It was hard to tell in the fading light, but Patrick was pretty sure he recognised the slim legs and baggy fleece of the figure in front of him. When he called, the man stopped and turned.

“Patrick? Is that you?”

Kyle’s voice made Patrick’s heart lift in anticipation. He hoped Kyle had calmed down now and was going to give him a chance to explain. Perhaps if Patrick told him about what had happened with Matt it would help Kyle understand why Patrick had reacted so badly. Talking about it would be hard, even months later it hurt to make himself remember, and it was humiliating too. But he felt he owed Kyle an explanation as well as an apology. He’d thought about little else on his walk today and was anxious to broach the subject again.

“Yes.”

“Oh thank fuck.” The relief in Kyle’s voice was clear as he hurried towards Patrick.

“Sorry. I underestimated how much extra time I’d need with the snow. It was slippery in places and slushy where it’s starting to melt, which slowed me down a lot.” Patrick felt bad for making Kyle worry. He’d been too wrapped up in his own concerns to think about Kyle noticing he was late.

They reached each other and stopped in an awkward face-off before Kyle said, “Oh come here.” He opened his arms and Patrick stepped into them, surprised, and hopeful.

They hugged tightly.

“Your nose is freezing,” Kyle said.

“Mmm.” Patrick breathed in deeply. Kyle’s neck was warm and he smelt of wood smoke and clean sweat. “Does this mean I’m forgiven?”

“Maybe.” His voice was muffled by Patrick’s shoulder. “There was more stuff you wanted to say. So I’ll listen, if you want to talk.”

Patrick drew back. Kyle’s expression was guarded, his defences still in place. More than anything Patrick wanted to earn his trust again. “Okay. Back at the flat. And I need to eat something first. I’m starving.”

“You go straight back then”—he handed Patrick the key—“and I’ll tell Mrs Wilcox you’re not dead in a ditch somewhere. I’ll join you soon.”

When they were ready to talk, they sat on the sofa together. Patrick in one corner and Kyle in the other. Kyle sat side-on with his legs crossed, face intent as he waited for Patrick to start.

“So….” Patrick sighed. “I used to be with a guy called Matt. We were together for three years, and were planning on getting married. I was crazy about him and I thought he felt the same. We’d agreed to be exclusive and I trusted him completely.”

He paused, and Kyle waited in silence. Patrick looked down at where his hands were twisted in his lap, unable to meet Kyle’s gaze.

“I believed him when he said he had late meetings at work, and started going to the gym more often at weekends. When I found out he’d been cheating on me with guys he was meeting on hook up apps I felt so stupid. How could I have not suspected anything?” Patrick’s voice cracked and he swallowed hard as hot shame flooded his cheeks. “He was out fucking guys in locker rooms and cars while I was at home planning our wedding like an utter idiot.”

“You weren’t an idiot, Patrick. He was a lying, cheating scumbag!” The anger in Kyle’s tone made Patrick finally look up. “What a total wanker.”

“Yep.”

“How did you find out?”

“He had a second phone. I found it in his pocket when I was looking for his car keys. There was a Grindr notification on it. I guessed the unlock code—which was my birthday, just to add insult to injury—and there were a few hook up apps on it. I went through the message threads and things became very clear very fast.” Patrick still felt nauseous talking about it. He looked down again, afraid that seeing sympathy on Kyle’s face would make him lose control.

“Jesus, Patrick. I’m so sorry.” Kyle scooted closer and covered Patrick’s hands with one of his own.

Turning a hand palm up, Patrick let Kyle lace their fingers together and squeeze. He squeezed back, unable to speak for a moment.

“No wonder you freaked out when you thought I was hooking up with married blokes. It would be a bit close to home for you.”

Patrick nodded.

“Well I don’t ever do that,” he said fiercely. “And there’s a good reason why not. Because I know how it feels to be hurt like that too.”

“Yeah?” Glancing up, Patrick frowned. “What happened?”

