Chapter Eighteen
There it was. She’d said it. It was out there for the world to know now.
And it totally felt good.
They’d planned it, of course. Jenna Markham wouldn’t allow an interview without hitting all the hard topics, and Heather knew that going in. But she’d wanted to talk about her past. Was finally ready.
“Your father,” Jenna said now in that compassionate tone she put on for deep subjects. Man, the way she played the emotions, she could have been an actress herself. “He was a recovering coke addict.”
Heather let out a pfft—half sigh, half laugh. “He was never recovering. Recovering implies he was trying to get better. He never tried to get better. Anytime he was clean, it was just because he hadn’t landed the next score yet.”
“And your mother?”
She shrugged. “Drunk usually. Daddy was more functional than her. I don’t know what was worse. At least I knew what to expect from Mama. I didn’t know what version of my father I’d get from one minute until the next.”
Heather hadn’t prepared any of her answers—she’d tried, but thinking about it beforehand made her edgy. Instead, she’d decided to go with the flow. She was surprised at how easily her words came. That wasn’t to say that talking about her family was a picnic. It was more like throwing up—it felt terrible while you were retching, but afterward, you felt kind of good.
“Did he hit you?”
Memories of slaps and shoves ran through her mind in a flash. “Not…um, sometimes. Not on a regular basis. Not like I feel like I was an abused child.” Most of her father’s hits had been when he was jonesing, when he hadn’t had a hit in days. When he was desperate. She just happened to be in the way.
“You didn’t feel abused,” Jenna said, her words slow and drawn out. “Weren’t you, though? Abused and neglected by the people who were supposed to care for you?”
Damn it. Jenna was going to make her cry. “Yes, I guess I was.”
“And now? Are you close to your parents now?”
Hell no. “I’m not.”
“Do you wish you were?”
Hell no times ten. “No.” She paused, deciding how honest she wanted to be. What was that they said about no guts, no glory? Well, she’d already had a lot of glory. Maybe it was time for the guts. “I wish they weren’t around at all. I wish they didn’t know how to find me. I wish they were dead.” She choked on the last word, but didn’t regret it. It was honest. It was real.
“Why is that?”
Heather shook her head, unable to speak.
“Why have you kept your family hidden from the media?”
Tears burned at the corners of her eyes. “Because I was ashamed.” Then the tears were streaming down her cheeks. “I’m ashamed of them. I’m ashamed of me.”
The next several questions were a blur. Heather knew Jenna asked stuff and that she’d said stuff, but the specifics weren’t clear. It didn’t really matter anymore. The point was that her biggest secret was out and she was fine. Better than fine. She no longer had to fear the press finding out. Her father couldn’t swindle money out of her. His threats wouldn’t hold water anymore.
She was finally free.
It was evening before the catering had been cleared and the crew had packed up and left. Then another good part of an hour before Lexie said her goodnights, leaving Seth and Heather alone at last.
Heather stood at the front door after Lexie left for several seconds, her back to Seth. She suddenly felt oddly nervous and needed a moment to gather herself. Actually, she felt like she needed several moments, but with the weight of his eyes on her back she had to take what she could get.
With a deep breath, she spun around, a smile on her face. “What an insane day. I can’t believe it’s finally over.” Why were her hands so sweaty? The interview was done. She should be calm now.
“Thank God.” Seth seemed apprehensive too. He stood several feet away, his hands in his pockets as he rocked back and forth on his heels.
“I guess it’s not really over though, is it? This is just the beginning. I mean, the interview doesn’t air for almost two weeks. That means no one will even know about any of that stuff until then. Not about my past or my dad. Or us. Unless it gets leaked or they use certain promo clips.” She knew she was babbling. She did that when she got nervous. It was easier than focusing on whatever it was that she was anxious about.
“Heather?”
“Or if someone that was here today talks. I don’t care, really. I just want to be prepared. And if you and I are already hanging out, the press will start talking about us because they’ll see us together.”
“Heather?”
Oh shit, maybe he wanted to wait. “Unless you want to stay on the down-low until the interview releases. I don’t know which is better. What do you think? Because I don’t want to hide anymore, do you?”
“No.” His voice had finality to it. “I don’t want to hide anymore.”
“Then we just go out and about and let it happen then. And my dad—well, I can’t worry about that. But, shit, he’s going to be mad when he sees it.”
“Heather?”
She met his eyes. “What?”
“You were amazing.”
With those three simple words, she understood why she’d been fretting. She hadn’t known what Seth thought about her interview. She hadn’t even asked his opinion about spilling her life beforehand, she just did it. Now she wanted—needed—his validation. “Was I really okay?”
“You were. You planned that?”
She nodded weakly, her voice too tight to respond.
“I’m…” He took a step toward her and she could see his Adam’s apple bobble as he swallowed. “Is it patronizing to say I’m proud?”
“No.”
He smiled. “I’m very proud then.”
