CHAPTER 13
JONATHAN
Jonathan Gray is a famous painter that I've been following for a few years. I made the mistake of buying one of his pieces a few years ago and giving it to my mother as a gift. She has no appreciation of art, other than the hope that it'll increase in value. When I bought it, Jonathan Gray was a no-name, just another hack slapping paint on a canvas, as mother kindly stated.
A few weeks later the guy became huge, like instantly famous. Mom didn't care. Suddenly my good eye was perceived as luck. Even an idiot can get lucky. That's what my family thinks of me, that I have no mind and that I'm all about flash and charm, with nothing deeper.
After a while it's easier to give in and be what they see instead of trying to convince them that they're wrong. I admit it, I gave up. I'm the monster they made me into. Serious about nothing, and a total player.
The past few weeks here have been different though. Something about Cassie is different. She seems to see through me. It's like she knows there's something else beneath this smokescreen I'm wearing all the time. It's like she knows I'm a fake and is okay with it. It's hard to explain, but when someone actually sees the person inside and doesn't run screaming, or try to get into my pants, I don't know what to make of it.
On the car ride over, Cassie is quiet. I bump my shoulder into hers. "When we first met, you asked me what I did that got me banished here for the summer."
She smiles at me. "You don't have to say anything, Jon. It's none of my business. I shouldn't have asked."
I press my lips together for a second, as my hands get hotter. This could backfire, but I want her to know. A lot has happened in a short time, and it feels like things should go this way. If there are walls between us, I don't want them there because of me. I glance at the driver. The divider is up so I know he can't hear. "I don't mind that you asked. Actually, you're the only person who did ask. Everyone else just assumes that I did the same old shit and pissed off my mother, but it wasn't like that. There's this school in Jersey that is doing some pretty cool things. They have this curriculum that favors kinetic learning and incorporates computers, online programs, and some other stuff that puts it light-years ahead of every other school in the country. It's impressive." I feel her gaze on the side of my face as I speak. Damn, my palms are hot. I don't look at her. I continue and spit it out as fast as I can. "So I bought it."
"You bought a public school?"
"A private school, actually. A very expensive private school. I didn't tell anyone, I just did it." I smile foolishly and glance over at her. "The reason I found out about it in the first place was because this hot girl was failing Chem. She was telling me about it, and I kind of told her that I'd fix it. She offered her gratitude and my mother caught us." I feel like an ass telling her that I slept with someone else, but that was the catalyst this time and I don't want to lie to her.
Continuing, I say, "Mom threw my ass on a plane before I could explain. I wanted the school because I want to make things better. I think the school system is fucked up, but it has so much potential, and this one place is doing it right. I wanted to run studies on their model and see what it would take to utilize it, but no one cares about that part. They basically thought it was a really roundabout way to buy a good time. My mom covered it up. No one knows." I don't look over at her, and I can't stand the thought of seeing the judgment in her eyes.
It's deafeningly quiet for a moment, then Cassie says, "I didn't know you cared about education. First I find out you like art, and now this." She bumps my shoulder and smiles up at me.
My stomach twists and I realize her approval matters to me. I wonder if she knows that little story will get me skinned alive if anyone finds out. My lips twist up, but it's a nervous grin that comes out lopsided. "Don't tell anyone." I wink at her and clear my throat, cautiously avoiding her eyes. "They'll think there's more to me than a pretty face and killer abs."
"Whoever thinks you're all looks is a little low in the smart department. I knew you were more than looks the first day we met."
"Really?"
"Yes, really." She shakes her head slightly, making that silky, dark hair fall over her shoulder.
God, I wish I could have kissed her. I roll the words around on my tongue before spitting them out. It sounds like a confession, one I don't really want to talk about. "No one really notices that about me." My voice drops to a whisper as I stare out the window.
She touches my arm and I look over at her. Her words are careful. I see it in her eyes when she speaks. "Do you give them a chance to notice? I mean, you're all flash and don't really let anyone see more than that, do you?"
"I let you see the rest." I glance up at her, meeting her big brown eyes full on, wishing that I had a chance with her. If I could go back and change everything, I would.
"And how's that working out?" She tips her head to the side and studies me.
"The verdict isn't in yet, but right now it's pretty nice." Cassie treats me to one of those rare smiles, the kind that makes my heart flip, and she shyly looks away.