“My first and only serious boyfriend, Chris, did the same thing to me. The difference is that I suspected, in fact I was pretty sure it was happening. But he kept denying it. I wanted to believe him because I was young and stupid, and I thought I was in love with him. He was much older than me—in his forties—and we had the whole daddy–twink thing going on. I looked up to Chris and wanted him to look after me, which he did to a point. He’d take me out and spoil me, buy me drinks and tell me how pretty I was, and he’d go mad with jealousy if another guy so much as looked at me. But he often used to work late.” Kyle did air quotes and rolled his eyes. “What a cliché. So I had my suspicions. But it wasn’t till I caught him literally with his pants down and his dick in another twink’s arse that I finally believed it without any doubt.”

“Ugh, Kyle. That must have been horrific. What did you do?”

“Yelled at them both. Went a bit crazy and smashed up a load of his stuff.”

Patrick snorted, well able to imagine that with Kyle’s temper. “Nice.”

“Then I packed my bags and went home to my mum’s. I was only eighteen at the time, and she welcomed me back with open arms, thankfully.” Kyle took a shaky breath and it was Patrick’s turn to squeeze his hand now.

“So you know how it feels too.”

“Yeah.” Their gazes locked and held. “And that’s why I was so pissed off with you for thinking I’d do something like that. Sure, I hook up with lots of guys and I’m not into relationships, but I only meet men who I believe are single or in open relationships. I know I’m annoying and can be a sarcastic bitch at times, but I’m not a horrible person. I’d never do something deliberately that could potentially cause that kind of hurt.” Kyle paused, a muscle clenching in his jaw before adding, “That you could think that about me after what had happened between us… after I’d let my guard down around you. It cut pretty deep.”

“I’m sorry.” Patrick felt terrible, especially now he knew that Kyle had experienced something similar to him. It gave him a new perspective on why Kyle behaved the way he did. “Is that why you avoid relationships?”

“Yes.” Kyle nodded. “I don’t want to be hurt like that again.”

Patrick sighed. “I can understand that. I’ve been telling myself that I want to be in a relationship. But it’s been eleven months since the split and I haven’t made any effort to meet someone new. It’s hard to imagine making that leap of faith.”

“Exactly.”

“So we’ve both been hurt before,” Patrick said.

Kyle gave a huff of laughter that sounded bitter rather than amused. “And we’re both fucked up about it.”

There was a long pause

“What does that mean for us?” Patrick finally asked.

Kyle raised his eyebrows. “Is there an us?” His tone was wary.

Gathering up his courage, Patrick decided to be honest. “I think there could be. I’d like there to be an us… if you want that too?” He waited, heart thumping hard as Kyle stared at him, expression impossible to read.

“I don’t know,” Kyle said, and Patrick’s stomach sank with disappointment.

“Never mind. I shouldn’t have—”

“Wait. I’m not finished,” Kyle cut in, face intense as he squeezed Patrick’s hand so hard it hurt. “I think I do want that, but I’m also shitting-myself-terrified at the thought of it. You’re the first person since Chris who’s made me want more than a quick fuck. You’ve shown me what that connection and intimacy feel like. But I’ve been closed off for so long I don’t know if I can handle it.”

Hope rising, Patrick said, “Well at least we’re both in the same boat. We could give it a try together, and promise to be honest with each other.”

“So, what do you want? For us to be exclusive?”

“Yes. Open relationships aren’t for me. I tried it once and couldn’t cope with it. If we’re going to be together I want you all to myself.” A flare of possessiveness rushed through him.

Kyle smiled, raising an eyebrow. “Yeah?”

“Yes.” Patrick pulled one of his hands free from where they were twined with Kyle’s and lifted it to cup Kyle’s jaw. Looking into his eyes, he said, “If you’re going to be my boyfriend, you don’t get to play with anyone else.”

Kyle’s pupils widened and he licked his lips. “That would be okay with me.”

“So is that a yes to giving it a try? Being an us?”

“Yes.” Kyle’s grin was wide and brilliant. “Fuck it. Yes.”

