged up the slope toward the crowds.

“Yeah!” Molly shouted after her. “And our…canoooodling,” she slurred, “is none of your business, ya busy body!”

A sharp gasp could be heard in the distance. “Why, I never…young people these days…” and then Evelyn’s words trailed off to something they could hardly hear, much less make out.

“I can’t believe I just did that,” Molly said, wide-eyed. “Like, where did that come from? We’re so screwed now.”

Seth laughed. “Maybe. But it was worth it. Did you see the look on her face?” He snorted. “Pretty sure nobody has ever said anything to her like that before.”

“Here we were, out looking for her. Well, sort of…” Molly went on. “And she found us! Again!”

Seth nodded. “How does she keep doing that?”

It was worse than they thought — Evelyn Shirley’s venomous strike was the worst yet on #RumorHasIt. Not only were there pictures of an intimate kiss, but also one of Molly’s face plant to Seth’s crotch while he had an awkward cross-eyed look and his head half-cocked with his mouth gaping wide open. No mention of dropped grapes or startled by sneaky old ladies. Just a nice comment about today’s young people, public indecency, demeaning act of oral sex, and a dig at the sheriff for allowing their town to become an outdoor brothel.

While Molly and Seth sat speechless looking at the pictures, the entire town would have the pleasure of misinterpreting them. What stumped them more than anything was how Evelyn always managed to get a picture without anyone really noticing. She was good — too good.

With her face buried in her hands, Molly whined, “What have I done?”

“It wasn’t just you — it was us both,” Seth defended, feeling badly that Molly was taking all the blame.

“I kind of told her off,” Molly deadpanned, giving him a stern look. “Why did wine let me do that?”

“In wine’s defense,” Seth teased, “whether you told her off or not, I’m pretty sure those pics and the headline would have been posted.”

“You’re probably right,” Molly conceded. “The whole town sees my face in your…you know…and I didn’t even get to…” Molly paused, realizing what she was saying.

Seth choked on his coffee, realizing Molly was thinking out loud and probably didn’t mean to. “Um, yeah. I mean…it was innocent, and you didn’t…you know…and it’s probably good that you didn’t.” Seth was not good at this and making an awkward conversation more so. “I mean, I’m sure you would have been good at…I mean, I would have enjoyed—”

Blushed cheeks, Molly interrupted, “I get it. Yeah. It would have been…great, but good we were, you know…not doing in public what Evelyn implied.”

“Sure. I mean. Maybe some…other time,” Seth tried to salvage the moment. “In private. But…”

A buzz and ping came from Molly’s phone, saving the two of them from anymore embarrassment.

Alley behind Prissy’s shop. Come alone. Back your car in. Discuss with no one. Ten minutes. Bring the boy. – Cady

“Well…that’s ominous,” Seth said while reading the text again.

“She says come alone, but bring the boy?” Molly laughed, picturing Cady in a dark backroom somewhere surrounded by her posse while she wrangled a text message together. “Guessing you’re the boy?”

“This should be interesting!” Seth tilted his head with raised eyebrows and laughed while checking his watch. “Let’s go — we’re probably down to about eight minutes.”

Backing into the alley behind Pricilla’s as instructed, Seth and Molly sat in his SUV, unsure what to do next. Another buzz and ping finally sounded. Molly went to her phone and read aloud.

Kill the engine and lift the hatch. It doesn’t look like you were followed.

“Is she watching us?” Molly tossed a quick puzzled look to Seth before looking around to see how she knew they were there, then finished, “This feels very mafia mob boss. Why do I feel like we’re the hit?”

Another buzz and ping got their attention.

Do not turn around. Just sit there, remain calm, and DO NOT draw any attention to what is happening behind you.

Seth immediately turned to see what was supposedly happening behind them, and said, “What’s happening behind…?”

And another buzz and ping stopped him as they quickly looked to the next text message that arrived in rapid fire time.

I said do not turn around! Look straight ahead, do not draw any attention. You’re almost done.