Goose bumps skidded along her arms. She was naked now, she realized. Not literally, but more naked than she’d ever been before. Without the wall built up around her, he could see right into her. “I did it for you,” she whispered.
“I…I never asked for that.”
“That’s not what I meant.” So much for feeling like he could read her now. Apparently, explanations were still needed. That was fine because she wanted to tell him how she felt. “I meant you gave me the strength to do it and…and the desire to do it. For the first time ever, I wanted to move on. So I could move on with you.”
“Oh, princess.” He took another step toward her then stopped, his face hardening. “We…I need to say something.”
“Okay.” He opened his mouth but she spoke again before he could. “I love you.”
“I…what?”
“I love you.” She couldn’t stop herself. The words ran out of her mouth as though they’d been let out of a cage. The last unspoken phrase between them. “I wanted to tell you before, but I had to let go of everything from the past before I could say anything. I needed to know nothing was holding me back because I want my I love you to mean something. I want it to mean we have a chance at something real—maybe the first real thing I’ve ever had. A chance at a future. That’s what my I love you means. I love you.”
“Heather…” Seth blinked. “I…”
Even his stammering didn’t bother her. He might not feel the same, but she didn’t regret saying it. “I’m sorry I interrupted. I know you had something else to say and I don’t mean to highjack this conversation or pressure you. You don’t have to say it back. You’ve just been so transparent with me from the beginning and I’ve been anything but. Now I can be as honest as you. And I honestly love you.”
She wiped at the tears that had appeared out of nowhere. Crying again? She was such a baby. Well, she could either let this be awkward or she could move things along. “Now, what were you going to say?”
“I….” His eyes were pinned on hers, searching. Then his features softened. “I was just going to say, I love you too.”
She was in his arms so fast she wasn’t sure who moved to whom. Their mouths found each other instantly, like they were tuned into each other, and their kiss was at once deep and urgent. Though she loved being lip-locked with him, this kiss was meant as a gateway to more fulfilling passions—desires that already pulsed in her lower regions with heavy need.
She moved closer, trying to ease her ache by grinding against the bulge in Seth’s pants. Desperate for him, her mind started plotting a location. The bedroom was too far, the stairs would be uncomfortable. There was a marble column to the side of them—could they fuck there, standing up?
Seth’s passion matched hers. His hands unzipped the back of her dress, then traveled down to her ass where he fondled her thong-bare cheeks. “I need to be inside you.” His voice was husky against her lips, eliciting a pool of want at her core.
She set her eye on the column and tried to press him in that direction. Then without warning, he lifted her and tossed her like a sack of potatoes over his shoulder.
“Seth!” she shrieked. “Put me down!”
“No way.” He began up the staircase. “Bedroom?” It was more of a grunt than a question.
“Turn left.” Then, when he started to turn right, she said, “Your other left!”
She was a thin woman, but still his ability to carry her, up a staircase no less, hit all her hot buttons. Of course, she was already turned on to no end. Being carried was just extra fuel to her already stoked fire.
Swinging her torso to try to see around Seth, she directed him toward her room. “The double doors.” Deftly, he opened a door with one hand and made his way through the spacious room to the king size bed.
Instead of simply setting her on the ground, he threw her into the middle of the bed. A fit of giggles threatened to overtake her, but then she looked up at Seth, who had already toed off his shoes and was now pulling the belt from his pants. His eyes showed no humor at all. They were completely glazed with lust and something else—love. Yes, that was what was different. His whole face, eager with raw desire, also glowed with an affection she hadn’t seen before. Maybe she just hadn’t been looking hard enough. It was definitely there, and she imagined it mirrored her own expression.
“Take off the dress.” His low tone vibrated through her thighs as he unfastened his pants.
God, what his commands did to her. Besides increasing her arousal to astronomic heights, it pleased her to obey. She scrambled to her knees and slipped the dress over her head before tossing it to the ground.
Seth took in her near-naked body with a hungry stare. He stepped toward her and with one hand, unhooked the front clasp of her bra, letting out a pleased groan as her breasts spilled from captivity. He bent to nibble at one, taking her nipple into his mouth and sucking it to attention. He repeated his ardor on the other breast, her soft moans seeming to stir him on.
Too soon, he pulled away. His eyes still fixed on her, he lifted his shirt over his head and stepped out of his pants, leaving both in a heap on her floor.
Heather’s mouth watered at the sight of his erection straining against his boxer briefs, the tip peeking out above the band. She watched, enraptured, as he rubbed his hand up and down his bulge before removing his underwear. Then there was his naked cock. Her eyes widened with eagerness.
But she didn’t have long to gaze at his bounty before he was directing her again. “On your hands and knees.”
She complied, sticking her fanny up in the air. Maybe he didn’t have it in mind to spank her but she wanted to give him the signal that she did.
He chuckled. “Such a tease.”
She peered back at him over her shoulder and fluttered her eyelashes. “It’s not a tease if I plan to let you have it.”