With that he scrambled into Patrick’s lap and kissed him fervently. Patrick’s hands moved to Kyle’s arse as though drawn there by invisible magnets. He squeezed and stroked as Kyle tangled his fingers in Patrick’s hair. They kissed until they were breathless.

Dragging his lips along Kyle’s jaw to his neck, Patrick murmured, “God, I want you so much.”

“Me too.” Kyle flexed his hips, grinding down on Patrick’s erection.

Patrick undid Kyle’s fly, freeing his cock, and stroking it with one hand as he shoved his other hand down the back of Kyle’s jeans and underwear, seeking his hole with a finger.

Kyle hissed, pushing back greedily.

“So impatient.” Patrick chuckled.

“Yes. Very.” Kyle reached down to start work on Patrick’s button and zip but it was too awkward. “Here… let me….” He wriggled free of Patrick’s grasp and dropped to his knees. “Get your cock out for me.” Cheeks flushed, expression urgent, he was so sexy. It drove Patrick crazy when he was submissive like this, begging Patrick for more.

Putting his hand on his fly, Patrick said with a teasing grin, “Good boys say please.”

Heat flared in Kyle’s eyes. “Please.”

Patrick stood, and then unfastened his button and slid the zip down while Kyle waited, lips parted, gaze fixed on Patrick’s crotch. As Patrick pushed his clothing down to let his cock spring free, Kyle went to take it in his mouth but Patrick grabbed his hair to stop him. “Did I say you could have it yet?” He put on a stern voice.

“No,” Kyle said immediately. “I’m sorry.” Sitting back on his heels, he looked up at Patrick, a mischievous glint in his eye giving him away as he tried to look contrite.

Patrick took his cock in hand and stroked it.

Kyle’s eyes tracked the movement and he licked his lips again. His dick was hard, jutting out in front of him untouched. “Please!” he said again, sounding genuinely desperate this time.

His parted mouth was too tempting for Patrick to resist using. He guided his cockhead to Kyle’s lips and rubbed it over them. Kyle opened wider, offering more, but Patrick fought the urge to push deeper immediately. Torturing both of them, he let his precome wet Kyle’s lips as he carried on rubbing slowly. Kyle moaned, putting out his tongue to taste it. The movement of his hand caught Patrick’s attention.

“No,” he said as Kyle reached to touch his own cock. “You want to suck me? Focus on my dick, not yours.” With that he finally allowed himself to thrust into the warm, sleek heat of Kyle’s mouth.

Kyle groaned, sucking him hard, and Patrick wasn’t sure if it was with pleasure or frustration. Probably both. He took Kyle’s head in both hands and fucked his mouth. “Look at me.” Kyle raised his eyes, locking gazes, mouth full of dick. “That’s better.”

Easing off, Patrick let Kyle take control for a while, enjoying the slide of his lips and the tease of his tongue. At first Kyle kept his hands behind his back, but then he moved them to rest on his thighs, fists clenched. As Patrick watched, Kyle’s eyes fluttered closed, and his right hand edged inwards until his thumb was rubbing lightly against his dick.

“Hands off,” Patrick said.

Kyle’s eyes flew open and he glared at Patrick, cheeks flushed. He didn’t stop sucking, but deliberately took his own dick in his hand, and started jerking off, gaze fixed on Patrick, and eyebrows raised as though to say, What are you going to do about it?

It was a clear challenge, and Patrick realised what Kyle was pushing for. “Somebody wants a spanking.”

Letting Patrick’s cock slip from his mouth, still stroking himself, Kyle said, “I think I deserve one.”

Patrick pulled his jeans back up, not bothering to fasten them. “Stand up and kneel over the back of the sofa. Jeans and underwear down around your knees.”

Kyle moved eagerly, assuming the position Patrick had demanded. Just as Patrick was about to get started, Kyle looked over his shoulder and said, “You need to christen your Christmas present.”

Oh. Patrick had forgotten about that. Now seemed like a perfect opportunity. “Stay where you are.” He went to his bag and got out the wooden spoon. Testing it on his palm as he came back to stand behind Kyle, he reckoned it might hurt a little more than his hand so he’d need to be cautious. “You ready? If it’s too painful tell me immediately. Just say stop and I’ll stop.”

