Chapter Eleven
Penelope
I lie on my back in the center of Ivan’s bed, still naked after our love-making. My whole body feels like it’s still tingling. His face rests on my belly as his arms wrap around me so tightly I’m a little surprised I can breathe. His hold on me is tight, but I love it.
I run my fingers through his short hair, looking over his back and the tattoos there. I wonder what some of them mean. I only know a few Russian words based on the small amount of reading I’ve done.
“Ivan, do you have a family back home?”
“There is only you, krasotu,” he says before his lips brush my stomach. The short stubble on his face rubs against my skin. “You are so soft,” he says before kissing me again. He can’t stop touching me. Every caress lingers like he doesn’t want to let me go, as if I’m the most precious thing he has ever held.
I’ve always felt loved by my family. Their love for me has never been in doubt. But I have always been the one to take care of everyone. Even if it was never asked of me, it’s just how I am. I can’t help it, and I know they appreciate it. With Ivan, I feel like taking care of him would be so different.
His words are sweet and they make me want to smile and cry for him. He doesn’t have anyone. It makes me cherish my family even more. I couldn’t imagine my life without them. To try and picture growing up all alone just isn’t possible. Maybe that’s why he pushed me away yesterday. He’s not used to having someone. He doesn’t know how to deal with it. But I think that has passed for him, if the hold he has on me now says anything at all.
“Ivan.” I move a little under him. His dark eyes come up to meet mine. He raises his head from my stomach when he sees the tears in my eyes.
“Why do you cry?” Concern coats his expression as he leans up over me. His eyes search my face, and tension fills his muscles at my distress. “Did I hurt you?”
“I cry for you,” I tell him, reaching up to touch his face as I think about this man being all alone and how he’ll never be alone again.
“Don’t be sad for me.” A smile lights up his face. “Today is the happiest day of my life.” He leans down, taking my mouth in a slow, deep, hungry kiss. I try to wrap my legs around him, but the man is too big. I shift under him, still feeling our passion from before. His hardness rubs against me, making me moan into his mouth. I didn’t know something like this could be real. The feelings I’m having are so overwhelming. I think I’m going to love being in love.
He pulls back. “You should rest,” he tells me. I don’t want to rest. All too soon the sun will rise and I’ll have to go back to my own room. “Are you sore?”
“I’m okay,” I admit. There’s only a twinge of pain left, but I would push through it to make love to him again. “I don’t want this night to end. I don’t want to go back to my room.”
“You don’t have to do anything you don’t want to.” His words are so easy, like we won’t have to deal with my parents. He brushes a few of my curls out of my face.
“My parents, they’re—”
“You’re an adult. You want to stay at my side, I will make it so.” He leans down, burying his face in my hair and neck, rolling a little to the side and wrapping around me tightly as our arms and legs tangle together. He’s proving his point that I’m not going anywhere. “You want to stay with me, da?” I feel him tense at his own question.
“Forever,” I tell him.
He mutters something in Russian, but I don’t understand it. “I will be good to you always. I promise this. You give me your heart and I swear it will be my life’s goal to make you happy.”
“What about you? Shouldn’t it be my life goal to make you happy as well?”
“Krasotu.” He brings his lips to my neck and kisses me. “If I have you, I will always be happy. But I think you also fail to see all you ever try to do is make everyone happy. You are Mother Angel.”
“You’re so sweet.” I turn on my side, wanting to look at him. I bring my hand up to his face. Maybe I’m just as needy with touches as he is. “Ivan, will you tell me about you? We don’t really know a lot about each other,” I admit.
“I know all about you.”
“I’m sure.” I don’t even ask. My parents probably told him about me when he was assigned to guard me. He slides one of his hands to my hip and lazily strokes me back and forth.
“Tell me,” I push.
“I will tell you anything you ask, my krasotu, but my life isn’t pretty and nice. It’s dirty, and I do not wish to soil your mind with such things.”
“Is this why you pushed me away yesterday? That—” My words trail off. God, that hurt so much. I didn’t know something could hurt like that.
“You are too good for me. I worry that…” He breaks eye contact for a second, as if trying to get his words right. “I will tell you if you wish to stay with me. I will make it happen. I feared letting you close would drag me into you more and that maybe if you ever didn’t want to be by my side, I wouldn’t allow you to go.”
“Maybe I don’t want you to ever let me go,” I confess. Something about his dark words warm me. I like it. I know I shouldn’t. They should scare me, but that’s the last thing I’m feeling. His eyes seem to darken at my words.
“Don’t move,” he tells me, sliding from the bed. I sit up and watch him go over to a dresser. He opens the top drawer and pulls something out then comes back to the bed. I sit up, not caring about my nakedness with him. If anything, he’s made me feel even more beautiful with the way he worships my body.
He slides a necklace over my head and drops it down around my neck. The chain is simple, like one they use in the military for dog tags, but on the chain is a thick black ring.
“You said I could track you, da?” he says.
I pick up the ring and look at it. The band is a black metal, but smooth and thick. I shrug. “I don’t care,” I say.
I watch relief wash over his face.
“If it makes you feel—” He cuts me off as his mouth takes mine in a kiss. I’m flat on my back with him over me once again.
He pulls back. “I made it myself, but I will make you a better one as soon as I have the time.”
“This one is perfect,” I tell him. This is the one he put on me. It’s the one I want to wear.
“Net, krasotu, you are perfect.”