Chapter Twenty-One
Jax had just finished his preflight check when his cell vibrated in his pocket. Since his lessons were canceled for the day, he was restless and needed to get up in the sky where he could think. Piper was already getting picked up from preschool by the sitter since Jax had planned to be gone anyway. He’d still make a short day of it and get her earlier than planned, but first he needed to clear his head.
Hitting the hell out of that punching bag earlier hadn’t helped. The only thing he knew to do was get back to the way his life was pre-Olivia. So flying and spending time with Piper was his best bet to try to find some sense of normalcy in his life.
Jax pulled his cell from his pocket and read the text twice. He didn’t respond. What the hell should he do now? Didn’t he promise himself not to get tangled up with Olivia? Didn’t he preach to himself just how wrong it would be to give in to those desires that started when he’d been too young to know what to do with such emotions?
Propping a hand on the side of the plane, Jax drew in a deep breath. Some guidance from Paul would be really useful right now. Paul always had the right attitude and knew what to do in every situation.
Jax used to think he was prepared for anything after serving overseas in the air force for so long, but nothing had prepared him for life with Olivia . . . or without her.
Resigned to the fact he wasn’t going anywhere—at least not by plane—Jax cursed himself for being all kinds of a fool. He jerked his keys from his pocket and headed out. After making sure the hangar and his office were locked up for the day, he hopped into his truck and headed to the one place he didn’t think he’d be again.
When he pulled into Olivia’s drive, she was sitting on the porch on an old rocker with her foot propped up. She immediately glanced his way, her eyes widening.
Was he really doing this? Was he really going to put himself in this path again?
Yes and yes. Because he was a damn fool.
He stepped from the truck and rounded the hood. Whistling as he headed up the sidewalk, he quickly rehearsed in his head what he wanted to say.
“Who told you?” she demanded. “Jade? Melanie? No, it was Tanner, wasn’t it? Took him longer than I thought.”
Jax stopped at the base of the steps and met her fiery gaze. “You didn’t want me to know you were injured?”
“It’s a twisted ankle. It’s nothing major.”
“If you’re hurt, that’s major.”
She shrugged and glanced out toward the street. “Now you’ve seen me. You can go, unless you needed to discuss the airport.”
So, she was going to be difficult. Fine. He didn’t need her to apologize for earlier or tell him she’d changed her mind and was staying. They could be civil and business partners and anything else that he’d hoped would just have to fade into the background.
“I actually do want to discuss the airport.”
Her eyes whipped back to him. That’s right. He’d thrown her off because she hadn’t expected him to say that. He wanted to continue to keep her world tilted because his sure as hell was.
“Fine. Have a seat.”
Oh, she wasn’t running this show. “I actually have something to show you at the airport. I’ll give you a lift and bring you back.”
Her eyes narrowed as she eased her foot off the railing.
The screen door screeched open and Jade stepped out. “Oh, hey, Jax.”
He gave her a nod in greeting. “Livie and I are heading to the airport to discuss some things.”
“No, we’re not.”
His eyes held hers. “We. Are.”
Jade laughed. “Go right ahead, Olivia. Melanie and I will finish here. We only need to run the sweeper, so it’s not like you could do that anyway.”
Jax raised his brows.
“There’s a showing for the house later,” Jade explained. Things were moving too damn fast. Was she that eager to leave? Damn it. He was going to put himself out there one more time and then he’d be done. He called himself every kind of moron and masochist, but the truth was he loved this frustrating woman. He loved her and he damn well knew she loved him. She loved being here, so why the hell was she so determined to leave?
He had to get her back to her roots. Just once more, he had to try. Then, if she truly wanted to go, he wouldn’t stand in her way.
Without a word, he mounted the steps. He shot Jade a wink as he bent down and lifted Livie up and over his shoulder. She draped over him like a sack of potatoes.
“Put me down, you Neanderthal.”
“I love when you talk dirty, but we don’t have time for that.”
He shot a glance to Jade. “Don’t worry about her. I’ll have her the rest of the evening. We’ll be back well after the showing.”
Jade merely offered a grin and headed back inside the house. Livie continued to smack at his ass while he walked toward the truck. She could throw all the temper tantrums she wanted, but until she could walk on two feet, she was at his mercy. Just where he wanted her.
He plopped her in the passenger seat of his truck and reached to fasten her seat belt. She swatted his hands away.