Just as they finished reading, a subtle commotion of shuffling feet and whispers could be heard behind the vehicle. There was a slight sway of movement in the SUV that corresponded with crinkling and sliding sounds from behind them. Something was being loaded in the back of Seth’s SUV.

“What the fuck?” Seth let out as he squinted into the rearview mirror to see what was happening, careful not to turn around and earn another scolding text.

“Wha…what is it?” Concern began to fill Molly. This felt weird, and although she trusted Cady, this provoked every fear derived from late night scary movies of her past.

“No clue. I only see…” Seth’s lips curved to a near smile, and his eyes twinkled with amusement as he looked at Molly. “I see a bunch of gray hair! It’s a bunch of gray-haired heads shifting around back there.”

Cady’s ladies. No wonder it felt like an old mafia classic full of unknowns…the bitty brigade was involved. Of course it was dramatic — Cady and her posse had a knack for that. Before Seth and Molly knew it, they were back to a stifling silence until another buzz and ping alerted them of their latest instruction.

Nearly finished. Stay in the car. Close your hatch and pull in front of S&S. Park. Wait five minutes, then meet us at the table in the far back. Do not speak to anyone.

Another buzz and ping rang out before they could even process what they were to do next.

P.S. this is still Cady.

A quick giggle between Seth and Molly, and they followed the instruction given to a T. The annoyance was quickly being replaced with amusement — hidden cameras wouldn’t surprise them at this point. Parking in front of the Savory Sweets Bistro as requested, they hustled to the back table where Cady sat, ignoring the hello they received from Libby as they passed the check-out counter.

Do not speak to anyone rang through their minds as she spoke. Molly would apologize to Libby later. She didn’t dare disobey Cady’s request right in front of her. Side by side, the couple sat across from the one who summonsed them. They grabbed each other’s hands under the table, each feeling nervous from such vague texts and the ominous mood lingering.

“Cady, what’s going on? What did you guys put in the back of my rig?” Seth asked, breaking the silence and hoping to get to the bottom of whatever shenanigans these old broads had planned. He’d had enough of the old ladies of Pine Valley of late.

On cue, the little gray-haired heads Seth saw in his mirror walked on either side of them, each flanking Cady’s left and right, dressed head to toe in black. Regina, Prissy, and Ginger — the gray-haired mob enforcers. Just like an Italian mob boss moment. There was definitely a trend building. Again, Cady was only missing a hairless feline to wickedly stroke and finalize her growing identity.

Cady gave Seth a disappointing look and shake of her head. Before she could scold him for not following orders, Seth read the situation like a book and interrupted her.

“I didn’t look. I happened to see their heads in my rearview mirror, okay?” Seth clarified.

A subtle grin from the three ladies and a nod from Cady followed.

“Toilet paper,” Cady deadpanned.

Molly tilted her head, confused by the random statement. “Toilet paper?”

“Toilet paper,” Regina and Prissy said excitedly in unison, followed by a menacing giggle.

“We saw Facebook,” Ginger chided with disgust and a shake of her head.

“We saw what that weasel Shirley posted from the vineyard yesterday. Such an intimate moment. She’s diabolical.”

Molly stiffened at the thought of that post and what these ladies must have been thinking. “Cady, it’s not what it looks like. I can explain! You see, I dropped the grapes, and—”

Cady raised her hand to silence Molly and gave her a sympathetic smile. “You clearly dropped the grapes and were snatching them up but lost your…balance. It was obvious to the trained eye.”

“Wait, what?” Molly questioned. “That was obvious?”

“Well, it was when I explained the whole thing,” Prissy started. “I was one row over when I stumbled upon your…romantic encounter.”

“We saw Evelyn pop up and backed away before she saw us too,” Ginger said.

“Well, that makes sense,” Seth said sarcastically.

“Evelyn seems to keep getting the upper hand. The notebook we gave you didn’t seem to help despite the embarrassment it should have brought. Blasting the internet with details about the time she was caught running naked through a park should have sent her packing,” Cady said.

