Chapter 11
When I arrive at work the next day, I’m surprised to find Miles already in his office with the door closed. I didn’t want to see his face anyway. I can’t take a fake apology. I can’t handle his excuses. I pop my head into Theo’s office.
“CeCe, come in! Ella was worried sick when you weren’t at the house in the morning. Thankfully Isaac sent us a text telling us you’d ended up at their house or I’m certain she would have filed a missing person’s report.”
“I’m sorry, I had to go take care of some things and didn’t want to call and wake you guys up.”
“No problem. I know it’s none of my business, but I think you and Miles will work through whatever issues you’ve encountered. That’s what family does.”
If only he knew. I nod kindly and decide to let him know why I’m in his office.
“Theo, I’ve decided to go to Harvard.”
“Wonderful. Then we have some paperwork to do, and I’ll have my realtor look for a place to rent while you’re there.”
“Thank you, you really don’t have to do any of this.”
“Yes, I do.”
Later while I’m entering information into the Jenkins file, Miles calls me on my desk phone. My heartbeat increases as I contemplate not answering. Then I decide to be a grown-up.
“What can I do for you, sir?”
He’s silent, probably surprised by my cordial tone and formal greeting.
“Can you come into my office please? We need to discuss my calendar for the week.”
“Of course.”
I hang up and take a steadying breath. I can’t let him see how hurt I am. I grab my planner and make my way down the hall to his office. When I open the door, I want to puke. Miles has filled the room with red roses. Is he fucking serious? Does he even know me?
I turn to leave but he catches my arm, maneuvers himself around me and closes the door. He stands in front of it to block my exit.
“Just let me explain.”
“There’s nothing to explain. We are not having this conversation. Not here, not ever. Please move.”
“No. I need you to sit down and listen to me.”
I cross my arms and lean against the wall. I know I’m being obstinate, but I don’t give a shit. If he’s going to force me to stay in here and listen, I’ll be damned if I’m going to follow instructions. When he realizes he’s not going to get me to be any more compliant, he starts his speech.
“What you walked in on the other night was not what it looked like.”
How cliché.
“She showed up at the apartment and said she wanted to apologize for her behavior. I let her in and we talked for a few hours. I told her she was an awful person and that even if she earned forgiveness, she still had to change.”
Whatever. He may have convinced himself of that, but I wasn’t buying it.
“I hadn’t told her you were gone. When she asked where you were, I told her “out”. She must have heard your keys in the door because she suddenly launched herself at me and stuck her tongue down my throat. When I saw you, I knew it had all been a charade.”
I roll my eyes and don’t move. The smell of the roses is starting to nauseate me and I just want him to finish saying whatever else he’s going to say so I can leave without causing a scene.
“After you left, I lost it. She wanted to call the police because you hit her, but I told her I would tell them it was self-defense. She had no reason to be there, and then for her to do that. . .” his voice breaks off and I narrow my eyes at him.
“Here’s the thing, Miles. I don’t give a shit. The only reason I even came to the apartment was to tell you I’d made up my mind,” I pause to keep my emotions at bay, if he only knew how close I’d been to staying and being with him. “I’m going to Harvard.”
He sinks to the floor. He’s on his knees in front of me and the next thing he does makes me want to kick him in the balls. Miles reaches into his pocket and pulls out a ring box. No. Fucking. Way.
“CeCe, I’ve been in love with you for a long time. I know you’re going to move away, but I want you to take this with you. I want you to know that this is my promise to you that I am in this for the long haul, I will still love you when you come home after law school. I will still love you even if you don’t love me.”
“Are you fucking serious right now? This is how you’re going to fix everything? Miles, get off the floor.”
He looks up at me with tears in his eyes. I feel like a total bitch but I just can’t bring myself to care. He destroyed the trust I’d built in him. I know he’s not lying to me, but I don’t want to tell him that. It’s better if I don’t feed a stray.
“I need to get back to work. You should probably get rid of all of these,” I gesture to the roses, “And put that thing away.”
Miles is completely lost. Part of me is a bit smug. His heart is in a million pieces, but so is mine. How could he have possibly thought I would want to marry him? Especially after the scene with Chelsea at his apartment.
“Listen, someday we can go back to the way things were before. We can be like brother and sister again. But it’s going to take time. And you’re going to have to let this go. I am not the right girl for you, Miles. Do yourself a favor and find a nice little blonde who isn’t as much of a bitch as the last one.”
I leave the office and head straight for the file room. I can’t keep the tears back any longer. I punch the nearest filing cabinet and sink to the ground. Is this what I’ve been reduced to? A whimpering mess in the filing room of a law firm. Some lawyer I’ll be. Once I collect my thoughts and stop crying, I stand up, dust off my clothes and walk back into the hallway.
I don’t know what to think when Miles grabs my hand from his office door and brings me into his office. He kisses me and roughly grabs my hair. Despite being momentarily excited, I try to shove away from him. He clings to me desperately. I arch against him in an effort to put some distance between us but he thinks it’s an invitation. He reaches down to unbutton my pants. I pinch his arm, hard.
“Ow, what the hell?”
“I can’t,” I say as a tear escapes my eye.
He forces the breath out of his lungs and runs a hand through his hair. “I’m sorry. I just thought. . .”
“What that you could fuck me one more time before I leave?”
“What? No! I thought maybe this was all you wanted.”
“Sex? Yes, there was a time when it was all I wanted from a man. But things are different now. Despite how badly I want it, it doesn’t feel the way it used to.”
Miles is dumbfounded. “I didn’t think it felt so bad.”
I roll my eyes at his stupid sexy grin. “That’s not what I meant. I don’t want to talk about this.”
“Well, I do.”
“Well, too fucking bad. You don’t get to dictate what I do.”
“You are so frustrating.”
Before I have a chance to answer, there’s a knock on the door. Miles opens it to reveal Theo standing on the other side.
“Where did all these roses come from, Miles? Don’t tell me you’ve got another girl on the hook!”
“Not exactly, dad. It’s a long story. What’s up?”
“Your mother is very excited about CeCe’s announcement and wants to have a big family dinner on Friday to celebrate. Attendance is mandatory so clear your calendars.” He winks at us before wrinkling his nose. “Get rid of these damn things, they smell terrible.”
I take the opportunity to sneak out of the office and return to my desk. My mind is still reeling from the events of the day. I can’t believe Miles thought it was a good idea to propose to me. As if things weren’t complicated enough already.