“I can get my own damn belt,” she grumbled.
Good. She was just as irritated as he was. This would make for an explosive chat. Maybe they could keep their clothes on this time.
As he drove to the airport, Livie remained silent, but her anger radiated off her in waves. So he started whistling.
“Why are you doing this?”
Jax shrugged as he turned onto the road leading up to the airport. “I enjoy the tune, plus—”
“Why are you doing this?” she repeated. “Why are you taking me anywhere? We talked earlier.”
“We had sex on my desk and you walked out,” he reminded her. “I still have plenty to say and you’re going to listen.”
“I don’t want to.”
Too damn bad. This relationship, crazy and screwed up as it was, needed to be dealt with. Not her storming out and him slamming doors.
He parked right next to the hangar and killed the engine. Shifting in his seat, he rested his arm on the steering wheel and stared at her profile. She continued to stare straight ahead as if she had no clue why she was here.
“What are you thinking right now?” he asked.
Livie blinked, but didn’t even look his way. “You don’t want to know.”
Probably not, but call him a glutton.
“Then I’ll tell you what I think.” He reached out, sliding his finger beneath her chin to turn her gaze toward his. “I think you’re looking for a reason to leave, you’re looking for that out you so desperately want so you don’t have to form any type of emotional commitment.”
Her mouth dropped open, then snapped shut. “If you brought me here to analyze me, you wasted your time. I’m not looking for anything other than moving my career forward.”
Ah, yes. That damn career that she was married to.
He stared another second before he jerked on his door handle and hopped out. The sun stretched across the horizon, showing off brilliant shades of orange and yellow. The perfect evening.
Being a parent, Jax had learned early on that actions spoke louder than words. He rounded the hood and opened Livie’s door. She unfastened her seat belt and started to get out.
As soon as he reached for her, she shot him a glare. “Don’t even think about throwing me over your shoulder again.”
“No problem.” He shoved one hand behind her back and another beneath her knees and lifted her out. “Shut the door, would ya?”
She did as he asked, but let out the most unladylike growl in the process. He headed to the hangar and eased her down beside him, keeping an arm firmly around her waist.
“I’m not flying with you.”
He pulled the keys from his pocket and shoved one into the padlock. “Of course you are. It’s the only place I can guarantee you’ll listen. We’ll keep our clothes on, and you won’t storm out.”
As soon as he had the door unlocked, he pulled it open and lifted her back into his arms. Damn it. This felt too right. Could she seriously keep denying this? Was she going to insist that what they had was nothing more than a heated affair? Because he knew there was much more and if she were honest with herself, so did she.
Even though he’d done a preflight check before he left, Jax still sat Livie in a chair and went about going through the routine again. Safety always trumped rush, especially when it came to flying.
By the time he was done with the check, had pulled the plane from the hangar, and went around it once more, he still had no clue what he was going to say to her.
Jax assisted her, carefully and a bit awkwardly, into the passenger seat of the plane. She seemed to still be just as angry. “It’s good that you’re quiet,” he told her as he put his headphones on. “Makes it easier for me to get everything out.”
There were two ways he could approach her and he honestly didn’t know which one would be the most effective. Livie was all business, all the time. Perhaps that’s the side he needed to appeal to. But, on the other hand, they were so much more than legal documents. They’d been intimate, just this morning in fact, and they knew each other’s hopes for the future.
He picked up her headset and extended it to her, smiling when she yanked it from his hands.
Jax started the plane and slowly circled around to the end of the runway. Once they were beyond the crucial period of takeoff, he’d get his thoughts all out.
“Can I do it?”
Her abrupt question caught him off guard and he turned to her.
She met his gaze. “If I’m going to be leaving, I’d like to fly once more before I go.”
Oh, of course. She was leaving. Because she hadn’t thrown that around enough since she arrived. Jax gave a clipped nod and watched as she checked her gauges, the wings, and pulled in a deep breath. She gripped the controls and started them forward.
Jax didn’t know the last time he’d been in a plane piloted by someone else, but he had to admit, seeing Livie at the controls was a hell of a turn-on . . . which was the last thing he needed.
She took off with the ease of a seasoned professional. Jax couldn’t help but think Paul was smiling down on his prodigal daughter.
“I’ll fly, you talk,” she told him once they’d reached the desired altitude.
He had to admit, he loved hearing her voice come through the headset. He wanted to get used to this, but he also had to be realistic.
