Stubborn as a Mule by Juliette Poe (16)

The front door, which I’d recently rigged up a recording of the General Lee’s Dixie car horn to play, opens, but I don’t bother looking up.

“I need a four-letter word that means ‘pledge’ and it starts with an ‘O’,” I say as I stare at the crossword puzzle in the paper that I have spread out on the counter.

“Oath,” the slightly feminine, Yankee-accented voice says.

I look up, seeing that feller who has been staying at Mainer House with Miss Rothschild. My eyes go back down to the puzzle. I see it will fit nicely.

“Thanks,” I say as I fill the word in, and then push the puzzle away. Straightening up, I place my palms flat on the counter and give him a smile. “What can I do ya for?”

The man looks puzzled for a moment and doesn’t respond. This gives me a moment to take in his outfit, which defines weird for these parts. He’s wearing a button-up white shirt with black polka dots and a bright pink blazer—as bright as the pink Lowe painted the Mainer House trim—along with a pair of white Bermuda shorts and white loafers. Wearing a pair of black frame glasses, he looks highly intelligent but—weird.

Still, he’s good at crossword puzzles, so I’ll give him some deference in the smarts department.

“I was wondering if you could help me with something,” the man says as he walks up to the counter with a definite sway to his hips. Not in an overt “look at me” way, but I think that’s the way he just naturally walks.

“Sure,” I say with a smile.

“Well, I notice this town doesn’t have a mechanic,” the man says as he reaches the counter and leans in to talk a bit more softly.

“Used to be one over at Miller’s Gas Station, but he didn’t get enough business so went over to open up in Milner. Need a ride there or something?”

“No, no,” the man insists, and then leans in a little closer. “It’s just… I want to cut the brake lines on Lowe Mancinkus’s truck so he runs off the road and into a ditch. Is that something you can help me with?”

I blink slowly at this guy, who now not only looks weird, but is also now bordering on being really weird, and stutter, “Um… well… are you sure you really want to do that?”

“No, I don’t want to do that,” the man snaps at me while swiveling his head side to side. “But I want to do something really good to get back at him for putting red dye and Kool-Aid into my shower this morning. Just look at my skin.”

My gaze drops down to his hands that he’s holding out in front of me, but well… they look like hands.

I look back up to him. “Not sure what I’m supposed to be seeing.”

“My skin is tinted red,” he practically wails.

My eyes drop, I take a second look, and then raise them again. “Not seeing it.”

“You can’t see this red tint?” His hands now flap wildly in front of my face.

“Looks black to me,” I say honestly.

“Well, regardless,” he huffs out impatiently. “I need something really, really good. Figured a hardware guy like you could help me build something good. Maybe a trap door under his porch step that drops him down into a vat of cow manure or something.”

I blink again, soaking in the seriousness of his expression, and then blurt out, “You’re serious about this?”

“Of course, I am,” he says with great indignation. “I don’t ever let anyone get one up on me.”

“Why don’t you just sneak into his house and cover his toilet with saran wrap?”

“And this does what?” he asks curiously, leaning on the counter with great interest.

“Well… he um… answers the call of nature and well… the call of nature doesn’t go very far as it sort of, um, well… rebounds off the plastic.”

There’s silence as he digests this, and then his eyes sparkle brightly. “That, dear man, is genius. I could kiss you.”

“I’ll pass,” I say quickly, but then hold my hand out for him to shake. “I’m Floyd, by the way.”

He gives me a sharp nod and takes my hand. “Morris D. But you can call me Morri.”

“Guess what?” I say to Morri as we end the shake.

“What?”

“I’ve got a spare key to Lowe’s place.”

“You do?”

I nod with a wicked smile. “Yup. I’m the only place in town who makes spare keys. I always keep one for myself.”

“Always?” he asks, and I can see he’s horrified and intrigued.

“I am the town protector after all,” I tell him as I lift my chin. It’s not exactly legal, I know, but it’s for the greater good. “Never know when I might need to get in for an emergency or something.”

“Right,” Morri drawls as he nods his head in understanding. “That makes sense.”

I like this guy. He gets me.

“Know something that don’t make sense though?” I keep on, because this is an enjoyable conversation. Good for the soul and all that.

“What?”

“Lowe and your lady friend, Miss Rothschild.”

“Oh, please,” Morri says with a wave of his hand. “She’d want you to call her Mely.”

“Okay, Mely then.” I readily accept the new friendship he bestows on me in her absence. “I heard Larkin telling Lowe the other day at Chesty’s that Mely wasn’t flipping that property. That she had a personal connection to it.”

“That’s right,” Morri says with a smile. “Sweet love story behind it all.”

Yeah, that backstory stuff doesn’t interest me so I disregard it. “Well, I know Lowe has taken a shine to her. Think she’s taken a shine to him?”

“You mean do they like each other? In a girl/boy kind of way?” he asks for clarification.

“Yup.”

Morri’s nose wrinkles up in distaste, but I see something deep in his eyes. He may be madder than a hornet at Lowe for putting red dye in his shower, but I can see way down that he thinks it’s kind of cool them two being together. “I suppose they like each other. They’ve had some… intimate moments.”

I hold a hand up. “Too much information. Don’t want to know about their sex life.”

“Eww,” Morri says in disgust. “I don’t either. I meant they’ve kissed. Swapped spit as you locals say. Whatever.”

I nod, because that’s info I can handle. “Okay. That’s good. I guess my point is… Lowe loves that house. History is important to him. Clearly Mely has a connection to it, too. I’m just sayin’, how great would it be if they fell in love, got married, and then they got to live in a house that was special to them both?”

Morri sighs almost romantically, and that’s weird too, but I take it with a grain of salt.

“That would be quite a story, wouldn’t it?” Morri murmurs.

Yes, it would. And I can’t see a downside to it. Lowe and that girl fall in love and create pretty babies in that house. Worst-case scenario, things go bad and Lowe will get the house from Judge Bowe.

That’s a win-win for my boy.

“So, the Lantern Festival tomorrow is the perfect time for them to take this further,” I tell Morri. “I assume they’re both going?”

Morri nods. “Mely’s excited about it.”

“Well, you make sure she gets there, and I know Lowe will be there.”

“No can do on the making sure she gets there,” Morri says holding a hand up. “I’m attending a drag show in Raleigh.”

“Drag show?” I ask curiously.

I love drag racing.

We used to have a good drag strip about twenty miles away that put on pulse-pounding races at night but it closed. Hadn’t heard there was one around these parts again.

“Yeah,” Morri says with enthusiasm. “Interested in going?”

“Well, yeah,” I say with a smile. “That actually sounds fun. I can even drive. But I need to make sure who’s on duty tomorrow night with the police department. If it’s Andy, then the town’s in safe hands and I can go. If not, I’ll have to pass. Those duties come first, you know?”