“It should’ve, but maybe it didn’t do what you’d hoped because…” Molly cleared her throat, “I mean, she was…a…toddler…then.”

“Nonetheless,” Cady went on, “you haven’t been able to crack her secret. This is plan B.”

“How is toilet paper a plan anything?” a chuckling Seth asked.

“She will be gone…Regional Garden Society meeting. She and I represent our chapter together and will be out of town, overnight, to attend,” Cady responded.

“Okay, and the toilet paper?” Seth questioned, still not understanding where this was going.

Prissy squirmed in her seat from excitement, and cheerfully answered, “It’s brilliant, really. We each took turns buying toilet paper each trip to the market to build the supply so no one will suspect a thing!”

“It took us a few weeks,” Regina added, “and several extra trips for forgotten items just so we could grab more. But we did it, and no one was the wiser!”

Molly’s headway with these ladies was as easy as herding drunk chickens. “Attention to what?”

“They’ll never figure it out this way. One large TP buy would have tipped everyone off! I must say, this is one of your better plans, Cady!” Ginger applauded.

A sense of pride could be seen as the ladies each praised their fearless geriatric ruler. She was clearly appreciating the pat on the back from her silvery senior associates. And as that moment of old ladies high fiving their leader commenced, sudden awareness of where this was going flooded Seth with a thundering sense of oh shit!

“Wait…you want us to — TP Evelyn’s house?” Seth asked, whispering the last part so no one outside their corner could hear.

Molly nearly choked on the spontaneous surprised laugh that jolted her as the ladies nodded in agreement. Yes, that was exactly what they wanted — a treacherous toilet paper storm raining over Evelyn Shirley’s house.

Molly’s laugh faded to a humorless stare when she realized just how serious these ladies were. “Cady, we can’t…”

“Yes, you can, dear. If you can’t beat them, join them, as they say. I also hear we’re supposed to get a little…rain tonight,” Cady reasoned with an uneven smirk, as if rain was the icing on the cake.

Regina slowly shook her head and quietly said in awe, “It’s like it was meant to be.”

“She oughtta have fun cleaning that crap up!” Ginger offered under her breath with an enthused snort, pleased with her choice of words.

Seth was shocked and caught off guard by the joy these women shared. He disliked Evelyn and what she did to people, but didn’t think vandalism was the answer. “I think this is getting out of hand. We aren’t children anymore. TP’ing an old lady’s house? It’s…it’s…”

“Sweet revenge!” Cady shouted, charging her fist in the air. “And watch how you use that phrase, boy. Old lady?”

Prissy stuck her nose in the air with a huff. “We are mature women!”

“My apologies,” Seth offered. “Clearly you aren’t old — you’re organizing a TP party, after all.”

“And, honey,” Cady turned to Molly and winked, “I know a real blow job when I see one. If that was your best, I can only imagine you were a pretty broke stripper!”

Molly gasped. “But I wasn’t a stripper, and that wasn’t a—”

Cady cut her off, watching the fury build. “I know, dear. I know.”

And there it was, the not so subtle reminder of just how awful Evelyn Shirley had truly been. She had run Molly’s name through the mud and then spit all over it before using it as toilet paper. Something snapped, and a heated rage flooded Molly as she recalled all the ugliness tossed her way over the past months by the devil herself — Evelyn fucking Shirley.

“I’m in!” Molly shouted, full of confidence and spite.

Seth spun his head quicker than a host body at an exorcism. “You’re what!”

Molly leaned in, squinting her eyes, and with gritted teeth, said, “I’m in! She has it coming. It’s time to play dirty! That’ll be the last time that woman makes it look like I give bad blow jobs…errr, whatever!”

Seth paused on her words for a moment, then looked back and forth between Molly and Cady, knowing full well if Molly was in, that meant he was too.

With an eyeroll and a deep sigh as he dropped his head, shaking it, Seth said, “Well played, Cady. Well played.”

And Cady winked.