“I want a timeline of when you’re leaving and a projected time of when things will get started on the airport.”
Livie’s grip tightened on the controls, her knuckles turned white, and he had to bite the inside of his lip to keep from smiling. He’d purposely thrown her off. She expected him to discuss their rocky relationship. Not going to happen. The second she took those controls he knew how to make her think, make her want. She hadn’t lost the love of flying. The temptation had been too great for her to avoid.
“Well, um, I’m leaving in two weeks and the outline Jade had drawn up indicated that the process should take about a year to fully develop.”
A year. Sweet mercy, that seemed like a lifetime. He couldn’t even imagine how his tiny piece of real estate would grow. But he honestly didn’t want to go through this process without her. They were a team whether she wanted to admit it or not.
“I’m going to need to give my renters some information,” he went on. “Is their rent staying the same? Will there be a time the hangars are out of commission while the renovations are going on? My customers are going to have to be—”
“I get it,” she demanded. “I know. There’s a lot to take in.”
“We’re partners in this,” he reminded her.
She eased the plane a little to the west and headed farther away from Haven. Surprisingly, he figured she’d get uncomfortable with the topic and take them back to the airport. That would so be a Livie move.
“Are Jade and Melanie leaving when you do?” he asked.
“I’m not sure. We haven’t really discussed that. I’m sure they’d rather stay behind. They’re facing their own issues in Atlanta, so they’re not as eager to get back. Jade quit her job and Melanie can technically work from anywhere since she has a successful online business.”
As if she needed to twist that knife deeper.
“You think things are going to be neat and tidy, Livie?”
She glanced his way for the briefest of moments before she focused her attention back to the darkening sky. The timing of this flight couldn’t be any better. Livie loved being in the sky at night and he wanted to drive home the fact that all of this could be hers—was hers—if she would just reach out and take it.
For years he wondered what would happen if she ever came back and now she was here . . . but her temporary status had hung over their heads the entire time. He wasn’t nearly finished with her. She’d have to come back at some point and each time he had to deal with her whether by phone or in person, he’d be reminding her exactly what she was missing.
Was that fair? Not at all, considering she’d worked damn hard to get that promotion. And if he thought she was stoked about starting, he’d leave her be. But his Livie was torn, she was confused, and he knew if she listened to her heart she’d have the right answer.
They flew in silence and Jax was perfectly fine with that. He wanted her to be thinking, and he needed to do some evaluating himself. Even though his heart was crushed, he had to remain strong because he would live. He’d go on and do what he loved, which was flying and raising Piper.
“Will you see Piper before you go?”
“I’m not leaving for two weeks.”
“Will you see her?” he repeated. “Because I don’t want you just disappearing. She’s grown pretty fond of you.”
Livie’s deep sigh resonated through the headphones and had his entire body tightening. No, he’d never have enough of Livie Daniels. Not if they lived for another hundred years. She was it for him and he hoped like hell she’d come to some quick conclusion.
Since when did he become so desperate? Since when did he let control of his emotions slip away?
The moment Livie stepped out of her little sports car and he put his greasy hands on her ass . . . pretty much since then. And then again when she obviously fell in love with Piper. There was no denying that Livie adored Piper and that was a huge part of why Jax wanted Livie in his life. He and Piper were a package deal and they were both head over heels for Livie.
“I wouldn’t just leave without talking to her,” Livie stated. She eased the plan a little more, circling back to the airport. “I hope she calls and texts me so I can stay up-to-date on her birthday parties, school work, her new friends. Though I’m not a fan of that one little girl, Megan, I think? She seemed too snotty for Piper so watch out for that one.”
Jax was not going to have this discussion. She was either going to be in their personal lives, or she wasn’t.
“I don’t want Piper becoming too attached,” he stated, as if it weren’t already too late. “I think if we just explain that you’re going back to your job and your life, then she’ll understand. She knew you were from Atlanta and were only here for the airport, but she’ll miss you regardless.”
“So you don’t want me to text or call?” Livie asked as they began their descent.
“It would be best if you didn’t.”
Livie let out a humorless laugh. “We’re not talking about Piper anymore, are we?”
“No.”
As much as the pain continued to slice deep, he knew if he wanted her to ache like he did, he was going to have to sever all ties. Well, except for the obvious with the airport. But, she wanted all business, so that’s what he planned on giving her.
“So cutting me out permanently, huh?”