“If you let me have it? Don’t you mean, if I let you have it?”
“Whichever.” She circled her butt in front of him, eager for his touch. “Just have at it already!”
The weight of the bed depressed as he climbed up to his knees behind her, pulled down her thong, and threw it aside. Then he placed his hands on her rump, sending electric sparks directly to her pussy. Warmth spread through her body as he kneaded his fingers deeply into her tight muscles—who knew that an ass could get so tense? She relaxed under his touch, moaning as he continued his massage.
His first strike came without warning followed by another round of massage. The sting of pain followed by the intense pleasure drove her mad. She was so wet she wouldn’t be surprised if she were dripping.
The next hit was on the other cheek. She gasped as he struck her, and he echoed her with a groan. This time, his massage took him past the curve of her ass to the place she wanted him most. She bucked into his hand as he slid several fingers into her hole at once. There, there. That was what she needed. More, though. Much more.
She rocked back and forth, trying to manipulate his stroke to ease her need—a need that could only be fulfilled with his cock. So focused on his attention to her pussy, she wasn’t prepared when his other hand struck her rear again. The combination of two erotic zones being pleasured/pained at once was almost too much to handle. She felt herself climbing that wall, nearing the top where she’d fall over into cataclysmic orgasm.
Then he stretched his thumb up to rub at her clit. He struck her rear again, and over she went. White light streaked across her vision as her entire body exploded, her arms and legs shaking with the force of her release. No longer able to hold her weight, she collapsed on the bed.
Her vision hadn’t returned before Seth flipped her over and settled between her spread thighs. Anchoring his fingers in her hair, he entered her with a solid thrust.
Still numb, Heather felt the gathering tightness in her belly. God, she couldn’t come again. Not yet. But he nudged her thighs back, angling her so that he touched a spot—the spot—that drove her crazy. Soon the tightness was spreading and Seth’s strokes deepened and his hands pulled tighter in her hair and everywhere her nerves were alight.
He captured her lips for a probing kiss, then pulled back. “Look at me.”
She opened her eyes and met his.
“I love you, Heather Wainwright.” His words were strained and spaced between thrusts. “No matter what happens. Everything I’ve done since I’ve met you has been for you.”
She blinked, her eyes growing heavy with her orgasm just at bay. Though she couldn’t fully comprehend his meaning, she could feel the intensity. Could feel the importance.
“Did you hear me?” he grunted, and she could tell he was close to release.
“Yes,” she managed.
“Good.” His tempo increased and it was only a handful of thrusts before she was clenching around him and he followed with his own release.
Seth rolled off her and gathered her into his arms. He showered kisses on her face as their breathing returned to normal. It was sweet—the kind of adoration she had realized was not really her style. But in his embrace, it felt wonderful. Maybe she had just needed to find the right guy. And that was Seth—the right guy in every way.
She lifted her face to meet his eyes. So many things she could say to him, so many ways she could say them. She wouldn’t mind if she spent forever trying to say it all.
For now, she turned her body into his and said the words that seemed most appropriate for the moment. “Again, please.”
Seth lost count of how many orgasms passed between the two of them before they finally settled, worn out, in each other’s arms. It was the first time that their fucking had been something deeper. It had been making love. He winced at the term. She’d turned him into such a big ass pussy. And he didn’t even care.
The night would have been perfect if there still wasn’t that one last brick in the wall between them—his brick. His lie. He’d wanted to tell her, again had tried. But she’d confessed her love and he was lost. Lost in his own love for her.
He pulled her tighter to him, clutching to her.
She snuggled into his body. “What time are you on set tomorrow?” Heather’s voice was weary, her eyes already closed.
He stroked his hand through her hair. “Ten. You?”
“Eleven. Will you stay here tonight?”
He chuckled. “All you had to do was ask.” Though he had no intention of leaving now, not just because it was the middle of the night, but because he wouldn’t leave her until she kicked him out.
She nuzzled deeper into his chest with an incomprehensive murmur. It was only a few minutes before her soft snores tickled his skin.
Seth waited until her breathing suggested she was in a deep sleep. Then he slipped his arm out from under her and got out of bed. He found his phone as well as hers in his discarded pants. After setting his alarm to wake him up at seven, he threw both phones on the nightstand. Seven was earlier than he needed to be up to get to the set on time, but he couldn’t leave until he told Heather the truth and he had no idea how much time that would take. What he hoped was that he’d tell her and she’d be fine, that they’d laugh about it even. After that, they could spend the rest of the morning fooling around or making love or whatever it was called.
That was what he hoped anyway.
But after having been left by a woman once before because of his lies, he knew that scenario might be overly optimistic.
Still, he had to believe it wasn’t.
He climbed back into bed and spooned himself around Heather’s sleeping form. There would be a lot on the line in the morning. Tomorrow, he could lose it all.
Tonight, though, he had everything.