“Okay.” Kyle gripped the back of the sofa.

Patrick’s first strike was cautious. “How’s that?”

“Barely felt it.”

Right then. Trying again, Patrick struck harder. This time Kyle flinched and let out a hiss.

“Too much?” Patrick asked.

“No.”

Patrick carried on at the same sort of intensity, watching Kyle’s reactions carefully. His knuckles were white where he gripped the sofa but he’d stopped flinching from the blows. Reaching around, Patrick checked Kyle’s cock to find it was still hard. “You’re such a slut for pain.”

“Yeah.” Kyle gave a breathless chuckle. “More?”

“This is supposed to be a punishment you know,” Patrick said, amused. Of course that was the game, but if he wasn’t sure that Kyle loved this as much as he did, then Patrick wouldn’t want to do it. He spanked him with the spoon a few more times.

Kyle groaned, thrusting his cock into Patrick’s grip. “Please.”

“Please what?” Another spank.

“Please will you fuck me now?” His voice was rough and needy and it went straight to Patrick’s balls.

“Seeing as you asked me so nicely. Strip. I want you naked.”

Patrick hurried to the bathroom to rummage in Kyle’s wash bag. When he returned to the living room he stopped. “Jesus. You look insanely hot like that.”

Kyle was naked now and back in his position on the sofa, head down, arms braced. Patrick advanced on him slowly, drinking in the sight. Putting the lube and a condom down on the sofa cushion, he cupped Kyle’s arse in his palms, feeling the heat of his skin where it bloomed red from the blows of the spoon.

Making a whimpering sound, Kyle spread his legs wider, opening himself up for Patrick.

“Fuck. Kyle.” The sight of his hole made Patrick too desperate to wait any longer. Teasing Kyle would only be torturing himself. He shoved his trousers and underwear down just enough to free his cock, rolled the condom on, and then grabbed the lube and squirted some into his palm.

“Yes. Come on,” Kyle begged, looking back over his shoulder as Patrick smeared the lube onto his erection.

The slide of Patrick’s own hand felt good, but it was nothing to the toe-curling sensation as he lined himself up and pushed hard into Kyle’s tight heat. Patrick groaned, the sound torn out of him as Kyle squeezed around him and cried out.

“You okay?” Patrick stopped, balls deep, and desperate to thrust but waiting for the go-ahead.

“Yeah. Do it.”

That was all the permission Patrick needed. He drew back and ploughed into Kyle, and then gripped his hips and did it again and again. Soon, realising he wasn’t going to be able to last much longer he said breathlessly, “You can jerk off now.”

“Already am.” Kyle’s voice was strained. “Fuck. Don’t stop.”

“Not planning on it.” Patrick hoped he could hold on long enough. His climax was like a ticking bomb, ready to explode at any second.

“Harder. I’m so close, just a little more, oh….” Kyle’s words trailed off into a groan of release.

“Fuck. Yes.” Sending up a prayer of thanks to the universe, Patrick gave himself up to the blissful flash of pure pleasure, coming so hard his legs nearly collapsed underneath him.

“Thank fuck this sofa is made of leather,” Kyle said.

“Huh?” With his brain still stuck somewhere in his balls, Patrick wasn’t sure why Kyle was suddenly talking about furniture.

“It’s wipe clean. I’ve got come all over it.”

“Oh.” Patrick chuckled. “Yeah. Oops.” Taking that as his cue to move, he carefully eased himself out of Kyle, and staggered to the bathroom on shaky legs to get rid of the condom. He returned with a few sheets of toilet paper, handed half of it to Kyle, and started mopping at the white streaks on the brown leather with the rest of it. “Fancy a shower?” he asked when he was done.

“Yeah. You can go first if you want though.”

“I thought we could shower together.”

Kyle smiled. “You sure? It’ll be pretty cosy.”

Not wanting to lose the new intimacy between them, Patrick leant close, and kissed Kyle lightly on the lips. “I’m okay with that.”