Jax didn’t reply as Livie checked the gauges and lined up with the bright blue lights of the runway. The plane bounced a bit when they hit the pavement and any other time he’d call her on her rustiness, but that wasn’t the best idea right now.
“I’m not the one doing the cutting,” he told her as she slowed the plane. He should’ve kept that thought to himself, but the words had just slipped out.
“So we’re at the fighting stage?” She took the curve at the end of the runway and circled back toward the hangar, letting the engines cool before she came to a complete stop. “Because that’s not how I want to leave things.”
Jax jerked the buckle on his seat belt and snorted. “No, you just want to leave and pretend you never got involved with me.”
“That’s not true.”
“You’re a liar.”
The plane came to a stop and she twisted in her seat to stare at him. She yanked the headset off and clutched it in her lap.
“I don’t ever want to forget we got involved,” she claimed. “Is that honestly what you think of me? That I regret what we did?”
“I doubt you regret it, but you’re done and want to pretend like it didn’t affect your life when I can tell you”—he leaned forward and came within a breath of her—“it did.”
Her swift intake of breath had him cursing himself. He was teetering on a dangerous line, crossing back into the territory he’d told himself to steer clear of until he knew what the hell was going to happen between them.
The lights from the control panel lit up her face, making her vibrant eyes sparkle even more as she held his gaze. The floral lotion or perfume or whatever she used to drive him insane enveloped him. He wanted nothing more than to forget every single ounce of heartache and kiss the hell out of her until she came to her senses.
“Fine,” she muttered. “You win, Jax. Is that what you want to hear? You’re right. What we had is more than I’ve ever found with anyone.”
Had. Out of everything she’d just said, that one word completely summed up everything. She may have feelings for him, but she was already pushing everything into her past . . . because she didn’t want him in her future.
There was no use in continuing down this path because he was wasting his time and she . . . well, she was mentally already gone.
Jax shut the plane off and got out. The fresh air didn’t help, but he took a minute to just breathe. He needed to calm down. Unfortunately, he was going to have to carry Livie where they needed to go because of that damn ankle. He’d asked for this. All of it. He’d insisted on going to her house after they’d clearly ended things earlier.
But hell. She was going to be here for two more weeks? How would they survive?
By the time he circled the plane, she’d opened her door and was attempting to climb down on one good ankle. Stubborn woman.
He gripped her around the waist and eased her down until she stood before him, but leaning completely against his chest. She was hurt more than she wanted to let on because Livie never wanted to lean on anyone, literally or figuratively.
Her palms flattened against his chest and she stared up at him. “I told you one of us would get hurt,” she murmured. “I didn’t want this to happen.”
“The hurt or the intimacy?”
Jax couldn’t help himself. He brushed a strand of hair over her shoulder and slid his fingertips over her collarbone before dropping his hand. She shuddered beneath his touch and only solidified what he already knew.
“I didn’t want any of it,” she admitted. “I knew how this would end and it’s not good and here we are both miserable. But I have to go, Jax. I can’t stay here. Haven isn’t my life and if I stayed, I’d always wonder if I’d given up my dream. How can I trust what we have would be permanent?”
“So you’d rather play it safe?” he countered. “You’d rather just let your fear guide your life? That’s not how I work, Livie, so if that’s how you want to live, then it’s best you go.”
As much as those words hurt to say, they were one hundred percent accurate. He wouldn’t want to be with a woman who was afraid to take risks. Life was all about risks and he’d wanted to take the ultimate one with her.
Her fingers curled into his shirt and she bit down on her bottom lip. He’d slay any demons for her, but right now, she was on her own.
“I have to go,” she whispered.
Jax knew in that moment, he’d lost her. She’d made up her mind and just like his ex-wife, he and his daughter were not a top priority. He was done fighting for this, for them.
He reached down and picked her up, carefully settling her against his chest. When her arms looped around his neck and her head rested on his shoulder, he said nothing as he carried her to his truck.
Call him a glutton, but he was going to relish these last few moments of her in his arms. Even though she wasn’t leaving for two weeks, he knew in his broken heart there would be no more times of intimacy. Once he took her back home, they would be done on every personal level. They would only be professional partners and that would break him.
“I’m sorry,” she whispered, her breath tickling the side of his neck.
“Me too.”
For so much, but mostly because she didn’t trust him enough to ensure she wouldn’t get hurt by staying.